Love Irresistibly (FBI/U.S. Attorney)

by Julie James

  Noah met his gaze, his voice quiet. “No. Just the news related to my son.”

  All the anger that Cade had been pushing down for years suddenly came boiling right up to the surface.

  My son.

  Noah Garrity had lost the right to call him that a long time ago.

  Jaw clenched, Cade took a moment. He calmed himself before speaking. “I didn’t come here to talk about my job.”

  “I’m sure you want an explanation from me. I know I sure as hell would.”

  “No.” Cade locked eyes with him. “I don’t want anything from you.”

  “Humor a dying man, then.”

  Cade felt a mixture of emotions at the poor attempt at a joke. He said nothing further and . . . waited.

  Noah took a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “I was a screwup back then, Cade. I couldn’t keep a job, I drank, I got high, and I didn’t give a shit about anyone except myself. When the landscaping business I’d started with my brother folded, I came back to Chicago to live off my parents. That gave my father plenty of opportunities to tell me how useless I was—and trust me, he had no problem taking every one of them.”

  Father issues? Was that what Noah was blaming everything on? Cade almost laughed at the irony. Join the fucking club.

  “I called your mother about a month after getting back in town,” Noah said. “I thought that seeing you would help me get my act together.”

  “Didn’t exactly work out that way, did it?” Cade said sarcastically, before he could stop himself. Keep emotions out of this, Morgan.

  “I was immature. And stupid. I thought it would be fun to see my kid, someone I could take to a ball game or play video games with. I wasn’t thinking about all the responsibility that came with it.” Noah paused. “But when I saw you that day, it suddenly become so . . . real. I kept thinking that you were already ten times smarter than me, and stronger, too, with the way you stood up to me and asked me straight-out why I hadn’t been around.” He smiled ruefully. “But you also had such a good heart. I could see how much you wanted me to be your fath—”

  “Don’t.” Cade spoke in a low tone. “Don’t say it.” He knew the exact moment Noah was talking about—when he’d called him Dad.

  A flash of sadness crossed Noah’s eyes. “I know there’s no excuse for what I did.” His eyes met Cade’s, the same shade of blue. “But you need to understand—I would’ve messed you up, Cade. Despite what a jerk I was back then, even I could see that your mother had gotten it so right. Staying out of your life was the best thing I could’ve done for you.”

  Cade stared out the window, shaking his head. “That’s . . . such bullshit.”

  “Is it?” Noah gestured to Cade. “Look at you. Think you would’ve gotten this far with a deadbeat dad bringing you down?”

  “Bit of a shame those were my only two options, don’t you think? No father, or a deadbeat one?”

  “Yes, it is,” Noah said, without any trace of sarcasm. “It took me thirty-five years to learn how to be a father. And I will go to my grave being ashamed of that.”

  Cade turned back to the window, having nothing to say to that.

  “I used to go to your football games, you know,” Noah said.

  Cade slowly looked over. “When?”

  “At Northwestern. First game I saw was your sophomore year, against Penn State. After Zach was born, I’d begun to think about you a lot. A real lot. I knew they were starting you that game—your first time—and I wanted to be there.”

  “I remember that game.”

  “I’m sure you do. You were up against the number-one team in the Big Ten, it was your first year as starting QB, and nobody expected you to pull out a win. But you showed them all.”

  Cade stared at him stoically. It was a little late for fatherly pride.

  “I hung around the parking lot after the game,” Noah said. “You came out of the stadium, and there was this moment when I got to see you for the first time in years.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I remember hoping so badly that you’d see me standing there. That maybe . . . I don’t know, we could talk or something. But then everyone swarmed you. Friends, fans, your mother, and your grandparents—even reporters. They were all cheering for you, and you looked so proud.” He paused, clearing his throat. “I realized then that I had no place there. You were grown up, a man with a very bright future ahead of you, and I had lost my chance to be a part of that.”

  The room went quiet after that.

  Finally, Noah mustered a smile. “Wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall when Zach somehow convinced you to see me.”

  The mention of his brother, at least, helped to ease the tension. “Zach is quite persuasive. The kid could be a lawyer someday.”

  Immediately, Cade realized that was the wrong thing to say.

  “Maybe he will be,” Noah said softly. “I’m sure, whatever he does, that he’ll grow up to be a really good man. Like his brother.”

  Cade watched as his father struggled to maintain his composure.

  He might not be able to forgive, but there was, at least, one thing he could do for him.

  “I’ll take care of him, Noah. Whatever he needs. Zach . . . will be okay.”

  Noah closed his eyes. His bent his head, going quiet for several moments before he pulled himself together and wiped his eyes. “Thank you.”

  Cade felt the stinging in his own eyes. The hospital room suddenly felt too small, the air too thick and heavy. “I need to get going.”

  Noah stood up. “Cade, wait. Please. You have no idea how much it means to me that you came here. I know I have no right to ask, but I’d still like that second chance.” He reached out tentatively and put a hand on Cade’s shoulder. “At least think about it, Son.”

  The hopefulness on Noah’s face brought Cade back to that moment, so many years ago, when he’d wanted nothing more than to be this man’s son. But he’d shut that door long ago, and he didn’t think he could open it again.

  Not when that would mean losing his father all over again.

  Cade felt the tightness in his throat, his voice coming out hoarse.

  “Good-bye, Noah.”

  * * *

  CADE PUSHED THROUGH the hospital doors and kept walking. He spotted an alley up ahead and turned into it.

  Once alone, he pressed his hands against the brick wall of the hospital and closed his eyes.

  So much fucking time wasted.

  He hit the wall hard with the side of his fist, the pain a welcome distraction from the ache in his chest. He felt angry and lost and so goddamn raw he wanted to climb out of his own skin. No amount of charm or jokes or quips could protect him now—this was real and it was hard and it was rough. His estranged father was dying, and he was furious about that, at Noah for being a dickhead for so much of his life, and for laying all this on him now. But he couldn’t just feel anger, because he’d seen the genuine look of regret in Noah’s eyes, and also the desire to make things right.

  Cade did not want to be that man.

  If he took one thing from this screwed-up experience, it was that he didn’t want to look back on his life at the end of his days and regret the actions he’d never taken and the words he’d never said.

  The hell with his hang-ups. The hell with holding back. He was going for the win on this one.

  He was going to find Brooke.

  His decision made, he turned away from the wall, not caring if she was at home, at work, or in goddamn Charlotte. As soon as he pulled himself together, he was going to—

  He stopped in his tracks.

  Brooke stood there, at the end of the alley.

  “Hi,” she said softly.

  Cade wiped his eyes, not understanding how her being there was possible. “Why—how—are you here?”

  “I went to your place and ran into Zach. He told me you were here.” She gestured in the direction he’d just come from. “I was waiting in the lobby, and when I saw you walk out, I thought maybe you—”
She stopped, shifting hesitantly, and then walked over to him. “When I heard about Noah, I wanted to be here. With you.”

  Cade was trying to process this, wondering what that might mean, when she pointed to his hand.

  “You’re bleeding.” She reached out and took his hand in hers, tenderly turning it over.

  He looked down and saw that he’d split one of his knuckles. “I punched a wall.”

  “I caught that part.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a tissue.

  Cade watched as she gently dabbed at the cut, blotting the blood. He felt no pain anymore, just the warmth of her hand around his.

  So much he wanted to say to her. But really, it came down to one thing.

  “I love you.”

  Brooke paused with the tissue and looked up at him with surprise in her eyes. “Cade. You’re obviously having a very intense day. I totally under—”

  He pressed his finger to her lips, cutting her off. Maybe she didn’t want to hear it, and maybe he was indeed going to look like a jackass at the end of this. But he was going to say what he needed to say regardless. “I love you. On intense days. On good days. On long, exhausting workdays. On really strange days when I find out that I have a long-lost brother. And most of all, on days when you make me smile, which happens to be every day I’m with you.” He gazed deep into her eyes. “You are not just a big-picture girl for me, Brooke Parker. You’re the only picture.”

  She touched his face, her eyes turning misty. “Cade—”

  “You’ve got this job offer in Charlotte. I know. But if you want, that’s something we can figure out together. I made a commitment to Cameron, so I need to stay in Chicago until she’s back from maternity leave. But after that, I can—”

  “I didn’t take the job in Charlotte.”

  “Oh. Right.” He exhaled, trying to catch up to speed. “Well. You should know that I had at least two minutes left on that speech. Really quality stuff.”

  “Sorry. I just thought this might be a good time to mention that I love you, too.” She made a rolling gesture. “But, please—carry on.”

  He grinned. Sassy as ever. He took her hand, armed with this information, and backed her against the brick wall. “You love me?”

  With a smile curling at the edges of her lips, she gazed up at him. “Yes. These past two weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want in my life. And somehow, you ended up at the top of that list.”

  He lowered his head. “It’s because your subconscious finds my subconscious irresistible,” he said huskily.

  “I have no clue what that means,” she murmured against his mouth.

  “For starters, it means I’m going to kiss you.”

  And that’s exactly what he did.

  They kissed for a long time in that alley, the rest of the world bustling by on the sidewalks and streets just a few feet away, but for that moment, pressed against the bricks, it was just the two of them. Nothing else mattered.

  Afterward, they walked the five blocks to Brooke’s apartment, where Cade told her about his conversation with Noah.

  “Do you want to see him again?” she asked, putting a Band-Aid on his split knuckle.

  “No.” Cade sighed, and then nodded. “Yes.”

  Later, they lay wrapped around each other on the couch, and Brooke told him about her trip to Charlotte and her subsequent discussion with Ian.

  “Afterward, when I was celebrating with Ford, I kept thinking that you should’ve been there, too.” She shifted, sitting up halfway so that she could look him in the eyes. “I missed you these past two weeks. So much.”

  It was the heartfelt way she said it, the way her voice turned throaty with emotion. As much as he loved the quips and the inside jokes, it was this moment, when her walls were down and he saw her softer, vulnerable side, when she just melted him.

  He reached up and touched her cheek. “Let’s not do that again.”

  “Be apart for two weeks?” She slid her arms around his neck. “I agree.”

  Well, yes. But he was talking about something more than that. “No, I mean what got us to that point.” He held her gaze. “No more tough-girl or tough-guy routines. At least, not between us. I want to be in the inner circle, Brooke.” He realized what that meant—that he’d be letting her in, too.

  And as he lay there with her, he knew there was nothing he’d ever wanted more.

  In answer, she took his hand and placed it on her chest. Right over her heart. “You’re in, Cade Morgan. Only you.”

  Yep, that pretty much made it official.

  When it came to Brooke Parker of Sterling Restaurants, he was a goner.

  Thirty-five

  Three weeks later

  “SO, UNFORTUNATELY, THE concession stand did not have beef tenderloin, shrimp kabobs, or that fancy Sterling Restaurants dessert cart. But, fret not, because I was able to snag you . . .” With a flourish, Cade pulled two things out from behind his back. “This lukewarm, rubbery hot dog and this Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup—the twin pack. How’s that for fine dining?”

  “Yes on the twin pack,” Brooke said. “No on the bun-wrapped trip to the emergency room to get my stomach pumped.”

  “My, somebody’s quite a hot-dog snob.”

  “An occupational hazard when one is part owner of a premiere restaurant company with a rapidly expanding and increasingly lucrative sports and entertainment division,” Brooke said, with a proud flick of her ponytail.

  “Still subtly slipping that in there, I see.”

  “You betcha.” She was in a particularly good mood tonight, seeing how, just this afternoon, she’d hired the in-house lawyer who would be taking on some of her responsibilities. He wouldn’t start at Sterling for another two weeks, but change was on the horizon. She’d left work at six o’clock on a Friday night—possibly with a few heart palpitations on her way out the door, but she’d persevered—and now she had the whole night free to spend with Cade.

  Or, rather, with Cade plus five hundred rabid high school football fans dressed in maroon and gold.

  Brooke’s eyes scanned the stands. “Wow. I didn’t expect it to be so packed.”

  “Zach said that the team they’re playing tonight is his school’s rival,” Cade said.

  They spotted Noah and his wife, Tracy, about halfway up the bleachers. Cade linked his fingers through Brooke’s and headed in that direction.

  Over the last three weeks, Cade and his father had made progress in getting to know one another. The initial step had been the most difficult and awkward, with neither man knowing exactly how to make the first move. Fortunately, Zach had intervened once again, suggesting the three of them meet for dinner at a restaurant not far from the Garritys’ house—and then had remembered at the last minute that he had a “late practice,” and had suggested that Cade and Noah carry on without him.

  “I like this kid’s style,” Brooke had said, chuckling, when Cade had told her about the obvious setup.

  When Cade had finished grumbling, he’d admitted the dinner wasn’t “too terrible.”

  “In some senses, it was easier not having Zach there,” he’d said. “We just talked about him the whole time.” He’d paused. “And about how Noah’s treatment is going.”

  The bitter part of this bittersweet reunion, of course, was that it was finite in duration. Although Noah was currently asymptomatic, the doctors had explained that the radiation and steroid treatment was only buying them time and that, in the not-too-distant future, the tumor on Noah’s brain stem would grow and begin to impair his motor skills and respiratory functions. Nevertheless, Noah had laid down the law: people weren’t going to spend every moment dwelling on his cancer—they were going to enjoy the time they had left together, for as long as they could.

  “Noah, Tracy, good to see you again,” Brooke said when they reached their row. She and Cade took the open seats next to them, and everyone made pleasant—even if still a little awkward—chitchat. Noah asked Cade about work,
and Brooke saw the look of pride on his face when Cade talked about his new responsibilities as acting U.S. attorney, a transition that had taken effect earlier in the week when Cade’s boss, Cameron, had gone into labor in the middle of a Potbelly Sandwich Shop—and, nine hours later, had delivered a healthy baby boy named William “Will” James Pallas.

  Not too long after Brooke and Cade had arrived, the game started. And from that moment on, all work chatter stopped, the outside world ceased to exist, and football became life itself.

  As Brooke sat in those stands that night, she was reminded of something Ian had told her—while watching a game, we could hang out and yell and cheer and just be a father and son again. Cade and Noah might not have been at that point, but talking about football certainly helped bridge the gap between them. At times, in fact, they actually seemed to be having fun together.

  And beyond that, wow, did she ever see a new side of Cade that night. He paced, he was on his feet nearly the entire time, and he had this really intense game face that was . . . kind of hot.

  Late in the third quarter, Zach got tackled four yards behind the line of scrimmage, and apparently this was the last straw for Cade.

  “A reverse on fourth and one? Come on!” He threw up his hands in exasperation. “The defense hasn’t stopped a single slant pass to Zach all night. Or if you’re going to run the ball, at least go up the middle.” He gestured to the field. “Hell, I could coach these kids better than that.”

  “Maybe you should, then.”

  The words came from Noah, sitting next to Cade.

  Cade half-chuckled at that. “Yeah, right.” He looked over at Noah and then pulled back. “You’re being serious?”

  Noah shrugged casually. “Just seems like you’re getting a little twitchy up here in these stands.”

  “I’m just excited about the game, like everyone else here.” Cade threw Brooke a look. Can you believe this guy?

  “Actually, you do seem a little twitchy,” she said.

  He glared. “Et tu, Ms. Parker? I’m a prosecutor. I don’t have time to coach a football team.”