Summer at Lavender Bay

by Sarah Bennett

  ‘Oh, Jack.’ Her fingers slid down his arm to curl around his own. She didn’t say anything else—didn’t need to. The small comfort was enough in its own right. Keeping hold of her hand, he turned her to the bench where the samples he’d left out for her sat. ‘I think it’s your turn to educate me for a bit. Tell me about your project.’

  With her free hand, Eliza toyed with one of the bags of dried lavender. ‘I’m not sure how it’ll work, to be honest. The dressmaking will be straightforward enough as I’ve always kept up with it, but the soap and candles is something new.’

  ‘Dressmaking? I think I missed a bit of the conversation somewhere.’

  She laughed. ‘Oh, I probably didn’t mention that bit. I had a chat with Beth and we came up with a whole range of creative things. The clothes will hopefully be more of a side line once I get the other stuff up and running, but it’s the easiest way to get some extra income coming in.’ She raised the lavender bag to her face, and her lashes fluttered closed as she drew in the scent. ‘So beautiful.’

  Yes. Jack gave himself a mental kick. ‘So the soaps and stuff is new?’

  Her eyes blinked open, the dreamy expression fading from her face. ‘Sorry, I was miles away. I did all sorts of different art and design stuff when I was at university and found I preferred the practical projects, the ones that produced something tangible. You know?’

  Not sure that he did, Jack nodded anyway. It was enough to see how excited she was.

  ‘Anyway, I’ve done loads of research.’ She glanced up at him with humour dancing in her eyes. ‘And by research, I mean I’ve watched dozens of videos on YouTube. It’s unbelievable the stuff you can find on there, I’m really excited to give it a try.’

  Jack scratched his head. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine how you make soap. Does it look difficult?’

  ‘Not really, it’s all about chemistry. Every video I watched stressed about being accurate with measuring the ingredients, and most of the processes use an alkali to blend with the oil base so there’s some safety precautions I’ll need to take…’ She tapped her lip, a small frown line marring the smooth skin between her brows. ‘On second thoughts, the cellar beneath the pub probably isn’t a good idea as I’ll need somewhere with plenty of ventilation. Maybe I can just set a table up out in the rear yard.’

  ‘If you get stuck then you’d be welcome to try it out in here, assuming it’s before or after we get the harvest in.’ Jack quite fancied the idea of watching her work. They’d always been strictly wholesale providers, but it never did any harm to do a bit of research. When Eliza had first shown up she’d expected them to have a shop, and he knew a lot of the other lavender farms around the country made and sold their own products. Perhaps it was time to reconsider the way they were doing things—especially as he was thinking about testing some alternative crops to complement the lavender. Jack filed the idea away to discuss with his mum at a later date.

  ‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly impose on you like that!’ Her fingers squeezed his, reminding him she hadn’t made any attempt to let go. He tried not to think about how nice her palm felt cradled within his. ‘Don’t give me an inch, Jack, or I’ll be taking over the place.’ He knew she was teasing, but he had to admit to himself the idea of seeing her sweet smile, of hearing her bubbly laughter around the farm on a regular basis was more than a little appealing.

  When they’d chatted in the pub, he’d wondered if her friendly, open manner was a bit of a front—something to put the punters at ease, but she’d been exactly the same all morning and he was coming to the conclusion it was just who she was. Using his thumb, he stroked the side of her hand. ‘You’re really nice.’ The words were out before he could stop them.

  With a blush she glanced away before looking back at him with a shy smile. ‘Thank you, so are you.’

  He took a step nearer, his free hand raising of its own accord to trace the flush on her cheek. ‘No, I’m a grumpy bastard with terrible loner tendencies.’ He wanted to draw in some of her sweetness, take it in and keep it safe within him. ‘You’re like a breath of fresh air. I’ve spent my whole life pushing other people away, I’m not sure why. I’m not even sure I even realised it until you came along and made me want to stop doing it. I don’t quite know where to start though.’

  Forgetting all about not getting involved with her, Jack bent his head and touched his lips to hers. The rich amber of her perfume combined with the familiar scents of lavender to weave an intoxicating blend that his system craved more than oxygen. For the briefest of moments her soft mouth yielded beneath his and then she turned her head away. He pulled back instantly. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Eyes huge, Eliza held his gaze. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. ‘I’m married.’

  If she’d thrown a bucket of ice water on him, Eliza couldn’t have cooled his ardour more effectively than with those two words. He dropped his hand from her face like he’d been touching a hot coal. Fuck!

  This was why he didn’t let people get too close, there was always a sting in the tail. They let you down or misled you—or did the unforgiveable and died on you. He’d been halfway to hanging his hopes and dreams around Eliza’s neck and then she dropped this bombshell on him. At least she’d done it early before he’d done something stupid like fallen for the sweet promise in her delectable eyes.

  He tried to step back, but her hand locked tight around his. ‘No, wait! Oh, God! What possessed me to say that?’ she wailed.

  Utterly confused, Jack blinked down into the shocked expression he felt sure must be mirrored on his own face. ‘You’re not married?’ The hope surging inside him should’ve set off every early-warning alarm he had, but he was already too heavily invested in this. If there was the slightest chance, the faintest glimmer he’d misunderstood her meaning, he would snatch it in both hands and never let it go. But if she really was married then he’d have to walk away and forget about her because there was no way he was getting in the middle of that.

  Her fingers tightened as though trying to pull him closer, but he held his ground, not trusting himself to behave in a rational manner if they reconnected. ‘Stop.’ He ground the word out between clenched teeth. ‘Tell me what the hell is going on—are you married, or not?’

  She released his hand with a sigh. ‘No! Well, yes, technically I am but it’s over. It’s been over for ages, long before the physical separation happened, if I’m honest. I just…’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘I’m making such a mess of this. I hardly even know you, but I feel like there’s some kind of connection between us, or maybe I’m so starved for attention that one decent kiss has scrambled my brains.’

  He knew the bloody feeling. Still not sure what to think, Jack reached out to tug lightly on one of her plaits, making her lift her head to meet his gaze. ‘I’m a simple man, Eliza, and not cut out for games and half-truths. Why don’t you explain it to me?’

  He played with the length of her bound hair as he listened to her halting explanation of a childhood romance turned marriage. Tracing his fingers over the woven pattern soothed him, and it was a safe way to keep touching her. As her tale unfolded, his heart ached at the sadness and disappointment in her voice. This Martin guy must’ve been the one he’d always seen her with in the pub. There didn’t seem to be any particular deal-breaking moment in what she was describing, more the slow disintegration of her hopes and dreams.

  Her words drifted over him. He’d never had a serious relationship in his life. Between the responsibilities of the farm, and Jason’s disastrous attempt at living with someone, Jack could freely admit he’d been gun-shy about the whole business. And now there was Noah to take into consideration. If Jack was to consider getting involved with anyone…his eyes roved over Eliza’s face. Who was he trying to kid? There wasn’t an anyone—there was only the one and she was sitting right in front of him.

  ‘The final straw came that morning in the airport when he said we should have a baby.’ Eliza dropped her hands from his
shoulders to fold her arms around herself, the gesture shrinking her smaller, curling her upper body in upon itself.

  Stunned out of his musings, Jack’s gut began to churn. ‘You don’t want kids?’ It was a hell of a personal question, but he needed to know. Every time he thought they were getting somewhere, she pulled the rug out from beneath his feet. He might not have asked for it, but he was a father now, and nothing could come before giving Noah everything he deserved from the man in that role for as long as he needed it.

  Getting involved with a woman who wasn’t interested in children of her own would be a disaster in the making. Not everyone wanted children, and he wouldn’t judge Eliza if that was the case, but things between them could never be more than casual. His nephew might be too young to remember the indifference and resentment of the woman who’d given birth to him, but Jack would never forget it. Could never forget it

  When she looked up at him, there was a haunting pain in her green eyes. ‘Not like that. Not as some kind of sticking plaster fix-it-all solution. Having a child should be something you both want more than anything in the world.’

  He had to look away from the pain in her gaze. The pain in his own heart—well there wasn’t much he could do about that. ‘But what if circumstances thrust you into that position?’

  ‘I don’t think I have an answer to that, because that’s not how it was with me and Martin. He only said it to keep me quiet, to get me to go along with what he wanted.’ A bitter laugh escaped her. ‘He was so casual about it, like I’d be taking up a new hobby, not bringing a living, breathing human into the world.’ Eliza shuddered then turned away, the length of her plait slipping from his fingers as she increased the distance between them.

  Trying not to notice the loss of her warmth, Jack watched her as she began to pace. With her expressive eyes fixed on the floor, it was impossible to tell what she was thinking. Being patient didn’t sit well with him, but he forced himself to fold his arms and lean back against the bench, giving her the space she needed to process whatever was going on inside her head.

  The silence stretched between them, wearing his nerve down to the thinnest of threads when she finally stopped in front of him and raised her eyes to meet his. Unshed tears glistened on the edges of her lids. ‘Do you ever feel like you’re not really living, that you’re just existing from moment to moment? That’s what it was like for the past couple of years, trying to pretend everything was fine, not daring to look too closely at things because I knew I wouldn’t like what I saw.’

  Jack knew only too well. He watched as she pressed her thumbs to the corners of her eyes, as though she was trying to hold back tears. ‘It’s scary as hell. You feel like you have no control, so you bury the fear as deep as you can and try not to think about it.’

  ‘You too?’ Her voice was the barest whisper.

  ‘Me too.’

  Eliza sighed. ‘I have all these “friends” on Facebook and I don’t have a clue who half of them are. That’s one of the best things about being back in the bay, I’m surrounded by people who really know me. Having Beth and Libby close by has been the only thing keeping me sane these past few weeks. They already know the worst and love me regardless, so I don’t ever have to pretend.’

  Something twisted deep inside him. With Jason gone, was there a single person in the world who had any idea who Jack really was? His mum didn’t count, she knew him inside out and back to front, but she had enough on her plate without carrying his burdens. When it came to his peers, was there anyone he had a deep connection to? He had business contacts, acquaintances at the surrounding farms who he could call on for help, as they could do with him, but friends? He’d always prided himself that he could stand on his own two feet, but damn, he was so weary. ‘Jason was that person for me, we told each other everything.’

  When she rested her head against his shoulder he sensed it was a friendly gesture intended to offer comfort. ‘So who do you talk to now? About him, about what happened?’ The truth choked somewhere in his throat leaving him unable to do anything but shake his head. Her arms slid around him, ‘Oh, Jack, you can talk to me about him if you want to.’

  He buried his face in the top of her head, breathing in her sweet scent, and that indefinable goodness that was the very essence of her. ‘Thank you. I’m not ready to talk to anyone about him, I don’t think.’

  Eliza drew back to stare up at him. ‘Well, when you are ready then?’ When he nodded, she continued. ‘And if there’s anything else you want to talk about, not necessarily anything deep and meaningful…’

  ‘I’d like that.’ Probably more than he should. He reached for her hand, not quite sure what he wanted from her, but knowing he wanted to keep her close. The glint of his watch face caught his eye. Tilting his wrist, he blinked at the number on the digital readout. It was half past one meaning they’d been inside for more than an hour. Part of him wanted to forget about the time, to forget about all the painful things they’d both unearthed and get back to where they’d been before she’d told him about being married.

  He sighed. There was no way back to that point, and he wasn’t really sure what he wanted if he was honest with himself. Losing himself in the heat and sweetness of another kiss would serve a purpose, would chase the loneliness away for a while, but if they crossed the line to true intimacy too quickly there would be no coming back from it.

  As much as he longed to explore whatever connection they had going on, how much better would it be once they really knew each other? Ignoring the baser parts of his brain, he stuffed his hands in his pockets before he did something daft like put his arms around her. ‘Can I take you out somewhere for lunch? We could talk about lots of shallow, unimportant things.’

  A brief smile lit her face before she grabbed his arm and tilted his wrist towards her so she could see his watch. ‘Is that the time already? Damn, I was planning on getting some work done today…’ She met his gaze. ‘Oh, I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, I’ve had a wonderful morning…’

  ‘You didn’t, you don’t, sound ungrateful I mean. I had a really nice time too. Maybe some other time?’

  ‘Yes. I’d like that.’ An awkward silence stretched between them until she turned to gather the lavender samples from the bench. ‘Well, I’d better make a move, are you all right to drop me home?’

  ‘Sure. I’ve got loads to do around here, so I probably shouldn’t be thinking about playing hooky.’ He did his best not to sound disappointed about it. It was just as well she had to go. Things had got a bit intense between them and if they weren’t careful they’d end up making a stupid mistake. Digging in his pocket for his keys, he led the way back towards the door where Bastian greeted them with a lazy woof.

  Eliza bent down to give the dog a pat and a little rub behind his ear which sent Bastian into paroxysms of ecstasy. ‘Daft thing,’ Jack said as he nudged the dog with his knee to give Eliza room to stand up.

  The trip back to town didn’t take long which was something of a relief as the awkward silence had settled over them the moment they were cocooned in the stifling heat of the car. Waiting at a junction, Jack jammed the air conditioning up to maximum and fiddled with the radio until he found the local station. Letting the DJ’s inane chatter fill the air, he steered the big car through the winding streets of the town and into the alley that ran along the rear of the shops fronting the promenade.

  He pulled up outside the back gate of the pub. ‘Here we are.’ Nice. Like she wouldn’t recognise her home without him pointing it out.

  ‘Thank you. I had a really wonderful morning.’ Eliza bit her lip. ‘I told you that already, didn’t I?’

  They shared a rueful grin which broke the tension between them. ‘Good luck with the sewing.’

  ‘I’m going to need it! I’ve promised Beth I’d have some samples for her to display this weekend.’ She shook her head. ‘I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.’ Hand on the door, she paused then glanced back at him. ‘Do you think we might see
you sometime soon for that drink?’

  Warmth suffused him. ‘I might be able to get away Saturday night for an hour or so.’

  ‘Lovely.’

  When she still didn’t move, Jack twisted around in his seat so he could face her properly. ‘Eliza?’

  Her cheeks flushed. ‘I just…I wanted to say sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to lead you on, or give you the wrong impression. I like you, Jack, but it’s…’ Whatever word she was looking for she didn’t find it and ended up giving him a shrug.

  Another time, under different circumstances he might’ve reached for her. Might’ve soothed the blush from her face with the back of his knuckles and relished the softness of her skin. Might’ve leaned over to brush a kiss on her lips. But they were where they were, and their lives were not their own to risk an entanglement they might later come to regret. ‘Complicated?’

  She glanced down at her lap then back up with a nod. ‘Very. But I’d like to be friends. I meant what I said about having a great time today.’

  Friends sounded good. Sounded like exactly what they both needed right now. ‘Me too. I’ll see you Saturday.’

  Watching as she slipped from the car and disappeared through the back gate of the pub Jack clenched his hands on the steering wheel for a brief moment. There was no time for regrets.

  Chapter Nine

  Having worked into the early hours of the morning, Eliza dragged her aching body into bed expecting to drop off in a matter of moments. Instead she tossed and turned as her brain decided to show her a highlights reel of her relationship with Martin. From her giggling excitement the first time he’d held her hand in the school playground when the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend meant little more than sitting next to each other during lessons, to the tremulous hope which had filled her heart as she took her place at the top of the aisle, fingers resting on her father’s arm ready to take her first steps towards becoming his wife. So many good memories she’d forgotten in her disappointment over the past couple of years. They’d had something special, so why had it gone so wrong?