Now & Forever 2 - The book of Danny

by Joachim Jean

  “I’d better not. Remember last time…”

  “One of the best nights I’ve had in Willow Falls!” he said and laughed.

  “All right, but just one.”

  They drank in silence.

  “Do you want me to talk to her?”

  “You’d do that? I thought you didn’t want her with me.”

  “I’ve changed my mind.”

  Danny poured another drink for both men.

  “Why?”

  “I know you now,” Mac said, downing his drink.

  Danny turned on the TV. The roar of the crowd attending a football game filled the room. He poured out some more scotch and focused on the game.

  Mac didn’t know what to do so he went back to his family.

  * * * *

  Saturday morning, Danny’s heart was still broken and he had a huge hangover. He got in his car to go for a ride when he found himself at the ASPCA. He went in.

  “I want to adopt dog number 26 and dog number 27.”

  He renamed the dogs before he left. The pug was Rocky and the lab mix, Blue. At home he gave them both bathes and purchased the necessities, dog food, leashes and treats.

  That night Rocky, Blue and Danny ate dinner together in front of the TV watching a football game.

  Later, sitting at his desk grading papers, he realized all the essays and the literary magazine entries were about love. How could he read about love when his heart hurt? What had seemed like such a good idea when he was drunk with love now became a constant reminder of what he lost.

  * * * *

  In the frame house across town, Callie and Mac sat in the kitchen finishing their coffee. The children were safely tucked in bed. Callie’s two favorite people were suffering broken hearts, she felt helpless.

  “Mac, what can we do?”

  “Nothing . They have to repair their relationship. Eliza has been adamant about not getting married again. I thought they might be heading for disaster.”

  “But they belong together.” Callie added more milk to her mug.

  “Maybe you think so. Maybe I think so, too. But they don’t think so.”

  Callie called Eliza. “Do you want to come over?”

  “I’m talked out. I don’t understand why we can’t continue on the way we are.”

  “But you’ll lose him, Lize.”

  “I know…”

  “I don’t understand…”

  “I don’t want to start my life over again.”

  “Have you talked about this with him?”

  “I don’t want him to give up his life, his goals and then hate me for it.”

  “I love you, Eliza, but I don’t understand you,” Callie said and hung up the phone. She turned to look at Mac. “Eliza is digging her heels in.”

  “So is Danny.”

  “They are both wrong,” Callie said with a sigh, standing up and taking her empty mug to the dishwasher.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kaitlyn and Sally flew back to Paris. Eliza went back to living alone. Weekdays she worked late to avoid thinking too much about Danny, but on the weekends, the loneliness crushed her. She wandered around the house feeling lost, Danny occupying every waking thought.

  She missed him lying next to her in bed…his tender touch, his passion and his lovemaking. She longed to snuggle up against his chest and feel his arms around her. Surprisingly, she almost wished to be awakened by his nightmares and woke up occasionally on her own, listening for him but hearing only silence.

  Eliza saw him everywhere in her house: wearing the green robe, sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee after a night of lovemaking. She thought she heard him lugging firewood, washing dishes and envisioned him waiting to cuddle up with her in front of the TV, in a towel fresh from the shower or sitting at the dining room table, marking students’ papers. The memories she had tried to avoid, feeling his presence in all aspects of her life, were inescapable.

  Eliza looked pale, thin and grim. She developed a persistent cough and cold. Jonesy wandered into her office to drop off a magazine she’d borrowed and sat down in a chair opposite the dean’s desk.

  “Are you getting enough vitamin C, Eliza,” Jonesy asked, her brow knitted.

  “I don’t know, Jonesy. I haven’t thought about it.” Eliza coughed into her hand.

  “Haven’t seen Danny around lately. That, uh, mean anything?”

  Eliza’s head snapped up from her work.

  “Sore subject?”

  “You could say. We broke up.”

  “Oh, my. That explains a lot. I’m getting you some vitamins. You look like you could use them.” Jonesy stood up and moved toward the door.

  “Thanks, Jonesy.”

  The older woman nodded as she passed through the doorway.

  * * * *

  Danny concentrated on his work, volunteering for the Kiwanis Christmas Party and taking care of the dogs. Each essay about love acted like a knife, stabbing him in the heart. He tried not to think of Eliza, but when lying in bed with sleep eluding him, he thought about the fun he had with her, their disagreements, the joy she brought to his life, the feel of her skin and the warmth of her body. He longed to make love to her again, watch her passion grow to match his. Her sweetness had filled his days, overshadowing his bad memories. When something tickled his sense of humor, he turned to laugh with her but she wasn’t there. He felt privileged to be with her and now the sofa and the bed held only empty space.

  At night during a nightmare, he reached for her, but found only an extra pillow. Rocky slept on his bed and Blue on the floor next to his bed. When a nightmare started, Blue came over and licked his face to wake him up. She helped him survive the nightmares which were increasing in frequency.

  Danny continued to see Dr. Weiss, but he spent most of his time talking about his broken heart. The same words appeared in his journal. When he wasn’t too sad to write, he wrote about Eliza. But when he tried to compose a piece for the literary magazine about love as he promised the editor, he couldn’t write a word. But he could drink more and he hosted a couple of poker games at his house. His buddies at Kiwanis tried to fix him up, but Danny refused to go out with anyone. Even with a broken heart, he still wanted only to be with Eliza.

  Christmas seemed to come early this year. It had been three weeks since Danny had been with Eliza. He planned to spend the afternoon with Mac and Callie, to be with Jason and Kitty. He wondered what Eliza was doing and assumed she would have a happy Christmas with her daughters, who should be home for the holidays. The thought brought an ache to his heart as he knew if he had accepted Eliza’s terms, he, too, would be spending a happy Christmas with her and her girls instead of being alone.

  Unexpectedly, the doorbell rang. Danny wondered who could be there and secured the Glock in his pocket before he opened the door, followed closely by Rocky and Blue. He was surprised to see Kaitlyn and Sally on a Saturday afternoon. By the looks on their faces when the dogs slobbered their greetings on the girls, he could tell they were stunned to see the dogs. Surprise was replaced by eager grins as the girls lavished attention on the mutt and the pug. Rocky and Blue circled them and wagged their tails, licking faces and making everyone laugh. Danny gestured for them all to come inside.

  “Merry Christmas, Danny,” Sally said, giving him a hug after he shut the front door.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  “You adopted these dogs from the ASPCA. How great!” Kaitlyn said.

  “Dog number 26 is now Rocky and dog number 27 is now Blue.”

  The girls came in and sat down. He offered them hot chocolate.

  “We’re old enough to drink, you know,” Kaitlyn said.

  “Of course, I forgot. Want some scotch?”

  “Ugh, no thanks! How about coffee?” Sally suggested.

  Danny made a fresh pot and they sat down together.

  “How’s your mom,” Danny asked, trying not to sound too eager for news of Eliza.

  “As well as can be expected,” Kaitlyn sa
id.

  “She’s awful. She looks terrible. She’s suffering,” Sally said.

  “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

  “You have to ask?” Kaitlyn said. “You can take her back!”

  “You didn’t come over here for that, did you? Does she know you’re here?”

  “No, she didn’t send us. We were baking Christmas cookies and wanted to

  share some with you,” Sally said, handing him a small box.

  Danny got choked up, unable to speak. He left the room and hid in the kitchen until he could compose himself. He stood near the door, curious to hear what the girls would talk about when he wasn’t in the room. Maybe they would say that Eliza was still in love with him and wanted him to come back. His ears pricked up.

  “Why did you say that, Kaitlyn?” Sally asked her sister, after Danny left the room.

  “Because it’s the truth,” Kaitlyn replied. “If he would take her back they could both stop being miserable. He looks as terrible as she does.”

  Danny finally returned.

  “We’ve got to go. We wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas,” Sally said, giving Danny another hug and Kaitlyn did the same.

  “Same to you and your mom, too,” he said, walking them to the door.

  A few hours later, the doorbell rang again, when Danny opened the door, Jenny Henderson stood there shivering. Blue and Rocky barked at her.

  “Well, hello,” Danny said.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure, sure,” Danny said, closing the door and pushing the dogs away from her. “What brings you to WillowFalls?”

  “You,” she said, taking off her big down parka and bending down to pet the dogs at her feet.

  Danny looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

  “Jack tried to kill himself,” Jenny blurted out.

  “What? Why?”

  “You’re a vet, you should know.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Didn’t you see the shrine my parents erected to Kyle?”

  He stared at her.

  “Jack feels…he…he should have been killed…killed, not Kyle. They make him feel like a coward. Disappointed in him and I…and I…can’t take anymore,” she said, breaking down in tears.

  Danny put his arm around Jenny. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

  “How is Jack now?” Danny led her to the sofa.

  “He’s in the psych ward and my parents don’t have a clue. I’m afraid he’s going to keep trying until he succeeds.”

  “He’ll get help there, right?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Danny left her on the sofa and recorded a message for Dr. Weiss on her answering machine, then brought two steaming mugs of coffee into the living room.

  “Jack needs to get away from stuff about Kyle. Throw that stuff out!”

  “Would serve them right.” Jenny sniffled into a tissue.

  “All the soldiers over there give a hundred percent. Kyle wouldn’t want this. He would want Jack to go on with his life. What about Rosemary?”

  “They haven’t gotten married yet because Jack can’t make a decision. I don’t know if she’ll stick by him.” Jenny blew on the hot beverage then took a small sip.

  “You and Jack should move out.”

  Danny poured some brandy in Jenny’s coffee and his own, too. As Jenny pulled the living room curtain aside, he joined her and peeked out. Big, soft flakes of snow fell, blanketing Danny’s lawn and the street, muffling the robust songs of carolers drifting by and the joyous shrieks of children anticipating good sledding. They both had more coffee and more brandy. Danny made sandwiches and they washed them down with more brandy.

  “I’ve had too much to drink to drive back now,” Jenny said, standing at the window, rocking back and forth from foot to foot.

  At eleven o’clock Danny made a bed on the sofa for Jenny and gave her one of his T-shirts. Then he stripped down to his boxers and got into his bed. The quiet of the house was disrupted only by Rocky’s even snoring. At three when Danny had a nightmare and woke up screaming, Jenny woke up, too and went into the bedroom. Blue stood at the side of the bed, making crying noises and Danny sat up, sweating.

  “What happened?” she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “Nightmare. Does Jack have nightmares?”

  “Sometimes.”

  Jenny, a pretty girl with big brown eyes, let her gaze roam from Danny’s face to his chest. Upset and slightly disoriented, Danny stared at her. Jenny wore only his T-shirt when she climbed into his bed. She inched closer to him and put her arms around his waist.

  “I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she said.

  Danny tried to remember she was Jack’s sister, but he had been alone for too long and she appeared, like an angel, in his bed. He leaned over and kissed her, gently and slowly, trying not to take advantage of the situation, but unable to stop himself.

  Jenny returned his kiss. Danny pulled away from her.

  “You should return to the sofa.”

  “Do you want me to?” She licked her lower lip with the tip of her tongue.

  He watched her slip the T-shirt over her head and toss it on the floor. He looked at her firm, young breasts, begging him to touch her and he couldn’t resist. She kissed him as his hand slid up her ribcage to close around her breast. Then he lowered her onto her back and made love to her.

  They slept side by side, peacefully, until nine o’clock. In the morning, Danny felt ashamed. He had sex with Jack’s sister. And he claimed he still loved Eliza but he had slept with someone else. Though he liked Jenny, he didn’t love her, loneliness took Danny over, and she was there. Had he taken advantage of her? He was sure he hadn’t, after all, she made the first move, but he still felt uncomfortable. Casual sex didn’t cut it anymore.

  To cover his embarrassment, he got dressed and took the dogs out for a walk. Unconsciously he found himself walking toward Eliza’s house when he saw her get out of her car. He waved and she returned his greeting and met him halfway between their houses.

  “Merry Christmas, Eliza.”

  “Merry Christmas to you, too,” she called out. “Who are these guys?”

  “This is Rocky and this is Blue. I adopted them at Thanksgiving,” he said, staring at her wan face. She wouldn’t look him in the eye.

  “I see you have company. Early for visitors?”

  Danny got red in the face at her reference to Jenny.

  Eliza stopped talking.

  The door to his house opened, and Jenny, wearing only his bathrobe came out and waved at him.

  “Coffee, Danny,” she yelled through cupped hands and went back inside.

  Danny looked down at the ground, he couldn’t face Eliza. He felt bad enough about sleeping with Jenny, but to be discovered by her made everything worse. He didn’t know what to say. Eliza looked at him and started to cry quietly. He could see the pain in her eyes and felt as if he had stabbed her with a knife. She put her hand on her throat but words didn’t come.

  “Let me explain. Please.” He took her arm.

  She yanked away and shook her head, still silent.

  He stood, watching tears gather in her eyes, waiting for her to find her voice.

  “You’re free now to sleep with whoever you want. Is that what you are going to say?” she said, wiping the tears from her crimson face with the back of her hand.

  “I made a mistake, a drunken mistake. Not what you think.”

  “I don’t know what to think. What you do now is none of my business, but it hurts, Danny…it hurts.” She turned around and walked toward her house.

  Danny’s heart ached anew as he watched her walk away. When he returned to his house Jenny was fully dressed and drinking coffee. The dogs ran into the kitchen, waiting for their breakfast.

  “How about some eggs?” he asked Jenny, while he fed the dogs.

  “Great. I have time…is everything okay? Who’s that woman?”

  “My girlfri
end.”

  “Oh God, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Ex-girlfriend, actually,” he called out from the kitchen.

  “Not ex because of me…I hope,” she said, joining him there, Blue and Rocky followed her.

  “Ex before you got here.” Danny cracked two eggs into a hot frying pan.

  “She shouldn’t have a problem with me then.”

  “She does…too complicated…”

  Jenny went over and gave him a hug.

  “I hope I didn’t wreck anything for you.” She refilled her coffee mug and Danny’s, too.

  “Don’t need your help. I wrecked things all by myself.” A wry smile on his lips.

  The phone rang. Danny got a doctor recommendation from Dr. Weiss for Jack.

  “Get Jack some help. Please don’t tell him about us,” he said, handing her a folded piece of paper.

  “Guilty because you slept with Jack’s sister?” Jenny arched an eyebrow at him.

  “Something like that,” he said, avoiding her gaze.

  “I wanted to…needed…to be with you. I needed to get away and you provided a…a…vacation from the horror show at home.”

  “You were an oasis for me, too.” He slid the eggs onto two plates and handed one to Jenny.

  “Good, a mercy fuck going both ways for a change.” Jenny laughed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The snow didn’t stop for Christmas Day in Willow Falls. Neither did the freezing temperatures. Danny woke up late and took the dogs out. He walked toward Eliza’s house where the lights were on, the curtains were closed and he couldn’t see inside, but he imagined a warm room with a Christmas tree, a fire blazing, brunch food, hot coffee and three women opening presents, laughing and talking. He felt the pain of being on the outside, longing to be with them, celebrating Christmas. His own decision turned out to be a hard choice to live with. He wished he could go back, but now with Eliza finding out about Jenny, he imagined she didn’t think much of him anymore. Depression set in with a heavy hand.