Relentless Hope (Resilient Hearts)

by Cassidy, Ashley

  He returns my smile, as he gently rubs my cheeks with his fingertips. “I think there are many reasons why Grandpa thought you’d be helpful to me.”

  I leave the house half an hour early to make sure I get to Aiden’s apartment on time, and end up making it there twenty minutes early. After I park the car, I send him a quick text him to let him know I’m here. He walks out five minutes later in a stylish dark gray suit with an emerald green tie that matches his eye color. The sight of him in a suit makes my breath hitch. I gulp down slowly, as I enjoy the view. He walks up to the car with a sexy smile on his lips.

  “Good morning. You’re early.”

  “I wanted to make sure I can get you to work on time on your first day. You ready?”

  “As ready as I can be.”

  I pull out of the parking lot and start driving towards the front gate.

  “You look nice in a suit,” I say with a timid smile.

  “You don’t look too bad yourself this morning.”

  “You don’t have to be nice, Aiden. I know I don’t look good this morning. I barely managed to change out of my pajamas before I left the house.”

  “You didn’t have to change outfits on my account. I like seeing you in your pajamas.”

  I can’t help laughing. “You’ve never seen in my pajamas. You don’t know how ugly I look in my granny PJs.”

  He raises his eyebrows with a mischievous grin on his lip. I only have to think for a second, before remembering the morning I walked out into the balcony braless in my tiny tank top and my boy shorts. The memory brings a blush to my cheeks.

  I hear his chuckle. “Have I told you lately, how sexy you look when you blush?”

  I smack his hand playfully. “Shhh…nothing sexy about me this morning. Here you go. Drink your coffee and stay quiet,” I say as I hand him a mug of his favorite coffee.

  “You got me coffee?” he asks in surprise.

  “No, I didn’t get you coffee. I asked Maria to make it for you. She also made these breakfast tacos for you.”

  He puts his hand on my arm. “Aleah–you’re not my assistant. It’s bad enough that you’re driving forty-five minutes at seven in the morning to come give me a ride to work, you don’t need to also bring me breakfast.”

  “I’m not acting like your assistant, Aiden. I’m acting like your friend. Any good friend would want to help her friend make a good impression on the first day of work, and let’s face it, without your morning cup of coffee, you won’t be in a mood for making any kind of impression,” I say jokingly.

  His expression remains serious and he looks lost in his thoughts for a few seconds. “Thank you… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for everything you’re doing for me,” he finally says after a long pause.

  “You don’t need to thank me. Just go kick some butt and that’ll be enough of a thank you for me.”

  “That I will,” he says with an easy smile.

  I text Aiden as I drive off from the building to wish him good luck, but don’t hear back from him until lunch time. In a way, I am happy that he’s taking his job serious enough that he doesn’t check his phone until then. When he does respond, it’s short and to the point.

  Aiden: Thanks! So far so good.

  Me: What time should I pick you up today?

  Aiden: I don’t want you to drive all the way back here. I’m going to ask around to see if anyone here lives around my apartment who can give me a ride.

  I only have to think about this for a second to know my response. I know how difficult it must be for a guy that grew up surrounded by so much money, never lacking anything he desired, to approach someone on his first day at work and ask them for a ride. There’s no way I would want him to put himself through the embarrassment just so I don’t have to drive there to pick him up.

  Me: I’ll be there. What time?

  Aiden: Six pm should be good.

  Me: See you then.

  I’ll make it to his building just as he is walking out. A warm smile crosses his face as soon as he sees me pulling up to the curb.

  “Hey. You got here right on time,” he says as he climbs up.

  “I drove up a couple of hours ago and hung out at a coffee shop around the corner to avoid the rush hour traffic. Best decision ever. There are so many cool cafes and coffee shops around here. I think I’m going to drive up here early every day to explore the area.”

  “I don’t feel comfortable about you having to give me a ride twice a day every day. I’m going to figure something out as soon as I can.”

  “Aiden–I like driving out here. I get bored at the house all by myself. This gives me a reason to get out of the house.” I don’t tell him that seeing him is the best part of my day or that that I’ve been counting the hours till I can pick him up and see him again. There is no reason for him to know that I’m so hopelessly attached to him already. So instead, I try to change the subject.

  “How was your day?” I ask with enthusiasm. “You have to tell me all about it.”

  “It was okay. Today was mostly training and being introduced to people, so it wasn’t too bad, but I’m still pretty beat. I didn’t sleep too well last night, so tonight if you don’t mind I want to turn in early.”

  “That’s fine. What do you want to do for dinner?”

  “Ramon noodles?”

  “How about I take you to a Mediterranean café I used to go to?”

  “Aleah−I don’t think…”

  “My treat,” I jump in before he has a chance to finish. I know he wants to say he can’t afford to go out to eat and I recognize how to difficult it must be for him to say it out loud, so I cut in before he does.

  “Aleah–you are driving me back and forth to work every day. You can’t pay for my dinners too.”

  “Why not? You paid for everything every time we went out the last couple of weeks. Why can’t I pay once?”

  “Because I can’t have you babying me like this. I don’t think this is how Grandpa envisioned this and that’s not how I want it to go either. I’m supposed to do this on my own, and I really don’t like you taking care of me like this,” he says, sounding frustrated.

  “You are doing this on your own. I’m merely helping a little along the way…and I’m doing exactly what your grandpa wanted me to do. He asked me specifically in that letter to be a friend to you and help you through this.”

  “So you’re doing all of this just for Grandpa?” he asks in an angry tone.

  The sudden change in his tone takes me by surprise. I snap my head around in anger. “Are you seriously still asking me this?” I ask in exasperation.

  He takes a deep breath, while shaking his head a few times. “I’m sorry,” he finally says after a long pause, “that was unnecessary. I don’t even know why I asked that. I… Thank you…thank you for everything you’re doing for me.”

  I release a deep sigh and let some of the tension leave my body. I don’t know what I need to do to make him believe that I’m not here just for his grandpa, but I’m planning on making him finally see it.

  “So do you want to go to dinner or not?”

  “I don’t even know if that would fly under the rules. They said I’m not supposed to receive any financial help from anyone.”

  “This is not financial help. It’s just dinner. Dinner can’t possibly be considered financial help.”

  “It might be, if I can’t afford to pay for it.”

  “Do you want me to ask Lou?”

  “It’s past six o’clock. I’m not sure Lou would be around to answer your question.”

  “I can text him. He generally responds right away.”

  “You can just text him afterhours and expect him to respond right back? Are you texting buddies with him or something?”

  “Yea, you didn’t know?” I ask jokingly, “Lou sends me texts all the time.”

  I see a flash of anger and something else that I don’t recognize cross his face. “Is he hitting on you?” he asks in a
serious tone.

  I burst out laughing. “Lou? Hitting on me? What’s with you making all these assumptions today?”

  “You didn’t answer the question, Aleah. Is he or is he not?” he asks, even more serious this time.

  “No, he’s not. Geez. Why would you even think that?”

  He simply shrugs his shoulders. “You said he texts you all the time.”

  “I was joking. Plus, even if he was, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hitting on me. Lou’s been a tremendous help to me throughout the past months, particularly when your grandpa was sick. He was the first person I would reach out to with questions or problems, so yes, I’ve texted him before and he’s always responded quickly.”

  “But nothing inappropriate, right?” he asks with concern in his eyes. “Aiden, seriously?” I ask, my own voice starting to be raised above him.

  He holds up his hands up. “Sorry. Just making sure.”

  I release a deep sigh and fall silent, feeling irritated and confused, waiting to see if he would provide any explanation for his strange behavior. When he doesn’t, I finally ask “So you want me to text him or not?” in an agitated tone.

  “Yea, go ahead and text him,” he says, his eyes avoiding mine.

  I send Lou a quick text, asking him if it would be okay for me to pay for Aiden’s dinner and hear back within a few seconds that it’s fine. I turn the car around and head for the restaurant. We spend the rest of the way quietly, letting an awkward silence envelop the distance between us.

  As I get closer to the restaurant, anxiety about going to this place slowly makes me forget about Aiden’s strange behavior. I start having second thoughts about going there, as I park the car, but it’s not until we walk inside that the emotions hit me full force. I don’t know what made me decide to pick this place. I haven’t been here since the day before my life was changed forever. This is a place I used to come to all the time with my old circle of friends.

  The smell of hookah and kabob, as we walk in brings a rush of memory to my mind, settling a tornado of anxiety and panic at the pit of my stomach. This is exactly the kind of place I’ve been avoiding like the plague ever since I left home. The last thing I need right now is to run into one of my old friends, or worse one of my brothers here. Before we sit down, I look around nervously to make sure there is nobody here that knows me and release a tense breath when I don’t recognize any faces. I pick the table furthest from the crowd and sit on the chair facing the wall.

  “What’s wrong?” Aiden asks, with a hint of concern in his voice. I merely shrug my shoulders, as I eye the waiter approaching our table.

  “Look. I’m sorry about what I said in the car. I…”

  “It’s not that,” I cut in. “Just…just give me a minute, okay?” I say, as the waiter makes it to our table. After he takes our drink orders and heads back to the kitchen, I turn my eyes back to Aiden, but the intensity with which he’s studying me makes me nervous, so I avert my eyes once more. I’m afraid of what he can see in mine. The pain of betrayal and the lingering fear that I still feel over my past is not something I’m ready to share with him. I look at my hands and try to sound as nonchalant as I can. “I used to come to this place a lot with my old friends… I haven’t been here in forever, and I just got a bit nostalgic when we walked in.”

  “Oh…” he says with furrowed brows, “You miss your old friends?”

  “No,” I respond too quickly. “I mean I don’t miss the people because I found out that they weren’t real friends, but I do miss the feeling of being surrounded with friends and family, and thinking that there are people that love and care about me.”

  “There are people that love you and care about you.”

  “Like who?” The question is out of my mouth before I realize what I’m asking. As soon as I say it, anxiety settles at the pit of my stomach. Knowing that no matter how he answers the question¸ I may not like the answer or may not want to hear it.

  He gives me a warm smile. “Everyone that gets to know you.”

  “Everyone?” I ask with a raised eyebrow, “I’m pretty sure that there are people in your family that hate my guts.”

  “That’s because they don’t know you. They judge you based on their own view of the universe. Based on what they’re used to. And yea, if someone just looks at things from the outside, they may think you’re after money, because frankly none of us have ever come across anyone as genuine and pure as you… But anyone that actually spends time with you, that takes the time to know you, can’t help but like you. Look at Maria and Nick, they both adore you. I’ve never seen Maria fuss around anyone as much as she does with you. Lou likes you so much that he gives you his personal cell phone number and texts you back within seconds when you text him after work hours. Have you ever seen how Lou acts with everybody else? He’s cold as a rock, but with you he’s warm as honey. He acts so protective of you. That’s one of the reasons why I got suspicious there in the car for a second. I’ve just never seen him be so kind to anyone, but now that I think about it. It’s not just him; it’s everyone that gets to know you. The people that deserted you and turned their back on you, they’re douchebags and at the end of the day, it’s their loss.”

  A warm fuzzy feeling moves up the walls of my chest, making joy blossom in places that haven’t seen a ray of hope in months. His answer is the best I could have asked for. I’m not ready for any declarations of love. Even if he made them, I probably wouldn’t believe him. But this, what he said, this I believe and it warms my heart so much it is about to burst in my chest.

  “Thank you. That was really nice of you to say.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the truth.”

  I put on another dress and look at my profile in the dressing room mirror. This one is sexier, more daring than all the other ones I’ve tried so far. It’s a black dress that comes up to my mid thighs, with a cleavage that is lower than anything I would normally wear. I swirl around and check out the dress from multiple angles. It’s definitely more revealing than anything I’m used to wearing, but it’s done in good taste, and for some reason I feel like I want to push the boundaries of my own comfort for this occasion. I imagine the look on Aiden’s face when he sees in me in this dress and can’t help the smile that crosses my lips. I have a feeling he will like it, and that alone is enough of an incentive for me to choose the dress.

  I make my way to the shoe department and look around to find some silver heels that match the color of the belt on the dress. A pair of silver stilettos catches my eyes and as soon as I put them on, I know I’ve found the perfect pair.

  As I pay for the shoes and the dress, I can hardly contain my excitement over the upcoming evening. Aiden told me over a week ago to keep this Friday evening open, but every time I’ve asked why, he evaded the question. Last night, I finally convinced him to at least tell me how to dress. He simply said that I should dress nice. When I asked if I should wear heels, the sparkle of excitement in his eyes gave away the answer. I know he gets his first paycheck today and I have a feeling he’s planned something nice.

  As the hour at which I should pick him up from work approaches, I feel more and more excitement bubble up in my stomach. When I finally pull up to his building, I can hardly control the huge grin crossing my face. He walks out of the door at the exact time, and slowly pivots his way towards me.

  “Hey. Perfect timing,” he says, as he climbs up in the car.

  “I know. It’s as if I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks or something. I have it down to a science.”

  A sad look crosses his face, as he releases a deep breath. “I know. I can’t believe you’ve had to give me a ride twice a day, every day for this long, but I promise I’m buying a car this weekend. I already have a couple in my mind that I want to go check out tomorrow.”

  “Hey. That’s not what I meant. I was just joking. You know that, right? You should know by now that I don’t mind picking you up.”

  “I know, but i
t still doesn’t make it right. You’re not my driver.”

  “Okay, fine. Buy your own damn car, but you know you’ll miss this blue Prius pulling up to your building every evening.”

  His warm chuckle fills the car. “I promise I won’t miss the Prius. Now the driver, that’s another story.”

  I spin my head around to see the look on his face, almost hitting the car in front of me, when I get lost in his eyes. He’s said things like this here and there before, but every time he says another one, I’m still overtaken by surprise, my heart going on a wild roller coaster ride.

  Even though, we’ve had a couple of talks about what he wants, his behavior still very much confuses me. One minute he is showing me affection, telling me sweet little things and the next he appears distant. He’s also done everything he can to stay away from me physically. It’s small subtle things, but I’ve noticed. When we walk next to each other, he puts just a tad of space more than normal in between us so our arms don’t touch and when we go somewhere to eat, he always sits across from me, so the table creates enough of a distance between us. But his eyes, those are another story. When he looks at me, especially when he has just blurted out something like he just did, his eyes tell me a completely different story. Those eyes show a look of longing that matches my own, and I don’t know which one to believe. Sometimes I think the longing I see in his eyes, is a figment of my imagination, reflecting my own desires back to me.

  I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even realize I’m auto-matically driving to Aiden’s apartment instead of going where I’m supposed to.

  “Why are you going this way? I thought we decided to drive directly to Grandpa’s house, so you can get ready.” His voice brings me out of my errant thoughts.

  “Yea, sorry I wasn’t thinking.”

  He raises his eyebrow. “Are you sure? It seemed like you were thinking a little too much. What’s on your mind?”