“At first, it was because I was curious about you. Then after the killings, I was worried.” He paused, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “You were right, though. They were good doughnuts.”
I hid my face in my hands. “Ugh… I’m so embarrassed. I complained to the wolf about you. You must think I’m crazy, talking to an animal.”
He laughed. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re sweet. Actually, I was tempted to come closer, but was afraid to scare you.”
I straightened up as a thought popped in my head. “I have a question. Why did you pull away from me the night on the boat? Was it because you regretted telling me you love me?”
His hand was suddenly gripping mine. “Of course not. And when you told the wolf that, I was so upset I lost my appetite.” He grinned again at the memory of the doughnuts I threw landing on the ground. “Yes, I pulled away. But it had nothing to do with my love for you.” He stood up, moving over to the window. This time he turned away from me.
“Then why?”
“Because I don’t deserve you.” His voice was barely a whisper. I had to strain to hear him.
“Nate, of course—”
“No, I don’t. You don’t know everything.” His voice was cold. He was angry but I knew it wasn’t directed at me, but at himself.
“Then tell me. Remember, you said you’d tell me everything from now on.”
He nodded slowly, his face full of pain. “I know, but what I’m about to tell you is harder than anything I’ve told you so far.” He ran his hands along his face in frustration. “Okay, here goes. Just know, if you hate me, I’ll understand.”
I started to protest, but he rushed back over, kneeling before me, touching my lips with his finger. “That night, after I told you how I felt, you related that story about your grandparents and what your grandfather used to call you. Do you remember what that was?”
“Of course, the three Lucys.” I didn’t understand what this had to do with anything.
“Do you remember the beginning of my story? The name of the girl who died?” He paused, waiting for my answer, but when I remained silent, he went on. “Lucy, the girl you’re named after, is the one that was killed the night I was bitten.”
Chapter Twenty-three
A Century of Guilt
It wasn’t possible. He had to be wrong. “No,” I whispered.
“Yes and I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. Your family has suffered so much because of me.”
His eyes were tortured with a century’s worth of guilt. I could tell he had blamed himself every day since it happened. He wouldn’t be Nate otherwise. I couldn’t let him feel guilty anymore. I had to take away his pain somehow. I just wasn’t sure how to do that.
“I know how much you must hate me for what I’ve done to your family. I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you and others who come after.”
I picked up a framed photo that was sitting on the end table beside the couch and stood up. Walking over to lean against the fireplace, I lifted the frame and stared at the two people smiling out at me. It was us, lounging on the speedboat. He must have put this out recently. I hadn’t noticed it before. He took it with his hand stretched in front of us. I was so happy and unaware of what was to come. Trying to imagine going back to that girl, I quickly shook the thought from my mind. She didn’t know him, not really. Although he hated who he was, I couldn’t, even after everything I had learned. I think it made me love him even more, to hear how much he struggled and managed to conquer the animal inside him. He should be proud of himself.
I put the picture back in its place and faced at him. He looked like he was holding his breath waiting for me to say something. “So, it’s your fault that my ancestor died?” My voice was hard.
He winced at my tone. “Yes,” he whispered.
“So you held her down and offered her to the wolf?”
His face was sick at my accusation. “Of course not.”
“Then you knew the wolf would be there and you brought her anyway?”
“I would never do that, Meg. I thought you knew—”
I interrupted, wanting him to understand where I was going with this. “You said it was your fault. So you must have heard the wolf and shoved her in front of you to save yourself, because otherwise, I don’t see how you’re to blame.”
His face softened as his lips curved upward. “I know what you’re trying to do, but you won’t change my mind. She wouldn’t be dead if I hadn’t taken her out for a walk.” I could see a slight wetness. A tear, maybe, glistened from below his right eye. He wiped it away, turning his back to me.
I reached up and gently rubbed his back. “It’s not your fault. Charlotte is to blame for this. She killed her and turned you. Why don’t you see that you are as much a victim as Lucy? Maybe even more so. She’s at peace and it looks to me that you’ve been torturing yourself for over a hundred years.” I walked around and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. “Forgive yourself. Because I forgive you.”
He pulled back to gaze into my eyes. “You do?”
“Yes, I do. And on behalf of every Stewart from the past, present and future…we forgive you.”
A smile spread across his face, reaching his eyes. “I love you so much,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me with a desperation built from lifetimes of torture and blame. His fierceness both startled and excited me.
When we finally pulled apart, I sat down on the couch, suddenly exhausted.
“Are you tired?”
“Yes. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I felt guilty for what I did to you.”
“Don’t, because if you were right and I was the one killing, I would have been proud of you.”
I smiled weakly, suddenly unable to keep my eyes open.
“Come on, go lay down on my bed. You’ve had a very long day. After everything you’ve had to take in, I think you could use a break. We’ll talk more when you’ve rested.” He picked me up in his arms. If I had the strength, I would’ve struggled, feeling awkward with him carrying me. After he put me down on the bed, he covered me up. I was asleep instantly.
I was standing in a meadow at night, all alone. My feet were bare, surrounded by overgrown clover. I could see by the faint moon’s glow that the flowers were light purple and white. The sweetness of the honeysuckle hovered in the air.
It was silent, until the hoot of an owl made me jump. I turned around toward the noise.
A rustle in the bushes near the edge of the meadow scared me and I spun again to see the long grass move. I braced myself for an unknown attack. But instead, a brown and white chipmunk scrambled out, nibbling on an acorn. I relaxed my shoulders and looked around, wondering how I got here.
The sound of voices drifted from a nearby path that led into the tall trees. I ran behind a large bolder to hide. I wasn’t sure why, but I was scared in this dark and unfamiliar meadow. I cut myself on a sharp rock that was hidden in the grass. While I pressed down on the cut to stop the bleeding, the voices grew louder.
“No, Nathaniel. I’m happy to stay with Mama and learn to be a wife. I do not need to go away to school.” The voice was soft and feminine and by the tone I was sure she was batting her eyelashes.
“Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife.” This voice sounded familiar, but before I could look up to see who it was, I heard a low growl from behind me. I peered into a bush about five feet away and saw yellow eyes glaring through the brush. I covered my mouth, stifling a gasp and turned back around to look over the rock and saw Nate. He was walking along the dirt path with a girl. She looked strangely like my mother. The same pale hair and fair complexion, but there was something softer about this girl. Nate was wearing old-fashioned clothes—a long-sleeved white shirt with suspenders and brown pants.
The growl came again from behind me and I realized what was happening. Her life was about to end and his torture was just about to begin. I stood up and opened my mouth to
scream for them to run.
Suddenly, my eyes were open and I was back in Nate’s bedroom.
The dream felt so real that I looked down to see if my cut was still on the side of my foot, but I only found smooth skin when I ran my finger along it.
Flipping over on the bed, I grabbed my blue dolphin and hugged it. The stuffed toy was oddly comforting and the dream was soon forgotten.
Lying under his soft blankets and snuggling the dolphin left me feeling content and eager to stay in bed. Nate was right. I had taken in a lot of information in only a few hours. I needed the sleep and the time to myself to process all of it. One thing that I had learned from everything Nate had told me was that it didn’t matter what came next. I would always love him no matter what. Everything he told me he went through only made my love for him stronger.
The sound of voices in the living room pulled me out of my thoughts. Even though I didn’t want to move, curiosity won out. I reluctantly crawled out of bed and opened the door just a crack. Lauren and her father were sitting in the living room talking to Nate. Everyone’s head turned as I walked out. “Feel better?” Nate asked as I sat on the edge of his chair.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “Yes, thank you.”
“Lauren just dropped off your suitcases.”
“What? Why? And how?” They grinned at me. My brain was still foggy with sleep and apparently had lost the ability to use full sentences.
“I want you here with me until we take care of Rowan.”
“Nate, I’ll be fine at home,” I started to argue, but he lifted his hand to silence me.
“No, you won’t. You need to be here where I can look out for you.”
When he talked to me like that, like I had no choice, my instinct was to argue. But I knew it was for my own safety, so I held my tongue at least until we were alone. I glanced at Lauren. “How did you get into my room?”
“Nate talked to Mona, said you weren’t feeling well and thought you should stay here for a few days.”
“And she believed that?”
“Nate can be very persuasive.” She smiled at him with such admiration I wondered how I missed their connection. I had known there was something between them, but Nate would never tell me the truth. I realized why Lauren seemed so happy. She didn’t have to pretend with me anymore.
When Nate smiled at me, I just nodded and looked away, feeling apprehensive by my new situation. My suitcases sat next to Nate’s bedroom door. She had packed enough for weeks.
“Will just invited us to dinner. I said yes, if that’s all right.” Nate placed his hand on my leg as he spoke.
Everyone’s eyes were on me. What was I supposed to say? “Sure,” I replied softly, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation.
“Great. We’ll see you two in a couple of hours,” Lauren said as she stood up, following her father to the door.
After they left, I turned to Nate, suddenly feeling awkward.
“Is there anything else you want to ask me?”
One question came to mind. “Where were you all week? I know you said you were busy, but never said with what.”
“I was looking for whoever was killing. I knew it was a werewolf, but I didn’t know who.”
“Your eyes did turn yellow that morning we heard about the death, didn’t they?”
He laughed, standing up. I fell into the chair once it was empty as he made his way the fridge to retrieve two bottles of water. He tossed me one and then opened his, one arm leaning against the kitchen island. “Yes. It happens sometimes when I’m angry.”
“And that night at my house, when your nails went long and pointy?”
“It was a full moon. That’s why I had to leave at seven. I had so much fun with you I lost track of time. I started to change, so obviously I had to leave.”
“I’m so glad I’m not crazy. I thought I was seeing things.”
He grinned. “You’re not crazy. You’re just dating a werewolf.”
I laughed, dangling my legs over the arm of the chair.
“I’m going to make myself a sandwich, you want one?” he asked.
“Sure, I’ll have one.”
As he pulled out the elements to the sandwiches, I made my way over, joining him at the island. Before making lunch, he took out some pickles and cheese to munch on. I picked up a piece of cheese and took a bite. Once he was finished, he loaded all the food onto a plate.
“Can I see the pictures you hid the first time I came here?”
“What do you mean?” He gathered the leftover cold cuts and placed them back in the fridge.
“I thought it was strange that you didn’t have any pictures of your family. I noticed that there were marks on the shelf where pictures had been. I opened a drawer and saw one. It was old, with three young kids standing in front of Lauren’s family’s house, only it was a lot older and smaller. I didn’t look any further, but they must have been your brother and sisters.”
“Yes. I’m glad you didn’t go any further. You would have seen a picture of me and I look exactly the same.” While he put everything away I wandered over to the end table where I had found the photos. I pulled them all out and started placing them back on the mantel, beside the one of us.
There was a picture of the whole family. It was aged at the edges and faint lines throughout, but it was still clear enough to see the people standing in front of the house. Nate’s father looked very much like him, but his hair was a shade darker. I couldn’t tell what color exactly since the picture was in black and white. He had his arm around a woman who must have been his wife, Nate’s mother. She was tall, maybe about my height, which was five nine. Her hair was up in a loose bun and she was wearing a beautiful large corseted dress, full in the skirt, tight on the bodice.
His sisters were cute in old-fashioned dresses with their hair in braids. My mind flashed to Laura and Mary Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. Nate stood looking very much like my dream. He was holding his little brother, a smaller version of himself. It didn’t seem real to me that this person was standing a few feet away from me. It almost looked like he went to one of those old-fashioned photographers to make you look like you lived back then.
“Lunch is served,” he called from the kitchen. I put the picture back and joined him, sitting on the stool next to the island.
“Thank you,” I said, picking up a ham and cheese on whole wheat.
“I know it’s not under the best circumstances that you’re here, but I’m going to enjoy being with you as much as possible.”
“Me too, I really missed you last week.” I was fine with telling the old Nate how I felt. But now that I knew what he was and how old he was, having accomplished so much in his long life, I felt a little insignificant.
He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “I missed you too. You don’t know how much I love waking up in the night and seeing you sleeping so peacefully beside me. The last week has been so lonely for me. You’ve shown me what I could have and now that I have it, I’m not letting you go. You mean everything to me.” He kissed my forehead. As we gazed into each other’s eyes, I could feel his intense feelings for me. I hoped he felt mine. I reached up and gently touched his cheek.
He eventually pulled away, taking the seat across from me and picked up a roast beef sandwich.
“When you shoved me behind you yesterday, did I hear you growl?”
He stopped, just about to take a bite and lowered his sandwich. “Yes. When I saw you standing with Rowan.” He paused, shaking his head and laughed darkly. “The man who killed my father and my best friend, something inside me snapped. I have found true happiness with you. I never thought it would happen to me and I wasn’t sure I deserve it, but you are mine. I know how that sounds, but now that I found you I have to protect you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, but I knew arguing was not the answer. “Well, then, from now on, be honest and I’ll know who not to talk to.”
His eye
s lightened slightly. “Okay.”
We finished our lunch. I ate one in the time he ate about four. Together we cleared the mess and went outside to sit on the porch.
Chapter Twenty-four
Family Dinner
It was a beautiful, warm day and a shame to stay inside. I lay back on the lounge chair soaking up the sun’s heat. Nate, who was wearing faded cut-off jeans and a T-shirt, pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it beside him on the deck, exposing his smooth, sculpted muscles. I had seen him without his shirt many times, but every time I did I had an urge to run my hands over the bumps and divots along his chest and upper arms. He caught me staring at him and gave me a lazy smile as he lay down on the chair beside me.
I remembered something I wanted him to do while we were eating lunch. I sat up and turned to him. “Can you make your eyes turn?”
“Excuse me?” He said, lifting his sunglasses and raising an eyebrow.
“Do it. I think it’s cool.”
He gave me a weary look. “No, it might scare you.”
“Now that I know everything, I’m not scared of you. Nate, do you think I’m dumb? I have noticed a few things and it didn’t scare me away.”
“Fine.” He took the sunglasses off and sat up. I could see him concentrating and then suddenly, his eyes went from blue to yellow, just like the wolf I had talked to. Of course, now I knew that they were one and the same.
“Yeah, that’s cool.”
When his eyes went back to normal, he smiled and shook his head. “I thought that if I ever told you everything you wouldn’t want to be with me. But instead of being scared, you think it’s cool that I can change the color of my eyes. You’re amazing.” He laughed softly.
“Nate, I know who you are on the inside. That’s all that matters. If you went around killing people like I thought, it would be different.”
“I guess I underestimated you. I’m sorry. Lauren was right. She’s been driving me crazy trying to get me to tell you. She bugged me the whole time during graduation.”
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