Craving Midnight

by A. M. Hargrove

  “You may think I left you without a dime, but that’s not true. I had a plan if things went south. I took out a life insurance policy six months ago. You and Sammie will be fine. Take the money and leave this town. Find somewhere nice, where she can grow up and have a good home. You know, a place where she’ll be happy and safe. Don’t wait, Christine. Do it now. Tomorrow at the latest.”

  The letter ends with Finn telling Christine he’ll love her forever and beyond.

  After we finish, I set the headset on the podium and smile at Holt. Then I walk out of the soundproof room we’re in. I want to shout at the top of my lungs, scream for joy. But there are only a couple of people here. It’s totally anticlimactic. And so will tonight be. Unless I call Helen.

  On the way to my car I shoot her a text.

  Guess who wrapped today?

  She hits me back with Minnie Mouse?

  How did you guess? I add a couple of laughing emojis.

  So where are we celebrating tonight?

  You pick.

  Cool. Be at my place at seven.

  I’m pretty sure I’ll be spending the night there. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. I wonder if she’s thought about that. She may have to work. Maybe we should postpone our celebration for a night. But when I think about it, no way will we find a place for dinner without a reservation with such short notice. Best we stick to our plan for tonight.

  At seven, I roll into her parking lot. She’s all dressed up, and I’m in jeans.

  “What the hell, Helen?”

  “You said celebration, so I figured …”

  “But damn. You look like you’re going to a premiere.”

  “Yeah, about that. Can I get tickets to yours?”

  “Uh, I don’t know. I’m not even sure how that works.”

  She hooks her arm through mine because she says our Uber is here, and we’re out the door. On the way to the car, she says, “You’ll figure it out. You’re a big star now. I know Turned is going to be the film of the year. You watch.”

  “I don’t know why you’re saying that, but if it is, I’m taking us on a trip somewhere.”

  “Where?” Her eyes turn into circles reminding me of the moon. Helen had it rough growing up, though I don’t know the entire story. That’s the thing I adore about her. She’s not nosy and doesn’t dig at all. But I recognize things in her, the way her voice changes, the way her eyes dart around, and the way she pretends not to care about things when she does. She’s never traveled, like me. So who else would I want to take on a trip?

  “I don’t know. Maybe Hawaii?” I say.

  “What about Cabo? I’d like that too.”

  “Why not both?”

  She sucks in so much air, I’m afraid there won’t be any left for me.

  “Really? You’d take me somewhere like that?”

  “Yeah. What fun is there in going on a trip like that alone?”

  “Well, none, I suppose.”

  “So, that’s why you’re coming with me. Makes total sense, right?” I ask.

  “Yeah, yeah, it does.”

  We bump fists as we get in the car. Helen made reservations at a swanky restaurant. After, we hit one of her favorite clubs. I’m super leery because the last time I was in a club, it didn’t turn out so great.

  “You know how uncomfortable I am with this, right?”

  She slants a look at me. “I do. But you have to get over that. Here’s how it goes. You watch the bartender like a hawk when he makes your drink. Never take your eyes off it. Ever. If you set that sucker down, do not drink from it again. When you hold it, keep it in front of you so no one can slip something in it. If we dance, you don’t drink out of that drink again. We get new ones. Sometimes I hold my drink with one hand and cover it with the other.”

  “You’re smarter than I am.”

  “No, I have more street smarts.”

  “You’ve been date-raped before.”

  She squirms, looks away, then back at me. After one curt nod, she says, “Just remember what I told you.”

  We dance and have a great time. I watch my alcohol consumption, because I’m extra cautious with my drinks. Little by little I find I’m enjoying myself. On the way back to Helen’s, she wants to know what’s going on with Harrison.

  “I don’t know. Haven’t talked to him in a few days.”

  “You should call him.”

  “That’s not going to happen anytime soon.”

  “He likes you. “

  “That’s nice.”

  “Really likes you.”

  “And how would you know?”

  “I just do. I can tell,” she says.

  “Hmmph.” If he liked me, then he’d call me, he wouldn’t be freaked out about my past, and I wouldn’t be alone on Christmas and New Year’s. “He doesn’t like me. Besides, that sounds so juvenile.”

  “He went to New York. I overheard him talking. Something about his friends there. Men are juvenile anyway. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

  “I haven’t figured out a lot of stuff yet.”

  “I’ve noticed. But don’t worry. It’ll happen.”

  I’m too tired to argue. I only want to put my head on a pillow and dream about the sexy Harrison and what he used to do to my body.

  The Uber driver drops us off and I climb into my car and drive home. I didn’t drink enough to inebriate a flea. When I get home, I’m unlocking my door when I hear footsteps behind me.

  I pull my pepper spray out, ready to shower whoever it is coming behind me.

  “Hey, stranger.”

  “Jesus, Holt, you’re not supposed to be here.” He holds his hands in the air as I aim my pepper spray at him.

  “Whoa, there. I’m not here to cause you any trouble. I’m sober, I swear. I just stopped by to say I’m glad we wrapped today, and also to say thank you.”

  “Thank me? At, what, two in the morning? Are you crazy?” What the hell is wrong with him?

  “Yeah, sorry about the time, but I wanted to personally thank you for being so professional. You were really great, Midnight. Thanks for everything. And sorry for being such an ass to you. I got totally carried away.” He turns and jogs away. Just like that, he’s gone.

  That was so strange, but I don’t stand there and analyze it. I scurry inside and deadbolt my door. I still don’t trust the lunatic. I decide to sleep with my pepper spray next to me. Turns out I was worried about nothing.

  Chapter 28

  Midnight

  New Year’s Eve. One more year spent alone. Helen and I decide to forego all the club stuff and hit the movies instead. Popcorn and gummy bears are my dinner. Afterward we get pizza for dessert. Then she ends up spending the night at my place. My terrace is perfect for viewing the fireworks display that the city puts on. It’s magnificent. We watch it after the ball drops, then hit the hay.

  In the morning, I make pancakes.

  “I love pancakes. I remember my mom making pancakes when I was a little kid. That was before she kicked my dad out and things got crazy,” Helen says.

  “I never knew who my dad was.”

  “Lucky you. I wish I’d never known mine. He beat the shit out of me for shits and giggles.”

  I almost drop the spatula. She never talks about her parents. I run to her side and hug her. “I’m sorry. I can totally relate.”

  “Yeah, I could tell. We’re alike, you and me. Same shit, different house.”

  “It sucks, doesn’t it?”

  I go back to the pancakes. Then Helen shocks me for the second time that day.

  “Were you raped too?” she asks.

  My lips press together for a second. “Yeah. When I was in foster care. Tell me your asshole dad didn’t do that to you.”

  “No, not him, but his friends did. He let them. Said I deserved it.”

  “Fucker.” My gut twists.

  The sparkle leaves her blue eyes. “That’s when I ran. After I cut one of them.”

  “What?”

  Sh
e swipes her cheek, like there’s a tear there, only there isn’t. “It was during one of those rape sessions. At times I would vanish. Dive deep inside myself and disappear. But not that day. I got his pocketknife when he didn’t notice. And while he held me down, I worked my hand between us. Stupid fuck thought I was getting into it. Until that knife ripped his balls open.”

  I gawk at her. “Holy shit.”

  In a dead calm voice, she says, “He was screaming up a bloody storm. I threw on my clothes as Dad broke down the door. The knife was still in my hand and I told him if he touched me, he’d get it too. I reached for the phone to dial 911.”

  “No shit.”

  “Dad stopped me. Said he and his buddy would pay me to keep my mouth shut.”

  “Why’d you do it?”

  She shrugs. “I guess I was afraid no one would believe me. It was stupid, but I knew if the police showed up, I’d end up in foster care. I didn’t want that.”

  “It was the smartest thing you ever did. Trust me.”

  “Right. It’s brutal. I’ve had friends there.”

  “So, did you get the money?” I ask.

  Her rueful smile is answer enough. But she goes on to say, “Yeah, but it wasn’t enough to pay for a year’s rent. I did okay though. I got a job and managed. Got my high school education, then was trained on computers. Made enough money to eke by. I wasn’t starving, you know. Anything was better than life with Daddy.”

  I’ve made enough pancakes to feed the entire building. I stack them up between us and sit across from her after pouring each of us another cup of coffee.

  When I get settled, napkin on lap, she asks, “So, what’s your story? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “No. It’s fine. We’ve been around each other enough. It’s pretty much the same, except I wish I’d had that damn pocketknife.”

  “I’ve never been one to hurt others, but that was the sweetest feeling.”

  “I can only imagine. Mine was the foster dad. Like I said, you did the right thing. My experience pretty much sucked.”

  “No shit. A fucking nightmare.”

  It’s more like a night terror. As I stare at the pancakes, my appetite flies away. “He would beat the shit out of me. Raped me too. But I ran away and they never found me. I made sure of that. When I turned eighteen I reported him. Ratted him out but didn’t leave my name or any contact information. By then my name was changed anyway.”

  Helen eats, and I pick at my food. I can barely swallow. All I can think about is that bastard who stole my innocence. Even my mother, who wasn’t the greatest mom in the world, didn’t do what he did to me.

  “And your mom?” It’s like she read my mind.

  That brings a smile for a moment, but then it flies away too. “Ha. She was a stripper. But she got messed up with drugs. It’s how I ended up in foster care.” I shudder with the memory. “I wouldn’t go to school and I guess the teacher finally turned me in. They showed up at my house one day, and Mom was totally strung out. She could barely talk. I didn’t want to leave her like that, but those awful people made me. I was twelve. They dragged me out of her arms as she cried. She died two years later. I wanted to kill them for taking me from her. I was sure she would still be alive if they hadn’t. She made bad choices, but you know in all the shit she did and ended up in, I was never really scared in her care. She’d bring men home and I could hear them in her room, but they were never mean or bad to me. She’d get in arguments with them, but they’d always leave me alone. She just couldn’t stop using. I’ll never, ever try drugs.”

  “It’s how I ended up at my dad’s. I stole Mom’s weed. She beat the shit out of me and dragged my ass to Dad’s.”

  I reach across the table for Helen’s hand. “Aren’t we two sad saps?”

  “Not anymore.”

  She laughs and makes a muscle with her arm. “We’re phoenixes. We have risen above the crap.”

  “Yeah, we have.”

  After breakfast, I drive Helen home. We agree to hang out later today, possibly taking a trip to Venice Beach to people watch.

  When I get back, my phone rings. It’s Harrison. Always the gentleman, I’m sure he wants to wish me a Happy New Year.

  “Happy New Year, Harrison.”

  “Ughhh.”

  “You don’t sound very chipper this morning.”

  “I’m blaming it on Weston and Prescott. They made me do it.”

  “Sure, they did. You’re a grown man so you couldn’t say no. Is that it?”

  A long groan hits my ear.

  “I think somebody needs to exhibit a little more self-control.”

  “I think you need to be here with me.”

  Seriously? “Hmm.”

  “Midnight, we need to talk.”

  “I thought we did. I can’t change my past. What’s done is done. I don’t have a magic time machine to go back for a redo, Harrison.”

  Another groan comes out of him and dammit, it reminds me of the sound he makes when he comes.

  “I know. I still want to talk to you about us. But in person. After I get back. Can we do that?”

  “I suppose. When are you coming home?”

  “Tomorrow. Vivi has breakfast planned and then I’m flying out late morning. I’ll probably take off around noon or one. That’ll put me home around eight or nine.”

  “Okay. Let’s just plan on Sunday, then.”

  “Until Sunday.”

  New Year’s Day is pretty boring. Helen and I laugh about it, as we watch all the couples jog, skateboard, and bike by.

  “Aren’t we the lucky ones?” she asks.

  “Maybe. Better to be single and happy than in a sucky relationship.”

  “But I want to be in a good relationship.” She wears a droopy frown.

  “You’ll find the perfect one someday. I’m surprised you haven’t already.” She’s beautiful, even when she wore her Harley Quinn pigtails, which she rarely does these days. Her clothes still border on the quirky side—striped leggings and polka-dotted skirts—but she pulls it off madly. “One day your she or he knight in shining armor will sweep you off your feet.”

  “You think?” she asks as she blows a bubble.

  “Yeah, I do.” I pop a gummy bear in my mouth.

  Saturday morning, I check my mail. I forgot to do it the last few days. I also need to check my email. My agent has sent over some enticing offers that we’d talked about, so I’m eager to check them out. We’d already discussed my audition that Danny wanted me to do. If the other offers are better, I can hedge them against what Alta’s contract is.

  As I scan the mail, an odd letter stands out. My address is handwritten, scribbled almost, but when I notice the postage mark, it’s from Las Vegas. I don’t know anyone there, but I open the envelope anyway. That’s a mistake I’ll regret for a very long time.

  Chapter 29

  Harrison

  The saying there’s no place like home is the damn truth. When I walk inside my house, I instantly relax. It’s after ten. We didn’t leave Prescott’s until late morning, and then the helicopter was late arriving because of a mix-up. We finally got to Westchester County Airport, but weather caused delays for planes taking off. Fog set in overnight so the earlier flights had to be pushed back.

  I crash on the bed and the streaming sun wakes me in the morning. I was so tired, I forgot to close the damn blinds last night. It’s still early, only seven, so I go for a run on the beach. After my shower and a quick breakfast, I take a chance and call Midnight. She doesn’t answer so I figure she’s still asleep.

  When I don’t hear from her by ten, I call again. And again. We left things on a positive note, so I know she’s expecting my call. Alarm bells go off. It’s noon now, so I take off for her place. Her car is gone and when I look in her windows, everything seems fine.

  The only person I know to call is Helen. She may know something.

  “Harrison? What’s up?”

  “Have you talked to
Midnight today?”

  “Not today. She seemed fine yesterday though. Why?”

  “I was supposed to see her today and she’s not here. She won’t answer her phone either.”

  “Hmm. That’s weird. She did mention that Holt what’s-his-name came by her place the other night, but was super nice. She was a little freaked by it. Do you think he might’ve done something?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m about to find out. If you hear from her, will you call me?”

  “Sure thing.”

  I drive straight to Holt Ward’s estate. The gate keeps me from entering but I press the call button. A voice comes on and asks who I am. I give my name and am told Mr. Ward isn’t at home. When I ask when he’ll return, they won’t say.

  “Tell him to call Harrison Kirkland immediately.”

  My next call is to Leland. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on her. We agree to meet at the office. I need access to our computer where I can begin my search.

  “What the hell happened to her? Weren’t you watching her?” Anger bleeds into my tone, even though I try to restrain myself.

  “Yes, or rather, I hired someone to. She’s been around spending time with Helen. He’s been checking on her and saw her pick up the mail yesterday morning. Let me call him.” Leland places the call and I’m not happy with his expression.

  “What?”

  “When she went to pick up the mail, he left to go get something to eat. When he returned, her car was gone.”

  “Why the hell didn’t he call you?” My voice is raised.

  “He said he figured I knew.”

  “But that was yesterday. And now she’s gone and won’t answer the phone. I need to start a search.”

  “What are you going to search for?”

  “How the fuck do I know?”

  “Maybe she went shopping and her phone died. Don’t you think you’re jumping to conclusions here?”