Wendy Soliman

by Duty's Destiny

  “Indeed,” she said, stiffly. She didn’t intend to make this easy for him. She owed him an explanation, it was true, and perhaps an expression of gratitude as well, but he most definitely owed her an apology first.

  They sipped their coffee in silence — a silence which Saskia obstinately refused to break. The atmosphere between them almost crackled with tension, the sound of their breathing in the silent room unnaturally loud, but Saskia wasn’t about to make the first effort to ease matters. Once again though, Felix surprised her by reaching into his pocket and producing a gold chain. He held it in front of her.

  “What’s that?”

  “A locket,” he said, with a mischievous grin. “It contains an amulet.” When Saskia looked at him in confusion, he explained further. “It’s purported to possess magical powers, to ward off evil spirits. I thought you might gain comfort from wearing it when in my company.”

  He looked so penitent that in spite of her best intentions Saskia burst out laughing. The tension between them evaporated.

  “It’s beautiful, sir, and highly unusual, but obviously I can’t accept such a gift.”

  “Then regard it as a loan to keep you safe from my quick temper whilst you’re in this house. I’m sorry I was so raddled with you.” His hands moved to her neck, and he fastened the chain about it. Best not to tell her yet that it had belonged to his grandmother and he’d kept it all of this time, always intending it for his bride.

  “I suppose you had a right to be angry, but still — ”

  Felix drew a deep breath. “You wanted to explain last night. If you still wish to, I’d like to know what that coxcomb said to you to persuade you to go with him.” He saw a combination of anger and uncertainty creeping back into her expression and hastened on. “I’ve had time to reflect; I realize it wasn’t your intention to become embroiled in a compromising position with him.”

  “Thank you, that’s most magnanimous.” There was only the merest trace of sarcasm in her tone, and annoyingly, the smile that she couldn’t quite suppress probably neutralized even that. “You see, after the card games broke up I wandered outside, along with everyone else. Lord Snelling came onto the terrace from the side of the house and said that an abigail was urgently trying to find me, because one of the twins was asking for me. He said he would take me to her. He behaved in such a gentlemanly manner, and appeared so genuinely concerned, that I didn’t doubt him for a moment.” She observed Felix’s incredulous look and dropped her eyes from his face. “I know! I can see now how silly I was, but just the thought of one of the twins feeling anxious in this strange house was sufficient for me to forget that his lordship might have ulterior motives.”

  “Yes, of course it would be. But, just so that you’re aware in future, if a servant was to need you she would come through the drawing room, not skulk round the side of the house.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m only glad that I set out to look for you. I shudder to think what he might have done to you had I not arrived when I did.”

  “He would not!” she said with determination. “You see, he made the mistake of assuming that I care about my reputation. Rather than permit him to take liberties I would, indeed, have screamed.” She was unaware that a devilish light flared in her eyes. “And put my knee to good use at the same time! I’m not so green that I don’t appreciate the location of a man’s most vulnerable places.”

  Felix’s expression was a mixture of pride and admiration, as he threw back his head and roared with laughter. “Good for you! But I’m pleased that it didn’t become necessary to resort to such measures.”

  “I think Lord Snelling might have benefited from a put-down of that nature. I suspect that in his case one is long overdue.”

  Felix paused. “Saskia,” he said tentatively. “All of those popinjays that have been seeking you out this week, do you find them agreeable?”

  She blinked. “I don’t understand your meaning?”

  “Well, what I mean is, oh hell, Saskia, come here!” He pulled her to her feet and as closely into his arms as his protesting ribs would permit. “What I mean, my love, is that I want to know if any of those rogues have captured your heart?”

  “Certainly not. Why do you ask?”

  “Why?” He kissed her passionately. “Why? You ask me why? The reason why, my fiery little vixen, is because I want you for my wife.”

  “What!” Saskia pulled away from him so fast that she almost tripped over her skirts. Felix reached out to steady her.

  “I had no notion you felt that way,” she said, totally dazed.

  “Why do you think I’ve been behaving like a jealous lover whenever I see any of that canaille anywhere near you?”

  “I’m truly honoured by your declaration…stunned, but honoured — ”

  “But you hesitate to give me an answer?” He brushed her lips with his own, causing ripples of pleasure to cascade through her.

  “Felix.” She pulled herself up to her full height. “I can’t possibly marry you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because your mother wants Lady Maria.”

  “Then let my mother marry Lady Maria.”

  “Felix, be serious!”

  “I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

  “Your mother would be devastated.”

  “She’ll recover.”

  “And your father expects you to marry someone with a better ancestry. Certainly not the daughter of a convict.”

  “Not only does my father approve of my choice, but he can’t wait to play the part of grandpapa to the twins.”

  Saskia tried to hide her astonishment behind a smile. She suspected that the ruse failed spectacularly. “You’ve discussed me with him? And he approves?” This time her smile was entirely genuine. “He does me great honour.”

  “No more than you deserve. Can’t you see yourself as mistress of this house one day?”

  “Frankly, no.”

  Felix sat back down and pulled Saskia onto his lap. She traced the line of bruises which showed on his wrist below the snowy white frills of his cuff, whilst he set about the arduous task of kissing some sense into her. She leaned slightly closer to him, causing him to wince and her to immediately move her position.

  “Did I touch your arm? Sorry, I thought the injuries were to your left side.”

  “It’s of no import.”

  “You have other injuries?” She placed her hands on her hips and glowered at him. “You should have told me.”

  “I would prefer to show you.”

  “Felix!”

  “Oh all right, just a brace of broken ribs.”

  She tried to move from his lap, but Felix grasped her waist and pulled her back again. “Oh no, you’re going nowhere until you have given me an answer.”

  “I’m starting to believe that you’re serious about this mad notion.”

  “Oh yes, never more so. I want you for a wife, and the twins as the start of our family…but only the start, mind. You can rely upon my full co-operation in producing many brothers and sisters for them.”

  Saskia tried to frown, but found herself smiling instead.

  “What do you say?”

  Felix was looking at her expectantly. She was starting to believe that he really did want to marry her, and her heart soared. But it was all too much. The enormity of the situation struck her like a thunderbolt. She needed time to think about it and told him so. If he was disappointed not to receive an immediate answer, he gave no sign, contenting himself with kissing her as thoroughly as she would permit.

  “Take all the time you need,” he assured her as he peppered her neck with delicate kisses that made her senses reel, “just so long as I have my answer by this time tomorrow.”

  “Felix!”

  “Now then, little vixen, my mother is planning a ridotto al fresco this evening. There will be twenty more guests for dinner, and another thirty or so neighbours to join in the dancing after that. And tonight, madam, you will remai
n exclusively at my side. It’s the only way I can be sure that you won’t get into more scrapes.”

  “That will not be possible, surely? We’ll excite unnecessary interest, and besides, what about your mother’s plans for you?”

  “Forget her. I’m not prepared to suffer through another evening watching you with those shallow coves. Besides, the house will be full this evening, and my mother’s attention will be elsewhere.” Felix reached up and touched the locket around her neck. “Wear it for me tonight,” he said, this time trailing a tantalising line of kisses across her muslin-covered breasts before reluctantly letting her go.

  Saskia spent the rest of the day in a daze, scarcely knowing what she did and whom she spoke to. Everywhere she went, Felix appeared just behind her, catching her eye and smiling. She couldn’t help but be flattered by his attentions, but also felt a little overwhelmed by the obvious depth of his feelings. She took the earliest opportunity after luncheon to escape to her chamber, the need for solitude and quiet reflection never having been greater.

  That Felix wanted to marry her, that he was prepared to defy his mother and probably the view of the majority of the plutocracy into the bargain, was an honour impossible to ignore. And quite simply, she desired him, more than she could ever have imagined possible. But could she do it? Was she being fair? The advantages for the twins were inarguable, and for herself, too. But when things settled down, would he regret his rashness in offering for her? Would they spend the rest of their lives hating one another? Saskia lay on her bed, too exhausted to think further, and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

  That evening, when Saskia appeared in the drawing room, Felix was waiting for her at the door. He looked approvingly at her changeable silk gown. She’d been intuitive enough to realize that he wouldn’t appreciate seeing her in her lovely creation of the previous evening. He would associate that with Snelling and that rose garden. The changeable silk, on the other hand, and the amulet which nestled comfortably between her breasts, was for him alone.

  Felix offered her a curling smile, and his arm. “Ready, little vixen?”

  “As I ever will be.”

  Luc and Clarissa materialised, and the four of them spoke to virtually no one else until dinner was announced. Felix’s mother was about to invite Felix to escort Lady Maria, but before she could do so the earl stepped in front of his son.

  “Allow me to pull rank,” he said to Felix jovially. And then, to a startled and thoroughly frightened looking Lady Maria, “You and I haven’t had an opportunity for a private conversation since you arrived in my house, m’dear. May I have the honour?” He offered her his arm, and she placed her hand upon it so timidly that it appeared she might at any moment lose her courage and run for cover.

  It was all done with such charming grace that Felix could see his mother was completely taken in, believing that her husband had at last come to be of the same mind as her on the matter of Lady Maria’s suitability for Felix. By the time she realized that she’d been duped, it would be too late.

  The evening was one of sweet agony for Felix. He had Saskia to himself, but only in the midst of this crowd. He put his heart and soul into entertaining her, holding her gaze for far longer than he should, touching her hand at every opportunity, not caring that he was being observed with varying degrees of curiosity by the people about him.

  Felix was able to plead his injuries as an excuse for not performing a country dance with Lady Maria, and took the opportunity to stay resolutely beside Saskia, his predatory stance warding off any gentlemen who entertained notions of inviting her to dance.

  Felix felt the full force of his mother’s glare when the first waltz struck up and he swept Saskia into his arms.

  “I thought you weren’t up to dancing,” she said.

  “Did I say that?” His expression was altogether too innocent. “I believe I said I was unequal to the rigours of a country dance, nothing more.”

  “Your mother doesn’t look too pleased.”

  “My mother can always be relied upon to find something that earns her displeasure.”

  Felix, swept up with the dizzy satisfaction of being with Saskia, barely noticed that she was being openly shunned by some of the community. Clusters of guests were looking at her strangely and speaking about her in whispers as she passed them. He dismissed their pettiness, putting it down to jealousy, and devoted all his attention to the lady at his side.

  “Relax, little vixen, and enjoy the moment.” He held her a little closer. “I fully intend to.”

  Saskia wanted to enjoy herself, but found it difficult to ignore the strange manner in which she was being observed by some of the assembly. It made her uncomfortable, and she wondered what she’d done wrong. She considered mentioning the matter to Felix, but eventually decided against it; it was probably nothing. But as the evening wore on, and the attempts to shun her became increasingly marked, Saskia became seriously concerned. During a brief respite from Felix’s sedulous attentions, the reason she was being ostracised was explained to her by a gleefully vengeful Lady Western, who kept her gaze focused, in seeming fascination, on the locket around Saskia’s neck as she addressed her.

  The following morning Felix sent a message to Saskia, inviting her to walk in the grounds with him, but by then she had already left Western Hall…

  Forever.

  Chapter Eighteen

  IT WAS ONLY AS SASKIA leant back against the comfortable velvet squabs in the earl’s barouche that she realised she still wore Felix’s locket about her neck. In the mayhem that had preceded her hasty departure, she’d forgotten to return it. Ignoring that niggling problem, she attempted instead to concentrate upon what the twins were saying to her. She was mightily glad of their company, for it obliged her to make the occasional response to them, on the rare occasions when they paused with their excited account of activities at Western Hall for long enough to permit it, that is. She reminded herself repeatedly that the welfare of her children mattered to her above everything and it was that thought alone which prevented her from sobbing aloud with the pain of her shattered heart.

  As soon as she had learned the truth from Lady Western the previous evening, she knew straightaway that she had no choice but to leave Felix’s home immediately. Doubtless that was Lady Western’s purpose when she’d taken the trouble to enlighten her as to the nature of the on dits currently circulating the room and causing such consternation amongst her guests. She adopted a sympathetic attitude, and claimed to regret being the bearer of such distressing tidings. Saskia might have revised her opinion of Felix’s mother, had it not been for the fact that her eloquence was in direct variance to the unmitigated glee in her expression.

  She sought the earl out early that morning, and asked that he supply transport for her as far as Plymouth. She implied that she’d received an urgent summons to return to Riverside House. The earl regarded her closely, seeming as though he wished to dissuade her from her purpose, but didn’t attempt to do so. He contented himself with saying that he would be heartily sorry to see her go, and insisted that she travel the whole way home in his barouche, complete with no less than two coachmen and two footmen up behind. The twins appreciated travelling in style, and were wide-eyed with excitement. Saskia only hoped that they wouldn’t become accustomed to it.

  If Saskia had been undecided about her response to Felix’s proposal, then the revelations made to her last night had confirmed the impossibility of the match. It would be a mésalliance in every sense of the word, and she would be the ruination of Felix. She loved him with a singularity that caused her acute physical pain. It was because of that love that she was taking the only course possible to her, and setting him free.

  Later, when the pain was less raw, perhaps she would be able to examine their brief relationship with equanimity, and be grateful that she had, however fleetingly, been truly and completely in love. She would lay down her life for Felix without a second’s hesitation. As it was, all she could do to demonstrate the
extent of her devotion was to release him. One day, perhaps, he would be grateful for her selflessness.

  Saskia shuddered as she thought of the brief note of explanation she’d left for him. She agonised over the wording for half the night and considered that, after twenty false starts, she had got it right. But now she realized how hurt he would be by her brusqueness, and by the fact that she’d run away and not even told him of her decision in person. She sighed deeply, knowing that, had she faced him, he would have somehow managed to talk her out of her decision. He would have taken her into his arms and forced her reasons for wishing to leave from her, before casually dismissing them as unimportant, but Saskia knew better. In the end such things always mattered. They mattered more than love. More than anything.

  By now he would have read her note. She tortured herself by imagining his reaction. His face would light up at the sight of her hand. Then his brow would crease with incomprehension, and slowly the truth would dawn upon him. His fading smile would give way to the furious glare she’d seen so often over the past few days. She had left him and didn’t intend to return. Not only would she not marry him, but she wouldn’t even tell him her reasons for not doing so.

  The children’s excited chatter recalled her attention, and she realised, with surprise, that they were already approaching Riverside House. Her aunt, brother Gerald, and sister-in-law, who were currently residing with Aunt Serena, had come out to see who was calling upon them in such a fine equipage. Seeing Saskia being assisted from the carriage by one of the footmen, they descended upon her in delight.

  At dinner that evening Saskia kept up a stream of cheerful chatter, confident that she would appear in every way the same as before she’d left. She was aware of her aunt’s gaze frequently resting upon her and didn’t realise that her carefree demeanour was no match for an old lady’s perspicacity. She didn’t comprehend that she was talking far more than usual, and in an artificially bright voice. She was unaware that there were dark shadows beneath eyes that lacked in their customary sparkle, or that her brittle smile was dispossessed of warmth. She didn’t notice comprehension dawn in her aunt’s expression, either, as she struggled not to constantly turn toward the chair which had always been occupied by Felix when he dined at Riverside House.