She tracked his finger along the path he’d described. “I see it. It’s hard to miss. Is it a planet?”
“No, that’s Sirius. The brightest star in the sky. It’s part of Canis Major, the big dog. Now look up from it and farther to the left, to another star that’s nearly as bright.”
She found that one, too. His voice was soft in her ear. “That’s Procyon, in Canis Minor, the little dog. Orion is a hunter, with his dogs at his heels. Now we’re going to find his prey. Look at the top two stars in Orion, his shoulders, and follow the line they make to the right, about the same distance as Procyon is to the other side. See that V of stars?”
They were dimmer, but Juanita picked them out. “There?”
“That’s right. That’s the face of Taurus, the bull. If you follow the lines of the V farther out, you’ll see the tips of his horns.”
She didn’t spot them until she extended her search. She giggled. “He’s a longhorn.”
Ryan shrugged, the motion rubbing his chest against her back. “Not an Aggie’s favorite constellation. Let’s just hope Orion catches him someday.” His voice took on a wary edge. “Um, you didn’t go to UT by any chance, did you?”
“No way! I’m a University of Houston Cougar, and I got my master’s at TWU. Are you an Aggie, then?”
“Gig ‘em!” He gave her a thumbs-up sign. “And my master’s is from Rice.” He wrapped his arms around her and linked his thumbs together, waving his spread fingers to indicate an owl’s wings.
She hooked her fingers into a cougar’s claw and playfully batted at him. He caught her hand and rubbed it between his. She leaned into him, savoring the firm touch of his massaging fingers and the warm, solid length of him along her back.
After a moment he cleared his throat and dropped her hand, once again pointing upward. “Now look farther past Taurus along the same line. See that fuzzy little cluster?” His arm stretched past her ear.
She pressed the side of her face into it as she looked where he indicated. The dim dot sparkled with brighter points. “I see it.”
His arm came down and folded across her chest, above her breasts. His other arm wrapped her waist. “Those are the Pleiades. The Seven Sisters. Actually it’s a globular cluster made up of hundreds of stars. You can see a lot more through a telescope, or even binoculars.”
Juanita nodded, then dropped her head back against his chest, surveying all the constellations he’d shown her. “The Seven Sisters, huh? So is Orion really chasing the bull, or is he actually after the girls?”
His laugh vibrated from his body into hers. “That’s a good question. From the hunters I know, probably both. He’s going to host a big barbecue and invite all the sisters so he can impress them with his brisket and ribs.”
“Mmm. Sounds delicious.” She wanted to keep him talking so she could keep feeling his voice resonate in his chest. “You’re not a hunter?”
“No, I prefer to buy my meat at the grocery store. I do smoke a mean brisket, though.”
She twisted to look at him. “Have you got one of those big barbecue pits?”
“A small one. I fire it up two or three times a year. It holds a dozen or so briskets at a time, so my freezer is always full. I do a batch every summer to sell as a fundraiser for my old Boy Scout troop.”
“You were a Boy Scout?” She swiveled the rest of the way around and studied his moonlit face. Now that she considered it, he did seem the type.
“An Eagle Scout, actually.” The abashed pride on his face and in his voice made her stomach do a funny little flip.
“I should have guessed.” She dropped her voice, though no one was near. “That’s why you were willing to help when Carmen asked.”
He shrugged. “‘To help other people at all times’ is part of the oath. I try to do what I can.”
She reached up and twined her arms around his neck. “I’m very glad you did.”
He leaned forward until his forehead touched hers. “So am I.”
She gazed into his dark eyes. “Not just because I want to go home and you can help me do that. I’m glad I got the chance to meet you. To get to know you. To…” She gulped, summoning all her courage. “To kiss you,” she whispered.
His voice was husky. “Me, too.”
He turned his head, she tilted hers, and their mouths met. This kiss was slower and more deliberate than the one in the hot tub, but somehow more intense. Ryan’s tongue felt at home in her mouth, as right and familiar as a part of her own body, like a piece of herself that had gone momentarily missing and was now returned to where it belonged. He welcomed hers with the warm comfort of home at the end of a long, hard day. She felt safe and cherished and happy in his arms. He felt solid and comfortable in hers. They drank each other in for a long time, tasting the sweetness their bodies made together.
When they finally eased apart, Juanita didn’t stop to think. She looked into his eyes. “Share the bed with me tonight.”
Ryan didn’t look away, but he swallowed. His voice was strained. “I don’t think that would be a very good idea.”
“Why not?” Juanita poured all her longing into her gaze, though she kept her words light. “We both won. Let’s celebrate.”
“Juanita, we barely know each other. You know that bet was just in fun. Don’t feel like you have to do this.”
“I don’t. I want to. I know you as well as I need to.” She stroked his cheek. “Please?”
He turned away from her touch. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“You wouldn’t be.”
“I don’t think you’re the best judge of that right now. You’re scared and vulnerable and alone, and I’m a safe, friendly face. I’m afraid you’re letting the situation push you into doing something you’ll regret later.”
Frustration bubbled in Juanita’s stomach. This wasn’t the way he was supposed to respond. “I’m not. But even if I am, that’s my choice. It’s not your responsibility to protect me.”
“Yes, it is.” Ryan put his hands on her shoulders and stepped back, applying gentle pressure to keep her from following him. “You’ve been drinking.”
Frustration erupted into anger. “One drink! I’m not even tipsy.” She glared at him. “You’re making excuses. Flimsy ones. If you don’t want to sleep with me, just say so. I’m not a child. I can handle rejection.”
He closed his eyes. Silence stretched between them.
Finally they opened again, meeting hers. His voice was soft and flat. “I don’t want to sleep with you.”
“There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Juanita stepped back until his hands dropped from her shoulders. She buried her hurt beneath a light, flippant tone. “See? No tears, no yelling, no begging. Just two people who want different things, acting like adults.”
“Yes.” He finally looked away. “You’re right. I should have been honest with you from the beginning.”
“Now you know.” Juanita turned back to the railing and spoke without looking at him. “I’ll take my turn staying out here while you go back to the room.”
“You don’t have to—” Ryan broke off and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. Of course. Thank you.”
She nodded, still not turning around. After a while, she heard his footsteps move away.
Juanita leaned on the rail and drew deep, ragged breaths. She’d managed to keep her promise and restrain the urge to yell and beg, but she’d lied about the tears. They streamed down her cheeks and dripped into the ocean below.
After a long time, when she’d cried herself out, she scrubbed her face dry and headed up to the top deck. She’d find a comfortable chair and stay there for an hour or two, until she was sure Ryan must be asleep. Morning would be soon enough to face him again.
It was just as well he’d admitted the truth. Now that they both knew where they stood, they could get through the next few days with as little awkwardness as possible. She would put aside her desire for him, now that she knew he didn’t return it. She’d refrain f
rom making any more embarrassing advances.
She really was an adult. He had every right to tell her no, and she honored that. She was responsible for dealing with her own reaction. The fact that her body ached with frustrated need and her heart felt like it had been torn into a million tiny pieces didn’t put any obligation on him. No more than if it had been the other way around and she’d been the one to turn down his request. She would give the same respect she expected to receive, no matter how hard it was.
Sometimes being an adult sucked. But Juanita supposed it was better than any of the possible alternatives. She chose one of the hundreds of empty lounge chairs and sat down, adjusting it so she could lie back and stare up at the beautiful, indifferent stars.
CHAPTER 11
Ryan hesitated outside the door, steeling himself to face Juanita. She’d looked so tranquil when he’d left her sleeping early that morning, her hair spread out around her on the pillow like a halo, her face as still and perfect as a statue of a saint.
He’d said a silent prayer of thanks that he’d found the strength to turn her down. He still didn’t know how he’d done it. He’d wanted to accept more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. He’d wanted to sweep her up in his arms and carry her to their room and lay her in the big, inviting bed. He’d wanted to explore every inch of her lovely body and invite her to explore his, with no boundaries holding either of them back. He’d wanted to give her every pleasure he knew how to offer, and receive a thousand pleasures from her in return.
But it would have been a disaster. He would have ended up hurting her, no matter how hard he tried not to. That certainty had been the only thing that allowed him to force the lie past his lips. Far better to get the pain over with now, swift and final, than to drag it out. She’d get over it quickly enough.
He wouldn’t, although he couldn’t let her know that. It would be a very long time before he got over Juanita Gomez. If he ever did.
In the meantime, they still had three days of cruise to get through. He’d been immensely relieved when he discovered that his idea was going to work out. It would keep them busy all day. Hopefully, if neither of them had time to mope they could continue their charade well enough to fool their fellow passengers.
Ryan stuck his card in the slot and pushed the door open. The blanket and pillow he’d left folded on the couch were back on the bed, and both sides were rumpled. The curtains were pulled all the way back, letting sunlight stream into the cabin and revealing Juanita lounging in one of the chairs on the balcony, feet propped on the rail.
Ryan went out to join her. She glanced at him quickly as he came through the door, then away. “Thanks for leaving cash for the tip. I’ll pay you back when I can.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan nodded at her empty plate. “Good as the food in the dining room?”
“It’s hard to mess up a bagel and smoked salmon.” She sighed and gestured out. Across the water the shore of Roatan rose, green hills dotted with flowers. “I’ve been enjoying the view.”
He turned and leaned back against the rail, watching her face closely. He didn’t want to miss a moment of her reaction. “How would you like to see it a little closer up?”
Her expression turned puzzled, then wary. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, let’s get off the ship. It’s too late to book an excursion, but there’s some good shopping, and a nice beach in walking distance. We can be out there in fifteen minutes.”
Her breathing accelerated. Longing and anger battled on her face. “You know I can’t risk leaving the ship.”
“That’s why I just went out and did some scouting. Last time I was here, nobody checked my ID when I got back on the ship. Same thing today. Not a customs official in sight. I tried to show my driver’s license to the cruise line employee, and she said all she needed was my cruise card.”
The fear receded and the longing increased. Still, Juanita wasn’t convinced. “That could change. Maybe the officials won’t come out until afternoon. There can’t be many people getting back on the ship right now. They probably think it’s not worth their time.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it. And even if they do, it will be just like in Cozumel. They’ll glance at Carmen’s license and your face and wave you through.” He brought out his most persuasive argument. “In fact, I hope they do show up. You need practice. If you look as scared going through US customs as you looked in Cozumel, they’re going to notice and start asking questions. This will give you the chance to get used to going through a checkpoint while the risk is very small. We can even get on and off the ship several times. Every time it will be easier for you.”
Hope kindled beneath her doubt. “You really think it’s safe?”
“I think the chance of anything going wrong is so tiny it’s not worth worrying about. And I think you deserve the opportunity to get off the ship and have some fun.”
“The ship has plenty of fun things to do.” Juanita tried to look indifferent, but a hungry glance at the buildings of the port, just visible peeking around the side of the ship, spoiled it.
“True, but we’ve got two more days to enjoy them. This is our last port day.” Ryan leaned over the railing, craning to see as much as he could. “Come on. There are some great stores with real local crafts and products. Gorgeous woodworking. Pottery. Rum made right here on the island. And chocolate.”
Juanita straightened, drawing in her breath. “Chocolate?”
“Grown and processed on Roatan by a fair trade co-op. Lots of varieties. Dark, milk, sea salt, passionfruit, mango, chile, plus about a dozen others. And they give free samples.”
Ryan wasn’t sure if that was the factor that clinched her decision, but she jumped to her feet. “All right. Let’s do it.” She still sounded nervous, but nowhere near as frightened as she’d been in Cozumel. Ryan was more certain than ever that he was right. She needed this to prepare her for going through customs in Galveston. That was going to be stressful no matter how ready she was. He’d do anything in his power to spare her the sort of abject terror she’d suffered the first time.
Her step was bouncy as she followed him through the ship and down the elevator. She really had missed going ashore yesterday. He loved getting the chance to fulfill one of her desires. Maybe this would make up a little for the fact that he couldn’t fulfill all of them.
A cruise line employee briskly scanned their cards before they exited. Then they were across the gangway and strolling along the concrete pier. Juanita twisted to look in every direction as they reached land and started up the gracefully curving walkway that climbed to the main cluster of buildings. Flowering bushes and swaying foliage were everywhere. A sign in swooping script proclaimed “Mahogany Bay.”
At the top, buildings surrounded a sunny plaza. Ryan guided Juanita to the left. “Souvenir shopping first. We’ll take our purchases back to our room and grab some lunch. Then we can change into our suits and go to the beach. We don’t have to be aboard to stay until five o’clock.”
“Sounds good,” she said. She was so busy looking around Ryan wasn’t sure she’d really heard, but it didn’t matter.
There were plenty of the usual jewelry shops and liquor stores and displays of imported trinkets and t-shirts, but Ryan passed them up. On the far end of the plaza was a large roofed enclosure with an open front. Inside, dozens of booths held genuine local products. Juanita hurried ahead with eager steps. Ryan hung back and watched her as she stopped at the first booth and began picking up and admiring everything that caught her interest.
Five booths later, he was starting to wonder if this had been such a good idea after all. Apparently Juanita had an endless capacity for window shopping. Or at least, a far greater capacity than Ryan did. She investigated every booth in detail, examining the intricacies of the wares displayed. She particularly liked the items crafted from a variety of naturally colored woods. Ryan watched her stroke a beautiful box inlaid with a cream and tan dolphin over a background of mahoga
ny and purple water. The colors shone rich and warm under her fingers.
“Dad would love this.” She glanced at Ryan. “I haven’t gotten him a souvenir.”
He promptly produced his wallet. “What are you waiting for? He’ll feel left out if he’s the only one without a present.”
“I can find him something cheaper,” she protested, but only halfheartedly. When Ryan gave his credit card to the shopkeeper, she didn’t argue. She smiled as she watched the man wrap the box in newspaper and pass it to Ryan. He grinned to himself. They were making progress, if slowly. A few dozen more shopping expeditions, and he’d have her throwing his money around with aplomb.
They spent a long time at the chocolate booth, sampling all the varieties and debating which to purchase. They settled on a bar of each kind for each of them, as well as additional bars to give everyone in their families. Ryan chose a number to share with his coworkers.
Juanita picked up another bar. “Can we get some for Mom’s home health care nurses? Carmen said they’re taking great care of her.”
“Great idea.” Ryan added a dozen bars to the pile. “Good nurses are worth their weight in chocolate.”
Juanita winced when the shopkeeper told them the total price. Even by Ryan’s standards it was a hefty sum, despite the discount for multiple bars. “I need to stop taking advantage of your generosity.”
He handed over his credit card. “Don’t worry about it. You know I like supporting local businesses.”
She didn’t respond, but as they continued down the row of booths her enthusiasm was noticeably dimmed. Several times Ryan caught her examining an item with a longing expression, then returning it to its place with a sigh. He resisted the urge to purchase each trinket for her. She already felt like she was in his debt. More gifts would make that worse, not better.
He cheered her up by taking her to a booth selling a dozen varieties of local rum. Here, too, free samples were offered. Around her fourth or fifth tiny paper cupful, the sparkle came back to Juanita’s eyes. Ryan noted which kind she liked best, declared it his favorite, and bought three bottles. “Too bad we can’t enjoy some of this on the ship,” he remarked as he added the heavy bag to their growing collection. “But I’ll have to turn it in when we go back aboard. They’ll hold it until we get home.”
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