Taking Him (Lies We Tell)

by Jackie Ashenden

  Hunter frowned as a peculiar feeling rose inside him, a feeling that was partly the familiar protectiveness he always felt toward her and partly something new. Possessiveness. As if Ellie were his and no one else’s. Which was weird because he’d never been possessive over anyone in his entire life.

  I can give you what you need. Not that little girl you’ve been grooming…

  Pain flashed along his nerve endings as Tony moved the gun, a cleansing fire. Burning away the memory of Liz’s snide comment. No, he wouldn’t think of that. Because he wasn’t some sex pervert grooming a kid. He wasn’t. Shit, he’d never thought of Ellie like that until that night she’d unzipped her bloody jumpsuit.

  Unlike someone else maybe?

  Hunter shut that thought down. Instead he responded to the urge that had him wanting to show the other guy Ellie was out of bounds. Moving his arm, he reached down, curling his fingers around the back of her knee then sliding it upwards, his palm on her thigh.

  She gave a little start as he touched her, eyes going wide as she looked down at him. He didn’t say anything, holding her gaze, as conscious of her hand on him as he was of his hand on her. And something passed between them, something that perhaps was understanding or recognition. A shift in the balance.

  “Why are you still here?” He hadn’t even realised he’d meant to speak.

  “Because you need someone to be.” She leaned against the table, thumb moving gently on his shoulder in an idle caress.

  He should deny it. Should say he didn’t need anyone, anyone at all. But he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. So instead he closed his eyes and gripped her thigh a little harder as the needles dug in.

  Her warmth stayed with him, tattooed into his skin as surely as the ink from Tony’s gun, so that an hour later, when it was over, he could still feel her touch even when she took her hand away to let him put his shirt back on. Like a burn or a brand, it stayed there. And as they walked out of the tattoo parlor, he knew he wanted that touch everywhere. All over his body. Because if anyone could sear out the feelings that Liz put inside him, it was her.

  “Me holding you is probably going to hurt,” she said as they approached the bike.

  “Don’t worry, sweetness. I can handle it.”

  She fiddled with her helmet, nibbling on her lip, the streetlights making the silver of her under-dress glitter through the black lace that covered it. Yeah, she had questions, all right, and was probably working her way up to asking them. But not here. This crappy street in this crappy part of town wasn’t where he wanted to have her Q and A.

  “Get on the bike, Ellie,” he said, picking up his own helmet. “I want to get home.”

  “Hunter—”

  “Hey, hot stuff!”

  Both of them looked round as one of the working girls who’d been hanging around the street corner wandered over to them. Hunter recognised her. Over the years, he’d bought himself time with a hooker, mainly because they never asked questions and there was no risk of any kind of intimacy. His kink was nothing compared to the requests they got and as long as they were paid, they were happy. It was easier, sometimes.

  “You need anything tonight?” The hooker grinned at him. “Discount for a special customer.”

  They liked him because he didn’t fuck them. Easy money.

  Ellie had gone very still, looking the hooker up and down, obviously noting her familiarity with him. Shit. As if the evening could get any worse.

  “Not tonight,” he said curtly.

  The woman glanced at Ellie and laughed. “Not even a three-way? Aww, well, no harm in asking.” She turned on her stiletto heel and walked off again.

  “You know her?” Ellie held her helmet between her hands, watching him.

  “Yeah.” He wouldn’t deny it. No point really, not now. “Are you going to get on?”

  “I didn’t think you’d need to—”

  “Pay for sex?” Fuck, he didn’t want to talk about this with her. “You don’t know what I need, sweetness. So get on the bike and save the discussion for later.”

  For a long moment she stared at him and he thought she was going to argue. But then she stuck the helmet abruptly on her head and got on the bike without a word.

  He didn’t know what he was going to say to her when they got home. First Liz, then the tattoo, then the hooker. But perhaps he didn’t need to say anything. Perhaps when they got home, he’d find something to distract her. Because after all, he’d given her a choice back at the wedding. Answers or sex, and she’d chosen sex. And as her thighs closed around his hips and her arms came around his waist, he was glad of her choice. Because he was starting to think that despite the complications that came with sex, it was the simpler option of the two.

  Chapter Ten

  When they got back to Hunter’s place, Ellie strode into the kitchen then stopped, realising she didn’t know why she was in there. Turning, she went down the hallway toward the lounge and then stopped again. Because she didn’t really know what she was doing there either.

  In fact she didn’t know what she was doing, period.

  She could still feel the pressure of Hunter’s hand on her leg as he’d touched her in the tattoo parlor. Still see his dark eyes looking into hers, making her think the connection between them wasn’t just in her head after all. Still see the look on his face as the prostitute had approached them afterwards.

  You don’t know what I need, sweetness…

  Once she’d thought she’d known. But she didn’t anymore. Not after Elizabeth Chase. Not after the tattoo or the hooker. Or his rules or his silence.

  Her chest started to get tight. Jesus, she was in over her head here and perhaps it was too late to get out.

  Behind her she heard Hunter dump his keys on the console table beside the front door. Then nothing.

  Ellie turned sharply to find him standing with his hands in his pockets, watching her with that intensity she was coming to recognise.

  “Hunter,” she began, but the words died in her throat as he came toward her. Purposeful and intent, graceful as a lion running down prey. And when he reached her, he took her by the hips and pushed her gently up against the wall. Then he put his hands flat on the wall on either side of her head and looked down into her eyes.

  The breath left her lungs, a burst of excitement flooding through her veins. Desire rising, thick and hot and unstoppable. Smashing through all her doubts and confusion like a wrecking ball through an old wooden building.

  He didn’t say anything but he didn’t have to. She knew exactly what he wanted.

  Dropping his hands from the wall, he took hold of the hem of her black lace dress and drew it up her body. Wordlessly she lifted her arms so he could pull it off her. She shivered as it came off and he dropped it on the floor. Then he did the same to the silver slip she’d put on underneath the black lace, discarding that too, so all she wore was a black lace bra, bright purple lace knickers, her tights and her platform boots.

  Not saying a word, Hunter began to take the pins out of her hair, letting them drop with soft, tinkling sounds as her hair came loose and fell over her shoulders.

  Ellie stared at him while he took out the pins, watching the beautiful lines of his face, his expression absorbed as if this was a very important task and he didn’t want to be disturbed while doing it.

  There were so many layers to him. So many secrets. So much complexity. She would never be able to work him out. Even sex, the thing that should have been the simplest of all, wasn’t.

  There’s only one woman in his life and it’s not you…

  The tightness in her chest intensified all of a sudden, her heart a heavy, unwieldy object, like a stone. She tried to swallow, her throat constricting.

  Was that all she’d been? A convenient stand-in for someone else? Someone who knew him better. Someone who knew all his secrets.

  He moved closer, warmth surrounding her, the scent of his skin like a drug to her senses. A hand settled on her hip, the othe
r lightly moving over her collarbone, sliding under her bra strap to pull it down. She shivered as he exposed her breast, as his hand closed over it, his thumb circling one aching nipple.

  “Close your eyes,” he ordered softly.

  Ellie ignored him, looking straight up into his eyes. “Who do you see, Hunter? Who do you see when you look at me?”

  The hand on her breast stilled but the taut, hungry expression on his face didn’t change. “I see you, Ellie.”

  “No, you don’t. You see someone else.”

  Black lashes came down, veiling his expression. Gently his fingers pinched her nipple sending sharp, burning pleasure through her. “Does it matter?”

  Oh, shit, it was true, wasn’t it? Liz, the bitch, had been right. Tears pricked her eyes, the stone in her chest becoming unbearable. “Yeah,” she said thickly. “Yeah, it does.” She put out her hands, tried to push him away. But he didn’t move.

  “Ellie, don’t.”

  “I can’t—”

  A finger beneath her chin, tilting her head back. Then his mouth came hard and hot down on hers.

  He’d never kissed another woman before. He’d never wanted to. After Liz there had been something so disturbingly intimate about a kiss that the thought of it had always made his skin crawl. But he hadn’t been able to think of another way to stop Ellie’s questions. Distract her from the path she was heading down. The path always seemed to lead back to Liz no matter how hard he tried to direct it away.

  Bracing himself, Hunter waited for the warnings to kick in. For the familiar flood of guilt and shame. For the twist of disgust in his gut. All the things he’d felt when Liz had kissed him earlier.

  But they didn’t come. There was only the sting of his tattoo and the heat of Ellie’s mouth beneath his. The taste of her. Wine and strawberries, sunlight and heat. So new and so completely outside his experience it stunned him.

  For a long moment all he could do was stand there in shock, waiting for a reaction that never came.

  Ellie seemed to sense it and he felt her begin to pull away. But before he knew quite what he was doing, he’d put a hand behind her head, stopping her. Then a need he’d never felt before rushed through him, a powerful urge he couldn’t resist even if he’d wanted to.

  He raised his other hand, cupping her face between his palms, beginning to explore the lush warm mouth under his own. Christ, she tasted like heaven. Hot and sweet and he wanted more. Deeper. Harder. He slid his fingers into her hair, curling around the soft strands to hold her in place, tipping her head back, exploring further.

  She made a soft sound in her throat and he felt her shiver. Then the tension left her and she began to kiss him back, tentatively at first, then with more demand. And the desire he’d been holding in check since he’d gotten back into the house began to escape his grip.

  He backed her closer to the wall, pinning her against it, kissing her, devouring her. Ellie responded, her arms sliding around his neck, her body arching against his, kissing him in return as wildly and as passionately as he was kissing her.

  Shit, the rules. What were the rules? Sex wasn’t okay without them but he couldn’t seem to remember what they were. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t process anything. The only thing in the whole world was the heat of Ellie’s mouth and the press of her body against his.

  Hunter let go of her hair, slid his hands up her back, spreading his fingers wide to touch as much of her skin as he could. He could feel his control beginning to slip. Somehow she’d managed to pull his shirt out from the waistband of his trousers and her hands had pushed underneath, stroking over his body, leaving little trails of fire over his skin.

  No, she couldn’t touch him. Was that right? And she wasn’t supposed to look at him. Or speak. Ah, Christ, he had to get a grip on this. Otherwise… An odd panic clawed at him and abruptly he tore his mouth from hers.

  Her eyes had gone black, pupils huge, and she was panting. “Why did you stop?” she demanded breathlessly.

  “Because you can’t… You need to…” He could barely speak. “The rules, Ellie. You have to—”

  “Rules?” She stared up at him, an unconscious hand touching her kiss-swollen mouth. “After that? You’ve got to be kidding me. Jesus, Hunter, can we have no rules tonight?”

  “No, Ellie. If you won’t do what I want, then I can’t—”

  “Distance me?” she finished. “Because that’s what you’re doing, keeping me at a distance. Or maybe it’s not, maybe it’s so you can imagine I’m someone else.”

  He fought against the cold fingers that slid around his heart. So much for distraction. All the kiss had done was to distract himself. “No, Christ, that’s not how it is.”

  “Isn’t it? You as good as admitted it only a minute ago. Well, I won’t be anyone’s stand-in for you, Hunter. I won’t.”

  She was going to leave, wasn’t she? She was going to leave him standing here, shaking and burning and desperate for something he couldn’t even put a name to.

  As she began to turn away, he put a hand on the wall near her head again, stopping her.

  “Don’t,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t go.”

  Her eyes came to his and he caught the glisten of tears on the ends of her lashes. A hand closed around his heart, squeezing tight. “Why shouldn’t I? When it’s not even me you want, Hunter.”

  “Yes, it is.” He took a short, harsh breath, trying to think of what to say because the truth was far more complicated than that. A truth he couldn’t bear to contemplate.

  She blinked again, mascara beginning to run as a tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t believe you.”

  Ah, fuck, he couldn’t bear her pain. The hurt he saw in her eyes. The same hurt he used to see in her face when she’d been a girl and Vin had left her, either to go deal with some work thing or to deal with her mother yet again.

  A child starved for attention. For love. As he’d once been. Until Liz had come along.

  And now history was repeating itself all over again.

  He knew he should push himself away from her. Should leave her to her pain and never, ever touch her again, otherwise the guilt would eat him alive. But he couldn’t do it. Because his desire for her was stronger than his guilt. And so was her anguish. Leaving her crying was something he’d never been able to do.

  “Then I’ll prove it you. No distance tonight. No rules. We’ll do it your way.”

  Her gaze looked into his and he let her see that he meant it. Even though the thought of it scared the shit out of him. Without the rules, he had no idea what would happen. No idea what he would do, the things he might reveal. A feeling of vulnerability, of being exposed and undefended crept through him, but he tried to ignore it.

  Ellie wiped at her eyes, mascara smearing. Even like that she was beautiful. “I want to be in your bed,” she said hoarsely. “I want you inside me, making love to me. That’s what I want.”

  Inside her, making love to her.

  Hunter felt the world begin to slow and come to a halt. His heartbeat sounded loud in his head, and he became excruciatingly aware of the rush of blood in his veins. Aware of her.

  Of her body so close to his, her eyes glittering like diamonds, the scent of her threading through his senses like a garland of flowers.

  A wave of heat enveloped him, burning over his skin, and he all of a sudden couldn’t breathe.

  Misreading his silence, she gave a choked little sob. “But it’s not what you want, clearly. Well, great. Thanks for offering me a shitload of noth—”

  Hunter caged her against the wall, surrounding her with his body, keeping her close. “I want it, sweetness,” he said. “I want it now.”

  Ellie’s breathing faltered, her gaze locking on his. A tear glittered on her cheek. Then she reached up, gripped the back of his neck and pulled his mouth down on hers. Her kiss was hungry and hot, feverish. And he could almost taste her desperation, her need.

  He found himself leaning into her, one arm wrapping around her waist
, pulling her against the length of his body so he could feel her everywhere. Touch had always been difficult for him and yet now he wanted it. Now he craved it like he needed air to breathe.

  Ellie trembled then pulled her mouth away, breathing fast. “Your room.”

  He didn’t want to let her go. Her touch made everything all right, everything bearable. Made him think he could lay her on his bed and make love to her and it would be fine. It would be okay. And dear God, if there was one thing on earth he wanted it was for everything to be okay.

  She seemed to pick up on his hesitation, concern shifting in her eyes. Her fingers touched his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He took her hand in his, turned it over and kissed her palm. She couldn’t doubt him, not again. “I want this to be okay for you.”

  “Oh, Hunter…” Her voice sounded thick. “It’ll be okay. It’ll be more than okay. I’ve been waiting for this for…oh my God, you don’t want to know how long.”

  He understood. He’d been waiting his entire life. But she wasn’t to know that. No one could know that. The thirty-three-year-old man who’d never been inside a woman, how fucked up was that? He was fine with it though, wasn’t he? It had been his choice.

  Hunter released her reluctantly but kept her hand in his, wanting to retain that connection. “Come on then,” he said softly. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  His room was in darkness but he didn’t turn the lights on—he already felt exposed enough as it was. Pulling Ellie into his arms, he held her for a long moment, trying to get his racing heartbeat under control and get a little space to think. Because there was so much fear and desire bound up in this moment, in this particular woman. A moment he’d never thought he’d have and definitely not with Ellie. But somehow here she was, half naked in his arms and he was going to have her, and Christ, he badly wanted to. He…he didn’t even know how to start. Like a compass needle trying to find magnetic north, he was spinning, directionless. Without his rules he had no place to begin. It scared him and yet he couldn’t just stand here holding her forever. She would begin to wonder if something was wrong like she had downstairs, and Jesus, he didn’t want to have to tell her.