Mia reached across the table and held out her hand to him, waiting for him to take it. He pretended he didn’t see her do it and reached into his pocket for his phone, trying to avoid the public display of affection. Mia made a small disgruntled sigh.
“Sorry,” Ethan said, pretending to look at something important. “This will only take a moment.”
He fussed with his phone for a minute, until finally, Mia took her hand back and placed it in her lap. He asked her questions about the shoot in Toronto and she filled him in on the highs and lows of her week. She was happy to talk about herself until the waiter returned with their food.
Ethan picked at his meal, too preoccupied with his thoughts to eat. Mia didn’t seem to notice that he wasn’t adding much to the conversation. She spent the better part of the meal telling him about how annoying the director was, and how snobby the lead actors were, and how hot it was in Toronto, and the long days spent mostly just sitting around. Ethan smiled and nodded at all the right places.
“But Canadians are very polite,” she said, finally adding something positive.
Ethan smiled.
“I’ve always found that to be true,” he said as the waiter came and cleared away their plates.
“May I offer you coffee, tea or dessert?” he asked them.
Ethan didn’t want coffee but he needed to buy a little time.
“Yes, I’ll have a coffee. Black. Mia?”
Mia looked at him coyly.
“Why don’t we go home and have coffee?”
That was the last thing he wanted.
“No, no. I have to head back into work,” he lied. “Besides, didn’t you say you had something to tell me?”
Mia smiled demurely at him.
“Fine, I’ll have an Americano. Oh, and one of those chocolate chip cookies,” she said without making eye contact with the server.
Hearing the mention of chocolate chip cookies suddenly transported Ethan back to the day on the boat with Reagan. He smiled softly as the memories came back to him.
Mia stood up and placed her napkin on the table.
“I’ll be right back. Ladies room,” she said.
As she walked by him she ran her hand up his arm, rested it on his shoulder and then leaned in to kiss him. It caught him off guard and her lips landed on his. He was grateful it was short.
The waiter returned with their coffees and two cookies just as Mia came back. She sat down and smiled at him. She had reapplied her lipstick, Ethan noticed.
“So, I want to tell you something,” she began.
Ethan shifted in his seat. He really wanted to talk to her first and tell with her what was on his mind. He was worried that if he didn’t do it soon, he wouldn’t get the opportunity. He was just about to ask if he could speak to her about something first when she jumped in.
“I’m madly in love with you,” she purred affectionately.
Ethan didn’t respond, allowing too much time to pass.
“Did you hear what I said, Ethan?” she asked, her voice a little hurt.
Ethan sighed deeply. He didn’t want to hurt her, but now he knew it was inevitable. She would be crushed.
“I said I love you,” she repeated.
He nodded slowly, his eyes downcast. He reached across the table and took her hand in his. When he looked up she was smiling, until she saw he wasn’t. He struggled for words, knowing he needed to start speaking.
“Mia,” he began, trying not to sound insensitive, “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. You’re a great person. I really do like you.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, anticipating what was coming.
He hated this.
“I wish I could tell you that I feel the same, but I can’t. My feelings for you just haven’t developed strongly enough to support a long-term relationship. You need to know I’ve given this a lot of thought. I really have. I’m just not sure that you and I are a good fit. I’m not sure that we value the same things,” he said, his voice trailing off.
She looked more angry than hurt. He wanted to say something to soften the situation.
“I just have to be honest with you, Mia. I don’t want to lead you on. You deserve more than that. I’m sorry.”
Mia inhaled sharply and gave him a cold look. He released her hand and sat back in his chair, hoping to avoid a scene.
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me right now,” she said. “I mean, seriously?”
Ethan really hated this. He started rethinking his decision to end their affair in public. She sat forward, placing her hands on the table in front of her. She stared at him for a few minutes without saying anything, but he could see her mind was racing. He thought it was best to sit in silence, and hold the space for her to process her feelings. Finally she spoke.
“You’re sorry?” she said curtly. “You tell me you're sorry?”
He nodded, making her sigh in disgust. She glared at him, clearly fuming.
“Well, I’m sorry too, Ethan,” she said, spitting out his name, “because ... I’m pregnant.”
She stared at him, her eyes challenging him to make the next move.
He pulled back and shook his head in confusion. His thoughts were swirling.
Did she just say she was pregnant? Was this actually happening?
He picked up his coffee and took a long sip, not giving a damn that the liquid was boiling hot. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. His confusion left him speechless.
Mia crossed her arms and grinned at him, victorious.
“I guess you’re going to need time to process this, aren’t you, daddy?” she said flatly.
He took a deep breath.
Yes, he did need time to think this through. He just couldn’t find the right words, and she needed time to cool off too. They could talk again later.
Mia stood up to leave. She paused in front of him, her hands touching her belly for effect. The gesture was not lost on him.
He stared up at her. She smiled coyly, and then, bent down and kissed him on the forehead.
“How about you take a few days to let all this sink in, and then we can talk,” she said.
Ethan nodded.
Mia picked up her purse and walked toward the gate. Ethan’s eyes followed her out and he was dismayed to see a man with a camera just outside the patio. The man gave him a little wave, which Ethan returned, shaking his head.
He stood up and made his way inside the restaurant to pay the bill. He gave the server a big tip and then asked him to lead him out the back door. He was grateful that the way was clear. He walked a block to where his car was, and then made his way home.
CHAPTER 32
ETHAN
Ethan spent the rest of the weekend at home. He was in shock, and was grateful for the time alone.
He read a script he’d promised to look at, and followed up on some work emails, but other than that, he was in a fog. In his mind, he kept going over and over his relationship with Mia and the time they’d spent together.
He wouldn’t define it as something he’d enjoyed.
In the beginning, he did like being around her. They had great sex. Both of them seemed happy to spend a few hours at dinner and then head home to hit the sheets. It was more of a physical connection than anything else.
Mia was just as happy as he was to avoid the pillow talk and the cuddling after they fucked. It was almost always her who made excuses to end their dates promptly after sex. It never bothered him, their conversations did’t have much substance anyway.
Aside from acting, they had nothing in common. In fact, if he were being honest, he often disliked being around her. Because when she was insecure, she tended to be negative, and rarely had kind things to say about others.
That wasn’t like Ethan. He tried to see the positive in every situation and in most people, even Mia. He’d noticed that things between them had changed about four weeks before. Not from him, but from her. Although their emotional c
onnection had not deepened, she became insistent on spending more time with him, especially in public. She was more vocal on social media and in interviews about him too.
That was around the time that he found himself pulling back. It wasn’t that he resisted falling in love. He tried to get to know her better. The problem was that the more he got to know her, the less he saw that attracted him.
They had only fucked a handful of times in the past six weeks, and they hadn’t been intimate at all in almost three weeks. He wondered how far along she was in her pregnancy. When exactly did it happen?
He always wore a condom with her, not that condoms were one hundred percent effective. She’d also told him that she used contraceptives, an IUD, if he recalled correctly.
He knew that in spite of great effort, people got pregnant anyway, nothing was foolproof. It just didn’t make sense to him. He should have asked her more questions the day before, but he’d been so caught off guard he could hardly think, let alone form sentences.
He considered what it would be like being a father. The thought gave him mixed emotions. He did want children one day, but he always imagined himself married to the love of his life and then starting a family after a few years of marital bliss. He could see himself being a real hands on dad, changing diapers, helping with midnight feedings, story-time, trips to the park, and even horsey rides. It was something he knew he wanted, but he always imagined being madly in love with the mother of his children.
He felt terrible admitting this, knowing that she was carrying his baby, but he didn’t love Mia. In fact, he actively disliked her, and that crushed him. He simply didn’t want things to be this way. His guilt was overpowering.
He went to bed that night with a heavy heart. He wondered how he’d feel once his child was born, knowing that he didn’t love its mother.
Would he be able to form a bond?
He really didn’t know, but he hoped with all his heart he would.
* * *
The next morning, Ethan woke with a splitting headache. He hadn’t slept well but had to get to work. Mondays were his busiest day.
He took a long shower, hoping to invigorate himself but without much success. He still felt confused but decided to talk with Mia to get more answers. He needed to know where her head was at.
He missed Reagan and wanted to reach out to her and talk to her about the situation. She was pretty much his best friend lately, but he knew the news would be difficult for her. It also made him feel disloyal, both to her and to Mia at the same time.
He knew the right thing to do, at least for the moment, was to focus on Mia.
He grabbed his briefcase and keys and headed out the door. He was surprised to see paparazzi behind the gate as he pulled out of his driveway. There were six or seven of them, all vying for position to take his photograph.
He drove straight ahead, slowing down just enough for them to dive out of his way.
They were yelling questions at him but he kept his windows firmly shut. He had a bad feeling.
The sharks smelled blood in the water and they were already circling.
CHAPTER 33
REAGAN
“So you had a good time?” Penny asked.
Reagan nodded.
“Yes, it was a wonderful day,” she said. “I really like him Penny. I really do.”
Penny beamed from ear to ear. She was thrilled that Reagan was taking a chance with this mystery man.
“Sounds like it was the perfect date. I can’t imagine how romantic it would be to spend an entire date on a yacht. So, do you think you’ll introduce me to him soon?”
Reagan smiled and shrugged.
“If things move forward with him, then I’ll for sure introduce you. I don’t mean to be secretive. I just want to make sure that he’s ready for that,” she said, touching Penny’s arm.
“I understand. I’m just so happy for you. Any man who can make you feel safe enough to open up and share your story with him is okay in my books. I trust your judgement, Ray.”
Reagan gave her a hug, grateful for her support.
Ragnar pulled on his leash, trying to get a better view of the ducks in the pond. He looked back at Reagan, his tongue lolling from the side of his mouth. She clicked her tongue and he trotted back to her, sitting as soon as he reached her. She leaned over and kissed his head.
“His training is really coming along. It’s like he’s a different dog from a few months ago. Won’t be much longer before someone adopts him,” Penny said.
Reagan nodded, her smile fading. She wanted him to find a good home, but she had to admit, it would be bittersweet. She scratched him behind the ears while he panted happily.
“He’s done well. Is he behaving for other handlers?” Reagan asked.
Penny pursed her lips and shrugged, causing Reagan to chuckle.
“He’s not as bad, but still quite willful. He’ll need obedience classes when he’s adopted. That might be a deterrent for some families. You know how people can be. They want things to be easy peasy.”
Reagan nodded. A big dog was hard enough, but a “bad” big dog was almost impossible.
“Poor puppy,” Reagan sighed, giving him a hug. “Come on, let’s get him back. I need to be at the retirement home by one thirty.”
She stood up and Ragnar quickly rose, not wanting to be left behind. Penny stood up and straightened her skirt and the three friends walked on together, making their way down the path.
“Thanks for spending my lunch hour with me. We love it when you come visit,” Penny said.
“I have a lot on my mind and talking it through with you has been so helpful,” Reagan said. “I think that no matter what happens with Ethan, things are going to start shifting for me and I’m going to need your emotional support.”
Penny glanced sideways at her friend. Reagan smiled back.
“Holy cow, look at you growing and evolving!” Penny teased. “You’re asking for support instead of trying to work everything out on your own! Are you finally admitting that you need me?”
Reagan chuckled.
“Very funny. You know I’ve always depended on your friendship, Pen, even if I sucked at saying so. You’re my bestie,” she said putting her arm around Penny’s shoulder and pulling her close.
She planted a smooch on Penny’s forehead.
“What the heck has gotten into you, girl?” Penny said, giggling.
Reagan released her and regained control of the dog.
“Nothing yet,” she winked, “but hopefully soon.”
“You’re so different, Ray.”
Reagan shrugged.
“I guess I’m ready to start living, instead of just existing. I’m starting to see myself being open to sharing my life with someone. This will mean changing careers too. I’ve spent the past few years healing, Penny. I couldn’t really allow myself to fall in love, while I felt so broken. I feel like I may finally be whole again. I’m ready to trust again.”
Penny was smiling and wiping away tears.
Reagan gave her a pat on her back.
“Come on. Don’t get all sappy on me.”
“I can’t help it. I’m just happy for you. I’ve been wanting this for you for a long time.”
Reagan looked at her.
“Wanting what?” she asked.
Penny sighed.
“Love.”
Reagan inhaled slowly, letting the word sink in.
CHAPTER 34
ETHAN
Ethan drove up to the movie lot and noticed more paparazzi lingering on the sidewalks just outside the security gate. It wasn’t uncommon to see one or two photographers hanging around, but when there were more it usually meant a big story was developing.
That bad feeling he had was turning into dread. He saw their cameras pointing at his car and he sat back into his seat, vainly trying to hide himself in the leather. One photographer even stepped in front of the Porsche, causing him to slow down or else run him over. Ethan considered the
latter for a split second.
The photographer took several shots and then stepped aside, continuing to flash shots as Ethan drove by.
Ethan did his best to not look at him.
He stopped at the security gate, opened his window and flipped his pass up for the guard to see. Just then, he heard the man who stepped in front of his car call out to him.
“Ethan, Ethan. Are the rumors true? Are you and Mia Miller having a baby? Is there a bun in the oven?” he yelled.
Ethan made eye contact with the security guard, silently pleading with him to move things along quickly. The guard shot him a sympathetic look and waved him through. Ethan quickly made his way through the gate, grateful he wouldn’t be followed.
When he got to his office, Kirk was waiting for him. He had an armful of newspapers, most likely the gossip rags. Ethan sighed.
“How bad is it?” he asked after they sat down.
Kirk laid the papers out in front of him. Ethan perused the headlines quickly, sighing loudly.
“How the fuck do they get this shit printed so fast?” he asked, irritated. “These pics are from Saturday at the restaurant.”
Kirk shrugged, his face set in a frown.
“It’s what they live for. This stuff sells a lot of papers. Have you been online? It’s all over social media too,” Kirk said.
Ethan shook his head.
“No, I didn’t want to see it,” he said. “I had enough on my mind this weekend.”
“So is it true?” Kirk asked, pointing to the paper closest to him.
Ethan nodded slowly, searching his friend’s face. Kirk sighed and gathered the papers.
“Wait, what do they say?” Ethan asked.
Kirk shook his head.
“Nothing definitive, mostly speculation. But you know that doesn’t matter. Facts are incidental to them. Is Mia okay?” he asked with mild concern.
Ethan sat back in his chair.
“I guess she is. She’s upset, of course. It wasn’t a great conversation. It all happened so fast. I met her for lunch to end things. When I told her it was over, she told me she was pregnant. Someone must have overheard. You know how the paparazzi are.”
Kirk nodded.
“What about the pics? You two look pretty cosy. She’s kissing you here, you’re holding her hand in this one, and again here she’s kissing you. Then this one, she’s holding her baby bump,” Kirk said, laying out one of the papers and pointing. “Paints a pretty convincing story.”
Fire & Ice: A Ménage Fantasy Page 88