Fight or Flight

by Jamie Canosa

  Jay’s arms holding her close, his hands rubbing soothing circles into her back—they changed. They turned bigger, sweatier, rougher, more demanding . . . and he was there. He was all around her. On her. In her . . .

  “Open your eyes!” The snap in Jay’s voice forced Em to obey. His alarmed face consumed her vision. “It’s me, Em. It’s just me. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.” His hands were rubbing those slow circles again. This was Jay touching her. “Deep breaths, baby. Come on. You can do it.”

  Jay’s chest pressed against hers as he took a deep breath and held it. It took a moment, but Em managed to mimic him. “Now release it slowly.”

  Em watched Jay’s lips pucker as the air gradually slipped from her own.

  “Again.” Jay took another breath and this time it was a little easier for her to do the same. Jay’s touch was soft, and comforting. Not at all like his.

  They repeated the breathing exercise a couple more times and she could feel her body relaxing as Jay’s fingers grazed up and down her spine. She pressed her face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent. Jay, this was Jay.

  “Good girl,” he continued to croon into her hair, quiet words of comfort. “I’m so proud of you, baby. I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you. Never again, baby. Never again. I’ve got you.”

  His words and the warmth coming from his body eased her muscles one at a time. Gradually, her breathing evened out as her body melted into his. He was right. It was definitely much warmer like this. Her body felt hot both outside and in.

  Jay’s touch caused tiny tingles to dance over her skin. A reaction she’d never experienced before, and she wondered if she could do the same to him. Cautiously, she trailed her hand down his chest and around his waist. The ragged breath Jay took told her he wasn’t entirely unaffected by her touch. Steeling her courage, she dared to take it further, slipping her hand around his back and upward over his spine.

  When her fingers drifted over the raised, jagged skin of an old scar, Em gasped and Jay’s entire body tensed. She stilled, afraid she’d gone too far. After a few strained moments, Jay resumed silently rubbing her back. He hadn’t asked her to stop, hadn’t pulled away, so she continued as well. Time after time, her fingers grazed over one long, vicious feeling scar after another. Dozens of them covered his back and shoulders, and it made her heart ache.

  Each time she touched one, she’d feel his muscles bunch and stiffen, but he never tried to stop her or hide them from her. One after another, he allowed her to discover the secrets he kept hidden from the rest of the world. She didn’t ask, and he didn’t offer an explanation. He would share the truth with her when he was ready. For now, this was more than enough.

  After counting each one—thirty seven in total—Em softly traced each mark from start to finish, wishing she could erase them and the painful memories behind them with just her touch. When she finished, Jay sighed, burying his face in her hair, and they both fell asleep wrapped in each other’s warmth.

  He woke her twice more to perform their ludicrous exercise routine, and by the time the sun broke over the horizon Em was more than ready for the night from hell to be over. Good thing, too, since Jay dragged her up again almost immediately and out into the light. They found a position on a low brick wall where they could sit and bask in the sun’s first rays, thawing their bodies from the outside in.

  Jay’s hands rubbed life back into her arms and legs, and then his lips took care of the rest. By the time they broke apart a warm tingle flushed through her bloodstream and left her gasping for air.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Jay

  Em didn’t know much of anything—besides what he’d shown her—of the streets. That left it to him to figure this mess out, and come hell or high water he was going to do better than last night. Jay had spent most of the night wide awake. Unable to sleep for fear that one or both of them wouldn’t wake in the morning. He’d watched her breathing quietly beside him and every time she started to shiver, he’d woken her up and forced her to move around.

  Holding her beautiful body that close had been a rigorous test of endurance. He still ached from the restraint it had cost him. When her tiny hands had explored his body . . . Christ, he didn’t think he’d ever be the same again. And when she found his scars. He wished she never had to see those. That he could keep that ugliness hidden from her forever. She already had enough ugly in her life, he didn’t need to add to it. But she hadn’t shied away. Hadn’t demanded an explanation. Hadn’t pitied him. She’d just touched him—and more than just his skin. She’d touched his soul last night when she’d traced each one as though she were trying to heal it. If anyone could heal his scars, it was Em.

  Thankfully it had been so damn cold; otherwise things might have gotten away from him. She had her own scars, and the last thing he wanted to do was move too fast. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t even ready for what he’d made her do last night—he could practically see the bad memories it stirred up, clouding her eyes—but there hadn’t been any other option. Someday, he’d heal her scars, too. But not today. Today they had more immediate problems to worry about.

  Free didn’t seem to be a feasible option. If they wanted someplace relatively decent to crash, they were going to have to pay for it. Paying meant money and money meant work. That, of course, meant a whole other set of problems, but those were problems Jay could handle. Another night under a friggin’ bridge was not.

  “I know where we need to go.”

  “You do?”

  Damn, he wished every word out of his mouth didn’t make her look so hopeful. Most of the time, he ended up feeling like a disappointment. But the fact that she still trusted him . . . It did something to him.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” He wasn’t going to let her down. Not this time.

  The parking lot of the Home Repair Depot was already swarming with people. This was going to be a longer shot than he’d anticipated. And none of them were going to be happy to see him.

  “Listen.” He pulled Em to a stop and planted her on the patchy grass running along the sidewalk. “I need you to stay here. Whatever happens, don’t move.”

  “What is this place?”

  “This is where I find work. Sometimes people looking for help with different projects come by here and hire on day laborers. If I can score a job, I might be able to earn enough cash to get us a place to crash tonight. It won’t be the Ritz, but—”

  “What about me? Aren’t there any projects I could help with?”

  “No offense, Em, but you’re a girl. You really wanna get in a car with some stranger and go back to their place to do who knows what?”

  Em’s brow scrunched in that perfectly adorable way of hers. “That doesn’t wound any safer for you to be doing.”

  “I can handle myself.” She wanted to argue that she could handle herself, too—he could see it on her face—but they both knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Besides, even if there was a chance in hell of me letting you do that, which there absolutely is not, no one would hire you. They’re all here looking for people to do manual labor. I’m not trying to be sexist here, but females are called the weaker sex for a reason, Em. How many girls you see out in that parking lot?”

  Em stubbornly surveyed the lot and he couldn’t help grinning at her. He already knew what the answer would be . . .

  “There’s one!”

  And that most certainly was not it. “What?”

  Jay followed Em’s line of sight until his gaze settled on the tall, lean blonde standing amongst the others like she was just one of the guys. Crap, he’d forgotten all about Al. Mostly because she really was just like one of the guys. The girl was persistent. She showed up almost every day and never—as far as Jay knew—actually got hired by anyone. That never stopped her, though. He couldn’t help admiring that about her, even if she was a bit of a hard-ass for his tastes.

  “She doesn’t count.”

  “Why not?”

  “She�
�s just there to hang out. She never gets work.”

  “Then why can’t I just go with you to ‘hang out’?”

  “Because.”

  Em just folded her arms and stared at him. Girls. He’d never understand them.

  “Because no one cares if she’s there. She isn’t competition. They’re not going to be as thrilled to see me show up. I don’t want you mixed up in it. Just stay put. If I get work, I’ll let you know and we’ll figure out a place for you to go until I finish up, okay? Please, Em?”

  He knew he had her with the ‘please’. She may not like it, but she wouldn’t tell him no.

  “Thank you.” He risked a brief kiss to her forehead, but there were too many others around to invite thoughts about anything more.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Em

  “I love you.” Jay’s lips brushed her ear as he whispered the only words that could calm her raging nerves.

  Plopping down in the grass, she watched as Jay made his way toward the large crowd lingering in the parking lot. He’d explained why she couldn’t be out there with him and it made perfect sense. What didn’t make sense was why he thought it was okay for him to put himself at risk like that. Sure, the money would definitely help and spending another night under a bridge wasn’t high on her list of things to do again. Ever. But the whole situation had her stomach in knots.

  She didn’t have to worry long. The moment Jay set foot in the parking lot, all hell broke loose.

  “Hey! What are ya doin’ here, Jay?” Some guy wearing a red hoodie and looking like part mountain man, part Sasquatch shouted, drawing the interest of several others.

  “Just lookin’ for some work. Same as you.” Jay was harder to hear, obviously trying to avoid any more unwanted attention.

  “You shouldn’t be here, man.” Another Hispanic looking guy stepped forward. About a half dozen others followed—including Sasquatch—closing in on Jay. He said they wouldn’t be happy to see him, but this looked like a little more than unhappy.

  “Look, I know—”

  “You obviously don’t know shit. We told you to get lost, you greedy bastard.”

  “I get it, alright? I just need—”

  “We all need, man. You can’t just come in here and take whatever the hell you want and leave the rest of us with nothing. That ain’t how this works and you damn well know it.”

  Half way across the parking lot, the guy took a swing at Jay, which he easily avoided and landed a return blow with impressive accuracy. Em noted all of this while running as fast as she could toward them. Confrontation—especially physical confrontation—had always been her greatest fear, and for good reason, but the moment she saw that first fist fly she was moving without a single thought as to what she would actually do once she reached them.

  Sasquatch wasn’t as easily overpowered. He landed a strike to Jay’s gut that sent him stumbling back several steps, and then chaos errupted. Everyone was fighting. Most were anti-Jay, though a few seemed to be striving to break it up. Others apparently decided to take the opportunity to pick fights with one another over something entirely unrelated. It looked like a bar brawl, minus the bar. And Jay was at the center of it.

  If she’d stopped to think about it for even half a second, Em probably wouldn’t have plowed right into a mob of angry men, but she didn’t. The only thought running through Em’s mind was that she needed to find Jay. Being as small as she was, she easily squeezed through the insanity. Bodies wrestled, fists and elbows flew, and shouts echoed all around her.

  Even the girl she’d seen hanging around earlier was involved, her long blonde braid swinging wildly as she grabbed ahold of some of the smaller guys and pulled them apart, clearly trying to break things up.

  “What the hell’s wrong with you?” She grunted, giving one good yank to the back of a gray flannel shirt, pulling him off of his prey and tearing it in the process. “Get. Off!”

  “You bitch!” He whirled around and struck out at her.

  The girl moved with a grace Em was certain she’d never possess, easily dodging out of the way. There wasn’t a chance in hell of her actually taking him, but she was doing a damn good job of avoiding the jerk. This obviously wasn’t her first fight. Skirting the perimeter of his strike zone, she backed into a short, stocky, dark haired guy drawing his attention from the bloody heap he’d just finished pummeling into the ground. The girl didn’t even spare him a glance—her eyes still trained on her opponent—but Em did, and he did not look happy. She was about to find herself surrounded and not even her impressive maneuvering could steer her clear of them both.

  Despite the alarms going off in her head, screaming at her to get the hell out of there as fast as possible, to run and hide like the good little useless coward she knew she was, Em couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let this girl be attacked for trying to help, and there was no way she could abandon Jay. He was still mixed up in the insanity somewhere. Rushing forward, she shoved him back, blocking his path before he could tackle the distracted blonde. For a moment, he looked stunned by her sudden appearance, but he couldn’t have been any more stunned than Em. Then he charged. Fear threated to paralyze her, but she forced it down. Calling on her one and only, tried and true defensive maneuver, she pulled up her knee as soon as he was close enough. It hit its mark and the charging boar went down hard on the concrete, groaning and writhing on his back while trying to avoid being trampled by the others.

  Em allowed herself a moment to appreciate what she’d never imagined she could do, before turning to find the girl behind her still finishing off her opponent. Weaker sex my ass, Em thought triumphantly, watching the jerk stumble away to go nurse his injured pride—and possibly broken nose from the look of it.

  It wasn’t time to celebrate yet, though. She still hadn’t found Jay.

  “Break it up, dumbass!” The crazy chick was jumping right back into the fray, dragging yet another guy out of what looked like had become a sort of dog pile/ mosh pit.

  A flash of blue eyes caught Em’s attention from somewhere underneath the mass of thrashing bodies.

  “Jay! Get off!” Em found herself just as crazy as the other girl, pushing, shoving, and pulling her way toward the bottom of the pile. “Move!”

  Most of the guys they actually managed to pull from the mob backed away when they saw the girls trying to get through, not looking even the slightest bit interested in taking a swing at them. Chivalry lives, Em thought cynically as she tugged on yet another jacket.

  Her arms were starting to ache from the sheer force it was taking to dislodge some of those guys, when a car horn blared over the madness bringing everything to an abrupt stop.

  “Hey, any of you knuckleheads actually looking for some work today?” Someone shouted from the cab of a pickup truck, and—like they were the magic words—everyone broke apart.

  Jay hustled over to her side, looking shocked and maybe a little bit angry to see her there. His lower lip was bleeding and the shadow of a bruise was starting to form on his cheek, but otherwise, Em was relieved to see that he looked all right.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Oh yeah, he was definitely angry. “I told you to stay put. Whatever happens.”

  “Well, she couldn’t dig you out all on her own.” Em waved idly toward the other girl still standing beside her, glancing briefly in her directly. It was the first good look Em had gotten at the blonde, and she couldn’t believe her eyes. “Al?”

  “Hey, you’re the one from the warehouse.” Al smiled at her. Actually smiled. After everything that had just happened. This girl was definitely cracked.

  “You two know each other?” Jay looked baffled, but at least he didn’t sound angry anymore.

  “She saved my ass a few weeks ago.” Al offered by way of explanation.

  Em grinned at Jay, his continuing surprise only slightly insulting. She wasn’t about to tell him the rest of the story. Oh, yeah, I tripped over her while trying to be stealthy and then she showed me where th
e nearest door was. That didn’t sound half as impressive as ‘saving someone’s ass’.

  “I need five today.” The guy stood in the door of his truck, overlooking the crowd. Then he started pointing. “You, you, you, you and . . .” When his finger landed on Jay, Em’s heart tripped over itself. “You.”

  Jay only smiled. This was what he wanted, after all. Em was surprised to find just how much she’d been secretly hoping he’d fail. The guy in the truck looked nice enough, though, and he was taking four other guys with him. Four guys who had just tried to kick his ass, but still, at least it was something.

  “I gotta go. Don’t worry, this will be good for us.” He glanced back and forth between Em and Al for a moment and then grinned. “Why don’t you two hang out this afternoon and I’ll split whatever I make with you when I get back?”

  “You hiring your girl a babysitter?” Al scoffed and Em would have been offended if she hadn’t been thinking the exact same thing.

  “Em’s more than capable of taking care of herself.” She didn’t know if Jay actually believed that, but it felt nice to hear him say the words. “You tried to help me out back there. I’m just trying to return the favor. That’s all. Take it or leave it.”

  “I’ll take it.” Al quickly snapped up the offer. “We’ll be by the Fuff and Fold on Ninth when you’re done.”

  Em hadn’t the slightest idea what that was or why they would be there, but Jay just nodded before pulling Em aside.

  “Stick with Al, all right? She’s cool. Just chill until I get back. I don’t want to think about you guys walking around the city by yourselves. With this many guys, I shouldn’t be more than a few hours at most.”