Relentless Hope (Resilient Hearts)

by Cassidy, Ashley

  The disappointing realization brings tears to my eyes, forcing me to steer may gaze away. As soon as I do, he gets up from his chair taking a few steps towards me before stopping midway.

  A bitter laugh escapes his mouth. “So you were just friends with my grandpa, huh? There’s nothing sinister going on between us. He’s just like a grandfather to me,” he says in a mocking voice.

  “Aiden – It’s... It’s not…”

  “Save it,” he interrupts abruptly, “if you tell me it’s not what I think it is one more time, I’m going to puke. You had me fooled. I bought your stupid act and stood up for you with my family. Imagine how much fun they had at my expense at hearing the news of your wedding. I have to give it to you though. You played your cards real well. Your act was impeccable. You should consider going after an acting career after you finish milking my grandpa. You’ll do great.”

  His words hit me like a blade, shattering the pieces of my broken heart into a million tiny shards. It’s as if he’s shoved a knife into my bleeding heart, stabbing it repeatedly, until no piece is left untouched. I can’t help the sob that wrecks my body.

  “Save it. I’m not buying any of your act anymore, so you might as well save your energy,” he says before abruptly turning his back to me and scurrying down the stairs to leave.

  My knees give out, as I fall into a pool of tears and misery. Throughout the hours of tear filled desolation that follows, I try to tell myself that this is for the best. That I never had a chance with Aiden to begin with. He is a Harvard graduated grandchild of one of the richest people in America, and he’s the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen. There is no way he would have gone for me, and even if he did, it would have been merely for some short term fun. I tell myself that this way, I’ve saved myself from future heartache, but it’s hard to convince myself that any future heartbreak would have been worse than the excruciating ache I feel inside now.

  The days that follow are quiet. Aiden never visits again, nor does anybody else from David’s family or friends. Lou told me that David sent a serious letter to his kids explaining his decision but giving a stern warning for them to either accept me warmly or stay away. It appears that they chose the latter. Though it could be that they tried to show up, but were turned away at the door.

  We now have a full time security guard at the door who closely monitors who comes in and goes out. From what I overheard, he has strict orders to keep Tom and anybody else who might be looking for trouble, at bay.

  David also sent a letter to my dad. I know this because my mom called me a few days after the wedding. She called to congratulate me on my “wedding,” telling me she was happy I had found a man of David’s caliber. I’m pretty sure by that she meant a man with David’s wealth.

  The congratulatory remarks had my stomach roiling. I wanted to ask her if she knew how old David was or knew that he is dying, but I kept my mouth shut. She said my dad had received a letter from him and was happy I had finally settled down. Shane was apparently happy with the news too. My mom said he seems cheerful and had been in a good mood since he heard the news.

  Hearing this is a huge relief to me. I guess David was right about my family’s reaction, but it still doesn’t change how I feel about the whole sham deal. I still feel disgusted that I had to stoop so low, and constantly curse myself and my luck for forcing me to take this route.

  As the days go on though, I try to swallow my bitterness and focus on David. His health deteriorates little by little every day. I had heard of cancer being horrific, but until you see it destroy a person you care about bit by painful bit, you cannot imagine the extent of the agony and the pain it causes. Cancer is a slow moving poison, gradually making its venomous way through the body and taking victims one organ at a time.

  I watch David wither away ounce by ounce until the only thing left is bluish skin and bare bones. He looks so skinny the sight of him alone is enough to break my heart, but the worst part is the pain. David’s pain is so excruciatingly severe that some days, he can barely breathe. In order to make him feel somewhat comfortable, the doctors gradually increase the dosage of his pain medications every day. As a result, he spends most of his days sleeping. The hours that he is awake are filled with such pain and misery, that every second is gut wrenching.

  Gradually, he loses his appetite and his ability to eat, relying instead on an IV for sustenance. His doctor makes a visit once a day, and by the fourth week after the wedding he warns us that the time is approaching when we need to take him to the hospital.

  A few days later, we make the somber trip. I go with him and stay at his side, though as the days go by, I start to wonder if he can even tell that I’m here. He’s only awake for about a couple of hours a day, and during those hours he barely talks. When he does, his speech is slurred and he seems to not know what goes on around him.

  To see how his body’s changed so much in the mere few months I’ve known him is agonizing and eye opening at the same time. Seeing with your own eyes up close, how the human body can be taken away ounce by excruciating ounce really changes your perspective. Witnessing a person die a slow death is a painful reminder of how precious and short life really is. Back when he was still lucent and coherent, David would often say the entirety of a person’s life is like a dream. It’s over in a blink of an eye, and the only thing left at the end is either a feeling of peace and fulfillment or a disappointment at how you shaped the dream. He would tell me that I should appreciate my youth and my health, and use my time on this earth judiciously. Yet it’s hard to take those words seriously, when you’re at my age and feel like you’re invincible, having all the time in the word. But, witnessing David age so quickly during the time I’ve known him and seeing how his body deteriorated in this short period really drive this point home for me.

  I see David lose a little of his body and his life each day, and I vow to not take mine for granted. I tell myself that once this is over, I’m going to start my life over and try to make the best of everything. No matter what happens next, I will try to make my own way in the world and invest my time in relationships and experiences. Because those are the things I see lacking in David’s life and those are what he’s told me over and over again what will matter the most at the end.

  Still, it is hard to stay positive when you sit next to the only person in the world you could consider a friend and watch them die. Some days I wish this would end soon so I could move on, but then I feel guilty for being so selfish.

  About a week after he’s admitted to the hospital, David goes into a coma like state, unable to breathe on his own and life support providing his only means of sustenance. Lou pulls me over a couple of days later, explaining gently that David signed a document requesting that he won’t be kept on life support for longer than a week. Given that the doctors have already said there is little chance he’s going to wake up again, that leaves a mere few days for David.

  I stay glued to his side during this period, holding his hand, talking to him, and desperately trying to make this time as comfortable for him as I possibly can. I know he probably can’t hear me, but I feel my presence and my voice may provide a sense of comfort to him. I haven’t forgotten the main reason I agreed to the marriage in the first place was to be with David at the end. So I try to do all I can to make his last days in this realm of existence a little more comfortable.

  About four days after he’s put on life support, Lou tells me it’s time to let the family know, in case they want to come say goodbye. The idea of those people wanting to come and visit David now that he’s in a coma infuriates me.

  I also dread seeing any of them, but I understand they have a right to know. So I simply ask the security guy that has been guarding David’s room since we came to the hospital, to let me know if he spots any of David’s family members approaching the room.

  He burst into the room a few hours later letting me know that David’s daughter and grandkids are on their way to the room. I ask him if he can dist
ract them for a few minutes while I try to slip from the room unnoticed, and he agrees.

  We do the same thing when David’s younger son, Chris comes by and two days later when Tom and his kids show up. But I am not as lucky on the last day. The family finds out when they are removing David’s life support and to my surprise they all decide to show up.

  I find it really ironic that during the whole time period I’ve known David, the only time all of his family is in the same room as him is when he’s unconscious and about to die.

  I know I can’t run away and disappear this time, so I square my shoulders, holding my head up, while silently promising myself to stay quiet and refuse to participate in any drama on David’s deathbed. I sit next to David, holding his cold hand firmly in mine, and avoid eye contact with anyone but the doctor.

  He comes in and removes the breathing tube first, followed by the IV. Everyone remains eerily quiet. After a few minutes, David opens his eyes, frantically moving his head and looking around the room at all the faces. Once his eyes fall on me, a ghost of a smile crosses his face and he calms down. I squeeze his hand in mine, silently telling him that I’m here. He weakly squeezes my hand back, closes his eyes, and takes his last breath.

  The line on the heart monitor goes flat, the machine making a somber sound.

  And I lose it.

  I suddenly feel all the pressure, the sadness, the despair, and the anger of the last few months takeover and I can’t hold it in anymore.

  I unsuccessfully try to swallow an agonizing scream, as wretched sobs overtake my body, my knees giving out. I feel strong arms wrapping around me, but I’m too distraught to care whose. The person holds me tight, as my body rocks back and forth. I think I hear a few mocking comments, but I barely pay any attention. After the sobs subside a little, I lift my head up to gaze into somber emerald eyes. Aiden’s eyes show compassion and concern. I could get lost in those eyes for a long time. Just as the thought crosses my mind, I hear someone in the room say “crocodile tears” mockingly, and Lou grabs my arm and leads me quickly away from the room. I walk out of that room and out of the Pierson’s family’s life, thinking that I will never see any of those people again.

  I enter the security code for the top floor of the residential tower in the elevator panel and then press the number for the thirty-first floor. I have never been to the condo David gave to me. Nick offered to take me to see it a few times, but I really had no desire to leave the house in those last few weeks of David’s life. Today when he offered to bring me here, I decided I wanted to take this step on my own. I feel a strange urge to distance myself from everything in my past and start completely fresh.

  The elevator doors open and I walk into a long hallway that leads to a single door, making me realize my house is the only condo on this floor. I open the door and walk into the largest apartment I have ever seen.

  Tall glass windows wrap around the huge living room, leading to a large kitchen with luxury stainless steel appliances. The place is fully furnished in black and white colors with modern Italian furniture. A master bedroom stands to one side of the living room, with two spare rooms to the other side. One of the spare rooms is furnished as an office and the other as a guest room. I look in the drawers and the cabinets in the kitchen, and there are dishes set in each cabinet. Nothing has been spared. Everything is done in matching colors and design, the decoration and furnishing clearly done by an interior designer.

  I sit on the leather couch and let the tears fall, silently thanking David for being so thoughtful and loving towards me, and feeling guilty for any time I felt trapped in marriage to him.

  Life falls into a quiet routine in the days that follow, as I slowly start to put the broken pieces back together. I visit UCLA and talk to an advisor who helps me figure out how to reinstate my enrollment and sign up for classes. I start exercising again after a very long time, and I call my old friend Mia to catch up.

  I even call my mom and have a semi-pleasant conversation with her during which she assures me that Shane is no longer after me. Apparently my marriage to David saved the family’s reputation, and now that they know David died, they’re happy he left me a fortune. I contemplate going to visit my mom after that conversation, but the thought of stopping by that house brings dreaded memories to my mind that I prefer to forget. I am just now settling into a new happier routine and do not need to dreg up any old memories or get into any new conflicts. Life seems somewhat on track and I decide not to risk it. Instead, I get myself ready to go back in the real world, hopeful that I will make new friends and start living again.

  Those thoughts are interrupted once more when Lou calls to tell me I need to be present at the reading of David’s will the next afternoon. I argue with him that I know David is not leaving me anything and there is no reason for me to be there, but he insists that I have to attend, telling me that David specifically requested my presence.

  And that makes me really anxious.

  Why would David want me to be at the reading of his will when he knew how hostile his family is to me? Particularly since we already had an agreement that he wouldn’t leave me a penny in this will.

  I don’t’ sleep a wink that night, as I start to mentally prepare myself. I decide that if I have to walk into the lion’s den, I’m going to do it with style.

  The next day, I walk into Saks Fifth Avenue and ask the sales clerk to help me pick out an outfit for a legal meeting. After trying on what feels like a million outfits, I pick a form fitting navy blue dress that comes to right above my knees. The dress gives me a look that’s a mixture of sexy and professional, and I think it’s perfect.

  I pick out silver heels and a matching designer purse to go with the dress and then head out to get a haircut. When I tell the hairdresser that I am going to a meeting where I know everyone in the room will be hostile to me and want to feel confident, she offers to do my make up for me too.

  After two hours at the salon, I stare at the image in the mirror and feel like I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. It’s been so long since I’ve fixed my hair and put make up on that I’ve forgotten how good I could look if I try a little.

  My external appearance still does not make up for the turmoil inside me, but it gives me a sizable boost of confidence. I know fully well that these people are all about appearances and I’m tired of being looked down by them. I decide to walk in holding my head up and be fully prepared for the gloves to come off, if they start throwing insults my way.

  Right before I leave my condo for the meeting, I feel like I need a piece of David with me on this day, and think of the wedding ring he gave me. I go back to my room and put the ring on my finger before heading out.

  I press the forty-second floor in the elevator and steel my spine. Lou told me to come in twenty minutes early so he can sit me in the conference room before the family gets there. But as I walk out of the elevator into the law firm’s reception area, I notice everybody is already there, including people I’ve never seen before.

  As soon as I step out, every single head turns toward me. I plant my feet firmly on the ground and walk with confidence to the reception desk, avoiding eye contact with anyone but the receptionist. Before I make it to the desk, I hear a low whistle and I can’t help turning to look who it is coming from.

  “Damn. She clean ups well. No wonder Dad fell for this girl. She’s drop dead gorgeous and not an ounce of fake,” Chris says, with a smirk.

  Despite all my intensions to stay aloof, I feel my face turning red. I turn my head abruptly back to the receptionist before anyone can see my reaction.

  “I’m here to see Mr. Lou Jenkins, please,” I say, in the most confident voice I can muster.

  “Who may I say is here to see him?”

  “Aleah…” I stumble for a minute, not sure what last name I should use, but decide on a whim that I should go with my legal one, “Aleah Pierson.”

  I hear a loud gasp from someone in the crowd behind me, but I refuse to
turn around. I guess these people don’t like the fact that I have the same last name as them. Too bad. They need to get over themselves.

  As soon as the receptionist hears my name, she gets up from her chair, leading the way.

  “Yes, Lou is expecting you. Please follow me.”

  I hear a grunt from someone in the crowd. “This is bullshit. Not only is the bitch using our last name, she gets VIP treatment too. We’ve been waiting here for ten minutes and she just walks in and gets to go in.” I hear Tom’s angry voice, but don’t turn my head around.

  As we are passing, I feel Aiden’s eyes on me as I always do when he’s near, and I see him from the corner of my eye, but I refuse to turn around and look at him. I know looking into his eyes has the power to unnerve me, and I need all of my nerves intact for what is to come.

  Lou is sitting behind a large mahogany desk when I walk into his office. He gets up and leads me to a large conference room explaining what I should be excepting for today on the way there.

  “All the family and some extended family members who are receiving something in the will have been invited. David provided the list of people who should be here today. He had specific instructions on exactly how he wanted this to go. I know you’re probably nervous, but don’t worry, we will try to isolate you as much as we can. I have already made it very clear to everybody that if they say anything the least bit insulting or try to cause any trouble, they will be asked to leave, but I don’t think we need to worry. Today is so important to these people that they will be on their best behavior, at least until after they hear the contents of the will.”

  “Lou–he hasn’t left me anything in the will, has he?” I ask nervously.

  “I don’t know the contents of his will. I wasn’t his estate attorney. Another guy in our office who specializes in that area helped with that, and he will be here today reading the will, but from the conversations I had with David, I doubt he left you anything in the will. Not that he didn’t want to. He just didn’t want you to get tangled up in that.”