Fur Magic Boxed Set: Talisman, Sage, Fawn, Lola: Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Colleen Charles

  I raised my muscly arms to defend my beefcake face and squinted through the gap between my forearms.

  The dust cleared slowly, and through it stepped El Chupacabra. Hooves clattered on the floorboards, ripe with horrible fluids which would stain for sure. Talons dripped with its own blood, raw from scratching and hammering to get inside.

  Apparently, I’d pissed the monster off so bad it’d abandoned all thoughts of eating goats and had come after me instead.

  Talisman one, Casper zero. Or was it the other way around?

  El Chupacabra blinked in the low light, searching the ground for my cat form. I waved at him.

  Hey asshole, up here.

  Language, you don’t want to enrage him further with Penelope in range. Sage lectured from above, which was rich coming from him.

  Huh?

  El Chupacabra looked at the new human, me, and shook his head to clear it of whatever thought he’d held. There wasn’t a chance in cat hell that the creature had more than a single thought flowing through its brain at any given moment.

  You wanna dance, pretty boy?

  I taunted him as I raised my fists and hopped from side-to-side, using my man muscles for the greater good. I mimicked the action movies I’d caught snatches of by peering through neighbor’s windows.

  Where’s the feline?

  I’ve got your cat right here.

  I jogged forward and rammed my shoulder into the beast. It was like running arm first into a cement truck. Boy, this thing was tough. I started to worry whether the normally spectacular human Talisman had what it takes to bring the thing to its knobby knees.

  He stumbled back a few steps, blinking his beady yellow eyes, scaly forehead wrinkling and emitting a line of green droplets.

  Gross.

  El Chupacabra opened its fleshy jowls and shrieked at me, bathing my human in the stench of a thousand dog corpses.

  I coughed and sputtered, raising a hand to defend my nostrils, and the monster chose its moment. He dived, arms outstretched and tackled me. We soared through the entrance hall and slid across the floor, crashing into the wall at the far end.

  A painting slid loose and crashed down on top of El Chupacabra’s head. His eyes crossed and his head lolled. I spun him onto his back and wrestled him onto the ground, pinning his arms to the side and holding my breath for all I was worth.

  El Chupacabra’s hooves battered the boards, the hollow thunk-thunk thundering in my ears. I looked down at the amulet. My gem had already gone from a healthy jade to the faded yellow of citrine. Not much time left. If Penelope didn’t get here soon, this thing would be able to get free.

  I needed her magic to banish it, assuming that didn’t go wrong too.

  Couple that with the fact that my makeshift skirt had jostled loose… this was a recipe for disaster. What if it grabbed my …

  El Chupacabra roared, worming its hands against my meaty thighs, trying to free itself from my Talisman chokehold.

  “What the …?” Penelope spoke behind me.

  I glanced back and beckoned with one hand, pointing from El Chupacabra to her and back again.

  She was wide-eyed, oblivious. “How did you get in here?” she asked. Really? She was worried about a hot intruder at a time like this?

  Yeah, because that’s what matters right now, when I’ve got a mythical monster pinned on the floor and a velvet throw protecting the family jewels.

  I almost wish I was there to see it. Almost.

  Shut up, or owl be seeing your feathered head on a fencepost.

  “Oh, my. It’s okay, stranger. I can fix this. If it’s summoned it can be banished,” she said, finally clicking as to what my mute human form was desperate to get across. That was my master. She might take a while to get around to it, but she was quick as a whip when she wanted to be.

  Penelope disappeared into the study and came running out with a Book of Shadows. Hopefully, the right Book of Shadows this time.

  Come on, Pen, come on.

  I glanced down at my amulet and gulped. Human Talisman was running out of time and then El Chupacabra would be free to maim. And kill.

  “Ah, I’ve got it. Creature of doom be banished now, to the hells from whence you came. Should you yearn for light not shadow, you will know a deathly hallow.” Penelope shut her eyes and swayed in time to the weird chant.

  Oh boy, I hated those chanty things. They never worked the way they should and with Penelope’s powers weakening…

  Pop!

  El Chupacabra disappeared from beneath me and my knees connected with the wooden boards, scraping the skin.

  Ouch, that was unfair.

  Still, better than having your head ripped off by the monster, wouldn’t you say? Sage chirped from the roof.

  Is there no end to your wise cracks?

  I rose from the floor and turned to Pen, who stood staring, pale and wide-eyed at the spot where El Chupacabra had been.

  She met my gaze and her mouth dropped open. She stammered for a full minute, then turned on her heel and ran out of the front door and into the bright sunlight cascading from the heavens.

  Uh Oh.

  Chapter 3

  I ran out of the front door after Penelope, still in human form, even though the stone in my amulet had yellowed further than I’d ever let it before. If she’d hurt herself getting rid of El Chupacabra, I needed to be in human form to help her. I hated to admit it, but there wasn’t much I could do as a cat, other than purr and rub up against her for comfort.

  What if she passed out? Or worse.

  I chased around the corner of the house, noting the gouges in the lawn where El Chupacabra had chased after me.

  Sage, get in the air you old coot. I need to know where she’s going.

  Please and thank you goes a long way, you fur-covered ingrate. She’s at the barn.

  The barn, what the hell? God, this had better not be some side-effect of that hapless chant. I ran toward the shelter at the back, ignoring Mr. Oats’ whinny of fear. All the animals were on edge and electricity still crackled on the air, even with the clouds dispersed and the death threat gone.

  Penelope stood there and swung the metal door open. She rushed from Mr. Oats’ stall to the various enclosures and open spaces where the birds and goats stayed. She even checked on the old Tortoise, Trotters.

  Then she stopped and turned to stare at me.

  “You,” she said, her voice melodic again.

  That was the normal Penelope talking, not the gritty, terrified one from before. I couldn’t say anything to her, and now that I knew she was all right, I didn’t have time to stick around and fulfill her man-fantasies. Her mantasies?

  That was what Dr. Luke was for. If he ever got a clue and grew a pair.

  Speak of the devil. Sage swept back over the roof. Incoming.

  Huh?

  “You saved my animals. Who are you, really?” Penelope asked, orb-like eyes shining with admiration. She stepped closer and took both of my hands in hers. “You appear whenever I need you the most. Or at the strangest times. I need to know your name.”

  I shook my head desperately and pointed at my lips, to indicate a lack of speech. Hell, even if I’d been able to open my stupid human gob, I still wouldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. Pen had to let go of this unhealthy obsession with yours truly.

  She’d started to give a new meaning to the term ‘cat lady’.

  Penelope swept my hand out of the way, stood on tiptoes and gripped my cheeks in either hand, smooshing them together so my lips formed a pout. Then she brought herself in for the kiss.

  My eyes widened in shock. Uh oh. I stumbled back from her and held her at arm’s length, shaking my head.

  “Who …?” Dr. Luke’s voice broke Pen’s romantic reverie. She looked past me, blinking in the sunlight.

  Of course he’d appeared at the worst moment possible. Judging by the look in his eyes, he’d seen what Penelope had tried to do and was nothing but jealous. He worked his jaw and stared
from her to me.

  What did you think incoming meant, you ignorant nincompoop?

  Sage was perched on one of the poles of the split-rail fence, cleaning his feathers. His beak was as majestic as ever and his attitude stank as much as it had before his near death experience.

  You could’ve been more specific, bird-brain. This might’ve ruined everything. If Penelope doesn’t end up with Dr. Luke…

  Calm down, Catniss.

  The owl turned wide, black eyes in my direction, swiveling his head almost three hundred and sixty degrees to spear me with the intense expression. Never mind that I was a human and it was freaky behavior for an owl to glare at a man for no reason.

  Did you just call me a woman?

  Sorry, I meant Catnip.

  Now’s not the time to talk about addictions.

  I blinked at the two humans, turned my back on them, and ran for the back of the house, pumping my arms to push myself further ahead. The sooner I got away, the sooner Penelope could free herself of her false perceptions.

  “Hey,” Pen called out behind me, “wait a second, I wasn’t done talking to you.”

  “Who is that guy?” Dr. Luke asked, pain radiating through each word. Poor guy, he just couldn’t catch a break and each time he did, it was either magic paintings or my human form that got in the way. Throw in El Chupacabra and you had the trifecta of anti-romance.

  Dr. Luke was my third favorite human in Shadowkeep. I felt kind of guilty about messing with him. Especially, since that hadn’t been my intention.

  I crashed through the back door of Penelope’s house and pressed the button on my collar. Within seconds I was back on all fours as I was meant to be. Fifteen pounds of feisty and ferocious feline, born and raised, baby. Man, it felt good to be back in my silky fur. I looked back at my tail and gave a sigh of relief. No kinks there. By some miracle, El Chupacabra’s juicy hoof hadn’t done its intended job.

  You look perfect, Tali. Lola slinked around the corner and to my side, then rubbed against me. So handsome. Thanks for getting rid of that meanie. You’re my hero.

  She purred in her chest, a rumble which reverberated through her and into me. I could get used to this treatment.

  Any time, doll.

  Get a room. Sage chimed in, invading our moment. Like always.

  I padded to the kitchen window and leapt up onto the sill to peer out at Pen. She stood by the fence talking to Dr. Luke with a dazed expression. She kept glancing the way my human form had run and didn’t seem to be concentrating much on what he had to say.

  Each time she broke eye contact, Dr. Luke’s shoulders sank lower. Eventually, he was so disheartened he bobbed his head, said his goodbyes and wandered back up the path and around the front of the house. A car door slammed a few moments later, an engine hummed to life and Dr. Luke puttered back to the animal clinic or wherever he’d bury his sorrows over yet another rejection from Penelope.

  We stared out of the window, watching Penelope lean on the fence and stare into space, daydreaming about the mystery man. Casper hopped out and started his parkour to get her attention, but she didn’t move a muscle. She was lost in her very own Penelope land. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was best to leave her to her own devices.

  I’m at my wit’s end with her. I snuggled in to Lola. When will she pull her head out?

  Humans can be dense sometimes. They live in their heads and not in the moment like we do. But we love them and help them where we can. There’s only so much we can do. Sometimes, you’ve got to let them go so they can make their own mistakes.

  Wise words, milady. I circled her and bumped against her cheek, lightly. But if I don’t find a way to get Penelope’s powers back, she’ll never be able to protect herself from the Chokecherry’s.

  First things first, we need to figure out who summoned El Chupacabra.

  Sage spoke from the pole, blinking languidly in the afternoon sun. Tweety fluttered down to join him and he gave her a reproachful look. Apparently, birds of a feather didn’t always flock together, even when one saved the other from certain death.

  Recon mission tonight, old chap?

  I perched on the window sill, studying the sky in case any more clouds decided to percolate.

  Midnight. I’ll be waiting on the porch.

  I’ll be waiting with bated breath.

  Cheerio.

  I licked my paws and settled in to clean behind my ears, joined by Lola who relished nothing more than a good grooming session.

  Nerves bubbled around in my tummy acid. I studied Penelope’s blank expression and shook my whiskers. We had to find out who was after her, or my human love would end up less dazed and more dead.

  Chapter 4

  I padded along the road with Lola at my side and Sage swooping through the night sky overhead, casting a shadow on the ground thanks to the full moon. He loved it, the vain old bird, I could tell from the way he spread his wings wider and soared higher to make the silhouette change shape.

  Don’t be such a cynic, cat. And don’t deny you’d fly high if you had the chance.

  I can think of nothing I’d rather do less than fly, you winged feather duster.

  I was on edge, but then, all the animals at the shelter were. They didn’t have the same amount of freedom which Sage and I did when it came to exploring and figuring out exactly what Lucinda Chokecherry had planned.

  You think she’ll do something worse? Lola glanced left and right into the long grass on either side of the highway. We were a half a mile from my usual meeting place with Fawn.

  You bet your sexy tail it’ll get worse. Chokecherry won’t stop until she’s sucked Penelope dry and we can’t let that happen. No Penelope means no cuddles, milk or shelter. Or coffee grounds.

  I sniffed, taking in the scent of fresh green grass and the approaching woods. A mouse hopped out of the long grass and raced off into the darkness, but I didn’t give chase. Lola moved to rush after it, then shook her silken head to clear it and continued down the road.

  Good girl, she had a lot of restraint. That wasn’t a trait I’d usually select in a mate, but she was something special.

  Aw, Tali, I think you’re special too.

  Lola bumped her shoulder into mine.

  That reminds me. You’ll have to cool off around the kid we’re about to meet. I think she’s got the feels.

  What do you mean?

  Lola blinked her baby blues at me and I fumbled for the right words.

  That means that Fawn has a crush on Talisman and she probably won’t spill the beans if she’s in the throes of a jealous tantrum.

  Thanks a lot for that one. I was trying to be diplomatic.

  Sage flew low so that I could make out his posterior.

  You’re about as diplomatic as my left butt cheek.

  You don’t have butt cheeks. You’re an owl. Now shut up before I turn you into a Sunday roast. I hissed with the thought. Sage knew just the wrong moment to dive in.

  Lola had stopped walking to stare at my hindquarters, and while I could understand the fascination with my gorgeous derriere, I had the feeling this had nothing to do with my stellar physical attributes.

  What do you mean she has a crush?

  She likes me and I don’t like her, at least not in that way. We need her to talk to us so we can save Pen, okay?

  I didn’t have a better way to put this. Hopefully it didn’t come off as harsh.

  I need you to keep your distance while we’re there.

  Lola stared at me, eyes glinting beneath the moonlight. A car rushed by on the other side of the highway and we both hopped into the grass out of reflex.

  You can’t be serious.

  Lola used a flat tone which she’d never used before. Normally it was sweet purrs and whispers or a haughty stare.

  Oh he’s serious, all right. Serious like a kitty heart attack.

  Not funny.

  I beg to differ, cat on a hot tin roof.

  Tali? Is that you? Fawn trott
ed out from between the trees, wet nose sniffing the ground and air tentatively, then glancing at Lola and stopping in her tracks. What do you want?

  We came to talk to you about Penelope. There’s been some trouble at the shelter.

  I – I, Fawn broke off and started trembling. I’m too scared, Tali.

  She looked back into the forest, searching for something. Her father? Or a denizen of the dark, as El Chupacabra had been.

  It’s okay, Fawn, you can talk to me.

  I padded forward to stand in front of her and Lola, to her credit, hung back, though her entire body had gone rigid the minute Fawn appeared.

  The young deer was all doe-eyes and brown fur, soft tufts stuck up on her hind legs and she twiddled her Bambi tail and blinked. Sage fluttered down from the heavens and landed on a lamppost to watch over the proceedings. As disengaged and unhelpful as ever.

  I’m going to ignore that comment for the sake of the greater good, fleabag, but you’ll pay for it later.

  Where were you when my ship went down?

  You’re quoting Big Country. Think about that for a second, Talisman. Big Country.

  He had a point. I licked my kitty lips and paced a step to the right, where Fawn could see me better. She crouched low, legs tensed as if she’d spring away at a moment’s notice. Yep, something had definitely spooked the kid.

  There was a monster at the shelter today and a strange storm of green clouds. Do you know anything about that?

  Fawn’s bottom lip quivered, but she didn’t say a word. Her gaze darted from Sage to my face, to Lola and hardened at the sight of my white lover, hovering near the road.

  Fawn, Penelope is in danger and we’re pretty sure that the wicked witch of Shadowkeep is behind it. If you know anything about what happened at the shelter, you need to tell us before it gets worse.

  I saw green clouds. I saw an El Chupacabra. I don’t know anything else.

  Fawn whispered, at last, and I could tell that she’d held something back. Her legs were bucked inwards in a position of insecurity.

  Man, I didn’t have time for the kid’s crush. We had to figure this out before it was too late.

  This is our last chance to find …