King Geordi the Great

by Gene Gant

  Was I game? We were alone in a beautiful, relaxing setting. Jake was lying barely an arm’s length away from me, his naked brown torso smooth and wet, his smoky-eyed handsome face turned toward me, his lips looking as plump and inviting as a good ol’ ripe southern peach. Hell yes I wanted to kiss him! I wanted to drape myself over his muscular body like a blanket and tongue him down until it drove us both insane. He was willing to give me that and maybe even more. The situation couldn’t have been more perfect if I’d ordered it off an à la carte menu.

  But I kept thinking of Toff.

  “I’m kinda seeing someone, Jake. I don’t want to hurt him. If I kiss you and he finds out, I’m afraid that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

  “Oh.” He seemed surprised and maybe just a tiny bit disappointed. “Well, I can understand that, and I’m glad you found somebody you like. Okay. Yeah. Hey, you ready for another swim?”

  He smiled, friendly as ever, and bounced to his feet. I focused on the way his wet trunks clung to his magnificent butt and legs as he made a dash for the pool.

  The anger and resentment hit me from nowhere, a slow, ugly, malignant burn in my head.

  Across the deck, Jake sat down at the edge of the pool and slipped into the water. He went completely under and swam out a short distance. He broke through the surface in an explosive spray, the droplets of water glittering in the sunlight. As he wiped his face clear with both hands, he swiveled around and looked back at me.

  “Come on,” he said and laughed in that wonderfully masculine voice of his. “What’re you waiting for, man? Get your ass in the water!”

  I put on a smile that I didn’t feel anywhere but on my lips and got up to join him.

  Chapter 8

  I WAS pissed.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Dad observed as he drove us home.

  That’s because I’m mad as hell, and it’s all your freaking fault.

  “How was your afternoon with Jake?”

  “It was okay.”

  Dad paused. “Did something bad happen while you were there?”

  “No.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  What was wrong was that I didn’t kiss Jake when I had the chance, and now I couldn’t stop kicking myself for it. “Nothing’s wrong.” Of course, I wouldn’t have been kicking myself if Dad hadn’t thrown that stupid coming-out party.

  “I can tell when you’re upset, son. It might help things if you talked them out with me.”

  “I don’t want to talk.” Not to you, anyway. I reached down and turned up the radio.

  AT MY request Dad dropped me off at Toff’s. He and I really needed to talk.

  I rang the bell. Again and again.

  “Hang on!” Toff called from within. He opened the door a moment later and broke into a glad smile. “Hey, Geordi. You’re back, huh?”

  “Hi, Toff,” I greeted him quickly as I stepped past him into the house. “There’s something I need to say to you.” I was all set to tell him that this whole relationship thing between us was just moving too fast for me. He needed to know that I wanted us to take a step back, take a little break from each other, give ourselves time to catch our breath, and then see where our feelings actually were. I was going to say all those things, probably in a tumble of words so rushed Toff wouldn’t understand any of it—until I looked over my shoulder and noticed we weren’t alone.

  Carson, Jessica, and Caitlin were sitting in a semicircle on the floor, holding spreads of Uno cards in their hands with a deck and scattered cards set out among them. Toff had his own cards tucked neatly in his hand. They were all looking expectantly at me.

  “Say what?” Toff asked as he closed the door and moved in to face me.

  “What?” I echoed, feeling distracted as I turned my gaze back to Toff.

  Toff smiled, amused. “You said you had something to say.”

  “Oh. Well… I just wanted to know if you ever got in touch with your dad.”

  “I called his job. His boss told me he didn’t come in today.”

  That news alarmed me. I started to say as much, but Toff cut me off with “Everybody’s been waiting for you to get here.”

  “Come on over and join the game, man,” Carson called to me. “I’m killing these fools at Uno.”

  “Yes, you’re killing us all right,” said Caitlin with a wicked grin. “That swollen head of yours is sucking all the oxygen out of the room.”

  “Good one, girl. Gimme some.” Jess held up her right hand, and Caitlin high-fived her.

  Fifteen-year-old Caitlin was a lot flashier than Jess. Jess wore white jeans and a light blue halter top. Her dark, shiny hair, parted simply down the middle, hung loosely over her shoulders. She never put on makeup, which she didn’t really need anyway because she’s naturally pretty. Caitlin wore a glittery beaded purple skirt and a tight red blouse that forced her big boobs up and out in a way that screamed, “Look at these ta-tas!” Since my coming-out party, she’d dyed her bangs neon pink. The rest of her hair retained its natural blonde color. It was pulled back in a ponytail that had been teased into such frizziness it looked as if a yellow squirrel had latched on to her scalp and gotten electrocuted. Although she was as pretty as Jess, she had painted her lips a shiny deep red and had put some kind of bright red stuff around her eyes. Every time she blinked, it was as if I were looking at a pair of flashing red lights. I’d never met Caitlin’s mom, but I didn’t believe for one second the woman knew her daughter had left the house with that gunk on her face.

  “Okay, Toff, Geordi is here now,” Jess said. “What’s this big announcement you want to make about you two?”

  A chill went down my back. That one was definitely unpleasant.

  Toff stood up straight like an actor at the Academy Awards about to make an acceptance speech. “First of all, everybody,” he said with overcooked formality, “I’m glad to have you all here. This is a very important moment in my life, and there is nobody else I’d rather share this with—”

  “Man, would you just say it already?” Carson sniped impatiently. “You’re taking so long I’m growing gray hair here.”

  “Screw you, Carson. I’m having my moment. This announcement comes in two parts.” Toff’s voice was now lighthearted, but I could see that he was nervous; his hand shook. “Everybody, I’m gay.”

  Jess and Caitlin didn’t bat an eye. Carson looked puzzled. “Wait,” he said. “What the hell, Toff? First Geordi and now you?”

  Toff raised both hands. “Hold on, Carson. That was just part one. Now for part two.” He reached over, took my hand, and I just about pulled my head into my neck like a turtle. “Geordi and I are in love with each other.”

  Carson’s mouth fell open.

  Jessica clicked her tongue loudly. “Yeah, yeah, congrats and warm fuzzies. But please, Toff. Like that’s news. Anybody with half an eye who’s known the two of you for the past couple of months could see you were hot for Geordi and he was hot for you.”

  Carson turned an incredulous gaze on Jess. “I’ve known them for a couple of years and I’ve got two good eyes and I didn’t see it.”

  “Now wait a minute,” I broke in. I was going to say Jess was wrong, at least about me being hot for Toff. But with Toff standing right beside me clasping my hand all lovey-dovey, it didn’t take a fortune teller to know what such a pronouncement would do to the guy. I shut my mouth and kept it closed.

  “Come on, Geordi. You and Toff have been punching and pushing each other around for almost a year. I know love taps when I see ’em,” Jess went on. “What is it about boys that makes it so the only way they can show affection between themselves is by beating the crap out of each other? That’s so Neanderthal.”

  “Yeah,” Caitlin agreed. “The grown-up way to go when two people have a thing for each other is to just haul off and kiss.” She got to her knees, leaned over, and planted a long, hungry smooch on Jess’s lips.

  And, like Carson, Toff and I stood there with our mouths hanging open.


  After they finished their kiss, Caitlin lay down with her head in Jessica’s lap. The big, messy red smudge left on Jess’s mouth looked like an ugly bruise, but Jess obviously didn’t care about that. She looked totally happy. Both girls beamed innocently at us. “Oh, by the way, Toff,” said Jessica, “you’re not the only one coming out today. Caitlin and I are dating.”

  Carson shook his head as if the house had just tilted ninety degrees. “What the fuck? Am I the only straight kid in this whole damn neighborhood?”

  I WAS coasting along on my latest trip to the Land of Milk and Madness.

  After the whole lesbian coming-out thing, I learned that Caitlin—whose chest alone knocked the V out of voluptuous and who wore more paint on her face than most clowns—was a practicing Catholic. Who would have guessed that? She had choir rehearsal at six and left Toff’s after a final round of Uno. Jessica left too, walking hand in hand with Caitlin to the church. Jess hated organized religion; she declared it was all about bullying people, especially those who chose not to participate. By her own admission, she hadn’t set foot in a church since her christening when she was barely a year old. Now there she was trotting off to Saint Mary’s Cathedral with her new girlfriend.

  Crazy.

  But my world was about to get even crazier. Batshit crazier.

  “So what do you guys want to do now?” Carson asked after the girls departed. “And if you say you’re gonna hug up and stuff, I’m out.”

  “I should be getting home,” I said, getting up from the floor where we were sitting. “It’s almost dinnertime.”

  Carson’s entire body seemed to perk up. “What’re you having?”

  “I don’t know. Probably some soy-based dish. My mom doesn’t cook a lot of meat.”

  “Can I have dinner with you?” Carson asked eagerly.

  I looked at him as if his brain had oozed out his ear. “You want to eat tofu surprise?”

  “Man, my mom is out of town, and my dad can’t cook worth a damn. Yesterday, the man burned canned soup—soup!—and I had to eat it because he refused to fix anything else. So if I got a choice between what your mom’s cooked and what my dad burned up today, I’ll take the toe-whatever surprise.”

  “Well….” I shrugged. “My mom and dad tell me my friends are always welcome. I guess they’ll let you in too. So if you don’t mind yuppie food, follow me.” Wait. Did I just invite Carson Meyer to come home with me? Yeah, I’ve definitely gone off the rails.

  “Awesome! Thanks, Geordi. Let me call my dad and tell him to count me out for dinner.” He pulled out his phone and scurried off into a corner to make his call.

  I took Toff by the hand and led him into the foyer to make sure Carson didn’t overhear us. “What’s up with your dad, man?”

  “Geordi, I don’t want to talk about him.”

  I was too worried to let it go. “We have to talk about him, Toff. He’s gone AWOL. Doesn’t that make you even a little nervous?”

  “I told you, he’s done this before.”

  “Okay, but this is two days he’s been gone now.”

  Toff’s face shut down. It went completely blank, and I knew I wasn’t going to get another word out of him about his father. “Come on home with me,” I said. “We’ll have dinner and you can spend the night again.”

  “I’ll have dinner, but I’m sleeping here tonight.”

  “By yourself?”

  “Come on. It’s not like I’m two years old, Geordi.”

  “Agh!” I growled, snatching away from him. “You drive me freaking insane sometimes!”

  Toff seemed confused. He always looked helpless when he was confused. “What’re you mad at me for?”

  I couldn’t have explained it. I didn’t know why resentment had been nagging at me all afternoon, like a low-grade fever. This wasn’t just anger at myself for not kissing Jake; it was much more than that.

  “It’s not like I don’t want to stay at your house,” Toff explained. “I’d rather be with you even if my dad were here now. I only… don’t be mad at me, Geordi.”

  With a deep breath, I pushed back the anger. “Look, I’m sorry. I just don’t like the idea of you being here all night with your dad gone. Stay at my house. It’ll be fun.”

  “I don’t want to tell your parents that my dad isn’t back yet. I don’t want them to know.”

  “We don’t have to tell them that’s why you’re spending the night. I’ll make up something.” I looped my arm around his neck the way I’d done hundreds of times before. “Come on. What do ya say?”

  A slow smile spread across his face. “I say okay.” Toff moved in and kissed me.

  “Whoops!” Carson, who had just walked into the foyer, did a sharp about-face, his hands over his eyes. “No worries, fellas. I didn’t see that.”

  “WELL, CARSON, it’s so nice you’ve graced us with your company again,” said Dad. He looked as delighted as a little kid with a new pony.

  “I want to thank you and Mrs. Quintrell for having me, sir.” Carson turned on his I’m-such-a-polite-and-lovable-boy smile, the one reserved for adults he wanted to suck up to. “And I really love these furry toad backs.”

  “That’s curry tofu bites,” Mom corrected pointedly. Her voice sounded peeved. She didn’t like jokes about her cooking.

  Not that Carson was joking. “Yeah, that. Yum!” He shoveled a big spoonful of braised and glazed tofu into his mouth and chewed, looking every bit as happy as my dad. And I decided then that I would never eat anything Carson’s dad cooked. Ever.

  “I’m curious, Carson,” Dad said. “You don’t come around the house as often as some of Geordi’s other friends. Why is that?”

  “I don’t know, Mr. Quintrell.” Carson turned to me, all innocent smiles. “Geordi, why don’t you invite me over more often?”

  Because you’re a Class A asshole. “Hey, Mom, Dad, Toff’s gonna spend the night again, if it’s okay with you. There’s this new graphic novel coming out tomorrow, and we want to get to the bookstore first thing in the morning so we can pick up our copies.”

  “Well, that’s fine, Geordi,” Dad replied. “I’ll get the air mattress inflated.”

  Mom was studying Toff again. He didn’t even notice it, eating mechanically as he looked around the dining room in this kind of vacant manner. “Toff, are you okay?”

  He seemed to come to, focusing on Mom. “Huh? Oh sure, Mrs. Quintrell. I’m all right.”

  “Anybody want the rest of this toadstool?” Carson asked, eyeing the last bit of tofu in the serving dish.

  Dad laughed. “Help yourself, kiddo.” He laughed again as Carson eagerly dumped the remaining tofu on his plate.

  Mom wasn’t pleased with the steady stream of malapropisms regarding one of her signature dishes. “You boys clean up the kitchen.”

  Thanks a lot, Carson.

  CARSON WAS on clearing-the-table duty. Toff was washing, and I was drying and putting away. There’s an electric dishwasher in our kitchen, by the way, and it’s in perfect working order. It never got used, however. My mom, carbon footprints, and all that.

  Toff and I were alone in the kitchen. He was filling the sink with hot water while I stood by waiting for the work detail to begin. “Did you actually tell your folks I’m staying over so we can go to the bookstore tomorrow?” Toff asked.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “That’s dumb, man. What does me spending the night have to do with going to the bookstore in the morning? We can still get to the store first thing whether I sleep here or at home.”

  “It worked, didn’t it?”

  “Estúpido.” He said it with a smile.

  “Idiota.” I smiled right back at him.

  “Tonto.”

  “Muerte cerebral.”

  With that, we exhausted all the Spanish insults we’d picked up from Jess. So I shoved Toff in the shoulder. He shoved me back. We tussled in front of the sink. The tussling turned into an embrace. And the embrace turned into kissing.

  Neith
er of us heard the door from the dining room swing open.

  But I distinctly heard Dad’s confused voice. “Geordi?”

  Toff and I turned. Mom and Dad were standing in the open doorway holding stacks of dirty dishes and looking surprised as hell. They were helping clear the table with Carson, who stood in front of them holding his own stack of dishes. Carson was eyeing the floor in a way that said, I don’t want to get caught in the middle of this crap.

  “What is this?” Mom asked, looking from me to Toff.

  “I thought…,” Dad sputtered at me. “Didn’t you say you were…?”

  I was the muerte cerebral at the moment, unable to form a coherent thought in my head. Toff took on the duty of answering for the both of us. “Mr. and Mrs. Quintrell, I’m gay. And I’m also Geordi’s boyfriend.”

  Mom and Dad looked as if they were going to take off and fly around the kitchen. “Oh my God. That’s wonderful!” Dad cried.

  Mom shoved her stack of dishes on one of the counters, rushed over, and threw her arms around Toff and me. “Boys, I’m so happy you came together. It’s perfect because you’ve been friends for so long. When in the world did all this happen?”

  “I’ve been in love with Geordi for a long time,” Toff answered, “but we only made it official a couple of days ago.”

  Smiling, Mom put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at me in a way that sniped, You scamp! “I knew there was something going on with you two. I didn’t buy that line about going to the bookstore in the morning for one minute.”

  Dad put down his stack of dishes and grabbed Toff’s hand. “Sandor Toffler, my boy, welcome to the family.”

  Toff was grinning like a maniac. “Wow. Thanks, Mr. Quintrell.”

  “Oh hell. Call me Pop.” Dad pinched Toff’s cheek. “Son.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing I’d just melt away. Really, Dad?

  “Geordi, I agree with your mother,” Dad said, patting me heavily on the back as if I’d just won a championship or something. “It’s great that you and Toff have each other. We have to celebrate this momentous happening. We should throw a big par—”