Paper Mage

by Cutter, Leah

  Xiao Yen looked back at the camp. Ehran's eyes were open. He raised his head and glanced around, searching for someone. Xiao Yen guessed he was looking for Udo. With a self-satisfied smirk, Ehran got up and walked over to Bei Xi's tent. As he approached, Gi Tang turned his head and looked away, purposefully not seeing him.

  Xiao Yen, too, didn't want to see. It was just another reminder of how alone she was. She wrapped her arms around the jacket, hiding it from the others, hugging the sweet-smelling silk to her chest. She ran into the woods, tears streaming down her face.

  When Xiao Yen couldn't see the camp anymore, or hear the horses, she stopped. She wiped her tears on her own sleeve. She took three deep breaths, placed the jacket under a nearby tree, then stood in the first pose, with her feet together, her arms by her side. Every morning, Master Wei had made his students go through a series of poses, a kind of slow dance. The poses were first straight or stretched, then contracted together, as if imitating the different types of paper folds. They also helped build qi, which in turn awakened the jing, or essential life force.

  Xiao Yen went through the first series, paying attention to her breathing, trying to flow the “white crane” pose to “play flute” to “stroking the phoenix tail,” but she felt awkward, out of balance. Besides, going through the poses just made her more homesick. She couldn't reach her calm place, a glassy river, shining like quicksilver between verdant banks. All she saw were the dark trees of the forest before her.

  Xiao Yen stopped and walked over to where her mother's jacket lay. With steady hands she undid the white frogs buttoning her jacket, both on the outer cotton layer and the inner soft layer. She folded both her jackets in half and laid them on a bush. Then she put on her mother's jacket. The silk slid up her arms and across her back like a soft breeze. It smelled of the incense from her bag and her mother's sweet perfume.

  Xiao Yen hadn't ever worn her mother's jacket before. But she'd carried it with her, sneaking it into her bed, holding on to it like a three-year-old with a blanket. She felt ashamed of how much she needed it, how much comfort it gave her, how she longed for her home.

  Xiao Yen held her hands out in front of her. The dark blue of the jacket made her skin look whiter, though not as fine as Bei Xi's. The scar on the back of Xiao Yen's left hand blazed. She ran a finger across one of the embroidered cranes. Some of the threads had broken, poking out of the cloth and curling like Udo's hair. The plackets that covered the raveling cuffs were coming undone as well. The gold threads looked brown in places, and some of the joining red boxes were missing.

  Xiao Yen wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her aching chest. The silk slid under her hands, both cool and warm at the same time. She let her shoulders move and her chest convulse, heaving sobs without tears. She wouldn't damage this jacket anymore than it already was.

  Xiao Yen took deep breaths when she finished, pulling the sweet forest air into her center. Her chest still hurt; her stomach, though full of noodles, felt hollow; and her eyes burned with unshed tears. She was so alone. She tried to cheer herself up, reminding herself that she did have a family to go back to.

  At least until Wang Tie-Tie found her another job, and she'd be alone again.

  With steady fingers, Xiao Yen undid the elegant frogs at her neck, across her chest and down the front. She slid her right arm out from the jacket sleeve then froze at the sound of snapped branches behind her. Startled she turned around.

  Ehran stood a few feet away.

  Xiao Yen pulled the front of the jacket across her chest, trying to cover herself. A breeze blew across her bare back, raising chicken flesh across her shoulders and in the crevice between her breasts.

  Ehran stared at her intently, the dark hollows under his eyes making his gaze more animallike. He was finally looking at her seriously, but this look scared her. She'd wanted him to pay attention to her warnings, not to her.

  Ehran gestured with one hand and said something, slurring his words so she didn't understand. He fingered the haft of his knife with his other hand. Then he took a step forward and grinned at her, showing all his teeth. He looked like a fierce ye ren—the mythical wild men who were part human, part beast—that had found his lunch.

  Xiao Yen took a step back and said the first word that came to her mind, “Friends?”

  Ehran nodded and said, “Yes. Friends.” But he kept looking at her strangely, and took another step forward.

  Xiao Yen trembled inside, but she willed her arms to be as still as the tree trunks around her. His eyes held hers. She felt hypnotized, like a rabbit before a snake.

  Xiao Yen took another step back and repeated, “Friends?”

  Ehran said, “Oh, yes, friends.”

  Out of the corner of her eye Xiao Yen could see his hands drop to his waist. She kept her eyes on his face, willing herself to not see that he was undoing his trousers. Xiao Yen had no paper defense, no knot to hold him back. They were far enough away from camp that no one would hear if she screamed.

  She tried one last time, the whispered word barely making it across her dry and swollen lips. “Friends . . .”

  Ehran took another step forward, but before he reached for her, Udo appeared next to him, his yellow hair like a ball of sun in the dark woods. Udo looked at Ehran, then at Xiao Yen. He spoke to Ehran in a low, angry tone.

  Ehran looked away from Xiao Yen, down at the ground, and did up his pants. He looked back at Udo, laughed, then spoke, loudly and slowly so Xiao Yen could understand. “It was just for fun.” He laughed again, shrugged his shoulders and walked away, though Udo still asked questions like “what?” and “why?”

  After Ehran was out of sight, Udo turned to Xiao Yen and said, “What are you doing? Didn't I tell you to stay at camp? There could be bandits out here. You could have been hurt.”

  Xiao Yen said, “I wanted to . . . It's my mother's . . .” She couldn't think of the words to say.

  Udo didn't look in her face. Instead he eyed the jacket she held across her chest. “For this?” he asked. He opened his mouth to say something more, then spat in disgust and said, “Get back to camp.” He turned and walked away.

  Xiao Yen wanted to protest. I know it's old, but it's my mother's! I was lonely! It isn't as elegant as any of Bei Xi's clothing, but it's still lovely!

  Then Xiao Yen realized what she'd been saying in her head. She was shocked by it. She sounded like a three-year-old defending a favorite toy. She looked down at the poor jacket, its raveling cuffs and broken embroidery. Maybe Udo was right to be disgusted. The jacket was too old. She shouldn't be carrying it anymore. She was too beholden to it. It was time to give up her childish need for it.

  Xiao Yen put on her own jackets and did up the frogs. They smelled of her own sweat and the horses and the campfire. She folded her mother's jacket. She pressed it one last time to her cheek and laid it at the foot of a pine tree. Then she walked away, crying inside. She felt as bad as the first day of her trip, when she'd left her family and Bao Fang.

  When Xiao Yen reached the camp, everything was already packed up. Gi Tang and the trail guide had already started. Udo and Ehran sat on their horses, waiting for her. Xiao Yen pulled herself up on her horse. She sat until they went up the trail before she urged her horse forward.

  The bright sun dappled the trail, making it seem like a tunnel of light through the dark surrounding trees. Xiao Yen followed the light blindly, trusting her horse to follow the others. She didn't try to see beyond the patterns on the ground, letting herself be hypnotized by the shapes of light and shadow. Her head bobbed with the gait of her horse. She'd left her family, all her childhood, behind. Again. This time it'd been her choice, not Wang Tie-Tie's. That didn't seem to make it any easier. Every time Xiao Yen swallowed, she felt a hard dry lump. The back of her throat ached, as if she were coming down with a cold. Her shoulders throbbed with tension. The spot in the middle of her shoulder blades burned as if pinpointed with the flame of a candle.

  “Xiao Yen?”

 
; Bei Xi was suddenly in front of her. Xiao Yen looked up at Bei Xi, but she didn't say anything.

  Bei Xi now wore a dark red robe over her ivory silk jacket. Golden thread woven around the edges flashed even in the dappled light, dancing before Xiao Yen's eyes.

  “Xiao Yen?” Bei Xi hesitated. “I'm—I'm, sorry, about Ehran.”

  Xiao Yen's eyes snapped to Bei Xi's. Had she also followed Xiao Yen? Had she seen what had happened with Ehran? And not stopped it?

  Or had Ehran told her, bragging of his dominance over Xiao Yen?

  Xiao Yen's cheeks grew hot. She bit her tongue again, willing her tears to not surface. She urged her horse forward and pulled ahead of Bei Xi, afraid that if she opened her mouth, she'd wail with grief. The lump in her throat grew more solid, harder to swallow past. She had to blink hard at the sudden burst of light as her horse plodded into a clearing.

  “Xiao Yen,” Bei Xi called, riding up next to her.

  Xiao Yen kept her eyes on the ground.

  “Please, little one . . .”

  What Xiao Yen saw registered slowly. There was no mistaking it. Bei Xi's shadow was solid blue.

  Xiao Yen kicked her horse. Startled, it stumbled then began to trot. Xiao Yen needed to get away from Bei Xi, away from everyone. She needed to think. Too many things bothered her about Bei Xi: the courtesan's archaic language, her ability to do knot magic, her facility with languages, and her beautiful perfect teeth. And now, her blue shadow.

  Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place.

  Ehran was having the life sucked out of him.

  Slowly the answer came to Xiao Yen, resolving like a portrait held under the water and slowly raised to the surface.

  Bei Xi wasn't human. She must be a fox fairy. And not a good fairy, bringing luck. She was sucking Ehran's qi from him every time they were together as man and wife. The thought of Ehran being drained of his male essence made Xiao Yen smile a little.

  Once Xiao Yen was on the far side of the clearing she slowed again. Udo rode just ahead. His golden hair flashed as spots of light struck it. He turned when he heard her coming and smiled at her, a wan smile. He didn't meet her eye. Then he looked forward again, his shoulders hunched. Xiao Yen looked past him to the cause of his concern. Ehran. Even though Udo wouldn't listen to Xiao Yen when she brought up her worries about Ehran's health, Udo still fretted about his brother.

  Xiao Yen shook her head angrily. In her original contract she'd been hired to protect the brothers and their horses. This was her duty, and she must do her duty. Bei Xi was no longer her obligation, as she was hurting someone in their party. Xiao Yen would save Ehran from Bei Xi, though he deserved what he got. And maybe if she saved him, Udo would be less disgusted with her.

  Chapter Six

  Bao Fang

  Xiao Yen didn't dare wipe the sweat beading on her brow. Instead, she kept folding. She willed the sweat to stay where it was and not fall into her eyes. Then she forgot about it and concentrated on her little crane.

  The paper between her fingers felt stiff, as if it were still made of bamboo. Though her biceps burned with the effort of holding her arms in front of her, her forearms, wrists and hands moved with fluid grace. She did an inside reverse-fold to bring the legs down from the body of the bird and took a deep breath, sucking hot air from the Hall of Receiving deep into her gut. She was nearly finished.

  Outside the hall the unseasonably warm spring sun shone down on the front courtyard of the Dance of the Defending Crane paper mage school. It chased the snow away from the center of the courtyard, revealing black and white tiles. The snow clung bravely to the shadows at the bottom of the walls of the courtyard. When Xiao Yen had marched with the twelve other children from the student rooms to the front hall for their six-month exam, she'd thought the courtyard looked as pretty as one of the painted scrolls Master Wei made them study. Now, all she wanted was to melt the snow in her sweating hands.

  At the far end of the hall a boy shifted his weight and sighed. It was the only sound in the room. Xiao Yen felt, rather than saw, Master Wei's disapproval. She heard him rise and walk the length of the hall, moving stiffly, like a heron who'd just spotted a fish for lunch.

  With his intense stare gone, Xiao Yen's shoulders relaxed a little. She did another inside reverse-fold through half the hidden back flap on the first leg, then did the same fold twice more, bending the leg up then twisting it down, so the crane's leg bent backward. With her sharp nails she split the bottom of the leg into three pieces, rolled each piece between her thumb and forefinger, then splayed them like a three-toed foot.

  She did the same for the other leg, willing herself to see the webbing between the toes. She bent the ankles forward a little, then moved her fingers up the legs. She re-pressed the leg joints to make the folds more firm, then glanced up. Luckily, Master Wei was still at the other end of the hall and not looking in her direction. She took another deep breath. Master Wei didn't like to see wasted motion when folding, or for students to press a fold. He wanted the fold to be right the first time.

  Xiao Yen brought her fingers up to the bird's body. Twisting her hands to echo a flying motion, she made the final fold and extended the wings. She brought her arms down and set the bird on the table, praying it would stand. It did. She opened her arms as she moved them back, completing the presentation. Then she brought them into her lap and relaxed.

  “It's perfect.” The whispered words, barely audible, floated to Xiao Yen's ears. Bing Yu, the only other female student in the paper mage school, took Xiao Yen's hot hand in her cool one. Xiao Yen smiled at her friend, who smiled back, wanly.

  Under normal circumstances, Xiao Yen and Bing Yu would never have met, or been allowed to associate with each other. Bing Yu was the daughter of the governor, and Xiao Yen's family didn't have a high enough social standing to associate with the ruling family in Bao Fang. As she was the only other girl in the school, the girls had ignored their different statuses, and had enjoyed each other's company.

  The toad Bing Yu had folded had been far from perfect. Its front legs were stunted, and its hind legs were uneven, as if the toad were crawling. Master Wei wanted a strong, vital toad, one capable of leaping to the moon like the mythical three-legged toad.

  Xiao Yen patted her friend's hand and looked again at her own creation. Its neck smoothly joined its head to its body, and the wings held a preflight energy, as if it were about to fly. At the same time, the folds in its legs were harsh. She'd been tired. Her crane wasn't worthy of being given jing, or life force, of its own. Only a perfectly crafted artifact was worthy of receiving magic, whether it was a cloak or a ring or a paper bird.

  She hadn't yet learned how to give life to a creature. Master Wei would teach that skill only to the students who passed the six-month exam, and only if they studied hard and developed their understanding of the essence of the creatures they folded and the material they used. He'd send the rest of the students back to their families. They'd be able to retake the test after another year.

  Xiao Yen looked up. Master Wei had bent over the table and put his face close to her crane. He blew gently on her bird. Its left leg was a fraction shorter than its right leg, so it rocked from one leg to the other in the slight wind. Xiao Yen was lucky as always though, and the crane stayed standing.

  Master Wei straightened up. Not looking up from the table covered with paper animals, he said, “Please stand.”

  The students rose as one. Though Xiao Yen had only used her arms folding, her thighs ached. Her abdomen hurt as much as it had the first week of school, when she'd spent hours keeping it tucked in so she could sit straight without leaning on anything. Small tremors shook her forearms. She willed them to be still. Her apprehension intensified now that the strain of folding was gone. Despair hollowed the pit of her stomach. She was certain she hadn't passed, that she'd be sent back to Wang Tie-Tie in disgrace. Her cousin hadn't passed his civil exams the first time he'd taken them, and though that was normal, he'd had to live lik
e a hermit, studying day and night, until he'd passed.

  “Please stand over there.” Master Wei pointed a long, skinny finger at the far end of the hall.

  Xiao Yen stayed standing where she was, puzzled. Two of the boys exchanged looks.

  “Now.”

  Master Wei's impatience and sharp tone made Xiao Yen wonder if any of the students had passed the exam. As one, the students turned and walked, single file toward the far wall. They bunched up in the corner. Bing Yu touched Xiao Yen's back. Xiao Yen reached behind her so Bing Yu could take her hand. Even if she were sent away from the paper mage school, at least she'd had a friend, for a while. Wang Tie-Tie's lessons about being alone had all gone to waste.

  Master Wei picked up a tall screen lying against the wall and set it up. It had a village with golden buildings painted on it. A matching screen leaned against the opposite wall. Master Wei pointed to the two tallest boys in the class, then to the screen. Hastily they picked it up and unfolded it across the space between that wall and the table.

  Master Wei picked up a smaller screen and set it up on the table. Now the far end of the hall was completely blocked by the three screens. The students could no longer see their creations.

  Master Wei peered around the first screen and said, “When I call your name, come into the other part of the hall.”

  He paused, and then looked at each student. Xiao Yen tried unsuccessfully to read his gaze. Was he trying to tell her she'd failed? She didn't know. She kept her own face still, willing herself to be as calm as a mountain waiting for a storm, though at the same time she squeezed Bing Yu's hand.

  Master Wei finally said, “An Jon.”

  The boy moved a screen to one side so he could pass, then put it back into place.

  Bing Yu and Xiao Yen exchanged glances, but neither of them spoke. Though Xiao Yen listened hard and the students were quiet, she couldn't hear what Master Wei said to An Jon. She didn't think he'd passed. He'd torn a leg off the dove he'd been folding as he'd been pressing it straight.