The Good Life

by Gordon Merrick

  “But we agreed,” she said through her sobs. “We agreed we’re not going to be like ordinary couples.”

  “We’re a couple, ordinary or not.”

  “We’re supposed to be free and open with each other and not deny each other, not deny each other new experiences.”

  “Balls.” He pushed his pelvis down hard on her. He was starting to get a hard-on. “Feel that? What’s new about Jed? Has he got something like that? Sex is sex.”

  Her writhing stopped, and she tried to pull away from his hardening cock. He jumped off the bed and started taking off his trousers.

  “No,” she screamed. “Don’t.” Her knees were drawn up tight against her chest, and she shoved herself back into a sitting position at the head of the bed, making herself as small as possible.

  “I’ll give you thirty seconds to get your clothes off, or I’ll rip them off.” He jerked his trousers off, kicked off his shoes, and started unbuttoning his shirt.

  “No. Don’t you touch me. I don’t want it.”

  “That’s a change. Let’s see how you like being raped then.” A tug at his underwear revealed his rigid cock. The more she resisted him, the harder it became. He cupped it in the palm of his hand and thrust his hips forward, gently stroking himself, teasing her with it. “Take your dress off,” he ordered.

  “You think you can have anything you want with that goddamn cock.” She couldn’t take her eyes off it.

  “I can have you. That’s enough.” He moved in closer to her, his cock soaring above her. He clutched it at the base and held it like a club. “You want me to beat you with it? You’d probably love it. Now get undressed.”

  This last command was not to be ignored. His own rage and hurt were under control, and now he had to have her under control.

  Bet sensed his power and dazedly began to take her clothes off. She tried to make it an act of grudging obedience, but by the time she was naked, she was reaching for him, blindly demanding, grasping, almost hurting him with her eagerness for him. He took her mercilessly, driving into her with all his strength. If he hurt her down there, he’d make sure that Jed didn’t ever have a chance to notice the bruises. She was his, and he knew how to keep her his.

  He’d won that round. Jed was never mentioned again, but Perry was doubly alert now, watching and looking for any signs of her straying.

  And there were signs. She had others sniffing around in the background. He became suspicious of her every move in a way that he loathed in himself. Mutual respect and trust were essential if they were going to make a success of their marriage. As their relationship threatened more and more to slip into routine watchful suspicion, he found that even slapping her around didn’t keep her in line. She started spending nights out without letting him know. She openly defied him, daring him to intervene. They’d reached an impasse.

  Little Billy was Perry’s only joy, but even that was marred when the child kept asking where Mommy was.

  Perry stopped seeing the people he liked, and since he hated Bet’s new friends, his social life became his card games. He played with an obsessive determination, concentrating on the game fiercely to keep his nagging worries from surfacing. Drink helped.

  On nights when he didn’t have a game and Bet was out, he wandered around the apartment — his drink often freshened — and missed Billy more than ever. If he could only spend the evening with him — just talk quietly, laugh a bit, or just feel him near while they read comfortably, content in each other’s presence. Billy had left a great empty hole in his life that he wondered how he’d ever fill.

  Bet was getting wilder and wilder and more and more blatant about her lovers. She’ll probably start bringing them home, he mused, and not to share them like they had Timmy. That had been innocent fun. There was no innocence left.

  Timmy’s frequent letters to them were hair-raising chronicles about the realities of war, but he still managed to sound tender and loving as he always had.

  Perry began to regret having eliminated himself from the draft. Everybody he knew was in uniform with the exception of Bet’s wide circle of male friends, who, if young enough to be eligible for the draft, had connections so that strings were pulled to keep them free. The older ones seemed to be getting richer on the war. After all, people like Bet had to have escorts for their nightly rounds of restaurants and nightclubs.

  Johnny Jardine invited Perry for lunch one day at the Oak Room, and almost all the men at the bar were in uniform. Glancing around, he saw that he was the only one his age in a civilian suit. He felt acutely embarrassed for the first time. He made a joke about being a draft dodger, but it fell flat.

  “Are you really worried about not being in the action?” Johnny asked.

  “I’m beginning to be,” Perry admitted. “Just look around. I feel like some sort of deserter or something — an oddity.”

  “Try Canada,” Johnny said. “They don’t seem to be all that particular about ruptured eardrums or flat feet. I’ve heard that they’re so hungry for recruits for their air force, they’d probably take even me.”

  Perry was more interested than he thought possible. If he could get into uniform and away for a while, he wouldn’t have to sit around watching Bet make a fool of herself and him. A change was definitely called for, and this sounded like an answer. “Where did you hear about it, Johnny? How can I find out more?”

  Johnny had a close friend who had joined up, and when the friend came down to New York the following weekend, they arranged a meeting.

  The young man, Bob Naughton, said they’d take anybody. “You look a healthy specimen,” he said. “Look at me — skinny and short and shortsighted and queer as a coot, and they didn’t bat an eye.”

  Bob gave him all the information, and Perry carefully wrote down the particulars and kept the piece of paper in his wallet. If things got more strained with Bet, this could be his way out.

  He decided to play for time. He didn’t want to be forced to take a stand with Bet that would be impossible for either of them to back away from, even if his love for Bet was being severely tested. He would never do anything that might come between him and Little Billy. Perhaps it would be a good idea to leave her on her own for a time. Military service would be the ideal excuse for getting out of town.

  The house Bet had mentioned months ago over near the river on Beekman Place was finally available and almost affordable, so they decided to move. Perry found it easier to give into her whims and wishes; the fights were wearing him down. The house was small but took up four floors and had a garden in the back for Billy. Bet agreed to buy the furniture from the departing tenants so that the move would be quick and easy.

  Once in the place, Perry was very pleased with it. Bet was occupied with the move and decoration, so a sort of truce was drawn, and they enjoyed each other more than they had in months.

  They decided to take the top floor for themselves, with a big bedroom and bath and a smaller bedroom that they could use as a dressing room and for the occasional overnight guests such as Timmy. The floor below them was almost the same as theirs and was allotted to Billy and his nurse. The living room and a smaller sitting room were below that, and the dining room was on the ground floor next to the kitchen and utility rooms, with a maid’s room and bath. In her excitement with the house, Bet even talked of the possibility of getting a live-in maid who could also cook.

  Perry’s spirits rose. Perhaps his patience was paying off. For the first time Bet was acting like a wife and mother. He had a town house at one of the best addresses in the city and a millionairess wife. There was no excuse now for them not to live like civilized people. Their behavior lately, he had to admit, had been anything but civilized.

  With a world war in progress, unemployment had become a thing of the past, and domestic help was growing increasingly difficult to find, so he couldn’t blame Bet for not running a model household. Cleaning women came and went — slouching around the house for a few weeks, complaining about the stairs, then dis
appearing — but Bet was making more of an effort than she had before. Someday they might even have a meal at home.

  Arlene’s interest in her grandson was on a par with her daughter’s. Perry realized that she rejected anything to do with him, including his offspring. He encouraged Bet to maintain good relations with her family and insisted she accept Arlene’s invitation to spend some time in Martha’s Vineyard during the summer. Perry hoped that with time Arlene would come to terms with their marriage and be reconciled to his being part of the family.

  He couldn’t deny that his being in sole charge of Billy for a week was the prime motivating force in his sending Bet off with her mother. The child was the joy of his life, and he watched his progress with growing delight. He made what Perry imagined were coherent sentences now, and Perry reported each addition to his vocabulary to anybody who would listen.

  The day before Bet was due home, Perry took a confused telephone call for her. The operator insisted on reaching Mrs. Langham even after Perry told her she wasn’t there.

  “Are you sure Mrs. Langham isn’t available?” the operator demanded a second time.

  “Absolutely,” Perry insisted just as strongly. “She is my wife. She’s in Martha’s Vineyard. She will be home tomorrow evening.”

  “I have a Martha’s Vineyard operator on the line,” the New York operator went on. “Mrs. Langham left early this morning. She’s supposed to be at home.”

  “Somebody’s got it wrong, but I’m sure I haven’t.”

  He wasn’t able to find out who was calling, and he let it go at that. He assumed that Bet had changed her plans and would tell him about it the next day.

  She arrived on schedule, and they had several drinks together before going out for the evening. She’d found the colony dull and was anxious to leave.

  “When did you leave?”

  “First thing in the morning. It’s a long trip.”

  He noted the ambiguity, and his suspicions were immediately aroused. “Yesterday morning?”

  “Yesterday? Why do you say that? You knew my plans. Nothing changed.”

  “So you were at Martha’s Vineyard yesterday?”

  “Where do you think I was?”

  “I don’t know. I know you don’t like to lie, but you’re going to have to unless you tell me.”

  She averted her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake. Why bother with this?” he protested, dreading another scene, almost wishing that he could pretend not to know anything. “You weren’t in Martha’s Vineyard,” he said as though explaining something to a small child. “There was a phone call for you yesterday. If you’re going to do things you don’t want me to know about, I wish you’d do them better.”

  “Don’t be so goddamned superior,” she snapped. “I’m not an old poof you can lead around by the nose.”

  The fight was on. He could tell by the set of her chin that she was ready for battle. She suddenly reminded him of Billy, and he longed to be able to stop the inevitable, but he was frightened by the violence he felt in her and even more frightened by the answering violence in himself. He was coiled to spring when the right word triggered him off.

  Up to now he had been able to overcome her defiance and bring her back into line, but each new confrontation was harder to resolve. Resorting to physical violence was no longer the solution, but it seemed to be the only way to deal with her that she took seriously and that would lead to another truce.

  It was obvious she’d been with a man but he dreaded her bald confession. She enjoyed too much rubbing his nose in her infidelities. He was trapped. What could he do?

  He didn’t want to lose Billy, but he couldn’t allow her to go on speaking to him in this way. Anger was safe as long as he didn’t drive her into a corner. He played the game. Their voices rose. Insults and accusations were exchanged. Finally he called his punishing hands into play. They cut off her wounding words. How could anything so sweet and simple as falling in love lead to such torment? That summer in Saint-Tropez with its magic couldn’t lead to this.

  He’d read about battle fatigue and wondered if that was what he was suffering. Whatever it was, it couldn’t go on. There was no more resilience. Her liberties were growing more blatant. Their grievances hardened into a residue of animosity. He’d managed somehow to get over this latest provocation simply by his determination to do so, but what about the next time or the time after that? She was bound to finally push him too far. Something was going to crack.

  There was still one solution left, and he took it. He had to get out.

  He found the Canadian Royal Air Force agency and learned that all he had to do was pass a physical examination. He knew he had nothing to worry about in that department. Just making plans already made him more hopeful about the future.

  Perry and Bet had been under a strain from the beginning. From the outset they had had to lie to her father and sneak around like thieves to be together. The long period of deception here in New York was bound to have left scars, and getting married under a cloud of family disapproval had forced them in on each other. They’d had only themselves. Bet had been too young. Her efforts at sophistication had been too much for her. She wasn’t ready. The truth about Perry’s relationship with her father was something she refused or was unable to come to grips with.

  It would do them good to draw back from each other, to breathe more freely, to relax without having each other around all the time. His faith in their marriage was unshakable. It would all work out. He’d make it work.

  But he had to be careful about how he made it work. Bet shouldn’t consider his decision to enlist as a protest or a token separation. He had to engage her support for becoming actively involved in the war. If he could make her proud of him by joining up, half the battle on the home front would have been won. It would mean that he wouldn’t be able to contribute much to the family’s support, but nobody could criticize him for wanting to take part in the Allied war effort, and he knew Mrs. Hahn wouldn’t let them starve.

  The Canadians were eager to get him, and he passed a preliminary physical. There was one stumbling block about becoming an officer — his lack of a college education — but even that problem could be circumvented if he fulfilled other requirements. He signed final papers to report to Toronto in three weeks.

  Bet took the news with dampening equanimity. She didn’t seem to care what he did. The fact that she was getting him out of the house pleased her more than anything else. If that’s what she wanted, he’d make the break as complete as possible. If he got leaves or weekend passes, Johnny Jardine offered to let him use the apartment whenever he wanted. It was the perfect solution.

  His one fear was that he’d be cut off from Billy, but if he could stay with Johnny and stay out of Bet’s hair and still visit the baby, all would be fine.

  He wanted to make himself scarce for a few months to give Bet the opportunity to make her own plans without having to take him into consideration. Perhaps she might even begin to miss him. Being in the military — and the Air Force at that — he could get free flights to New York from Toronto almost for the asking. He was informed that for the first weeks of basic training he’d be virtually a prisoner. He was willing to make that sacrifice.

  Bet looked at him with something like tenderness on his last night. She seemed not to have taken in the fact that he was really leaving. “But darling, you might be killed. I might never see you again,” she said with convincing concern.

  “Hardly likely during basic-training courses,” he assured her.

  “But thousands are killed every day. The papers are full of it. I think it’s hideous of them to give a body count. So many killed in Germany, so many killed in Italy, so many bombed in England. Ghastly.”

  “The count from Canada isn’t very high.” He couldn’t remember her paying any attention to the world conflict before except as a source of inconvenience for shortages of luxury goods and food. “I’ll get a
leave in three weeks or so, and then you can see if I look as divine in my uniform as Timmy did in his.”

  They had a quiet dinner — just the two of them in a small restaurant around the corner from the house on First Avenue — and an anything-but-quiet time in bed afterward. She was more amorously passionate than she had been in months. She spurred him on to impressive marathon performances by her ecstatic responses.

  “Oh, darling, it’s always so exciting,” she murmured. “Nobody else could be so thrilling. Your body, darling. It’s made for me.”

  If it was a performance on her part, it was a convincing one. Perry congratulated himself on making a smart move. Bet was always responsive to change; routine bored her. By being away, he knew he could capture her interest more effectively than if he were always there, no matter how much he pleased her physically. Thinking of the way he satisfied her, perhaps she would curtail her extramarital activities and realize what she was missing. He caught an exultant little light in her eyes that intrigued him. He wondered what it meant. Perhaps knowing when to be apart was essential to a happy marriage.

  Toward the end of September, Perry was back in New York on his first leave. Basic training was rough but toughened him up. He was amazed at how flabby he’d become sitting around card tables. He’d never felt fitter and had to admit that heads turned as he passed in his new uniform.

  He hadn’t had a chance to let Bet know he was coming but figured that was just as well. Why spoil this taste of independence she was undoubtedly enjoying? He went straight to Johnny’s apartment and after cleaning up made a date with Madge for dinner so that he could tell Bet he was busy if his arrival proved awkward for her. He hurried to his most important date: seeing Billy.

  He rang the doorbell, reluctant to use his key, still not wanting to break in on Bet. After several rings he started to use his key when he heard Billy’s steps running down the hall and his voice calling, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, come.”

  The door was opened by a pleasant middle-aged woman whom Perry scarcely glanced at as he scooped Billy into his arms. Now Billy’s voice was crooning, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, come.”