Relentless Hope (Resilient Hearts)

by Cassidy, Ashley

  He pauses and takes a deep breath, as if contemplating his next words. “That was one of the many times Grandpa disappointed me,” he finally says, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper, before suddenly changing his tone and continuing. “Anyway, this chick somehow stuck around for a while and convinced Grandpa to marry her. Of course, it didn’t last very long. I think the marriage was over in less than six months and from what I heard, Grandpa made sure that she didn’t get much money out of the whole thing. She thought she was fooling Grandpa,” he says with a bitter laugh, “little did she know that she was the one being fooled. Once Grandpa got his fill, he dumped her, basically threw her out. The same way he treated all the other women in his life.”

  He pauses to turn his eyes back to me and a look of concern crosses his face, signaling to me that my face is showing a glimpse of how I feel inside.

  I feel sick to my stomach. My heart rate has picked up. Anger simmering beneath the surface.

  For the second time in a few months, I feel utterly betrayed by a man I trusted and loved. I willingly moved into this guy’s house and agreed to marry him without even doing a proper Google search. With the kind of reputation he had, I can only imagine what people thought of me. How could I be so naïve and stupid?

  No wonder when Aiden first saw me here, he reacted the way he did. I don’t even want to think about what my family thought of me when they found out I lived in David’s mansion. It must have confirmed for them all of the things Imran had told them about me. I know I shouldn’t care about what my family thinks after the way they treated me, but I can’t help a desire deep inside me to prove to them how wrong they were about me. And this. The fact that I willingly moved into a man’s house who had a reputation like David’s, does the exact opposite. And the worst part is that I had no idea. I was an ignorant fool, just like I had been with Imran.

  I feel tears pooling in the back of my eyes, but I can’t let them spill over. I fear if I let just one drop get through, the dam will break open, making me lose my grasp on my fragile emotional state. After everything that’s happened tonight, I feel like a wall of thin glass, ready to shatter and fall apart with the smallest hit. But I can’t let myself fall apart in front of him, so I bite the inside of my mouth and take a few shallow breaths to hold the tears at bay. All of the pent up emotion inside my body needs an outlet to escape, however, and before I know it, my hands are shaking uncontrollably.

  “You’re shaking. Come here,” Aiden says, as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. His arms almost instantly calm my aching heart. Even though my whole world has just been turned upside down, his mere scent relaxes me. His proximity is like a balm to my wounded soul.

  I put my head on his shoulder, and wrap my arms around his hard torso. He runs one of his hands through my hair, while drawing circles with his other hand on my back. I close my eyes, and let myself enjoy the comfort he is offering, and just like that, the shaking stops. Long after I stop shaking, we continue to hold on to each other tight. Both in a trance.

  With our chests touching in these silent moments, unspoken words are exchanged between the hearts behind them.

  Unfulfillable yearnings communicated.

  Impossible longings conveyed.

  My heart inflates and deflates to the rhythm of his and his responds to mine.

  Time stops.

  I don’t want this trance to ever end, fearing that when it does, I may never experience this feeling again. So I hold on tight and bask in the feeling while it lasts.

  Alas, he pulls back after a few minutes to search my eyes.

  “You okay?” he whispers.

  I untangle my arms from his body so I can fully face him. Taking a trembling breath, I start. “Yes. No… I don’t know. Tonight’s just been really overwhelming… And I can’t wrap my head around the fact that the David I knew is the same guy as the one you are talking about… Now I understand why everyone in your family reacted to me the way they did. It all makes sense now. I feel like the biggest fool on the planet.”

  He pulls me back into his arms, holding me tight. “I’m sorry my grandpa took advantage of you. I had no idea you didn’t know what you were dealing with,” he whispers into my hair.

  Despite everything I’ve learned tonight, for some reason, I feel an urge to defend David. “I don’t think he took advantage of me intentionally. He did tell me from the beginning that he had done a lot of things he was not proud of in his younger days. I just feel like a fool for never asking any questions.”

  His eyebrows pucker in a deep frown. “You are still trying to defend him? Even after you find out about everything he did in his past and the fact that he didn’t tell you any of this before he married you?”

  I lift my head up and look him directly in the eye, considering for only a second whether I should divulge any of my painful past.

  “Your grandpa saved my life,” I blurt out. “I’ll always be grateful to him for that, no matter what. I still feel extremely betrayed, but I have to remember that I wouldn’t be here without him.”

  Something changes in his face. I can see his internal struggle play across it. It’s clear he’s dying to ask me questions, but he holds himself back. I decide to put him out of his misery. “I just… I really can’t talk about how or why? But that’s the truth.”

  He nods his head, studying my face. Our eyes remain locked for a few seconds, the intensity of his gaze penetrating my every nerve. He lowers those fierce eyes to my lips then, and immediately the energy in the room changes. One moment we’re wrapped up in an innocent embrace, giving and receiving comfort and the next, the air crackles with sexual energy. Our faces are so close I can feel the tingle of his breath on my lips, making my heart rate pick up to a frenzied pace. My body is screaming at me to close the distance, to give in to my heart’s desire. But right before I give in to this forceful longing, I remember how he pulled himself away from me a mere few minutes ago. With the sting of rejection still fresh on my mind, I jump back instead of leaning in.

  “I should head to bed. It’s been a really long day,” I say in a rush.

  The look in his eyes says everything. He looks disappointed, but also relieved and I know exactly how he feels.

  “Let me walk you to your room.”

  I walk out of the room first and he follows me quietly. We haven’t taken more than a few steps when he suddenly turns to me and grabs my hand unexpectedly in his. My heart rate picks up immediately, my mind reeling with questions at his unexpected behavior. But since we’re surrounded by his friends, I keep my questions to myself.

  We walk hand in hand through the sea of partygoers, and almost everyone stops to stare. I try to pull my hand away from his, but he tightens his hold. I lean into Aiden’s ear to whisper, “Your friends are all staring. They’re going to start talking.”

  “Let them talk all they want,” he whispers back, “I want all of these people to know that if they mess with you, they have to deal with me.”

  My heart melts, peeling another layer off of the wall of ice thickly wrapped around it. Once we reach my bedroom, he opens the door to usher me in, but right before I step over the threshold, he turns me around unexpectedly to place the most tender of kisses on my forehead. The gesture is so sweet it literally takes my breath away, leaving me speechless. He mistakes my shocked silence for objection.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…I couldn’t help myself. But I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. I promise… Sweet dreams,” he says in a rush. I stand there stunned, my lips unable to form any words. He turns to walk away, taking a few steps down the hallway before abruptly looking back.

  “Don’t forget to lock your door tonight. I don’t want any of drunken friends stumbling their way into your room.”

  I wake up with a smile on my face. I think it is quite telling that out of everything that happened last night, Aiden’s unexpected affectionate behavior towards me is the first thing that comes to
mind when I open my eyes. Remembering the way he protectively held my hand and the sweetness with which he kissed my forehead makes me giddy with joy.

  Something shifted between us last night. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and I’m too terrified to analyze it deeply, but I can’t deny it.

  My mind tells me to remember how he refused to kiss me last night. How he’s so wrong for me. How I have to stop being so naïve around men. But my heart, my heart refuses to hear any of it. My heart only remembers how safe and comfortable I felt in his arms. How my body fits so perfectly against his. And how his mere scent had me intoxicated with desire. The mere memory of his simple touch quickens my heart rate, making butterflies soar in my stomach. God, I’m hopeless. I need to put a grip on my emotions and clear my head. Going for a run might just do that for me.

  I put on my sports bra and shorts and head for the door. As I approach the living room, I hear the sound of the TV. I figure one of those drunken partygoers must have left the TV on last night, the staff forgetting to turn it off. But as I reach the living room, I realize my mistake, as I walk upon a sleepy looking Aiden. He is lying on the couch facing the TV, but his eyes are glued to the hallway I’m walking from instead of the screen. When he sees me, a slow sexy smile spreads across his face.

  “Good morning.”

  “Good morning to you. You’re up early. I figured you’d be sleeping all day, given that the party was still going on almost till the sun came out.”

  “I couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d come lie here, so I could see you when you leave your room,” he says, with a shrug of his shoulder. “How are you feeling? Is your finger okay?”

  A warm feeling spreads across my chest at hearing that he stayed up to make sure I’m okay, but then I remember how I almost fell apart in front of him after he told me about David, and realize he’s probably just feeling guilty because of everything his family and friends have done to me.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I’m fine. I’m actually doing great today. Just heading out for a jog.”

  “Do you mind if I join you?” he asks quickly.

  “You want to join me for my jog?” I ask in surprise. “Are you sure? I just recently started getting back to exercising, so I’m very slow. I’m pretty sure you’ll get bored to death within five seconds.”

  “It’s not always about how fast you can go, sometimes it’s more about how long you can last?” he says with a smirk.

  The sexy way, in which he says this, has my mind instantly going to places other than running, making a blush creep up my face.

  “Hey. What are thinking, you dirty mind?” he asks with a knowing smile. “I was talking about running.”

  “I’m sure you were,” I say, returning his smile.

  “So, what it is going to be? Can I come?”

  “Sure, but you’ve been warned. I’m not responsible for your boredom, and you are not going to laugh at me.”

  He burst into laughter. “I make no such promises.”

  Ten minutes later, we walk out the front door side by side.

  “I forgot another warning,” I say tilting my head toward his, “I usually put my earphones on and get into a zone. I’m not much of a talker when I exercise.”

  “That’s perfect. That’s how I like it too.”

  We start and I try to push myself to run faster, but within ten minutes, I’m panting and loosing speed. He stays by my side. I try to wave my hands at him to signal that he should go faster. He scrunches his eyebrows in question, not comprehending my made up sign language. I take out my earphones and manage to get out in between ragged breaths, “Go ahead, I’m going to slow down a little bit. You don’t need to stay back because of me.”

  He just shakes his head and stays by my side. We run in silence the rest of the way in easy companionship and it feels comfortable. Natural even.

  Once we get back to the house, he asks me what my plans are for the rest of the day.

  “I was going to just take it easy today, maybe lay by the pool and finish a book I’ve been reading. And then I might go to a coffee shop or something to review some of my course materials.”

  “Course materials? What course materials?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “My school materials. I’m going back to UCLA in the fall and I’ve been out of school for almost six months. I want to review some of the classes I had to drop out of, so I’m prepared when school starts in a few weeks.”

  He nods his heads. “That sounds perfect. I have a book that Grandpa wanted me to read too and I also have instructions to review my school course work, so maybe I can join you?”

  I try to curb my excitement at the fact that he wants to spend his whole day with me and respond nonchalantly. “Sure, if that’s what you want to do,” I say with a shrug.

  I stand inside my walking closet trying to decide what to wear for going down to the pool. The hot July sun demands a bathing suit, but I’m hesitant to spend the afternoon with Aiden in a bathing suit. Not because I lack self-confidence, but because I don’t trust myself around him.

  As excited as I may be at his recent attention to me, closeness to him is also unnerving to me. I constantly feel like I’m being pulled into two opposite directions by different parts of my body. My brain and my heart in constant battle. My heart leaps in joy every time Aiden so much as looks at me. That in and out of itself is enough of a warning for my brain to tell to me to run the other way as fast as I can.

  I can’t get involved with a guy like Aiden. I’ve been burned enough by men with playboy reputations. It was merely last night that I learned how much of a fool I was to trust David, and he was a sweet old man who had given me no reason not to trust him. I have witnessed firsthand what Aiden is like with women, and with the way my heart reacts to his mere presence, I would be a fool to think I can stay casual with him. The only way for my heart to get out of this unscathed is to not get involved with Aiden. I have to keep my distance from him.

  I put on a pair of white Capri pants and a pink tank top over my pink underwear and head down stairs with a renewed determination to stay distant from Aiden.

  I open the French doors that lead to the outdoor patio, but my step falters as soon as I walk out and lay my eyes on him. He’s lying on one of the lounge chairs facing the pool, shirtless and with a pair of sexy swim trunks hanging low on his hips. His eyes are covered by his Ray-Bans, his head turned towards the ocean, his hair styled in that sexy messy way that is his trademark. But it’s his body that takes my breath away; broad tan shoulders that meet a built chest, down to rippled abs meeting his sexy V. I stand there watching, mesmerized by this magnificent figure. My mouth goes dry, my heart quickening its pace.

  God.

  How I am supposed to resist this man, when a mere look at his body has my head swimming with emotions and my body tinged with electricity? I’m in so much trouble. I have to put distance between us, both physically and emotionally, or I’m certain to get burned.

  I walk slowly towards him, stopping a couple of chairs away to ensure we’re not too close. He doesn’t move from his position, not even turning his head. Just when I think he hasn’t noticed me, he startles me, “You planning on swimming in that outfit?” he says, without turning to look at me.

  I don’t know how he can tell what I’m wearing. I’ve been watching him since I stepped out and he hasn’t turned his head towards me once. I wonder if he saw me checking him out and heat rises up my cheeks.

  “So?” he asks, finally swirling his body to face me.

  I can’t remember what he asked me. “What did you say?” I ask.

  A smile turns up the corner of his mouth. “I asked you if you were planning on swimming in that outfit.”

  “Oh, I’m not going to swim,” I respond with a shrug.

  “We’ll see about that.”

  His devious smile makes me nervous. “You better not do anything stupid,” I try to warn, but fail miserably, offering a huge smile instead.

  “I never
do anything stupid,” he says, with a smirk.

  “Hmmm…arrogant much?”

  “I prefer to think of it as confident.”

  “Seriously, Aiden–if you push me into the pool, I’ll kill you.”

  “I’d like to see that.”

  “Aiden, I’m serious.”

  He just smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

  “So, what are you reading?” he asks tilting his head towards my eReader. I recognize his attempt to change the subject, and decide to go with it.

  “Fiction.”

  “What kind of fiction?”

  Oh, how do I answer that? I really don’t want him to know the kind of fiction I’ve been reading recently.

  “Oh, I like all sorts of fiction,” I say trying to steer the question away. “I read whatever comes well recommended.”

  “You didn’t answer my question. What is the book you’re reading now about?”

  Heat rises up my cheeks, as I realize I’m trapped. I either have to tell him the truth and risk his laughter at me or lie to him, neither option being ideal.

  He suddenly sits up, his eyes peering over the top of his sunglasses. “Wait a minute. Are you reading a Fifty Shades type of book?”

  My face turns crimson red. “Wha…what…do you mean?” I stutter.