Highway To Armageddon

by Bloemer, Harold

“Excellent response!” Igor proclaims in English. “Most excellent!”

  Norma points at me. “I like this one, Igor. I like her a lot.”

  Lance and Arrow laugh uneasily. They have no clue what I said, but they’re smart enough to know it kept our undercover operation from being blown wide open.

  Igor turns to Lance and asks him the same question he asked me, in Russian. Why do you wish to join the Purple Dragons?

  Lance stares at Igor blankly and utters, “Huh?”

  Igor and the others laugh. I laugh, too, and gently touch Igor’s shoulder. His eyes light up when he sees how ‘touchy-feely’ I am.

  Switching back to English, I say, “Pay the boys no mind, darling. They never bothered to master the language of our Homeland. Too busy playing video games.”

  Igor continues chuckling. Lance and Arrow give me dirty glances for implying they’re not as bright as I am, but they keep quiet so I can continue weaving my web of lies and deceit. I’m like a black widow, wooing my prospective mate before decapitating him with one lethal, traitorous blow.

  Igor wraps his right arm around my waist. “I’m okay with your male companions not being as well-read as you, my dear. They appear fit and strong, that’s all that matters. They will make terrific drug and arms smugglers.”

  Igor goes on to inquire what our names are. I tell him I’m Ruby, Arrow introduces himself as Arkady, and Lance grudgingly says his name is Vladimir. Igor grins and says our parents were very wise giving us such excellent Russian names. He then asks about our families, where we came from and that kind of stuff. I tell him my parents grew up in Russia and my father worked for the resistance. One day the Chinese killed him in a firefight, so my mother smuggled me and my siblings onto a ship bound for America. We eventually landed in Alaska and tried to rebuild our lives. Unfortunately my entire family succumbed to one of the many influenza outbreaks we seem to suffer every year, and I was forced to spend several years of my youth on the streets. I eventually hooked up with Arkady and Vladimir, who were also street urchins, and we sort of became a family. I told Arkady and Vladimir all about the evils of China, and over the years they have grown to hate the Chinese as much as I do. I finish by saying we were inspired to join Igor’s gang after Klaxton placed a bounty on Rasputin’s head. We want to do everything we can to keep our ‘Savior’ safe from the Chinese savages.

  Igor actually tears up near the end of my elaborate ruse. He sniffles and says, “Your story has moved me beyond words. I would be honored to take you on as foot soldiers in our war against Chinese Imperialism.”

  “So does that mean we get to join your gang?” I ask a little too eagerly. I’m astonished at how easy this has been.

  “Not quire,” Igor says with a twinkle in his eyes. “Although I appreciate your enthusiasm, and you are undoubtedly smart, charismatic, and stunningly beautiful, I still must regretfully request you move on to our third, and second most difficult, initiation process. We call this the toughness test.”

  “The toughness test?” Arrow says.

  “Yes. To see how tough you are,” Igor says, deadpan.

  “Thanks for clearing that up,” I say sarcastically.

  “No problem,” Igor chortles. He steps back and gestures toward Norma, Fred, and Frank, who grin and crack their knuckles.

  “You will engage in a friendly bawl with my three most formidable minions. There are no rules, just that you last more than five minutes. The contest begins… now.”

  Igor hurries back over to his seat, where his female companions plop down on his lap and go back to rubbing his hairy chest. Bob, Winston, and the other guards walk over to Igor to enjoy the show.

  Lance and Arrow rush over to my side as Norma and her fellow stooges stagger toward us, chuckling as they contemplate the various ways they will pound us to a pulp.

  “C’mon guys, this shouldn’t be too hard,” Arrow says, jumping around like he’s a boxer. “We took on a mob of cowboys and Neo-Nazis, remember? And these morons are drunk! Piece of cake.”

  Arrow runs up to Fred, the slightly shorter guy, and punches him in the face. Fred simply smiles, as if the blow didn’t faze him at all. He punches Arrow in the gut, sending him to his knees.

  “My God, I think he ruptured my spleen,” Arrow gasps.

  I’m horrified, but Lance laughs. “Serves him right for being so over-confident. Tell your lover- boy to watch and learn.”

  Lance rushes up to Frank, the taller dude, and bobs and weaves as if he, too, were a boxer.

  “C’mon, ugly, give me your best shot,” Lance taunts.

  ‘Ugly’ responds by grabbing Lance around his neck and lifting him over his head.

  “Whoa, can we talk about this?” Lance cries, flailing his arms and legs.

  “Happy landings, chump,” Frank cackles as he tosses Lance like a sack of flour.

  Lance hurtles all the way across the roof before landing on top of the table in front of Igor and his cronies. Lance slides off the table and crumples to the roof. Several bottles of vodka crash on top of him. Normally I wouldn’t be too concerned about Lance crashing through a table, because normally he’s protected by armor. But all he’s wearing now is a leather jacket. He’s got to be hurting.

  “Frank, you spilled our drinks!” Igor hollers.

  “Sorry boss, won’t happen again,” Frank grumbles as he marches over to Lance, who is struggling to push himself up.

  I’m about to rush over to help him, but Norma steps in front of me. She cracks her knuckles so loud I almost think she broke her fingers.

  “Where do you think you’re going, girly? I know I said I like you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t bust your face in. Then you’ll look like me! We can be twin sisters!”

  I swing my right leg at Norma’s head. I never make contact because she grabs my ankle and twists it. I cry out in pain and swing my fist at her face. There’s a sickening crunching sound, followed by blood gushing out of her nostrils. Norma grins like a sadistic lunatic as the blood trickles over her yellow teeth.

  “You really are something else, Ruby. I sure hope you somehow beat us because I really wanna work with ya!”

  Norma releases her grip on my ankle and grabs me by the hair. She then tosses me halfway across the roof, ripping out a handful of my hair in the process.

  I land on my back… hard. Without my armor blunting the impact it feels like someone pounded my spine with a sledgehammer. I try to breathe, but all the wind is knocked out of me. I feel like I’m suffocating.

  Just when I finally get some air back in my lungs, Norma’s bleeding face hovers over me.

  “Miss me?” she cackles.

  I throw a punch and miss by a mile. Normal lifts me over her head and hurls me toward the edge of the roof.

  For a second I fear I’m going to fly over the edge, but I do finally land back on the roof. I bounce once and come to a rest at the ledge. That was close… too close.

  I groggily push myself up just as Arrow lands a few feet away from me. I watch in horror as he takes a huge bounce and goes over the ledge.

  “Arrow!”

  I scramble to the ledge and practically heave half my body over the side of the skyscraper. Tears of joy spill down my cheeks when I find Arrow dangling from the roof. His hands are clutching the ledge so hard that his knuckles have turned white. I can barely see his eyes through his whipping mass of black hair, but I can tell they’re wide with fear.

  “A little help, Red?” he grunts.

  “Hang on, I’ve got you!” I grab his right wrist with both hands and prop my feet up against the ledge.

  “Try pulling yourself up,” I grunt, pulling with all my strength. It doesn’t help that the gusting wind is trying to suck me off the roof.

  I just begin to make progress when a pair of meaty, clammy hands wrap around my neck and lift me into the sky. I don’t have to see her face to know it’s Norma. I can smell her cheap perfume.

  “How cute, you went to save your Indian lover-boy,” Norma ca
ckles as she tightens her grip, cutting off my air supply. “Unfortunately, cute doesn’t cut it with the Purple Dragons. We can’t be having you compromise our missions by trying to save your lover-boy every time he gets in trouble. You gotta learn to leave your friends behind for the good of the mission.”

  By now my vision has become blurred. The sky looks darker than it did before. That’s when I realize I’m blacking out. I frantically claw at Norman’s hands, but it’s no use. She’s far too strong for me to pry myself free, way too vicious to show mercy. I just can’t believe after everything we’ve gone through, we’re about to go down like this.

  Just when I’m about to fade away, I slip through Norma’s grasp and crash to the roof. I spin around to find Norma soaked in vodka. A shattered bottle lies at her feet. Lance is behind her, preparing to hurl another bottle.

  “Didn’t you hear what I said about leaving your loved ones behind?” Norma snarls.

  “Let’s just say we have different philosophies,” Lance says, pulling back his arm. “Unlike you, we’re not cowards who desert their friends.”

  Norma lunges toward Lance, but she’s way too slow. Lance hurls the bottle straight at her face. It explodes on impact, showering her head in booze and glass fragments. Norma shrieks and clutches her bleeding face.

  On the far side of the roof Igor claps and laughs like a deranged little kid. “Excellent! You all are way more entertaining than the last batch of recruits. They went flying off the roof within seconds.”

  Damn these Russians are crazy. I really need to go help Arrow, but if I turn my back I’ll just get choked again. I decide to go on the offense and deliver a dropkick to Norma’s head. She staggers forward, straight into Lance’s swinging fist. This sends the ogre to her knees. I follow up with three stiff kicks to her head. Norma falls face-first to the ground as Igor and his cronies give a collective, “Ohhh…”

  Fred charges toward us, swinging a metal chair like he’s a professional wrestler. His taller counterpart, Frank, makes his way over to Arrow. I start to run toward Frank, but Fred swings the chair at my head, barely missing me.

  Fred continues coming after me with the chair. He’s way slower than I am, so I easily dodge all of his shots.

  Out of my peripheral vision I see Frank trying to stomp on Arrow’s fingers. Arrow keeps sliding his hands back and forth on the ledge, but eventually Frank is going to make contact, sending Arrow tumbling to his death. And Norma is already back on her feet, strangling Lance. We need to end this, now. Fred takes another swing at my head. I drop to my knees and punch him in the groin.

  “Not the family jewels!” Fred wails in a high-pitched voice.

  I snatch up the chair and wallop Fred upside the back of his head. He collapses into a cursing, groaning heap.

  Igor gives me another round of applause. “Excellent, Ruby, excellent! You would make a fantastic assassin!”

  “If you thought that was awesome, wait until you get a load of this!”

  I sprint over to Igor and his cronies with my chair. Igor stops laughing and cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, what are you…”

  He never finishes his sentence. I smack Winston with the chair, grab his machine gun, wrap my left arm around Igor’s neck, and place the muzzle of my confiscated gun against his right temple. The girls shriek and topple off his lap. Bob and the other guards aim their guns at me. I crouch behind Igor and peep my head over his shoulder.

  “No false moves or his brains splatter all over the Vegas Strip!” I bark.

  Igor’s goons appear perplexed, like they don’t know what to do. I guess this never happened to them before.

  “Drop your guns,” I demand. “NOW!”

  “Do as she says,” Igor says, sounding surprisingly amused.

  Bob and the other goons hesitantly lay their weapons on the roof.

  “Now tell Norma and the other doofuses to stop trying to kill my friends!”

  “Norma, stop choking Vladimir! And Frank, pull poor Arkady off of the ledge.”

  Norma plants Lance back on his feet while Frank grabs Arrow’s arms and drags him away from the abyss.

  “So did we pass?” I growl at Igor. “Keep in mind I get trigger happy when I fail.”

  “Yes, yes, you passed with flying colors!” Igor exclaims ecstatically. “I love your improvisation skills. You broke all the rules I laid out for you, but sometimes you have to do that in order to accomplish a mission. I need quick-witted, vastly intelligent people like you. Well done. Well done indeed.”

  I loosen my grip around Igor’s neck, but I keep the gun pressed against his skull.

  “If I knew this is what you wanted, I would have tried to kill you from the get-go.”

  Igor bursts out laughing again. He is a bizarre man. Charismatic, but bizarre.

  “You are rather psychotic, you know that?”

  “I prefer eccentric, but I will acknowledge I’m not like most other people,” Igor chortles before turning a bit more serious.

  “You know what I enjoyed most about your stellar performance? The fact that you and your friends stuck together and helped each other out, even when Norma advised you that was not wise. You guys actually taught me a thing or two about standing your ground, even in the face of overwhelming odds. We may have to rethink our whole ‘leave your friends behind in order to accomplish the mission’ mentality.”

  “It is rather cowardly to leave your friends to death and torture.” I rejoin Lance and Arrow, but I keep my machine gun trained on Igor.

  Frank helps Fred up and leads him over to Igor. His head is bleeding profusely from my chair shot. I start to feel bad for him, but then I remember he did try to kill me.

  For several tense seconds we all stand there in a face-off, me and the boys on one side of the roof and Igor and his cronies on the other side. Igor watches us intensely, as if he’s trying to peer inside our minds.

  After an uncomfortable amount of time passes, Igor says, “I like you guys. I like you all a lot. That’s why I’m going to accept you into my gang.”

  Lance and Arrow gasp. A shiver of excitement shoots up my spine. We did it.

  “Thank you, Comrade,” I say in my most convincing accent. “This is the highest honor of our lives. You won’t regret this.”

  “I don’t think I will. Before I accept you into my fold, however, I kindly ask you carry out one more task.”

  My hear sinks and my smile fades away.

  “One more task?” I stammer.

  “Yes. The fourth and most difficult portion of our initiation process. You must carry out a hit.”

  The TV screens hovering over Igor’s head begin to show a steady stream of faces. The names of the targets flash under their headshots. There are politicians, police officers, detectives, casino owners, rival gangbangers, suspected Chinese spies. It seems there is no end to the number of people Igor would like to see dead.

  “We don’t care which one of these targets you choose to go after,” Igor says as the faces flash by. “All I ask is that you bring me the severed head of your victim.”

  “Their severed head?” I cry.

  Igor cocks an eyebrow. “Yes. I require proof that you actually killed one of my many rivals. What better proof is there than a severed head? Will this be a problem?”

  Lance clutches my shoulders in an attempt to keep my calm. “No, no problem at all,” Lance says casually. He’s lying, of course. I know he’s as appalled at what Igor is asking of us as I am. But he knows we must do it if we are to have any hope of nabbing Rasputin.

  Lance gasps and mutters, “Caesar?”

  I glance at him and say, “What?”

  Igor overhears us and waves his hand. The TV screens rewind back to an image of the man who has made our lives a living hell over the past six months… Caesar Dominguez.

  “Caesar is one of the people you want killed?” I ask.

  “But of course,” Igor says. “It’s no secret there is no love lost between our two organizations. Caesar is always trying
to encroach on our territory and poach our clients. Rumor has it he has recently moved his base of operations to the Vegas area.”

  “Why?” Arrow asks.

  Igor shrugs. “Who knows? We believe he decided to do so after Klaxton placed a bounty on Rasputin. Caesar probably believes he will be able to move in on our lucrative Vegas market if Rasputin falls. He is sadly mistaken, of course. Rasputin is well hidden. No one will ever find him. But Caesar is still a formidable foe. We’d all sleep much easier if he were taken out.”

  “Then we’ll bring you his head,” Lance blurts out.

  Arrow and I spin around and stare at Lance like he’s on crack.

  “Are you nuts?” I whisper. “Let’s go after someone a little easier!”

  “No, I want son of a bitch dead just as much as Igor does,” Lance growls.

  I shake my head and groan. Lance is letting his hatred for Caesar corrupt our mission. I can’t really say anything, though. Igor and his goons are all staring at us, searching for signs of weakness. We have to prove we’re tough enough to join his gang. It’s our only play.

  I shrug. “Okay. We will go after Caesar.”

  Igor and his goons nod approvingly.

  “You all got some guts, I’ll give you that,” Norma says. “If you bring us the head of Caesar, I’ll bet even Rasputin will come out of hiding to congratulate you.”

  “Really?” I stammer. I can barely contain my excitement. Maybe Lance knows what he’s doing. Maybe going after Caesar is our best play.

  “I’m sure a meeting with the Great Leader can be arranged, assuming you are able to accomplish what no one else has,” Igor says, flashing his golden smile. “If you bring us the head of our greatest rival, I will secure you a meeting with the most wanted man on Earth.”

  “That would be an amazing honor,” I say as solemnly as I can.

  Igor gestures to Norma, who grabs several bottles of vodka from a cooler. Norma pours everyone a drink. The boys and I grab a glass and join the Ruskies in a toast.

  “To the resurrection of Mother Russia!” Igor proclaims, raising his glass high into the air.

  “To Mother Russia!” we all shout.

  Igor and his goons chug their glasses in one gulp. The boys and I take a small sip. It takes everything I have not to spit it out.