by Marni Mann
“Stay!” My hand directed her to halt at the edge of the counter. “Stay there, girl.”
There were tears now. Bella always came when there were tears, but my voice and my hand were telling her to do something different. She whimpered as she sat, her ears back and her tail still.
I waited for the satisfaction to wash over me from venting my rage. It never came. There was nothing but emptiness and the feeling of absolute solitude.
More images appeared.
The dark coffee ran over the floor just like the blood. My parents’ blood. With the lights out, I couldn’t tell the difference between the two. But I felt the difference…I was in a foreign house, owned by a family I knew nothing about, but who I belonged to nonetheless. I had no answers and I wasn’t any closer to finding them. Because they were gone.
I yanked the coffeemaker off the counter, the cord flew out of the outlet, and I slammed that on the floor, too. The black plastic split apart and jumped from the impact, bouncing and falling again.
“How could you leave me, Mom?” I yelled, the words pouring from my mouth almost as fast as my tears. “All those years…all those fucking years, you were lying to me.”
Bella stayed seated, her cries piercing the air. In the faint light, I could see the fur in the middle of her back standing straight. My uncontained emotion had spooked her.
It had done the same to me. But it was far from over.
I reached for the bag of coffee grounds, tore the top off and, with both hands, shook a flurry of tiny specks onto the linoleum. It was too dark to see them fly through the air, but I felt them as they covered me and added more blackness to the floor beneath.
“I had family, Mom…grandparents. An aunt. You had a mother and a father and a sister…and I deserved to know that. The whole fucking time, I deserved to know.” I was sobbing now. “Why would you keep it all from me?”
My hands clenched and released, my fingers squeezing back into a fist. My sickened stomach churned and pulsated. The tears in my eyes were making it hard to see.
Why was I here alone?
Why had everything been taken from me?
Why had she left her family and pretended they’d never existed?
Why?
Tiny shards of glass sliced my hand, but the pain was a welcomed feeling. A release. A relief, even, to the ache that clutched at my chest. It was just another thing that I couldn’t stop, that I couldn’t control. My throat stung, my mouth was completely dry, my nose ran as quickly as my eyes, and I couldn’t find my breath.
I needed something colder, something sharp that would bring me back from this emotional haze. I turned to the sink and twisted the knob. My hands dove under the freezing stream and I splashed some over my face. My eyes closed and I let the cold take over even more than it already had. When I finally opened my lids, something outside caught my attention. Not something…someone. The guy I’d met previously… the one who lived in a boat outside his grandparents’ house.
Saint.
He was in the water, clinging to the rocks that divided our properties as if it were the side of a pool. He was in a spot where the moon’s gleam was the brightest, lighting up the hair that covered his head, the dark tattoos that wrapped his biceps.
He was staring at me.
And if I was able to see him, that meant…
The pendant that hung from the kitchen’s ceiling, the backlighting.
Oh fuck.
He’d witnessed everything that had just happened—me smashing the glass and throwing the coffee…my entire freak out.
I wasn’t about to go ask him what he was doing in the water in the middle of the night, watching me. He’d seen enough of my meltdown. I didn’t know how I’d be able to face him if we met again.
It didn’t matter.
I turned off the only light and tried to step over the mess on the floor. Bella still hadn’t moved. Her eyes told me she was eager to approach me, smell me. Comfort me.
“Come on, girl,” I said, leading her carefully to the living room couch. “It’s time for bed.”
She would be going to bed, anyhow.
I knew I wouldn’t be finding any sleep tonight.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I ANSWERED THE DOOR holding the extra-large cup of coffee that I’d bought at the store since I still hadn’t replaced the coffeemaker I’d destroyed. Not having one gave me a reason to leave every morning. I’d been in Maine almost a week and I still didn’t feel comfortable in that house, and I looked for any excuse not to be there. It seemed to be affecting my appetite. Other than warm caffeine, not much else was making its way down my stomach. I was having an even harder time sleeping so the coffee was vital.
“Come in,” I said, moving to the side so Shane and Brady could enter.
Once we were seated around the kitchen table, I showed them Andy’s notes, pointing out the items that had a higher priority. I hadn’t spent any time researching the cost of the repairs to know if Shane’s prices were fair. Andy and his dad said they were, and I was told there was more than enough money in the Coswells’ account to cover it all.
I really just wanted the construction to be complete so I could get the hell out of Maine.
I handed Shane an envelope. “Here’s the first payment. Do you need anything else to get started?”
He opened it and removed the check the attorney had written to him. Shane’s deep blue eyes drifted over to Brady. They exchanged a look, but it happened too quickly to read. “Andy’s notes are pretty specific,” Shane said. “So I think we’re good for now.”
“What about colors?” Brady asked. “Appliance brands? Hardware? Lighting? Day-to-day stuff?”
“We can choose all that whenever you’re ready,” I replied.
“Does this mean you’re sticking around?” Brady asked.
Months. I hadn’t been able to get that word out of my head, or the idea it would take that long to finish the construction. That was part of the reason my stomach couldn’t handle more than just coffee.
I sighed. “Yes. I’ll be here until you’re done.”
Brady nodded and stood. “Then I think we can begin the demo today.”
“I agree.” Shane pushed his chair back, but didn’t move beyond the table. “That’s if today is okay with you?”
“Yes, please. That’d be perfect.” I took a sip of my drink. It had been cold for a while, but that didn’t bother me. The cream gave me a satisfying sweetness.
Shane tucked the check into the front pocket of his flannel button-down and headed out to the front of the house, while I took Bella out the back. It was where we’d spent most of our days…I couldn’t stand the silence in that house. Since Gianna’s parents worked from home, it was never quiet at their place. But here, all I heard were creaky floors, nature and air that seeped through the windows. Then there were the dark, uncomfortable sounds—noises that my brain generated to keep me in the past. They kept me from finding any kind of normalcy.
“She really does love the water, doesn’t she?” Brady asked.
I’d flopped down on a spot in the middle of the lawn, halfway between the house and the shoreline. Bella hadn’t bothered to grab her Frisbee or even a stick. She just swam back and forth in the horseshoe shaped pool and trotted to the rocky beach when she got tired.
“She does,” I answered, turning my body around to face him. This was Brady’s second trip out back. He had set four sawhorses on the grass. On top of each set, he placed a piece of plywood, forming what appeared to be a portable desk. Then on top of the wood, he arranged two different saws and a bag of tools. “We both do. But you’ve already seen that.”
He smiled and crooked an eyebrow as we both remembered the moment I’d exited the ocean wearing nothing more than a few strings and some very narrow swaths of wet fabric. “It looked like you owned that water. You swim in high school or college, or something?”
“High school, yeah.”
My swim times were fairly decent in my young
er years, but there was too much competition to make it to the collegiate level. Photography took its place very quickly.
Brady emptied the bag and organized the tools. “You don’t mind if we work back here, do you?”
“I won’t make you move it all to the front of the house, if that’s what you’re asking.” I grinned to let him know I was serious.
He returned the gesture. “I guess I should have asked you before I set it all up, huh?”
I waved it off. “It’s okay.”
“My dad told me how sick the view was back here. He said it was pretty hard to give up. He was right.”
His clothes were even more bulky than the last time we had met. He wore an insulated canvas button-down on the top, and thick, khaki-colored cargo-style pants with steel-toed boots. His scruff had gown out a little more, too. So far, I couldn’t find any similarities between the men in Florida and the few I had met in Maine.
Bella joined me on the grass, finally pulling my attention from Brady. She brought two sticks with her. I tried to pry one from her mouth. When I didn’t win the tug-of-war battle, she brought it over to Brady.
“Little lady,” I said, “if you keep bothering him he’s not going to get any work done.”
And we’ll be stuck in Maine even longer…
He chuckled as if he had heard my thoughts. “She’s no bother at all.” Bella released both sticks and ran for the water. Brady threw them one at a time. “When my dad gives a timeframe, we try to keep it. We work pretty quick.”
My eyes left Brady and followed Bella, watching her swim toward the rocks, taking one stick in her mouth and paddling to the other. When she reached the peninsula, I noticed Saint just on the other side. He was walking down his grandparents’ dock to the boat that was parked at the very end. He wore a hoodie over his head and a pair of mesh shorts and sneakers. It looked like he had just finished working out. Once he got to the end of the dock, he disappeared inside the cabin.
More ghost than saint.
I didn’t know much about boats, but this one was much larger than the speedboats my friends’ parents had in Florida. The exterior was red and white; the front had an outdoor sitting area with an overhead awning to block the rain. There was a deck on the second level with chairs. The cabin was in the middle. It seemed like a big enough space to live in, although I noticed he didn’t usually return to the boat until after midnight and the lights inside the cabin didn’t turn off until after his long swim. Not that I’d been deliberately paying attention to what he did.
But somehow, I’d noticed anyway.
“So that’s where he’s parking it now,” Brady said. He moved down the lawn and paused just at my side.
I turned to him. “Where was it before?”
“In town, at the main harbor. But I hadn’t seen it there for a while.” He crossed his arms over his chest. His jaw tightened as his eyes narrowed. “Makes sense…”
I looked at him, waiting for more information.
“That he’d keep it at his grandparents’ place, I mean.” His voice deepened. “It’s more secluded than the harbor. Girls have to bring him to their place instead of his…they don’t know he keeps it back here.” He looked directly at me. “That is, except for you.”
I ignored his comment. He didn’t know me well enough to make assumptions.
“So you know him, then?” I asked.
“Saint?” He laughed, sarcastic and filled with bitterness. “We went to school together. He’s a few years older than me. Our local celebrity—at least with the tourists. Girls go after him like he’s got something they’ve never seen. With everyone else, he pretty much keeps to himself… nowadays, anyway.”
I could definitely see the appeal. Even in clothes, it was obvious Saint had a rock hard body. But I’d seen him in the water, so I knew how well-built and tight his muscles really were. The rest of his look was just as enticing…compelling, even. And he had an air of mystery about him that couldn’t be denied.
Brady shifted. “He hasn’t…tried anything with you, has he?” I could tell by the look on his face that it was an awkward question for him to ask. That still hadn’t stopped him.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “We’ve talked once. That’s it.”
Relief crossed his face and his posture softened a bit. “Good. Stay away from him. He’s all kinds of trouble.”
“Wow. Sounds like things are a little hostile between you two.” I had no business saying that.
“We were pretty good friends, back in the day…“ He trailed off, ending his thought before it started. Then he wiped his nose with his fingers, which he’d done several times already. “People just change sometimes, you know? Not always for the better either.”
I did know. But I got the sense that there was more to the animosity than that.
“So why does he go after the tourists?” I asked instead.
“Because he can get what he wants, and then they leave town.”
Saint knew I was only in town for a little while. Maybe I just wasn’t his type.
“Well, he hasn’t tried that with me.”
“Not your kinda thing, I’d assume.” He paused. “I bet you’re more of the full-on relationship type of girl.”
I didn’t know if he wanted that answer for Saint or himself and I couldn’t tell by his expression. Regardless, I wasn’t going to entertain it either way. I wasn’t the relationship type of girl at all anymore, and I also wasn’t into random, one-time hookups. David had been my only casual fling and even that didn’t feel right. I was the mess who didn’t know how to get her head back on straight after her whole life had been turned upside-down. But none of that mattered because I didn’t know Saint and I didn’t want anything from him.
All I wanted was for the renovation to be finished so I could go back home to Florida.
CHAPTER NINE
NOTHING WAS HELPING ME SLEEP.
Not the chilly air outside when I sat on the porch, or the deep breathing Gianna had asked me to try. Not the mug of tea I held in my hands, or the tablet that I read from. I had even tried exercising more, swimming in the mornings and taking Bella for long walks in the late afternoon. None of that had worked either. I needed a late night swim, maybe…something extra to exhaust my body and make me crawl to the couch.
My watch showed that it was just a little past eleven. Saint usually got home around midnight and went for a swim shortly after. That gave me at least forty-five minutes to be in the water without running into him. I quickly headed inside to change into my suit.
With just a towel covering my bikini-clad body, I walked Bella down to the shoreline, placed her on the rocks and told her to sit. It was too dark for her to go in; I couldn’t take the chance she would tire and I wouldn’t be able to find her in the black water. I knew I was being overly protective, probably much more than I needed to be, but she was all I had.
I waded in and acclimated to the chill, starting with a few small circuits to get my bearings. I didn’t count my strokes or time my laps once I kicked off the rock wall and streamlined into the deeper current. I just moved from one side of the pool to the other, enjoying the way my muscles stretched and flexed, the way my heart sped up and slowed down. There weren’t any intrusions. No thoughts, no noises, no images. I wouldn’t allow them—not while I was in here. My hands didn’t yearn to hold my camera; my eyes didn’t fill in light or darkness. They didn’t sharpen or blur. There was nothing but me and water, and even that was nonexistent in so much darkness.
But the calm didn’t last.
I felt Saint several seconds before I actually heard him. His stare penetrated me; his essence filled the space around me until the darkness was no longer mine alone.
“A little late, isn’t it?” he asked.
I took a final stroke and stopped at the edge of the rock, gripping it with my fingers only inches from his boots. I lifted my goggles…my gaze started at his feet and rose to his jeans, which were tighter than the ones he wor
e during the day. They sat low on his hips, hugging him in all the right places. Nothing covered his chest except black ink. The moon lit up portions of his skin like it had done a few nights ago. From this close, I could see the ink traveling across his chest and down both biceps, but it was too dark to discern the details of the design. As much as I tried to pull my stare away from it and focus on the question he’d asked, I couldn’t. His tattoos were flirting with me. When I finally met his eyes, they triggered something inside me.
Something that tingled in my lower stomach.
But it all ceased when Brady’s warning began to echo in my ears.
He wasn’t shirtless for my pleasure. He had probably just returned from a tourist’s hotel room and hadn’t bothered to get fully dressed.
“I’d say it’s pretty early, actually, compared to the time I saw you swimming,” I said, referring to the night he had witnessed my breakdown from the water. I didn’t want to mention that I had watched him swim each night following, in the pool in front of the Coswells’ house—another thing I didn’t understand, in addition to the awfully late hours he swam. Didn’t he have his own horseshoe shaped cove in front of his grandparents’ house? Why did he need to invade mine?
“I have a problem sleeping,” he explained. “The water relaxes me a little.”
“Well, it does the same for me.”
Bella weaved between Saint’s legs while he scratched the top of her head. He glanced up and returned my gaze. “What are you guys still doing around here, anyway? Weren’t you supposed to head back to Florida a few days ago?”
“We were, but I hired Shane Lucas, a contractor, to do some work at the house, and he wants me to stick around until it’s done.”
He knelt to get even closer to Bella. The more he touched her, the more his posture seemed to soften. His eyes didn’t, though. Even with the soft moonlight shining directly into them, they were still so hard, so unmoving. “Shane’ll do a good job for you.”
“That’s what I hear.” I thought it might be a good chance to get another side of the story. “And what about Brady?”