by Lucy Rinaldi
I wipe my hand over my face, I'm sweating like crazy, and my damn ankle is killing me.
“Enzo?”
I can't do this. I can't let her drag me into any kind of conversation right now. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“You should let Dr. Pretty boy take you out. Now is a good a time as any to move on with your life, Paige.”
“That's what I was doing until you dragged me in here and fucked me like you did.”
“Yeah, well. It won't be happening again.”
With that, I walk out of there and don't look back.
Eleven
Paige
My head is a total mess. Enzo is fucking my head up left, right, and center. He tells me to move on, yet every time I come close to it, he fucks me like I'm some dirty little fuck toy. Once he's finished, he tells me to move the fuck on before walking away from me.
Take last week for instance. Not only did he drag me into a supply closet at work, spank and fuck my brains out, two days later, after I agreed to go on a date with Mark, a doctor I work with, Enzo practically kidnapped me on the way home from work.
Yeah, I'm being totally serious.
There I was walking toward my house after popping to the store for milk when a figure pops out from behind a tree. Totally fucking creepy. Grabs my arm and pulls me behind it. I dropped the milk, of course, tried to scream, but his mouth cut me off. He kissed me so fucking hard I couldn't breathe, my lips were swollen, my pussy ached.
His body was pressed against me, pinning me in place. He wrapped his hand around my throat and asked me what the fuck I thought I was doing agreeing to a date with, “Dr. fuck face” as he referred to Mark as.
Like I told him, “You told me to go on a date with him. You told me to move on.”
His eyes burned like hellfire. He was so angry with me and I didn't understand why. “Move on, Paige, but not with a man like him.”
Mark had been a dick to me when we first met, but he'd tried to be nice all week. I don't particularly want to sleep with him, there's no spark there for me, but it should be my choice, not Enzo's.
“You confuse me, Enzo.” That was putting it lightly.
He looked me dead in the eye for a moment, smirked, and then smashed his lips against mine. He became frantic, dragging my shorts down my legs, my panties at the same time. I'd only got them off one leg before he grabbed my ass and lifted me up, my legs around his waist, his cock deep inside of me on the first push. He thrust into me so hard I could hardly hold onto him. And thank god for my shirt or the bark of that tree would have really ripped my back apart.
I came hard around him, he came hard and deep inside of me. I rested my forehead against his, one hand on his face, the other on the back of his neck, his hands on my ass, holding me against him, cock still inside of me. All I wanted in that moment was for him to tell me he loved me, that he wanted us to be together.
But what did he do?
He pulled out of me, dropped me to my feet and told me to hurry up and get dressed before the neighbors saw me. I did. And without one more word to me, he took off as fast as he could with that cast on his ankle. He left me there in a pool of frustrated tears and feeling like I was nothing.
How was that fair to me?
How is any of it fair?
It's not. Not at all.
I don't know how much more I can take. He confuses me to the point of insanity. He plays on my feelings for him. There is no way he doesn't know how I feel about him. But all I am to him is a toy he plays with when he's bored.
I can't even be sure he's not sleeping with others as well as me. I'd like to think that's not true, especially when he fucks me bareback each time, he comes inside of me too. No. He wouldn't fuck me if he was fucking someone else.
Why do I let him do this to me all of the time?
Why can't I be stronger and tell him no?
Why can't I push him away when he touches me and takes what he wants from me?
Because I'm weak where that man is concerned. So very fucking weak and I hate that about myself.
But I'm done thinking about him right now. I have more important things to think about, like my mother's wedding next week. It's been a while since we spent any real time together. But today, we're having lunch. Some mother and daughter time. Just her and me.
“Are you bringing a date to the wedding?”
I shake my head, “I don't think so, mom. There's no one I want to ask.” Just Enzo, but I know he won't go with me, that would mean outing himself to my brother, and he won't do that. I'm not worth the hassle. I could ask Mark, but that might give him the wrong idea about us. “Besides,” I smile, “This is your day, and I can't wait! Are you nervous?”
“No, I'm not nervous. But I can't wait to finally be his wife. I've never loved anybody the way I love him.”
Seeing my mother smiling like this, it means everything to me. Even though she's been with Bob for a good few years now, she never believed she deserved to be happy. Much like Enzo. But I'm glad that my mother is finally seeing that she does.
“He loves you just as much, mom.”
“He does, doesn't he?”
I laugh and nod my head.
I suddenly feel a little lightheaded, and my stomach is churning. This has happened to me three days in a row now. Every time I eat something, I feel like I want to throw up.
Yeah, yeah, I know what it means, I'm a nurse, I'm not dumb. And in my heart, I know what's happening within me, but I'd like to think I'm just like everyone else who denies the truth.
But the thing is, I can't deny it as much as I want to. That's why as soon as lunch with my mom is over and we've had our final dress fittings, I say goodbye and take myself to the pharmacy. It's embarrassing going in there for what I need, I know old Mrs. Baker will tell my mother, and that's why I don't go in. I can't risk my mom finding out anything just yet.
My best bet it to grab a test at work. No one will think anything of a nurse grabbing a pregnancy test. So that's what I do the very next day, grab a test from the store room. I grab six actually and do one every hour of my six-hour shift.
Each test is shoved in my bag in my locker until it's time to go home. I haven't looked at one yet. I'm beyond nervous.
As soon as I'm home, I take a shower and change into pj's before I pluck up the courage to take those tests from my bag. But for some reason, I can't look.
What if I'm pregnant?
What will I do?
How the hell will I tell Enzo?
He'll think I did this to trap him into a relationship he doesn't want with me. I would never do that. If I am pregnant, he'll flip the fuck out, especially after what happened with Charlie. I would never want to put him through that, but this won't be the same thing. I'm not Autumn.
God, I don't know what could have gone wrong, I'm on the pill, have been for years. Okay, it's not one hundred percent, and Enzo hasn't once worn a condom, but... god, I'm terrified!
“Just look, Paige. Put yourself out of your misery. You never know, it could be negative.” I tell myself while grabbing the first test.
My heart is racing like you wouldn't believe. My stomach is still churning and I'm about ten seconds away from throwing up.
I turn the test over in my hand and just stare at it. I'm not seeing anything. It's like my brain has blocked off my vision for a moment.
I don't know how long I stare at it before I actually shake my head and take a good look, but I wish I hadn't.
Two pink lines.
Pregnant.
I grab the next one.
Pregnant.
The next.
Pregnant.
The fourth one.
A plus sign.
Pregnant.
The fifth.
Pregnant.
I grab the last one.
Pregnant.
Ho-ly-fuck-ing-hell! I'm pregnant with Enzo Ryker's baby!
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
What th
e hell am I going to do?
I lay my hand on my stomach and just cry. Enzo isn't going to want to know, he suffered so badly when baby Charlie died. She may not have been his biologically, but it almost killed him as if she was. He'll be so scared that something will happen to this baby to take it away from him. He hides his heart from love because he's lost so much. Could I really sit back and let my child suffer a father that can't love it?
What am I going to tell people? Because I'm keeping the baby no matter what. This is my baby, mine and Enzo's. He might not want anything to do with the baby or me, but I'll always be there for my child.
Am I even ready for this?
How am I going to manage on my own?
I pull myself onto my bed and curl up, tears falling as I sob myself to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I'll know what to do... I hope.
Twelve
Enzo
This is more like it. This is where I feel at home. The gym. I may not be able to do my usual workout with this damn cast still on my leg, but lifting these weights feels fucking amazing.
I've been pumping iron for the past two hours, arms, shoulders, back, stomach, legs. Whoever said you can't lift weights with a cast on your ankle wants shooting.
All right, maybe waiting a few weeks for the rest of me to heal helped, but I've needed this, this is helping me clear my damn head right now.
“You're a crazy motherfucker,” I smirk at Freddy while placing the weight bar back on the stand. “You shouldn't even be walking around on that damn ankle, let alone...”
“Give it a rest, Fred, I've got a busted ankle, there's nothing wrong with the rest of me.”
With a shrug of his broad shoulders, he throws his sweat-soaked towel down on the opposite bench and drops down on his ass. “Bringing a date to the wedding?”
The wedding. His father. Paige's mother. I'm not taking a date. There's no one I want to go with. Okay, there's someone. But I can't go to the Estella wedding as Paige's date, Freddy would kill me. Or try, at least.
What if Paige brings a date?
She wouldn't do that, not after I made it clear I don't want her with that doctor prick. She may have defied me and gone on a date with him, but I showed her who the fucking real man is.
Real man? Real men don't lead the woman who's in love with them on. Real men don't tell the woman who loves them to move on, then fuck her in all sorts of ways, in all sorts of places. Real men don't confuse the woman who loves them so much she doesn't know which way is up.
Be that as it may... God, when am I just gonna admit what she means to me? When am I gonna man up and claim that girl? She's mine, always has been. But there's something stopping me.
“Nah, there's no one I wanna go with.”
“When are you going to put behind you what happened with Autumn? You don't have to be a damn martyr, Enzo. You're allowed to live.”
I shoot daggers at him. What the hell does this have to do with what happened in the past? “Do not bring her up again, Freddy. I've put it to rest. I've moved on.”
“Have you, though?”
I have. Haven't I?
Am I pushing Paige away because I haven't let go of what happened with Autumn? The thought that that could be true tears me up inside. I'm hurting the only girl I have ever loved because I can't get past what happened.
Yeah, I love her. I love Paige Monroe. But what good does it do me when I can't be the man she needs me to be? How can I be the man anybody needs? I'm a fucking monster, Autumn realized that too late. I couldn't've been more of a bastard to that girl if I could've tried.
Weeks she tried to talk to me, to tell me she needed my help. I walked away from her because I knew she was sleeping around behind my back. I called her all sorts, even physically threw her out of my house. When I finally spoke to her, she told me she was pregnant, scared of what her mother would think.
Basically, the bitch guilted me into being with her. It wasn't so bad. We didn't sleep together but I was there for her. I took her to every doctor appointment, made sure she was comfortable. I even stroked her growing stomach, fell in love with the baby growing inside of her.
That's when I put what she'd done by cheating behind me and told her we could make it work. I was even going to make her my wife so Charlie could have the family I knew she deserved.
Who the hell was I trying to kid? I knew deep down that it would never work. She was far too in love with the cunt that knocked her up.
I was angry with Autumn for a long time. I'm not angry anymore. She's gone, never coming back. Charlie is gone. Nothing I do will change that. I have to put them to rest if I ever want any kind of life. Because Freddy is right, I was still holding on to the hurt and anger I've felt all these months. It's time to let go. Once I have, maybe then I can show Paige that I'm worthy of her.
I hope I'm worthy of her. I just need to tell myself that I deserve that girl's heart. I'd give up everything I own to make her happy. I know I can protect her, hell, I'm a strong guy. The only problem I have is the fact everything I love gets taken from me, if I lost her completely it would kill me.
Could I really let her go for good, stand by and watch her with some jackass like that doctor who's got the hots for her? If I did, could I let her go completely? Or do I honestly think dragging her off and fucking her like she's a cheap whore can continue forever?
She deserves more than what I've given her so far. She deserves everything. And besides, I've probably fucked everything up between us anyway. She's not gonna want me now.
It's for the best.
Thirteen
Paige
I have spent weeks racking my brains trying to figure out what the hell Enzo actually wants from me. He tells me we can't be together, he's too dangerous for me. All I can think is, What-the-fuck-ever! That's such bullshit. He doesn't want me, but he fucks me every chance he gets. I've tried to pretend I don't want him, I've tried to stay away from him. He treats me like shit one minute and then like he can't get enough of me the next.
What am I supposed to do? I can't even have a date with a guy without Enzo guilting me into not going. I don't even know why he does it when he just doesn't want me. It's driving me insane. One minute he tells me to go, the next he demands I don't.
I'm so fucking tired of his games. He confuses me left, right, and center. I think that's why I've decided to take my boss up on the opportunity of a three-month retreat to California. I say retreat, it's a chance for me to work in a busier hospital so that I can get a feel for what it's like.
At first, I'd told her no, that I didn't want to leave my family for that long. But with what's going on with Enzo, I just need to get away. I'll be leaving right after Christmas. Well, Christmas evening I should say.
It's Christmas Eve now and my mother's wedding day. She looks utterly beautiful. Callie worked her magic as usual. The dress she made is elegant, floor-length and ivory.
Layah and I are both wearing plum-colored bridesmaid dresses. They're not too dissimilar to my mother's dress, minus the lace sleeves. My sisters is a typical little girl bridesmaid dress, mine is sleeveless. That and mine has a slit right to my upper thigh. My mother thought it would be nice for me to look a little sexy. Why I don't know. I remember her babbling about something, but I paid no attention. Probably something to do with men knowing her.
Of course, when she realized I was, in fact, bringing a date to the wedding, she couldn't stop screeching. I just rolled my eyes at her.
Mark is the doctor from work, who Enzo demanded I date, then demanded I didn't. The same Dr. who has been flirting with me for weeks. He's nice enough, tall, dark and handsome. Blond hair, blue eyes, built but not in an obvious way. He wears a suit well, and if I was anyone else I'd be all over him. As it is...
I guess this is technically our second date, and it was stupid of me to ask him here when there's nothing between us. But, I guess, I wanted to make Enzo jealous.
Mark was a gentleman all through the wedding ceremony. Mig
ht have had something to do with the fact I was stood up front with my siblings while he sat in the congregation with everyone else. Freddy and Bob looked so handsome in their gray tuxedoes. Bob had eyes only for my mother. It was more than just sweet.
Of course, I noticed Enzo watching me. My heart was pounding so hard and I had to squeeze my thighs together discretely to try and ease the thud in my clit. Did it work? Did it fuck, it made it worse. But seeing Enzo in a full suit and tie, even though he wears one when he's working at the hotel, just did something to me.
I sit next to Mark for the sit-down meal, all the time his hand rests on my thigh. I'm not uncomfortable as such, but Enzo's eyes are burning holes into me from across the table. Yes, he, along with my brother, Della, Tommy, Lora, Callie, Sonny, Aimee, Chase, Emilee, Jesse, and Mia, are all sat together. No one brought their kids to the wedding, Chase's mother offered to babysit them all, including Lora and Tommy's little boy, and Callie and Hudson's three. I found it crazy. She'll be pulling her hair out by the end of the night.
I shiver as Mark strokes my shoulder with his index finger. I close my eyes for a second. I guess it could be misinterpreted for arousal, but I assure you, I am not feeling any such thing right now. I've never felt any kind of feeling for him, hence why I haven't done anything sexual with him.
He leans into me and whispers in my ear, “You look stunning. And you smell divine.” I shudder. His voice vibrates in my ear.
My eyes are locked with Enzo's and he looks so angry with me. I don't like it. I'm only trying to do what he told me to do, move on and stop thinking he and I could ever be anything more than friends.
He knocks back his bourbon and moves his eyes over to Mark, who is still leaning into me. I can see the, I'm going to kill him, look in Enzo's eyes. There he is, the dangerous man he keeps warning me about.