Craving Midnight

by A. M. Hargrove

  I hadn’t meant to speak those words out loud, but she sits up in the chair, waiting for an answer. What the hell am I supposed to say?

  Chapter 23

  Midnight

  Harrison wakes me up, yelling. I have no idea what’s going on because I’m napping. And when I ask him, he stares at me like I should know the answer.

  “Well? Is something wrong?”

  He opens, then closes his mouth, and stomps away. What am I supposed to do with that? I throw on my cami and bottoms and trail behind him. This won’t work. He can’t come outside, yell, then leave without an explanation.

  I find him in the bedroom, staring out the window.

  “You were naked.”

  “And?”

  “What if someone saw you?” He turns and drills me with those cocoa irises. He’s angry! This is absurd.

  “How could they? You told me at breakfast no one could see us.”

  He stutters, “You were at the pool.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  The muscles in his jaw twitch. If he’s not careful, they’re going to twitch right off his face. I don’t understand his logic ... but then my gears switch and dumbass here finally gets it.

  “It bothers you that I did porn, doesn’t it?”

  “No.” He sounds like a pouty kid. I want to laugh, but I can’t. That would be disastrous.

  “Tell the truth, Harrison, so we can deal with it.”

  “Okay.” His arms fly out. “It bugs the shit out of me. To think men jack off as they watch you get fucked.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  “I, uh ...”

  “It’s okay. In fact, out of everyone, I hope you did.”

  “Then yes. Guilty as charged.” The words rush out of him.

  Pointing to the bed, I say, “Please sit.”

  I’m a little surprised he does. “I can understand how hard it is. I’ll be honest. If it were you, I’d have a hard time too. But the fact is there isn’t a darn thing I can do about it. It was in the past and I can’t change it. So, we can either move forward and deal with it the best we can, or we can part ways. I’ll leave this decision up to you. But what I can’t do is have you freaking out over it and then withdrawing from me.”

  “Why were you naked?”

  “You mean just now?”

  He nods.

  “One, I don’t have a bathing suit with me. And two, I’ve never sunbathed naked before. You have the perfect place for it. I figured what the hell. It was either naked or in my underwear. So I chose naked.”

  “That’s it?”

  “What? You think I’m some kind of perv and want people to see me?” That thought pisses me off.

  “No! I just thought maybe you were used to walking around naked.”

  “Jesus. Okay, let’s pull back a little. The movie scenes were nude, but immediately after, I would robe up. I didn’t walk around naked all day, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  When my words register, his posture droops. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. Does that make you feel better?” I ask.

  “Somewhat.”

  I sit down next to him. “Go on. I know you have more questions. Ask away.”

  “Did you orgasm on film?”

  Laughing, I say, “Seriously? I’m a really good fake. Wanna see?”

  That was definitely the wrong answer.

  “What?”

  “Whoa. Hold your horses, slick. This was in reference to on film. This has nothing to do with you. The truth is until you, I didn’t think I could orgasm through sex. Understand?”

  “So you never climaxed during those films?”

  “Never.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Happy now?”

  “Not exactly.”

  I’m not sure if this is fixable. “Maybe it’s time for me to leave.”

  “You can’t. I won’t risk your safety. Holt could come back.”

  “I refuse to stay here with you acting like this.”

  “I can’t help the way I feel.”

  “Then we’re deadlocked.”

  I’m at a loss. I can’t redo my past. And if he knew the other part of it, he’d toss me in the trash because that’s what I am. That thought makes my decision. Moments later I’m dressed, carrying my bag, as he trails me to the car, arguing the stupidity of my decision.

  “I disagree. You’ve made me feel cheap and I don’t need a constant reminder of what I did in order to—” I clamp my mouth shut. I almost told him something I never intend to share with anyone. Ever.

  “In order to what?”

  “Nothing. I’m leaving. The window will be fixed today. You know where to find me. But don’t call until you can deal with my past, Harrison.”

  I climb behind the wheel and circle around his driveway. This house is like a resort, but it’s suddenly left a bitter taste in my mouth. Tears blur my vision as I drive down the highway, so I pull off the road until they pass. This emotional journey called life is getting to be a giant pain in my ass. When I think back to all my problems, every single one of them leads directly back to men. Dammit, why do they cause so much trouble? Why can’t they be uncomplicated creatures, like women? That thought at least makes me laugh.

  I arrive home to find contractors at my place installing the new windows. I’m not gonna lie—it’ll be a little freaky staying here tonight. But I’m going to have to do it sooner or later.

  What a freak show Holt turned out to be. Soon after I unpack my bag, Danny calls.

  “Midnight, how are you?”

  “I’m fine. They’re fixing my windows now.”

  “Good. I talked to Holt.”

  “And?”

  “He’s claiming he’s under a lot of stress.”

  I let out a laugh. “Aren’t we all?”

  “I told him he has to stay away from you, except during filming. He says you invited him over and that you wanted to spend the weekend with him.”

  “Oh my God. That is such bullshit. He’s the one who suggested it to me and I said no.”

  “Yeah, I hit him back with that, because that’s what you told me. He stammered a bit and then I hit him with some other stuff. We’re going to get this film wrapped up as quickly as we can, Midnight. I promise.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Next week is Christmas and we’re only giving everyone Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. The same for New Year’s. My guess is we’ll be wrapped by the second week of January at the very latest.”

  “You think?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  “And then we go into postproduction. But Midnight, the dailies are still so fucking amazing, I can’t even tell you how great they are.”

  “I hope you’re pleased with my work.”

  “Very. So don’t spend too much time worrying about Holt.”

  “Um, I’ll try not to. I just want someone to be present at all times when I’m around him.”

  “We can handle that.”

  “Good. Then I’ll see you Monday,” I say.

  I feel a little better, as long as that idiot doesn’t show up on my doorstep again.

  Later that afternoon, I get a surprising phone call. It’s from Helen Reddy.

  “Hey, I hope you don’t mind me calling. I snagged your number from the office. You up to going to dinner tonight?” she asks.

  “I don’t mind at all, and dinner sounds great.”

  “There’s this great place near my house.” She tells me where she lives so I leave for her place around six. When she answers, I’m a little surprised. Gone is the Harley look. She still has blond hair, but it’s solidly blond now. Her lips are still red, but no pigtails anymore. She’s wearing jeans and a cute cream-colored top with lace trim.

  “Hiya, puddin’,” comes out of her mouth and normal flies out the window. Nevertheless, the corners of my mouth tip upward because Helen is cute. Really cute. Her crystal-blue eyes spark
le and she holds out her hand, so I take it and we shake. It’s a firm grip, not a squishy one that women sometimes offer. “Come on in. This isn’t really my place, but I wish it were. Harrison has been awful nice to me since I moved here. For some reason, I’m having a terrible time finding my way around. New York is so easy because most all the streets are numbers, you know. It’s not like that here. I’m constantly getting lost.”

  “Don’t you ever use maps on your phone?”

  “Well, yeah, I do. But I usually go the wrong way. That little man they have should be pointed in the direction you’re supposed to walk.”

  “Just check the distance. If it’s decreasing, you’re good.”

  She points at me. “You’re pretty smart, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “Want a beer?”

  “Sure.”

  We sit and chat while we drink our beers. She’s very engaging. She chews bubblegum like I eat gummies. I like Helen more and more.

  She cocks her head and stares at me. Hard. “Do I have something on my face?”

  “Yeah. Pain. You try to hide it but I see through you. You know why?”

  I hope she’s not one of those creepy clairvoyant types. “No.”

  “I have it too. You and me, we’re sisters. I’ve been there, you know. I’m not asking for your secrets and I’m not going to give you mine. I’m only saying I can read between the lines,” she says.

  The air I’m holding wheezes out of me, making me sound like an asthmatic. “For a minute there, I thought you wanted to play true confessions.”

  “Hell to the fucking no on that. There will be no confessions shooting out of this mouth, puddin’.”

  “Can I ask you something—and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want?”

  “Sure.”

  “Have you ever thought of changing your name to Harley?”

  The biggest smile I’ve ever seen on another human being stretches across her lovely face. Then she aims her index finger at me and says, “You get me, Midnight. You really get me.”

  “No, it’s just ...” What is it exactly?

  “I know. And you wanna know why?” she asks.

  I lean forward, dropping my elbows to my knees.

  “At first, Harley was just a plain girl until she got fucked up. Then she got those superpowers. I wanna be smart, but I wanna be strong too. Not psycho strong. I know people think I’m crazy and all, but I’m not. I’m just a girl who doesn’t want to be taken advantage of ever again. When people look at me all dressed up like her, they don’t mess with me. I think you can understand that, can’t you?”

  “I totally get you.”

  “Yah, I knew you would. That day I climbed into the helicopter, I thought you had your claws into Harrison. I wanted to let you know then he was all yours. I sort of bat for the other team now. Girls don’t hurt you. Physically, that is.”

  A veil drops over her, and I see it. I know where she’s coming from.

  “No men at all? Ever?”

  She shrugs. “I’m not gonna say never. But for right now, I’m staying away from them, unless it’s a threesome.” She pops a bubble and giggles. “Too bad God gave men all the dicks.”

  We laugh.

  “So, you wanna go eat?” she asks.

  “Yeah. I’m a little hungry.”

  We take the elevator down and I ask her where we’re going. She tells me it’s this Vietnamese restaurant and I nearly get giddy. My ethnic food fondness is going to be fed tonight. Helen just scored another point in my book.

  Over dinner, we talk about a ton of stuff. I ask her if she misses New York and she almost chokes on her Bánh xèo.

  “Oh, hell no. I wouldn’t miss that place in a million years. Bad memories. I’m sure you get that.”

  And do I ever. “That’s Phoenix for me. I don’t ever want to have to go back there again.”

  She holds out her fist for me to bump it. “See. Sisters, right?”

  “I guess we are.”

  “So, you and Harrison? Are you two ...” And she motions using her index finger sliding in and out of a circle she’s made with her other finger and thumb.

  Laughing, I set my chopsticks down and then sigh. “Well ... sort of, but now I’m not so sure. At least not after today. Oh, fuck, who knows.”

  “I figured you were. He mentions your name a fair amount in the office. And I only want to say this—he’s one of the good guys. There aren’t many, not that I have to tell you that.”

  “Why would he mention my name at all? Is it in passing or what?” I ask.

  “There was that thing with Holt while you were at the health spa. That’s what we call it.”

  “That thing?”

  “You know, where Holt tried to say he was missing out on some roles because of the delay.”

  Oh yeah. I’d forgotten about that.

  “Harrison was not about to let anything affect your career. You’re in good hands with him.”

  “He certainly likes to fix things.”

  She perks up in her chair. “He fixed me. Well, sort of. I would’ve been fired and probably more. That Trent, the one who did all that stuff to you, more than likely would’ve come after me. I didn’t tell that to Harrison. I would’ve had to lay low for a while, which meant I wouldn’t have been able to pay my rent. It would’ve been a bad scene for me all around.”

  Her hand is on the table so I grab it. “Helen, I had no idea how much you went out on a limb to help me. That was damn brave of you.”

  “I wasn’t working that night. But that dickhead I worked for didn’t give a damn. Trent was a nasty shit and would give him a percentage of what his take was on those movies. That’s how it worked. At the time, I didn’t realize he was selling videos online. I put two and two together after you. Had I known, I could’ve done something about it.”

  “No. What would you have done?”

  “Turned them both into the police. I used to think the girls were drunk or high. But now I know they were drugged. Those assholes.”

  “I still want to look into their faces and ask them if it makes them feel big, feel proud to do that.”

  She presses her hands together. “But see, those types of people have no conscience. Confronting him wouldn’t serve a purpose. It would only upset you more.”

  “You’re right. But logic won’t listen to my heart.”

  “I think you just have to FIDO it—fuck it and drive on. There have been so many times in my life where I spend way too much time being upset or pissed off about stuff I can’t do anything about. It’s a waste of energy. Spend your time on meaningful things. After you finish this film, take a little time off for Midnight. Pamper yourself and get revived. I’ve never been able to do that so consider yourself lucky.”

  “Believe me, I’ve never been able to either. It’s always been worrying about where my next meal is coming from or how I’m going to pay my rent.”

  “Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah.”

  She holds up her beer bottle and we toast to sucky lives.

  “So, tell me what you’ve been doing since you’ve moved here,” I say.

  “Mostly working. Misha’s been the most helpful.” Two spots of color appear high on her cheekbones. I wonder what that’s all about.

  “She seemed so—oh, I don’t know, a little scary when I first met her. Then again, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with her and it was under fucked-up circumstances,” I say.

  “Oh, she’s a bulldog when she goes after something. I’d hate to be a guy and piss her off. She’d pinch the nuts off anyone.”

  “Yeah, that’s the perfect description of her.”

  Helen scoops up the last of her food, and after she swallows it says, “But you know something? If she’s on your side, she totally has your back. Like Harrison.”

  “How many other people work there?”

  “Well, there’s Emily, Misha, of course, then Leland, and t
hey have other contacts that don’t work full-time but are on contract. I guess they’re like consultants or something.”

  “I see.”

  “You’ve never been to the office?”

  “Nope.”

  “Hmm. I do all the billing. Man, do they ever charge a lot. I’m not at liberty to discuss it, though. I signed an NDA.”

  “I imagine you did.” Now that I think of it, I never got a bill from them. There are so many questions I want to ask her about Harrison, but I don’t want to sound super nosy or like I’m taking advantage of a friendship. Helen is nice, and she’s the first person I’ve met in LA who I want to be friends with. My agent, Rita, is kind and considerate, but we have a business relationship only. I prefer to keep it that way. Mixing business and friendship sometimes isn’t such a good idea. Helen, even though she works for Harrison, is far enough removed that I don’t consider her part of the business deal.

  After dinner, she invites me to go to one of her favorite hangouts.

  “I think I’m going to go home. I’m pretty tired.” I haven’t shared with her what happened the night before.

  “Okay, that’s cool. Wanna go back to my place, then?”

  “No, you go on. I’ll find the way back. Don’t let my wimpiness cripple your night.”

  She tilts her head and her eyes drill mine. I get the odd feeling she’s reading my mind. “You sure?”

  “Yeah. I’m good.”

  Then her arms are squeezing me in a tight hug, and while she holds me, she says, “I hope we’re good friends, Midnight, ’cuz I really like you.”

  “Yeah, I feel the same, Helen.”

  I watch her waltz down the street and I turn toward my car. I’m driving home when my phone buzzes. I don’t answer because I don’t have a hands-free Bluetooth. My car is old and although I need a new one, it’ll have to wait until I catch up on my bills. Maybe if this movie does well, I’ll land another deal and I can do it then.

  When I get home, I check my phone to find it was Harrison. I’m not going to call him back. We need a little distance. Christmas is next week. He’ll probably spend it with his parents and either way, I need to think this shit out between us, and so does he. I can’t be on edge because of how he feels.

  I inspect the new window, making sure it’s locked and no one can jimmy it open.