Fur Magic Boxed Set: Talisman, Sage, Fawn, Lola: Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Colleen Charles

  “For a cat, you aren’t half bad.”

  Back off my woman or I’m going to turn in to Stone Cold Steve Austin and body slam your goat ass straight in to the manure pile.

  “Enough.” Sage raised his voice just enough to let Casper know he was serious. Mr. Oats bobbed his head up and down in agreement which caused his silver forelock to flow around his face.

  “Casper and Phoebe,” Sage said in a serious tone. “I need to know if you saw anything unusual last night.”

  “Yeah, I saw Mr. Oats take a dump on Penelope’s favorite rose bush,” Casper tattled with a gleam in his eye.

  “Now, lookie here you runt trash compactor,” Mr. Oats nickered. “Don’t you go tellin’ Miss Penelope any of yer goat tall tales. I’ll kick yer white ass right in to the pond, just like in Billy Goat’s Gruff.”

  Casper just laughed and ran around the enclosure again. At warp speed like in a viral YouTube video. He didn’t stop until he’d reached the top of a huge dirt pile where he promptly grabbed a piece of gunny sack and started to chew. Then he turned around and jiggled his butt in Sage’s direction.

  Phoebe rolled her eyes. “Sage, at about midnight last night, a noise woke me up. When I looked around, I saw a huge, dark cloud pass over the house. It scared me.”

  Sage and I locked eyes. Phoebe had seen the Shadow Watcher. It was real.

  “Did you see anything else, Phoebe? Anyone else?” Sage asked.

  “No, nothing.”

  Sage and I weren’t going to get anything out of this bunch tonight. Not that I thought we would but I’m always with the old featherhead when he suggests something. He’s never wrong and he’s a study in avian patience.

  “Talisman, right then. Cheerio.” With that, he soared away towards the barn, his majestic wingspan fading in to the dark night. Since we’d already questioned everyone we could think of, it would be up to me to search out any clues about Lucinda and her brood. And I knew where to start. The double date at the museum with Penelope and Amelia. I’d be there come hell or high water.

  ****

  “Pen, he’s trying to touch me,” Ami whispered as she snatched her hand away from Elias for the third time.

  I’d snuck in and was ensconced right underneath Pen’s crimson leather folding seat. She’d found me right after she’d sat down and even tossed me a few popcorn kernels. Yummy. Ami was on my right. If I could reach Elias, I’d claw some skin off his leg but there was metal between the seats and I couldn’t get mobile. She’d just have to tough it out and keep his creepy sex-offender hands off of her. She’d sidled so close to Pen that she was practically in her friend’s lap.

  “If it gets too bad, give a signal and I’ll create a distraction,” Pen replied.

  What kind of distraction could she possible create in a silent movie theater? Silent except for the violent images of molten hot lava shooting up in to the air and running in smoldering rivulets down the mountainside. Why wasn’t the imagery giving Dr. Luke any ideas? He hadn’t even tried to grab Pen’s hand or fake a sneeze in order to throw his arm around her shoulders. This dude was taking gentleman to a whole new level.

  Ami rolled her eyes and crept even closer to Pen. Then, I felt it. Someone or something had entered my personal space. That thing had grabbed my paw. It touched me … it had me by the short hairs. It …

  It …

  It hacked.

  “Hi Lola.”

  “Hi Tali,” she said in a small voice. “I hope it’s okay that I followed you here. I’ve been lonely today. I like spending time with you.”

  I took her paw in mine and bussed her an Eskimo kiss to the forehead. “Of course it’s okay. But next time, let me know so we can travel together. It’s dangerous for gorgeous girls to be out at night alone. You could get snagged by a coyote. Or worse.”

  Like Lucinda or Damian Chokecherry worse. But I wouldn’t let Lola in on the private investigation activities. That would just scare her and she was fragile enough as it is.

  “Lola. I could really use your help with something.”

  “Sure, Tali. Anything,” she said.”

  “Dr. Luke is about as amorous as a pair of handcuffs on a thief of love,” I teased. “I want to do something to get him to hold Pen’s hand.”

  “Why?”

  She couldn’t be that ignorant to what was going on.

  “Because he’s sweet on her. Sage and I think Dr. Luke is Pen’s true love.”

  Lola clasped her paws over her heart and sighed. “How romantic. I’d love to help. What can we do?”

  “You jump up in to Pen’s lap and I’ll take Dr. Luke. We’ll divide and conquer. Just follow my lead,” I directed.

  “Okay,” Lola said as she walked out from under the seat and leapt in to Pen’s lap almost causing a popcorn explosion that would rival the eruption of the volcano on the silver screen.

  “Lola!” Pen exclaimed, causing Elias to shush her with his fat finger over his thin lips. “How did you get here?”

  Lola just rubbed against Pen’s cheek with her silky fur. While Pen was distracted by Lola, I jumped in Dr. Luke’s lap and started burrowing my body underneath his arm and then jumping up so his hand would fly up in the air. Every time I did it, I threw his hand ever closer to Pen’s leg. After a few tosses, he seemed to get the message and looked down at me in hot guy solidarity. He leaned over.

  “Okay, Tali,” he whispered in my ear. “I get it. You think I should hold Penelope’s hand.”

  I gave him a nod and a huge purr and then I signaled to Lola to move over to Ami’s lap. Stroking Lola would keep both Ami’s hands occupied as well as her legs so Elias could stop thinking about touching her inappropriately. Why couldn’t that goober go find someone his own age?

  But where did that leave me? Heck, I wanted to charm my own girlfriend so I jumped up in to Ami’s lap too. Luckily, her lap was extra wide and cushy. Lola and I snuggled down in an ‘S’ shape as we purred and enjoyed Ami petting us. Before I was ready to leave the comfort of my kitty date, the movie was over and the bright lights of the theater came on.

  Pen snatched her hand away from Dr. Luke like a kid that had been caught in the cookie jar. Seriously? They were in their twenties for the love of God. If this is how those two reacted to hand holding, we might never get them pushed forward to True Love’s Kiss.

  Once we all got to the lobby, Elias held out Ami’s coat. He tried to put his arm around her as she buttoned up, but she slid away from him like a slippery eel and pointed.

  “Hey, isn’t that Damian?”she said.

  We all followed Ami’s pointer finger and sure enough, there was Damian Chokecherry wearing a baseball hat with sunglasses on top of it.

  The man tiara.

  What a douche. Beside him stood the second most gorgeous witch, er woman in Shadowkeep. None other than levitation expert, Lilith Swanmorgan. Lilith had long, thick, blonde waves and glittering, green eyes. I think she was a cat in a former life because she also had feline reflexes.

  When Damian saw Pen his beady eyes narrowed and he smirked. Smirked. Then, his eyes fell to her hand which was holding another hand. A male hand. Like Sir Lancelot with a jousting lance, he speared Dr. Luke with his obsidian glare.

  Damian shoved Lilith to the side and started striding towards us with death in his eyes. Lilith gasped and then followed Damian with her emerald orbs. Holy shit. I hoped she wouldn’t levitate Penelope up over the concession stand and then drop her in the ice bin. Although, that might make for better Friday night entertainment than the spewing volcano.

  As soon as Damian reached us, Dr. Luke moved in and put himself in the space between Pen and Damian. Smart man. Dr. Luke knew Damian was bad news.

  “Good evening, Penelope,” he snarled. “Collier. Stout. Miss Foley. How did you enjoy the movie?”

  Stout had no idea what was about to happen. What a dipshit.

  “Why, Mr. Chokecherry. It was delightful. Just delightful,” he gushed. “I especially liked that part when they di
d the re-enactment of the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Can you believe that the entire city of Pompeii was covered so completely, so utterly and darkly in volcanic ash? It was such a sight to be seen.”

  Damian ran his eyes up and down Elias and then turned toward Pen again. Not answering. Not acknowledging. Not anything. Elias had the audacity to keep going.

  “And that lava flow down the Hawaiian cliff, it was …”

  “Shut up.”

  Elias clamped his mouth shut as his eyes grew as wide as saucers. By that time, Lilith had joined them and stood silent next to Damian, glaring at Penelope.

  Damian opened his mouth to speak but a terrorized scream interrupted him.

  “They’re after me. They’re after me.”

  Chapter 3

  Edris Malachite stopped short of the group and ran his hands through his thick, brown hair. Edris was a nice young man, if a little geeky. He’d gone to high school with Penelope and Amelia where he’d been an all-star at Shadowkeep High. In chess club. What did you think I was going to say humanoids? As if. Edris was maybe a buck forty soaking wet. No way was he in any kind of organized sport that didn’t involve the muscle of the mind.

  “Malachite, can’t you keep your date under some kind of control?” Damian spit out as he sported his most disgusting look.

  Edris turned as red as a beefsteak tomato and lowered his gaze to his loafers. “The police.”

  “What about the police? I don’t see them anywhere,” Damian questioned as he glanced around the lobby.

  “The police are after my date,” Edris said sheepishly.

  Ami jumped in. They’d played in the chess club together and she’d always had a soft spot for Edris.

  “Edris,” she said softly. “Why on earth would the police be after your date?”

  “During the movie, she admitted that she’s been involved in a toilet paper stealing ring.” He looked chagrined. “They sell it to teenage kids who want it for decorating people’s houses and trees.”

  Damian snorted. “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Why don’t you go home and play some chess, Bobby Fischer?”

  “I can’t go home,” he admitted. “I rode with her. I don’t have a car.”

  Ami put her arm around him. “That’s okay, Edris, you can ride with me. I’ll drop you off on my home to my apartment. It’s only a few blocks out of the way.”

  I glanced at the rest of them and Penelope still clung to Dr. Luke’s hand like a life ring and Elias’ still had his mouth gaping open.

  “How quaint,” Damian said his voice dripping with sarcasm and passive aggressive rancor. “Come on Lilith. Let’s go to dinner. I’ve tired of this.”

  After Damian and Lilith walked away arm in arm, Dr. Luke let out a sigh. “Do you want to go have some coffee Penelope?”

  “I’d like that.”

  Now that Dr. Luke and Pen were on the right track, I could grab Lola and head home. I needed to check in with Sage and let him know that Elias hadn’t said or done anything out of character. In my gut, I didn’t think he had anything to do with Lucinda or her kids. Damian’s outright rude demeanor toward him had solidified that opinion. That kind of blatant animosity can’t be faked, even by Damian.

  “Mr. Stout, Miss Foley … yoo-hoo!” Sabrina Scuttleworth shouted from the concession stand and waved. The older woman rushed over to the group completely out of breath. “You’re not going to believe it. This is something the local lawyer and reporter should know about. Have you heard?”

  “Heard what, Miss Scuttleworth” Stout said as he scratched his bald head. Ami looked just as confused. About the toilet paper ring? Unless you were the target of the local high school mean girls and the football team, who would really care?

  “About what?” Ami asked.

  “The … the … the” Sabrina was panting so hard she couldn’t get more than one syllable past her flapping lips.

  “The what?” Elias asked as he got more and more frustrated. The lawyer in him demanded an immediate response. The reporter in Ami demanded the truth.

  “The … caves!”

  I saw Penelope stiffen and Dr. Luke wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder in support. Pen knew that bad witches frequented the caves. They’d been doing that in Arizona for generations. Out of the way. I spot where diabolical mystics could carry out their dastardly deeds undetected. No good witches ever went to the caves.

  “What about the caves?” Ami asked she glanced back and forth between Penelope’s panicked look and Stout’s perplexed one.

  “The locals have been going there on day hikes,” Sabrina gushed, anxious to indulge her captive audience with her flare for the dramatic. Her hands were flying through the air like a circus trapeze. “Miranda Morgaine took her daycare class there for a field trip. It’s been told the children’s screams echoed throughout the entire canyon.”

  “Why?” Elias asked.

  “It seems that Miranda had seen some ancient mystical drawings,” Sabrina whispered as if they were all involved in a collusion scheme. “Then, one of the drawings. It … it … it moved!”

  Ami snorted. “What do you mean the drawing moved, Sabrina? That’s not possible. You’re not making any sense.”

  Sabrina puffed herself up to her full height and glared at Ami. “I’m just telling you what I heard. Of course, I haven’t talked to Miranda yet myself, but I fully intend to. The word at the coffee shop is that the drawings are new. That there’s a witch in town. A bad witch.”

  Elias sucked his breath in so hard he turned white as a sheet and practically started salivating with glee as Sabrina fed his already overactive imagination.

  Dr. Luke interjected. “There’s no such thing as witches, Sabrina. Why are you trying to scare these ladies? We’re just here to see the 3-D movie.”

  “Oh, there are witches in Shadowkeep, Dr. Collier. And don’t you ever doubt it.”

  ****

  “Gosh darn it,” Penelope exclaimed as she dropped a cup of just ground coffee beans on the travertine floor of her chef’s kitchen. Her hand was shaking so badly from Sabrina and her bid for an Oscar that she’d let the scoop slip from her tapered fingers and slam on to the ceramic.

  Gosh darn it was right. More like damn it all to hell. Pen knew that I was highly addicted to raw coffee. I loved the little kitty buzz it gave me as the caffeine started running through my veins. I wanted to stop. I’d tried to stop.

  Alas, I couldn’t stop and while Pen went to the pantry to grab the broom and dust pan, I furiously ate them as fast as I could. Ah, Starbuck’s dark roast. My favorite.

  Lola laid in my kitty bed, looking disgusted. I didn’t care. She could just deal with it. Besides, coffee addiction was far more tolerable to women than a beer gut with my paw permanently attached to my cell phone and the remote control.

  “Penelope, I think there’s a problem.” Dr. Luke’s voice pierced my coffee lapping frenzy.

  “What?” she muttered as she stuck her head in the walk-in storage area.

  I could tell Pen still was discombobulated over Sabrina’s antics. That, and Dr. Luke’s presence in her kitchen. Penelope had suggested they have their evening coffee at her house since she hadn’t wanted to face any more of the town gossip about witches and animated hieroglyphics. She probably hadn’t thought this through. The intimacy of the moment.

  “That cat’s going to be high as a kite if you let him eat any more of that coffee,” he warned. “Too much is toxic. I’d hate to have to open the clinic so I can pump his stomach.”

  What the hell? No! Say it isn’t so? It can’t be possible that my favorite guilty pleasure is toxic. Why, oh, why? Can’t a kitty ever catch a break?

  Lola sighed and snuggled deeper in to my bed. Oblivious and uncaring wench. With no regard for her hero. Her champion. Her knight in shining fur.

  To hell with Lola and all women. Nothing but trouble since the day they were born.

  Dr. Luke stood and picked me up to set me in his lap. Pen
ground another batch of beans after she swept up the ones that had fallen to the floor and soon the scrumptious aroma of percolating coffee filled the air. Aah. Heaven.

  “Penelope, do you think there’s any truth to what Sabrina was saying at the Science Museum?” Dr. Luke asked.

  Pen stiffened at his innocent question. If she didn’t calm down Dr. Luke was going to know something was up. “Probably not.”

  “Tomorrow’s Saturday and I only have appointments in the morning,” he continued. “I think we should grab Ami and head out there for an afternoon hike. Let’s see what all the fuss is about.”

  I saw Pen visibly struggle with herself. I knew she’d already thought about going out there. Probably tomorrow with Ami. Now, Dr. Luke was inviting himself along on their little sojourn. With him tagging along, they wouldn’t be able to have any open discussion. That might be good or bad, we’d have to see. But I didn’t think there was any way for her to get out of the invitation. If he caught her there without him, he’d start asking questions that Pen didn’t want to answer.

  “That sounds … nice.” Pen set the coffee cup down in front of him and I breathed it in. Like crack.

  “Why don’t I pick you and Ami up at the Coffee Hut at 10:00 and we’ll all ride together? We can have dinner afterward at that little café you like in Sedona,” he suggested as Pen sat down across the table from him.

  She blushed as she finally realized they were alone. Of course, Lola and I were here but we’d started to fade into the distance. I joined Lola in the kitty bed and we snuggled up. “How about if we meet at the Coffee Hut so I can grab a latte before? By the way, I really had a good time tonight at the movie, Luke.”

  He reached across the table and twined her fingers with his. “Me too.”

  I glanced up from my place of comfort, hoping we’d end this perfect date with True Love’s Kiss. Pen should have sat next to him instead of across from him.

  “We couldn’t avoid getting Elias’ thoughts on his favorite part of the movie but I never heard yours,” he said softly.

  “I loved the Maelifell in Iceland,” she answered. “The moss and the shape of the mountain. It just had this mystical quality that really spoke to me. The perfect cone and the land around it was just beautiful. It would be awesome to travel there someday and see it in person. I’m also fascinated with their gaited horses.”