Paper Mage

by Cutter, Leah

  Xiao Yen hugged her sister, hard, and then pulled back a little to examine her. Though Gan Ou's face had always been round, now it was rounder, like a melon about to burst. Her breasts had filled out too, giving her a woman's curves. She felt more solid, more like Fu Be Be, and she smelled like sweet rice, roses and musk.

  “I'm pregnant again with another son,” Gan Ou confided to her sister.

  “A son? How wonderful!” Xiao Yen said. “How do you know?” she asked, curious.

  Gan Ou replied, “I've prayed so many times at Jing Long's altar, it must be a son. Besides, another son would make Ko Fu so happy. I want many sons.”

  “No daughters?” Xiao Yen asked, puzzled. “No girls to warm your heart?”

  Gan Ou pulled away from Xiao Yen, her mouth open in shock. “Why would I ever wish for a daughter? All she would do is cost money. After I had raised her to take care of our household, I'd have to give her away. Daughters aren't a good investment.”

  “I see,” Xiao Yen said, but she didn't. What had made Gan Ou change? Her sister stood as a stranger before her.

  Gan Ou wrapped one arm around Xiao Yen's shoulders and turned her toward the moon gate. “Come,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “Fu Be Be is still dressing. She doesn't need us. Let's go greet guests as they arrive at the Hall of Politeness.”

  Xiao Yen smiled. Maybe her sister hadn't changed that much. “Greeting guests” was an easy job, and the sisters had always vied for it. It was a good method for getting away from the turmoil of the family courtyard.

  The sisters walked arm in arm to the Hall of Politeness and made themselves comfortable sitting on cushions on the front steps.

  “Did Wang Tie-Tie tell you about the husband she's chosen for you?” Gan Ou asked.

  “No she didn't,” Xiao Yen replied, guarded. “Do you know who he is?” she asked. She didn't think Wang Tie-Tie would choose a husband for her. Not yet. Not until after she'd done her duty.

  Gan Ou shook her head in disgust. “There isn't a husband for you. It's so improper. Wang Tie-Tie says you have to finish school, and—” she dropped her voice “—work.”

  Xiao Yen shrugged. Though Wang Tie-Tie had never told her directly, she knew that it was expected of her.

  “For foreigners,” Gan Ou added.

  Foreigners? Xiao Yen stopped herself before she asked Gan Ou anything more. Maybe that was why Wang Tie-Tie wanted her to study additional things. Though looking for work with foreigners made sense. Very few from the Middle Kingdom would hire a girl for protection. Girls weren't supposed to fight.

  Xiao Yen looked at Gan Ou. Her sister peered back at her. Gan Ou wore one of her sharp smiles, both predatory and confident in the kill.

  “Of course, I will do my duty, go where the head of our household sends me, and make our family proud,” Xiao Yen replied, trying to give her sister no excuse to pounce.

  “Getting married and having many sons would make your family proud,” Xiao Yen heard from behind her.

  Both Gan Ou and Xiao Yen stood to greet their mother. Xiao Yen stayed bowed for a moment longer than her sister, searching unsuccessfully for a thread of stillness inside herself to hold on to, but it was like grasping at leaves frozen under ice.

  The powder and the sunlight on Fu Be Be's face made it glow as white as the full moon. Lipstick the color of ripe cherries brightened her mouth, and her eyebrows were mere wisps, like the feelers of a butterfly, accenting her broad, intelligent forehead.

  “Fu Be Be, you look so beautiful!” Xiao Yen exclaimed.

  Her mother sniffed. “And you have more muscles than ever, I see. I can't keep buying you new jackets. Wang Tie-Tie says you don't need any fancy clothes while you're at school. I think you should dress better. And I am your mother.”

  Xiao Yen stayed silent.

  “You have a duty to me as well,” her mother said.

  Xiao Yen knew better than to reply. She and Fu Be Be had had this fight as often as Wang Tie-Tie had told her to do something of merit, worthy of an immortal peach.

  Fu Be Be turned away from the girls and walked toward the front gate. The first guests had arrived. Xiao Yen glanced at Gan Ou, but she wouldn't meet Xiao Yen's eye. Shoulder to shoulder, they stood, greeting guests, but each was ten thousand li away.

  * * *

  Xiao Yen dropped to her knees the instant the servant announced Governor Fang had arrived. No one had told her that the governor was coming to the party. She stayed with her forehead on the cool ground an extra moment, composing her face, wrapping it in stillness. She didn't want to be accused of excess pride, though the governor had never visited her family before.

  When Xiao Yen had first started school, her family hadn't been important enough to mix with the ruling family in Bao Fang. Wang Tie-Tie had made their family rich and improved their social standing since then. Xiao Yen hadn't seen Bing Yu for years. She hadn't been allowed to socialize with her friend because of her family's status. Maybe now, though, she could.

  Xiao Yen stayed kneeling while her mother was presented to Governor Fang and his latest wife. He'd brought five sons with him, including Fat Fang, and three daughters, including Bing Yu, all dressed in fine colorful silks.

  The governor's servant introduced the children. His voice didn't rise or lower as he spoke, as if he were reading a list. Then the servant said in bored tones that the Lady Fu could introduce her offspring to the governor's wife. Xiao Yen stood and walked with Gan Ou to be presented. She tugged at the sleeves of her jacket, hoping they wouldn't appear too short.

  The governor's wife stood a little taller than Fu Be Be. Her face was just as beautifully painted, but nothing could hide the length of her jaw. The tiny thin eyebrows painted in the middle of her forehead only accentuated that her face wasn't round like a delicate fruit, but long, like a horse's. Her eyes were large and round, with irises like liquid night. They could have been her best feature. Xiao Yen saw a spark of cruelty deep within them, making them more terrible than all of Gan Ou's smiles.

  Xiao Yen bowed low as she was presented. Bing Yu stood behind her mother, her face somber, though a smile kept flitting across her lips at seeing her friend. Fu Be Be explained that Gan Ou's husband was attending Wang Tie-Tie, and would be presented later. The governor's wife inclined her head indulgently. She turned away, then turned back, and called Fat Fang to her side.

  He wore a sky-blue jacket that draped across his shoulders well, showing off their breadth while at the same time hiding his belly. Embroidered carp and waves flowed across his chest and around his cuffs. His brown trousers were tied tightly around his calves, showing the muscles there as well. Fat Fang looked as handsome as a lord in the Emperor's court, though Xiao Yen would never tell him so.

  Fu Be Be bowed low and said, “It's an honor to be presented to such a distinguished young man.”

  The governor's wife said, “My son will be responsible for guarding Bao Fang when he graduates from the paper folding school. The training he gets won't be wasted.” With another nod, she walked past Fu Be Be toward the moon gate.

  Xiao Yen glanced out of the corner of her eye at Fu Be Be. Her mother's face was calm, of course. She wouldn't overtly react to such an insidious insult. Xiao Yen knew better than to reassure her mother that Wang Tie-Tie would find work for her when she graduated, that her training wouldn't go to waste.

  * * *

  Wang Tie-Tie joined the party after everyone had arrived. She walked slowly to her place at the head of the garden, leaning on the arm of Old Gardener. The dark candlelit room where she'd first greeted Xiao Yen had hidden her age more effectively than the piles of makeup she now wore. The sunlight made her skin seem transparent, like thick paper. From the way she relied on Old Gardener it was apparent she couldn't walk unaided. Her arm trembled when she raised her teacup, as if the slight exertion were too much effort.

  The guests filed by one at a time to greet her, like dignitaries at court, their brightly colored silk robes and jackets moving like a living rainb
ow. Wang Tie-Tie exchanged extravagant compliments with the women on their children, and witty sallies and quips with the men. Everyone left smiling after their few moments with Wang Tie-Tie. She still had a brilliant mind, and was the star of the party.

  After greeting Wang Tie-Tie, the guests spread out among the flowers in the Garden of Sweet Scents like flowers themselves. Xiao Yen waited until the latest group of guests had moved away from Wang Tie-Tie before she approached.

  “Can I get you anything, Aunt?” she asked.

  Wang Tie-Tie just shook her head, then said under her breath, “Maybe a little friendly company.”

  Xiao Yen looked hard at Wang Tie-Tie. Had she really just said what Xiao Yen thought she'd said?

  Wang Tie-Tie reached out one soft hand and patted Xiao Yen's strong hand with it. “Don't mind me,” she said. “At my age, sometimes people think you can't hear or see as well as you can. My legs may be going, but my mind isn't.” She sighed, then continued. “Don't worry, little one. You'll grow used to their stares and whispers and ill-formed rumors. Because you have something you want more than their approval.”

  Wang Tie-Tie paused again. “I've been stared at, whispered about, ever since my husband went to the Heavenly Palace. I've been told to allow a man to take over our family's trading business. But I've persevered. As will you. We're different from them. We're not willing to float like a leaf on a stream, letting the current take us where it wills. We make our own way. Let them stare.”

  Xiao Yen didn't know what to say. To be stared at all her life? She drew in a sharp breath as the realization stung her. She would be. She was always going to be odd, outside her family, her society. She'd always thought she'd be able to combine her family with her magic, somehow. Now she realized she'd never have both. It was going to have to be one extreme or the other. Either Wang Tie-Tie or Fu Be Be. They couldn't both win.

  And neither could Xiao Yen.

  She was never going to be in the center of anything. She would always be an outsider, always on the edges, looking in. The inevitable lonely years crashed upon her like a cold ocean wave. Her luck couldn't save her from the life she saw. Nothing could.

  Maybe Fu Be Be was right. Maybe Wang Tie-Tie wasn't doing the proper thing.

  Xiao Yen pushed down on the thought, trying to drown it, but it bobbed to the surface again. Maybe Wang Tie-Tie was just being selfish. Maybe Xiao Yen should quit school, get married and have the children her mother wanted.

  It was the first time Xiao Yen had ever allowed herself to feel the doubts she'd had. Though she hated them, it was a relief to face them. She closed her eyes for a moment. There was no calm inside her, just a whirling mass of conflicting priorities.

  “Xiao Yen!” Xiao Yen realized her mother had called her name, and it didn't sound like it was for the first time.

  “Do some magic for us, Xiao Yen,” she said.

  Gan Ou repeated, “Some magic!” A few of the children also joined in.

  Xiao Yen looked in horror at her mother. Do some magic for them? Like a sleight-of-hand trickster at the market who made scarves and coins disappear so children would laugh? Her magic was serious, for defense, not for entertainment. Did her mother take Xiao Yen's work as lightly as that?

  Fu Be Be glared back at Xiao Yen. Prove your worth was what she seemed to say.

  Before Xiao Yen could respond, Wang Tie-Tie raised her hand. “My niece is not going to perform for you. She had just come to me to excuse herself from the party. She needs to continue her studies.”

  Xiao Yen felt the strength flowing from Wang Tie-Tie, a warm protective curtain that her aunt tried to cover her niece with. Wang Tie-Tie's strength wasn't as certain as it had been though. Fu Be Be had her own defenses. Wang Tie-Tie was aging, and sooner or later, Fu Be Be was going to wear Wang Tie-Tie down.

  Maybe that wasn't as horrible as Xiao Yen had once thought it was.

  Xiao Yen hurried through the crowd, leaving the garden, going to her own quiet room. She wrapped the silence around her like a soft shawl that let evening breezes through. Xiao Yen clutched her amulet, and wondered if she was that lucky after all.

  Chapter Fifteen

  On the Trail

  Xiao Yen walked back to the main room from the makeup room. She noticed for the first time that paintings of flowers covered all the walls, giving the impression of being in a garden, though there were no windows. Holders for candles stood everywhere, emanating soft light and heat. No wonder the women didn't wear jackets under their robes. Pillows and low tables filled the floor. Fans, scarves, flutes, mandolins and more flowers and candles lay scattered across the tables. At least a dozen women sat around the room, talking, gossiping, or playing music.

  Two more properly-dressed women stood to one side, listening to the woman with the braids, the one who had taken Xiao Yen to the picture of Jhr Bei. Three other women stood before them, silent. They wore clothes Xiao Yen saw as immodest, as well as more makeup and jewelry than the first group. It was obvious the first group talked about the second, debating something.

  Xiao Yen went up to the woman with the braids. The women fell silent as she approached.

  “Excuse me,” Xiao Yen said. She cleared her throat. Her voice was still harsh from not being used. “May I speak with you a moment?” she asked the woman.

  The woman bowed to the other women and walked a short way from them with Xiao Yen. Xiao Yen wanted to go back to the makeup room. Their conversation would be heard by everyone else here. No matter. Xiao Yen took a deep breath. She wasn't sure how to begin.

  “I am called Kai Ju,” said the woman, introducing herself with her informal name. “I'm glad to see you've found your tongue.”

  Xiao Yen smiled, and said, “I'm called Xiao Yen.”

  “Yes, we know. What would you like to say to me?”

  “I, ah, I need your help.”

  “You need our help?” asked Kai Ju. “Our help with what?” Her smile held sadness and pity.

  “I know how to free—Our Lady.” Xiao Yen remembered Young Lu's reluctance to say Jhr Bei's name aloud. Young Lu had known that Vakhtang had subsumed the goddess. Xiao Yen hoped these women knew as well.

  Kai Ju dismissed Xiao Yen with a wave of her hand. “Many of us know how to free Our Lady. But we must have something of hers to use against that coward, Vakhtang. Nothing survived his rampage after he took her. Nothing,” she said, her voice plain and stripped of hope.

  “I have something of Our Lady's,” Xiao Yen said, pulling the hairpin free. Some of her hair fell from where it had been balanced on her head. She ignored her hair and held the hairpin up for Kai Ju to see.

  Kai Ju looked from the hairpin to Xiao Yen's face. She laughed and shook her head. “Little one, you carried nothing with you when you arrived here.”

  “It's Our Lady's hairpin. I can't tell you how I got it. But it's hers.”

  Kai Ju laughed again. A mean tone flavored the edges of it. “All the women who pass through here are desperate. We're sorry, little one. But this is your fate. We helped you when we could. It is not worth our lives to help you more.”

  “Please,” Xiao Yen said. She didn't know how to continue. There must be some way to prove the hairpin was what she said it was. She held it above her hand. The flickering candlelight didn't cast strong shadows, so she couldn't show them the blueness of the hairpin's shadow. She glanced around the room. One of the three women—the women being judged, Xiao Yen was certain of it now—had a blue ribbon loosely tied around her long hair.

  Xiao Yen walked over to the woman with the ribbon. “May I borrow this?” she asked.

  The woman handed the ribbon to Xiao Yen then followed her back over to where Kai Ju waited. The women Kai Ju had been talking with earlier also came over and circled the pair.

  Xiao Yen didn't know if she could work any magic. She'd been trapped in her silence for so long, not practicing. But she had to try.

  She tied a bowline in the ribbon, the same kind of knot she'd tied the first time sh
e'd tried knot magic. When she tightened it, pulling on the hanging bit of ribbon while holding the rest with her other hand, she was left with a large loop, closed tightly with her knot.

  Xiao Yen closed her eyes, ignoring the women around her, forgetting her past, her future, concentrating on the knot, and it alone. She followed the loops and twists in her mind, shrinking and tightening the knot, willing it to be what she saw.

  The silence that lay inside Xiao Yen clawed at her awareness, calling her, wanting her to come back, to escape. That path looked so easy. To just give in.

  Xiao Yen was not going to give in. She threw her anger now into the knot, the sickening feeling she got in her stomach when she thought about the rest of the days of her life. She didn't hear anything from the women who surrounded her. The mood of the room changed though. Xiao Yen opened her eyes.

  In the center of her palm, connecting the two parts of blue ribbon, lay a hard black bead. The color disturbed Xiao Yen. Was she really that angry? She couldn't worry about it now.

  Kai Ju picked up the ribbon and tugged at the bead. “Very nice,” she said. “You've proven you have some magic. That doesn't prove anything else.” Kai Ju stared at Xiao Yen, as if willing her to back down.

  One of the women who had been in the group with Kai Ju took the bead from Kai Ju. She studied it, then said, “Kai Ju, you should—” She fell silent when Kai Ju held up her hand.

  “The next step,” Xiao Yen said, as if this was what she'd planned all along, “is to break it.”

  “That's not possible,” said the woman holding the knot.

  Xiao Yen smiled and motioned for the woman to continue. It was much better if the women learned about magic from one of their own.

  “You can only change the form of something, not the essential essence,” said the woman. “Not unless you drain your soul.”

  “Or you use something that has stronger magic,” Xiao Yen countered.

  The woman nodded. She looked again at Kai Ju, who stood with her arms crossed over her chest, standing in judgment over Xiao Yen.