Bitter Almonds

by Lilas Taha

  He stretched to his feet. ‘Noon, maybe. I’m taking Nadia to the university.’ He glowered at Huda, daring her to object. ‘To start her registration process.’

  She put her cup down. ‘Good. She must enroll. Nadia should pursue her dreams.’

  For the second time this morning, Huda had surprised him. He narrowed his eyes. ‘I thought you were against it.’

  Huda shook her head, the look in her eyes difficult to understand. ‘I want her to have a diploma, to get a good job, to be independent.’ She averted her eyes to the streets below. ‘This world is too harsh.’ Rising, she gave him a gentle push. ‘Go. Take her. We’ll talk when you come back.’

  Omar hesitated, alarm bells sounding in his head. What was wrong with strong-willed, abrasive Huda? Her attitude toward him had changed in the past couple of years. Life’s cycle had seasoned her, made her more mature, abrasive none-the-less. What fazed her now?

  Nadia called him from inside. He pushed Huda’s issues to the back of his mind and escorted Nadia to the Registration Department at Damascus University.

  On the way, Nadia talked non-stop about her decision to study English literature, stressing her desire to become a teacher. Omar couldn’t find an opening to say what was on his mind. Nadia’s excitement for getting what she wanted despite Huda’s objections kept her bouncing from one topic to another, cutting him off whenever he saw an opportunity to say something. Her joy was infectious and he marveled at her ability to lift his mood. Before heading home, he took her through his usual route around the neighborhood.

  Nearing the bench at the public square, Nadia’s steps faltered.‘You’re not going away again, are you?’

  ‘Why would you think that?’

  ‘Last time you took me on a similar walk, you told me you were leaving to the academy.’

  Omar forced a smile. ‘I’ll always come back. You can count on that.’ He cleared his throat. ‘But that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.’

  She touched his arm and snatched it away almost immediately. ‘Tell me then.’

  Her awkward move confirmed his suspicions. Nadia had changed toward him too. If only he could figure out the reason behind it. He brought his voice down, ‘Are you angry with me or something?’

  ‘What?’ Her fingers flew to the top of her blue dress. The navy-cut collar didn’t have buttons. ‘You made my dream come true today.’ She inserted the tip of her index finger under the fabric and moved it from side to side. ‘Can’t you tell how happy I am?’

  ‘Just making sure.’ He nudged her to resume their walk. She would turn eighteen on her next birthday. A necklace. He should buy her a necklace, something for her fingers to play with instead of collars and buttons.

  ‘Are you?’ she asked.

  ‘Am I what? Angry?’

  Nadia nodded, her large irises searching his face. Fearing she might trip for not watching her step, he held her elbow. ‘Can’t you tell?’

  She pulled her elbow out of his grip, plopped down on the bench, and crossed her legs. ‘How would I know? You’ve been acting very strange the past few days. I used to be able to catch your moods, but I can’t anymore.’

  He joined her on the bench. ‘There’s a lot on my mind.’

  ‘Talk to me. What are you waiting for?’

  Sighing, Omar lifted his eyes to the clouded skies. Birds flew in circles in the distance. ‘If you’ll keep quiet for a minute, I’ll tell you.’

  ‘We used to speak with ease to each other. The war changed you.’

  He swung his head toward her. ‘Did you think it wouldn’t? Grow up, will you?’

  Flinching, she crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I have. You didn’t notice.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  Biting her lower lip, she inhaled deeply. ‘You still see me as a little girl, in need of protection from everything and . . . everyone.’

  Omar tore his eyes away, concentrated on the soaring birds. ‘That’s what I wanted to discuss with—’

  ‘I can handle myself, you know,’ she interrupted. ‘I don’t need you or Huda to solve my problems.’

  He adjusted his seating to face her. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Huda told you, didn’t she?’ She dropped her hands in her lap and examined her fingers.

  At a complete loss, he opened his mouth to say that much but she cut him off again.

  ‘She promised she wouldn’t. But, no. Poor little Nadia has to be protected. Like I don’t have the brains to make stupid people shut up. I’m not helpless.’ Her face turned red, her hands waved around at nothing in particular. ‘I know how to deal with this garbage. Once I find out who’s spreading those nasty lies, I’m going to gouge their eyes out. Watch me. I will do it.’

  Omar grabbed her wrists. ‘Hey, hey. Calm down.’ Looking around, he lowered her hands to the space separating them. No one on the streets paid them attention. Not yet. He kept her hands in his, surprised to see this feisty side of her. Trying to remain calm, he controlled his voice as best he could. ‘I don’t think I have the full picture here. What garbage?’

  Nadia’s lower lip quivered. ‘You know. The rumors some women . . .’ She swallowed, tears gathering in her eyes.

  Omar patted her hands before releasing them. He dug his checkered handkerchief from his pocket and handed it over, waited for her to blow her nose. So women gossiped about her and Marwan? He should have seen that coming. Taking a deep breath, he sighed his words, ‘It will all work out soon.’

  Nadia crumbled the handkerchief in her hand, keeping her eyes cast down. ‘I just don’t understand how someone could think that about me and . . . you.’

  He jerked his head. ‘What did you say?’

  She lifted wet eyelashes, tears running. ‘Everyone knows we are one family living together. So what if we are not related by blood. That doesn’t mean we are doing anything wrong. I don’t understand what changed all of a sudden. People are stupid and . . . and evil.’ Nadia broke down in audible cries.

  Omar left the bench. The birds above his head screeched in his ears, deafening him. Or was it the sound of his blood boiling, rushing through his veins? His mouth went dry as a desert, his entire body tensed, gearing for a fight. He searched for something to strike at. Giving Nadia his back, he grappled for composure, afraid to make a scene and attract attention. Someone was using him to tarnish Nadia’s reputation in the community. Why? Who? Truth be damned. The suspicion alone would be damaging enough.

  Nadia touched his shoulder.

  He swung around, knocking her hand away as if she had branded him with a hot iron.

  ‘Huda was trying to find out who started the rumor. Did she tell you? Is that what you brought me here for?’

  ‘We’ll discuss it at home.’ He forced his voice to stay steady, but it vibrated in his chest and erupted with a strangled sound. ‘Coming here was a mistake.’ He let her walk home ahead of him and remained quiet along the way.

  A loud commotion sounded on the stairs outside the front door to the apartment. Omar jumped over the remaining couple of steps and pushed open the door. It took him several seconds to understand the scene he had walked in on.

  Mama Subhia bent over Sameera in one corner of the living room, fistfuls of Sameera’s hair in her hands. Huda held her mother from the waist, trying to pull her back. Everyone was screaming.

  Nadia closed the door behind Omar and stopped short.

  Omar sprang to action. He pried Mama Subhia off Sameera and dragged her to a chair. Huda tried to keep her seated while he helped Sameera to her feet.

  ‘Let me tear her apart, the conniving bitch,’ Mama Subhia yelled, her chest heaving with exertion and anger.

  ‘Calm down, Mama. Your heart.’ Huda turned toward a stunned Nadia. ‘Fetch cold water.’

  Nadia ran to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. She sprinkled water over Mama Subhia’s face.

  Omar didn’t know what to do with Sameera, who was sobbing and clinging to his
neck. Afraid she might collapse like a squid once he let her go, he allowed her to use him for support. ‘Someone tell me what’s going on.’

  Huda fixed fierce eyes on Sameera. ‘She has been spreading lies about you and Nadia.’

  The glass in Nadia’s hand crashed to the floor.

  Omar unlaced Sameera’s hands from around his neck. ‘Is this true?’

  Mama Subhia slammed her chest. ‘From inside my house. No wonder women listened to this nonsense.’ She tried to push her body off the chair, but Huda held her back. ‘They heard it from this snake living among us.’

  ‘I said what I know,’ Sameera hissed.

  Releasing her, Omar took one step back. ‘And what the hell do you think you know?’

  Sameera ran hands over her hair, wiped tears dripping down her chin. ‘I know a lot.’ She pointed at the women huddled together. ‘They never accepted me into this house, thinking their precious Nadia was better than me. They despise Shareef for marrying me.’ She straightened her back. ‘I’m not stupid, or blind. I see how you look at her. I know that look.’

  ‘You know nothing,’ Omar shot back, his heart racing.

  ‘I know you two spent a night alone.’ Sameera jutted her chin in defiance, challenging Omar. ‘Now, that’s not a lie, is it?’

  Nadia grabbed Sameera’s arm and swung her around. ‘You are out of your mind.’

  ‘You think you are above reproach? All proper and innocent? Well, look whose reputation is in the dirt now.’

  Nadia slapped Sameera across the face with enough force that it caused Sameera to lose her footing and slump against the wall.

  Huda lunged at her with both fists. Nadia reared for another slap.

  Omar grabbed Sameera and shoved her behind him, offering his body as a barrier. Huda’s blows landed on his chest; Nadia’s nails scratched his neck.

  ‘Everybody calm down.’ He held back Huda with one arm and Nadia the other, attempting to control the situation, hoping he would fail and let them tear Sameera apart. ‘You’re upsetting your mother.’ He released them and they both went to Mama Subhia’s side.

  Crying, she slapped her thighs over and over. ‘We are ruined. Ruined.’

  ‘The night Fatimah went into labor,’ Sameera yelled at Nadia. ‘You called my family’s house and asked us to stay there with the little girls, knowing your mother and Huda were spending the night with Fatimah.’ She cowered behind Omar’s back. ‘You planned it so you would be alone with Omar.’

  Omar swung around, slammed a palm against the wall by Sameera’s head. ‘Go to your room, woman,’ he barked. ‘Lock the door and wait for your husband.’

  Sameera’s surge of defiance vanished in a heartbeat. She hurried away as instructed, bumping into furniture until she reached her room.

  Omar slumped forward to land his forehead on the wall. His insides were twisting without mercy. He closed his eyes in anticipation of a possible spasm attack, welcoming it at this point.

  Mama Subhia wailed behind him. ‘May God curse the day Sameera came into this house. May He show me the day she gets what she deserves for what she has done. And Shareef, I curse—’

  ‘Mama, please,’ Nadia sobbed. ‘Don’t curse your son.’

  Omar lifted his head, turned and leaned his back against the wall, needing it for support.

  ‘No decent family will approach you now, Nadia. Or any of your sisters.’ Mama Subhia rocked back and forth in her seat. ‘We are ruined.’

  ‘Stop that nonsense, Mama.’ Huda knelt in front of her mother. ‘The lie didn’t spread like the bitch designed. I learned about it from a woman I tended, and she knows the kind of people we are, never believed a word of it. She stopped it from passing her doorstep and agreed to help me flush out the instigator. I never imagined it would be Sameera.’

  Nadia sank down beside Huda. ‘You mean no one else knows?’

  ‘I don’t think so. I told you women are gossiping so you would be extra careful until I found the source.’

  ‘It came out of this house. Someone will believe it.’ Mama Subhia held Nadia’s hands. ‘The damage is done.’

  ‘You need to rest.’ Huda got to her feet, pulling Mama Subhia up with her. ‘Help me, Nadia. Let’s get her to bed.’ She raised her eyebrows at Omar. ‘We’ll take care of things.’

  Before she let the girls escort her inside, Mama Subhia lifted disappointed eyes to Omar. ‘You promised Mustafa to take care of his girls. Now see what has happened.’

  Holding himself together by a thread, Omar went into his room. He lowered his body onto one of the chairs by the window, placed his elbows on his knees, and held his head in the palms of his hands. How could he have let this happen? He should never have returned home after he left the hospital. He could have rented a room somewhere close by, maintained a distance for people to see, or stayed at Fatimah’s place. He knew something was off with the way everyone had behaved the day he came home. He knew, and he ignored it. Sameera had it in for him from the start, moving around him like a sneaky fox, watching, calculating, scheming.

  He lifted his head, gasping for air. The windows were shut, Huda’s attempt at keeping the neighbors out of earshot. How could he fix this? How could he keep his word to Uncle Mustafa? Redeem himself in Mama Subhia’s eyes? Stretching to his feet, he tried to fill his lungs with air, trapped and powerless.

  Nadia’s intermittent sobs drifted from the girls’ room. He took hold of the chair and threw it against the wall. The night lamp followed, then the nightstand it stood on. The contents of his drawer scattered across the floor. The bed was next. He flipped it over, then kicked the bottom over and over until his foot went numb. Everything inside his body hurt. But most of all, the pain from Mama Subhia’s accusing words was the ultimate blow. Gulping for air, his lungs burned with each breath.

  Huda stood in the doorway. ‘Are you done?’

  ‘I need to get out of here.’

  She spread her feet apart and placed her hands on the doorjambs. ‘You can’t leave now.’

  ‘Move.’

  ‘Shareef will be home soon. What do you think my selfish brother is going to do once he learns of this?’

  ‘I don’t give a shit.’ He shoved her aside and hurried to the front door.

  ‘Knowing how Shareef feels about you, who do you think he’s going to believe? Nadia or his wife?’

  Omar’s hand froze on the door handle.

  ‘Are you really going to let Nadia face him alone?’

  Omar let go of the door handle, balled his fists by his sides.

  ‘I spared Mama and Nadia one crucial detail.’

  Omar swung around, his legs unable to hold him upright. ‘There’s more?’

  ‘Sameera claimed you had your way with Nadia that night.’

  A deep groan rumbled out of Omar’s throat. He pressed his fists to his abdomen as if Huda had dealt him a physical blow.

  ‘And that is exactly what Sameera is going to tell Shareef the minute he walks in.’ Huda folded her arms on her chest. ‘We need to contain him. Like Mama said. The damage is done. The snake has been planning this for a while.’ She unfolded her arms and pointed at the girls’ bedroom. ‘Nadia is in there crying her heart out, Mama is almost catatonic at this point, and you want to smash furniture and leave?’

  ‘Call Waleed. We’re going to need him.’ Dragging his feet to the sofa in the living room, he slumped forward. ‘Tell him to leave Fatimah at home.’

  ‘I took the little girls over there this morning to keep them away from here. Fatimah will have to stay with them anyway.’

  Omar nodded. ‘Please open a window. I can’t breathe.’

  27

  Trying to put his room back in order proved too arduous a task for Omar in the condition he was in. The surge of anger that propelled him to destruction put a lot of strain on his muscles, and he staggered at every move he made. His thoughts swept over events in disarray, jumping from past to present, lacking focus or reason. The unjust accusation leveled again
st him contradicted the guilt over the way he felt about Nadia, and his bruised honor blanketed every thought and sensation. He kept his distance from Nadia and Mama Subhia, suspecting if he opened his mouth, he would do more harm than good.

  Huda withdrew with the women into their room. Not a sound drifted his way. The silence in the house cast an eerie vibe, the kind that descended after a thunderstorm, promising relief from the charged atmosphere. This one delivered none. Omar sat on his reassembled bed, faced the open door of his room, and waited for either Waleed or Shareef to walk in.

  Waleed arrived first. Eyeing the destroyed furniture pieces piled in one corner, he scratched his head. ‘You had another episode? Do you need to go to the doctor?’

  Omar pointed at a chair. ‘You need to sit down for what I have to tell you.’ He didn’t waste time, or stumble on his words. He explained the situation in a straightforward manner, keeping his jumbled emotions in check as much as he could.

  Waleed listened without interrupting, releasing a couple of sighs every now and then. ‘So what Sameera said was partly true? You two were alone that night?’

  Omar placed his right hand on his chest and surged to his feet. ‘I was passed out half the time. As God is my witness, I never did anything to suggest any of this.’

  ‘You don’t have to swear to me. I’m not doubting your honor or Nadia’s. I just want to make sure I have all the facts.’ Waleed rubbed his chin. ‘I had no idea Sameera hated Nadia that much.’

  Omar dropped down on the bed. ‘I brought this on. I made Shareef marry her and bring her to this house.’

  ‘If you’re going to think that way, then I’m as much to blame as you are. We need to think ahead. Find a solution.’

  ‘I will do whatever it takes.’

  ‘First, we need to control Shareef. We can’t have him talk to his wife before we have a chance to fill him in.’

  Huda walked into the room and greeted Waleed with a curt nod. ‘What’s the plan?’

  ‘Don’t let Sameera come out of her room.’ Waleed stuck an index finger in the air. ‘Not before Omar and I have explained things to Shareef.’

  Omar approached Huda. ‘How is Mama Subhia?’