Relentless Hope (Resilient Hearts)

by Cassidy, Ashley

  What makes me nervous about this request is that I know how much of a methodical planner David was. He wouldn’t have asked me this if he didn’t have very specific reasons for my presence at the house. And all possible reasons that I can think of frighten me. Aside from being scared, I also question if I really want to get myself tangled up again in another Pierson family drama.

  I have had enough pain, heartache and drama to last me a life time in the past few months. Can I deal with more? Would I want to?

  Because I know without a shred of doubt that if I accept this request, there will be more confrontations.

  More insults.

  More turmoil.

  And more pain and heartache.

  Aiden’s words from earlier in the day echo through my mind and make me wonder if I even want to be friends with a guy that talks to me like that. Can this heart of mine that has been through a shredder more than once take more? Because I recognize my body’s reaction to Aiden. I know how my heart races when I’m around him. How my whole body tingles from a single touch of his hand. But I have also seen his mood swings, and his temper, and I’m well aware of his playboy reputation.

  Being close to him, living with him in the same house could only mean getting my heart tangled in something that could only end in more heartbreak.

  As the rays of the sun slowly invade the solitude of my torturous night, they bring a renewed clarity to my mind, solidifying my decision.

  A few hours later, I decide the best way to shake my grogginess and change my dismal mood is to go for a run. Since moving to my own condo, I have gradually started to get back into exercising and a run in the morning always helps wake me up and pump me up for the day.

  As the elevator door opens in the first floor lobby, I walk out to see a gorgeous male backside, I can’t help but recognize. I notice he’s arguing with the lobby attendant and curiosity gets the best of me.

  “My grandfather owns this whole damn building, and you’re not letting me get on the thirty-first floor?”

  “I’m sorry, sir. I have to follow our policies. No exceptions. The only way I can give the security code for the elevator is to call the residence to confirm she wants to see you.”

  “But this is a surprise. How am I supposed to surprise her if you call her first?”

  I decide to step out to stop the impending argument. I clear my throat, making them both swing their heads my way. Aiden’s pupils get big, but his surprise is quickly replaced by a shy smile.

  “What’s going on? Why are you here?” I ask curtly.

  “I…I have to talk to you…privately, if you don’t mind. Can we please go up to your condo?”

  The thought of having him in my apartment has my stomach cramping with nerves.

  “How about we go out here by the pool? There’s a sitting area and there is no one there right now.” I say, pointing to the glass windows on the side.

  Aiden quietly follows me as I lead the way. Before we sit at a table, he hands me an exquisite bouquet of purple hyacinths in apology, softening up my angry heart before he even opens his mouth. But I am not about to let him off that easy.

  “Why are you here? And how did you find out where I live?”

  “I have my ways,” he says with a sexy grin, “and I’m here to apologize, Aleah. I was way out of line yesterday. You didn’t deserve what I said. I’m sorry… It’s just that, I don’t know how to explain this.” He pauses taking a deep breath, as if he’s struggling to come up with the right words to explain his behavior. “I grew up looking up to my grandpa like an idol, always craving his attention, but I never got it. There would be snippets here and there where he would give me some time and show some affection, but it was few and far in between. As a kid, I thought it was me. That I wasn’t good enough or smart enough like him and Uncle Tom. So I went through periods when I would try real hard at school and work myself crazy at sports. When that didn’t help, I would go through periods of huge rebelliousness, failing classes and getting myself in all sorts of trouble. None of that got me any consistent attention and I started to think that he just didn’t love me. As I grew older though I realized that it wasn’t just me. My grandpa just didn’t have time for people or for consistency in his life. He had many friends and many people who followed him around, but he personally didn’t show particular care and affection to anyone on a consistent basis. So I accepted that it wasn’t me. That it was him that was the issue, but then you came along and every emotion that he didn’t show any of us all his life, he showed to you… And I’ve been conflicted about your relationship with him from the beginning…on so many levels. I think…I think I just got really jealous yesterday, probably on multiple fronts.” He says this last part with a shy smile, before continuing, “The point is I just got too emotional and directed my anger at you. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

  I sit there trying to digest his words. If there is anybody that can understand what it feels like to crave an older relative’s love and affection, it’s me. I remember how I longed for my dad’s attention. How I strived all my life to get his approval or receive his love, and how his disregard shattered my spirit. The memory makes me understand Aiden in a way other people may not. My heart aches for the little boy that never received the kind of attention he deserved from his grandpa. But I know from my conversations with David how much he did love Aiden, and I realize at this moment that I have to tell him what I know.

  “You’re wrong, Aiden. Your grandpa loved you more than you’ll ever know and he was very proud of you. Every time he talked of you, his face would light up. He told me so many good things about you, and he kept saying over and over again how he regretted not giving you more attention when he should have… Even yesterday’s letter to me, the one that you got so upset about, was related to you.”

  “Related to me?’ he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “Yes. Your grandpa…he…he thought that you’re going to need a good friend if you decide to go through the experiment. He wanted me to move back to his house to be close to you because apparently that house will be your base throughout the experiment.” I pause to see his reaction, but he just stares at me with an open mouth, so I continue. “You see? The letter to me was all about you anyway, and that’s probably why he didn’t want you there when it was being read... Frankly, I don’t get it. I know you have a million friends, and I don’t understand why he would be asking me to do this, but he did.”

  Aiden takes a few minutes to respond, his brows furrowed in deep contemplation before he finally lifts his head up. “It’s because he trusted you. More than anybody else around.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you will actually need my help.”

  “Does that mean you’ve already made your decision?”

  “Have you made yours? Are you going to do this?”

  “I have. That was actually the reason I was sitting in the lobby yesterday when you walked out. I was waiting to see Steve to tell him I’ve made up my mind.”

  “Wow. That was fast.”

  “Yea, I thought about it for a few minutes and knew there was no way I was going to say no, so I decided to jump in rather than waiting.”

  “So you already know your first challenge?”

  “Yes and no. This first round is not really a challenge. He just wanted me to move into his house for three weeks and spend the time getting myself mentally ready for what’s to come. There are a few books he wanted me to read, and recommended that I review some of my course materials from my master’s program. I’m moving into his house later today... What about you? You have decided already, haven’t you?”

  I take a deep breath. “Don’t take this personally. It’s not about you, but I just… The thing is that in the last few months, my life has been a complete hell, and I’m now finally ready to put everything behind me and start fresh…without drama…and I know that everyone in your family hates me… I just don’t know if I should get tangled up in all of that
again. Plus, I really don’t think you’ll need my help.”

  “I don’t blame you, especially after what I said to you yesterday. I wouldn’t want to be around me either.”

  “No, that’s not it. I like being around you.” I jump in, a little too fast.

  “Yea?” he asks with a knowing smirk.

  “I mean…not like that… I mean,” I stumble, trying to fix what I blurted out. “I mean, I don’t mind being around you, but I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “You’re probably right,” he says with a hint of disappointment.

  We sit silently for a few more minutes before he leaves, having so much more to say to each other but not finding the right words.

  I play with my phone while I wait for Mia. I’m seeing her today for the first time since that eventful night at Kevin’s apartment a few months ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since then.

  She spent the early part of summer back at her parents’ home in Sacramento and has just returned to town. I’m excited to finally have a friend my age around. There is so much we need to catch up on.

  She walks toward me in a bubble of laughter and energy. That’s one of the things I love about her. She is always lively and fun to hang out with. We say our hellos and I start telling her about everything that’s happened in the past few months including David’s request from me to move back to the house and my decision to not go.

  “So is this Aiden as hot as you make him sound like?”

  “He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen,” I reply honestly.

  “Then what are you doing here?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You have the opportunity to live in a multimillion dollar mansion by the ocean with a hot hunk who you obviously have a crush on and who’s totally into you, and you decide to say no?”

  “It’s not that simple, Mia. Plus, I wouldn’t say he’s into me.”

  “Oh, believe me from everything you’ve told me, it’s pretty clear he’s very much into you.”

  Butterflies invade my stomach at her assessment. “You really think so?”

  “Yup. You haven’t had a lot of experience with guys, so it may be hard for you to pick up on some signals. But trust me. If everything you’ve told me is correct, he’s interested in you.”

  I think through this for a second, taming my excited heart and instead letting my head lead. “If that really is the case, then that’s just one more reason for me not to go. There are so many reasons why this won’t work out, Mia. I was married to his grandpa. His family hates me. Plus, Aiden’s a player. Even if he’s interested in me, it will probably be for a temporary fix. After what I went through with Imran, I really can’t afford to let my heart get stumped on again by another playboy.”

  “You overanalyze things too much. Just go and have fun. Don’t expect to fall in love and marry this guy. That’s how your heart gets broken. Be realistic. Look at this as an opportunity to experience things in life. He’s hot and you two are into each other. Just have fun with it… Plus aren’t you a little curious to figure out exactly why David wanted you to stay around. From the sound of it, he didn’t do things without thinking them through. There must be a reason he asked you to do this.”

  “I know. That’s the one thing I can’t get out of my head. I keep thinking there is something else there that I’m not seeing, and then there’s the guilt. I feel like I’ve let David down.”

  “Don’t go because you feel guilty. You’ve lived enough of your life for other people. It’s time you do some living of your own. Go for you. If you want to go, if it makes you happy.”

  Mia’s words keep turning over and over in my head. It’s been two days since we met, and the seed she planted in my mind has grown into a full grown sapling. I have tried to ignore it, tried to occupy my mind with anything else, but no matter what, it keeps coming back to her suggestion.

  The idea terrifies and excites me in equal measures. Should I take such a big risk? Can my heart take it? And then it occurs to me. I don’t have to make a commitment. David asked me to stay for the whole period, but he didn’t say I couldn’t leave before the time is up. I can go for a short period of time just to try it out. Maybe figure out exactly why he wanted me there. Then if it becomes too much, if there are things I don’t like, I can leave.

  I pick up the phone and dial Lou’s number.

  “Would it be okay if I move into David’s house but don’t make any commitments, so if I decide to leave at any point I can?” I ask, when he picks up.

  “I don’t see why not? I can check with Steve to make sure, but that should be fine.”

  Less than two weeks after I carried my bags out of David’s house for what I thought was the last time, I find myself taking them back inside. Maria gives me a warm welcome, telling me how much she missed me and inviting me to the kitchen for a cup of tea and her freshly baked cupcakes.

  “Thanks, Maria. That sounds really good. Let me just take my bags up to my room and I’ll be right down,” I say as start to climb up the stairs.

  “No, wait. Nick will help you carry those up later. Just come to the kitchen for now.”

  “It’s okay, Maria. They’re not that heavy. I’m almost up there already anyway.”

  “But…wait,” is the last thing I hear from Maria before I reach the top of the stairs and turn to face the living room. The image in front of me stops me dead in my tracks.

  Aiden is sitting shirtless on one of the couches that face me, holding a gorgeous brunet who has nothing but a pink bra and a thong on. The girl is straddling his hips, her arched back turned to me, while he is kissing the spot underneath her ear on her neck. Aiden’s eyes get real big, when they spot me. He stops for a split second, but then his lips turn into a sexy as hell easy grin, as he goes back to kissing the girl’s neck, his eyes never leaving mine.

  I stand frozen on the spot, not knowing what to do and being mesmerized by the scene in front of me. I should feel uncomfortable, even embarrassed, but instead I feel heat pool down in my belly.

  “Oh, baby... You’re driving me crazy,” I hear her say in between moans, and I know I can’t stand there anymore.

  I rush down the stairs in a flurry, leaving my bags on the landing. When I get to the kitchen, struggling to catch my breath, Maria looks at me apologetically.

  “Sorry, I tried to warn you.”

  “It’s okay. It’s not your fault... How long has that being going on?” I ask, pointing to the second floor.

  “Pretty much every day since he’s moved in. I don’t go upstairs anymore unless I know he’s not home. Maybe now that you’re here, he’ll tame it down a little.”

  Wow. I’m not sure I can deal with Aiden making out and having sex right outside my bedroom every day. I start to think that this was a mistake. Maybe I should just take my bags and leave now so I don’t even have to face him. But then I realize that if I do, he will know how much his actions affected me, and I really don’t want him to know.

  I have no desire for him to know how that image is forever woven in my mind in mixed weaves of disgust, disappointment, and desire.

  My pride takes over, making the decision for me. I will stay at least for a few days, so when I do leave he won’t know it was because my heart couldn’t handle all the emotions he invokes in my body.

  I lock myself in my room for the rest of the day, not wanting to face Aiden, until I hear a knock on my door. When I open the door, I see him staring at me from behind his thick lashes, his expression unreadable.

  “Do you mind if I come in?”

  “Actually, I do. What do you want?” I ask, unable to withhold the disdain from my voice. My plan of pretending to stay aloof and unaffected goes out the window the minute I lay my eyes on him.

  He is taken back by the venom in my voice, but holds his own. “I want to talk to you. We can move to the living room, if you’re too scared of having me in your room.”

  I shrug my shoulders and lead the way to
one of the couches in the living room, making sure I avoid the one I saw Aiden on.

  When we sit across from each other and he lays his eyes on me, I notice a hint of a smile on his lips. “You decided to come,” he breathes.

  I tell myself that I’m not going to let him affect me.

  “So I did.”

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “Curiosity,” I respond in a clipped tone.

  He takes a deep breath, averting his eyes from me. “Look, I’m sorry you walked in on that. I didn’t know you were coming. I wouldn’t have done that in the living room, if you’d let me know you are on your way... Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t have your number. I told Lou a couple of days ago, and called Maria yesterday. I figured they’d tell you… So let me get something straight. I would be the only reason you wouldn’t do that in the living room in broad daylight. What about Maria and Nick?”

  “What about them? They know not to come up here when I have company. You forget that I live here now. This is my house for the time being. I can do whatever I want in my own house.”

  “Except that it’s not your house and you’re here to prepare yourself for the upcoming challenges, not to have fun,” I respond, raising my voice.

  He takes a few deep breathes to calm himself. “Look Aleah–you just moved here. I don’t want to get into an argument with you on your first day being back. I’m sorry you walked in on that, and I’ll try not to put you in that position again, but I won’t apologize for being me. The guy you saw over there,” he says, pointing to the other couch, “that’s me. You might as well get to know the real me sooner rather than later. That’s who I am, and I don’t think I was doing anything wrong.”