by Lucy Rinaldi
With Aimee having drawn up a couple of designs for me, and a promise to have them with my by next week, I'm off to my mothers.
It feels really weird driving my truck after all this time. I'd kind of gotten used to driving my rented BMW in L.A. Now I'm back to my beat up truck. But I do love my truck. I wonder how long I'll be allowed to drive it? Is there some rule that says you can't when you're pregnant?
I pull up in my mother's driveway and there she is, standing on the doorstep, waving like a crazy person. I smile while rolling my eyes playfully before getting out of my truck. I lean over and grab the bag of gifts I bought my family. I slam the door closed and make my way up to my mother. She hasn't noticed anything yet. Might have something to do with the fact I'm holding the bag in front of me.
“I'm so glad to see you.” She says as she pulls me into her arms.
“Me too.” I hold onto her one armed and tightly. I feel her mood shift a little. She's wondering what's wrong. Nothing is wrong I just really missed her.
“Let's go say hi to everyone.” I laugh as I pull away from her. She looks at me curiously for a second before smiling and leading me inside.
God, I had no idea Freddy and Della would be here. My little sister hugs me tightly right before Bob pulls me into him and kisses my head. Freddy gets out of his seat and hugs me, right before Della. I've really missed her.
“Paige, we're going to be aunties!” My little sister screeches. My eyes shoot straight to Della. She's pregnant? I didn't think she wanted kids. That's what she's always maintained anyway.
“Layah, that wasn't your news to give out.”
“But daddy, I'm really excited!”
“Congratulations,” I say with a genuine smile. My brother really wants this, any idiot can see that from the huge smile on his face. Della gets out of her seat again and hugs me. “How far along are you?”
“Four months.” I hear the happiness in Della's voice. And it's genuine excitement and bliss. She pulls away from me and giggles when I stroke her slight bump. I hadn't noticed it before. How did I not notice, she's wearing a camisole and it's rather tight over her bump. “I'm so excited, Paige.”
“I can tell.” I laugh.
“Why don't you tell us how far along you are?” Freddy throws at me. My face drops. How the hell could he know? I haven't told anyone. Apart from Aimee, but I doubt very much she would have called my brother and ratted me out.
“Paige,” My mother takes my arm gently. I turn to look at her slowly. “What's he talking about?” I open my mouth, trying to find the words. Why is this so hard? “Are you pregnant?”
“Yes,”
She gasps as does Della. Bob scratches his head in disbelief, and Freddy is looking at me like I've done something terribly illegal. Layah is hugging my hips again and laughing how she can't wait to have two babies to love.
“I cannot believe this! I thought you went to L.A to work, not to sleep around!”
“Excuse me?” I'm shocked. My own mother thinks that I... Never mind. She can think what she likes. Not that it stops it hurting.
“It's Enzo's.” My eyes dart to Freddy as he gets out of his seat. What. The. Fuck?!
“Enzo?” Bob asks. “Enzo Ryker?” Freddy nods his head in answer while folding his arms around his big chest.
All eyes are on me, and I know I'm going to throw up any moment, and it has nothing to do with the baby inside of me. My mother is in shock. Her eyes haven't left mine yet. Della still has hold of my hand in hers. Did she already know too? But how could my brother and best friend know anything?
“When did this happen?!” My mother practically yells while snatching the bag out of my hand, tossing it on the couch, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards her and pulling open my long thin cardigan at the same time. She looks down at my swollen stomach and gasps.
I yank my arm out of her grasp and wrap my cardigan around myself once again. “So I'm pregnant. And yes, Enzo is the father. What the hell is it to do with any of you? I'm not a child, I'm a grown woman.”
“He thought you'd gotten rid of it.”
“Excuse me?” What the hell is Freddy talking about? “How the hell did he even find out?” I didn't tell him, I told no one!
“At the hospital Christmas Morning.”
I huff to myself.
I don't like thinking about what happened that night. My mother did nothing but call me for two whole weeks after she got home and found out. She even came out to California to me for the weekend in case I needed her. Which I did. The cops finally caught up with Mark and he was arrested, he confessed to what he did. I don't need to think about this anymore, so why is he bringing it up?!
“Doctor Rodgers told him your baby was fine. Can you imagine the shock on Enzo's face when he heard that?”
No, dickweed, because you didn't tell me!
“He came looking for you after he left Sonny's Christmas night. He wanted to talk to you about the baby. See what you intended to do. When he realized you'd left it broke him.”
“Why didn't you call me and tell me he knew?” Come to think of it, why didn't he tell me he knew when we woke up that morning?
Freddy shrugs. “He thought you didn't want to keep it, that you'd have an abortion as soon as you could. Who was he to stop you? Plus, you never mentioned it to anyone. I only knew now because I saw the bump when you hugged Della.”
I rub my forehead with my right hand in frustration. Way to drop all of this on me. “I need to see him.”
“He's not here anymore.” My head snaps round to Della. What the hell does she mean? He has to be here!
“He left the day after you.” I look at Freddy again. “Couldn't cope with you not being here. With the fact you might have had an abortion without even telling him about the baby.”
“Where did he go?”
“He never said.” My brother shrugs again before wrapping his arms around his wife.
“Did he... um... did he say when he'd be back?”
My brother shakes his head.
I'm beginning to sweat. He left. He left and I'm not going to see him again. That can't be, it just can't! What will I do without him?
Maybe I should have called him while I was away. Maybe I should have answered his calls, his texts, his email. I shouldn't have ignored him. I should have told him about the baby. Why the hell didn't I?
Because I thought I was doing the right thing in sorting my own head out first. I never gave any thought to the fact Enzo's head might have been just as screwed up. I just assumed he'd still be here when I got back. That I could tell him about the baby and how I wanted us to be friends. But knowing he's not here anymore, that no one knows where he is has knocked me for six.
“Are you keeping it?” My mother's stern tone brings me out of thought. Is she really asking me that? “Well?”
“I'm five months pregnant, mother,” She gasps. “Of course I'm keeping it!” She rolls her eyes and turns into Bob's arms. “Did you ask Freddy if he and Della were keeping their child? No? I didn't think so! I am twenty-four years old, mother.”
“Yes,” She turns to look at me. “You are twenty-four. But you are also unmarried and don't have a partner! You think it's easy raising a baby alone? It's expensive and tiring.”
“I'll see you all later,” I say, ignoring my mother. I'm not interested in what she has to say. I know she's just shocked but still. “I'm not staying here listening to this. I'm a grown woman. This is my baby, my choice!”
“I'm just worried about you, Paige.”
“Well don't,” I say nothing more before leaving. I'm so not in the mood for this right now.
Twenty-Two
Enzo
Five months away has done me the world of good. After Paige left without even saying goodbye, I knew couldn't even walk around town without wanting to kill something. I felt like I was suffocating. I spoke to Freddy about Paige's pregnancy, we both came to the conclusion that she'd had an abortion. Why else wouldn't she have told anyb
ody about it?
Taking my manager up on the chance to travel with my fighting was the best thing I could have done. Don't ask me how he manages to find these underground bare knuckle cage fights all over the country, but he does. And it was amazing. Five months of traveling around the country, building up my reputation in the business. Not to mention making a decent amount of money. Not that I need money I already have more than I'll ever be able to spend.
I kept myself damn busy. If I wasn't fighting I was training for the next fight. I would spend hours in the gym, using every piece of equipment known to man. If I wasn't doing that I was sparring with Jake, another fighter traveling with me.
Did I rest? Not much. Whenever I tried to sleep all I would see was Paige. Paige smiling, Paige as we made love – well, fucked – Paige the night she was assaulted, Paige the last moment I saw her.
I spent the first week of her being gone calling her, trying any way I could to contact her. Of course, she wouldn't answer me. No matter what message I left her, no matter how much of my heart I poured out in the voicemails I left, she ignored me. I took the hint and that's why I left her alone.
I kept to myself out there, not one woman did I sleep with. How damn crazy is that? I could have had my fill to take my mind of Paige, but no one interested me.
Yeah, a few women flirted with me, most do with cage fighters, turns them on. Or so a fifty-year-old woman who asked me outright to fuck her after a match one night. She wasn't half bad to look at either. In any other circumstances, I would've fucked her and shown her what she'd been missing all her life. But I couldn't so much as force myself to even pretend to care. I'm not that man anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I was friendly, as much as I could be to each woman who spoke to me, but the only woman ever one my mind was the one who left me. How typical is that?
I took my time away as a chance to clear my mind of everything that had been bothering me. It worked wonders where everything but Paige was concerned.
I worked hard out there, fought harder, and... I kept myself to myself where anything but work was concerned. I didn't socialize outside of my fighting. I went home each night, ate, worked it off, showered, slept. It became a pattern I was comfortable with.
That's not to say I didn't have the odd night where I had a couple drinks, it was required, so my manager said. Drinking with the big guns who bet the big money on each fight would keep them on side. Make them spend more money.
It's how I make my money.
Not the I fight for the money, I'd do it for free. I do it because it's a good outlet for me, help me forget everything but the here and now.
Trouble is, a man like me can become too good at what he does. Some fights last no longer than a minute. Literally. I hate those kinds of fights. What the hell is the point of all the training for one minute's worth of action?
To make a man that good, that's why.
Had a couple fights that lasted longer, one lasted half an hour. The guy, Zane the Ripper Horne, was a big bastard. One who put up a damn good fight, gave me a few good fucking injuries. Black eye, bust nose, thankfully not broken. Nothing major, but a lot of minor. I enjoyed the fight. It really helped me get out a lot of frustration.
I was asked to if I'd keep tour the country with them all, but I finally realize a couple days ago that I don't need to keep running away from my life. Yeah, I like boxing, but I'm in my thirties now, I don't want to be known as the guy who didn't know when to quit. I want to be known as the man who went out on a high. So that's what I did, went out as the highest paid undefeated cage fighter of my generation.
Now I'm back and sitting here with my brother in our local bar, drinking beer, catching up. He left for five years, only returning just over a year and a half ago, yet here he is acting like my five months away was ten years!
“It wasn't the same without you, man.”
“How the hell did you survive without me for five years?” He laughs and swigs his beer. “What's going on with you anyway? Actually, what the hell is going on with everyone in this damn town?”
“What do you mean?” He asks in a way that tells me he knows exactly what I mean. I raise my eyebrow sarcastically. “Okay, look...”
“Hey, fuckers!” We both turn to see Callie and her sisters walking toward us with their husbands. Callie throws herself at my brother, their lips locking. Not what I want to see right now.
“You guys order a drink. I'll be right back. Nature calls...” I stop for a second and look at them all. What the fuck is with the weird looks? Fuck it, I'll ask when I get back from the restroom.
Walking out of the bathroom a familiar laugh halts me in my tracks. That laugh wraps around me like a warm blanket. I turn around, my hearts beating out of my chest. My mouth is dry and my head feels tight.
There she is, her back to me as she talks with Aimee. She looks so beautiful. Her hair is tied up, and she's wearing a long flowing lemon skirt and a white sleeveless button down shirt. I've never seen her in them. They look custom made, by Aimee no doubt.
“I just need to pee.” She laughs. I hang back, not wanting her to see me.
“Okay, babe. I'll be with the guys.” They giggle about something before Paige makes her way into the restroom. Aimee walks right past me without noticing me. Nothing new there, the girls always in a world of her own.
I take a deep breath before opening the door to the women's restroom. There she is standing washing her hands. Her head down humming to herself. I close the door quietly and lock it. I don't want to be interrupted right now. I have a lot to say and it's time she heard it.
“Long time no see.” She jumps out of her skin and spins around to look at me, her hand on her chest as if her heart had almost shot out of it and killed her.
Our eyes lock and I'm lost. Fuck, I am so lost to her again. I can't and won't go back to not having her in my life. “You look surprised to see...” Something caught my eye. Her stomach. What the... Am I really seeing... I can't even think straight!
“Enzo.”
“You kept it.” My voice is barely audible. I can't even be sure I'm really seeing what I'm seeing. I rub the back of my neck and exhale loudly.
“I wanted to tell you before now, but you weren't here when I got home. I tried to call you but Jim answered and he told me that you were with someone else, that you weren't coming back...”
“Wait, what? Jim told you that?” She nods. Jim is a fellow fighter. Why the fuck would he be answering my phone and lying to Paige? I'll fucking kill him!
“When Freddy told me you knew about the baby and that you'd left, I thought maybe it was because you couldn't cope. After what happened to Charlie and all.”
“Jesus, Paige!”
“It's okay, Enzo, I'm not asking you for anything.”
“You're cutting me out?” Is that what she's saying to me? Hell no! “This is my baby, too, Paige!”
“I know that.” She holds her hand up as if to calm me. Am I being aggressive? Is she scared of me? “She is yours, and I swear, I'm not cutting you out.”
“She?”
She nods and tears fall from her eyes. Shit, I've made her cry!
“I know how you must be feeling right now. I know how knowing this baby is a little girl must bring back horrible memories for you. But she's our baby, Enzo.” She sucks back a sob while clasping her stomach. Fuck, have I caused her pain by scaring her?
My eyes widen and I walk right up to her, cupping her face with one hand and her stomach with the other. God, I can feel my unborn daughter in there. How fucking amazing is that?!
“Are you okay?” I ask in a panic.
She nods.
“I'm so sorry.”
“Hey,” I take her face in my hands. I can't keep the smile off my face. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing, Paige. You kept our baby.” I possibly look like an excitable child right about now. Well, if her laughter through her tears is anything to go by.
“You want to be part of her life?”
“Of course I do!”
“I'm really glad. But maybe you could wait a while before letting your girlfriend...”
“Stop right there,” I cut her off. “There has been no one else since the first time we were together.” Her eyes widen a little in shock. But she has to know that I've been lost to her since... Well, for years now. “Jim lied to you and I'm gonna kill him for it! Wait, are you with someone else?” My hands fall from her face. Shit, what if she's in a relationship with someone else?
“Enzo, there hasn't been anyone else for me since ten months before you and I were together the first time. Surely you figured it out? Everyone in this town knows how much I have loved you since I was a little girl.” Yes, I knew that too. I just pushed it aside. I didn't want to corrupt her innocent mind with the monster inside of me. “I still love you.” She says quietly.
“How can you love a monster like me, Paige?”
“You are not a monster, Enzo. Do you really think this little girl inside of me will think that of you?” She takes my hand and places it on her very swollen stomach. “Do you think this little girl inside of me will care about anything other than how much she loves her daddy and how much her daddy loves her in return?”
I close my eyes for a second to absorb what she's saying. She's right, I know she is. My daughter isn't going to care what I think of myself. All she'll care about is how much she's loved. And I do love her so fucking much already. I have loved her since the moment I found out Paige was pregnant with her. I loved her even when I thought she was gone. I will always love my baby girl. The lord above knows I will.
“I love you, Enzo. I am so in love with you. There won't be a day that goes by where I'm not in love with you. But I'm not going to pressure you into anything. And I don't want you to say you want to be with me just because of the baby.”