by Marni Mann
“Good morning,” Shane said, scratching Bella’s head as she licked his face.
“Morning,” I answered.
“I hope we didn’t wake you. We got started quite early this morning.”
Shane knew I slept on the couch; he would’ve seen me as he came in, so he knew he hadn’t woken me. But I wasn’t about to explain myself. Instead, I grabbed Bella’s bowl from the cabinet, filled it with food and set it on the floor, out of the way so the guys wouldn’t trip on it. “Is Brady upstairs?”
He shook his head. “He took the day off.”
My hand instinctively clutched my stomach. Shane’s words had caused a sudden pain that I was trying to rub away. “He’ll be back tomorrow, though, right?”
“Not sure,” he said. He stood, leaned his back into the counter and crossed his arms. “He wasn’t looking too good this morning. I’ve seen him like this a few times before, but he’s always snapped out of it. He’s just like his old man—I’ve seen some big benders in my days.” He adjusted his tool belt as it had shifted, and he crossed his arms again. “I’m sure he’ll come around real soon. In the meantime, this is Josh. He fills in when I need an extra hand.”
Josh nodded at me and went right back to work.
A bender? That’s all he thought this was? I had a feeling this was more than Shane realized or that he was willing to admit. I decided I’d discuss it with him, but not until I was sure of what was really going on.
On my way to the living room to grab some clean clothes, I sent Brady a text. Then I locked myself in the bathroom. Keeping the phone close to me, I took a quick shower, got dressed, and straightened my hair. Bella pawed the door as I was finishing my makeup, letting me know she was ready for her walk.
I still hadn’t received a reply from him.
***
I didn’t know what Saint had planned for us this afternoon, so I thought it was best to leave Bella at home. I headed downtown an hour before I had to meet him so I could do some shopping on Main Street. With the weather getting even colder since I’d last visited the boutique, I really needed some heavier clothes; nothing I’d brought with me from Florida was warm enough anymore. The sales clerk remembered me and filled the dressing room with the outfits she wanted me try on, and even threw in accessories to match it all. I bought just about everything.
With my hands full of bags, I ran to my car and raced to the restaurant just a few minutes past three. I was reaching for the front door of the Trap House when Rae walked out. I moved to the side to let her pass. She mirrored my movement. In our previous encounters, she’d made sure that her unscarred cheek was pointed toward me when she spoke. This time she glared at me straight on. Her face was full of rage.
“What, you’ve got nothing to say to me now?” she barked.
Honestly, I really didn’t. She and Saint had obviously been over for quite some time, so my presence couldn’t have been interfering with what was left of their so-called relationship. I decided to keep my mouth shut. But when I took a step toward the building, she followed me.
“I thought you were my friend,” she said. Her hands moved to her hips. “Apparently all you want is to take away everyone I care about.”
“What?” Her accusation was uncalled for. “That’s not true at all. I didn’t even know you and Saint had dated until a few days ago.”
“You’re lying.” Black circles lined her eyelids and I could tell by the way her hands quivered that she wasn’t steady. She was chomping on gum, but it couldn’t hide the scent of the booze on her breath. “I told you on the way home from the party that I was in love with him, and you went after him anyway.” Her voice rose; her finger pointed at me in the air.
“That’s not true.” I was fucked up during that car ride, but I remembered everything she had said. “You told me you loved someone, but you never told me it was Saint.”
I tried to move around her, to at least reach the door so I could go inside. She blocked me before I got the chance.
“Did he take you on his boat yesterday? Did he show you all his fishing gear?” Now her voice was a little high pitched and whiney. She was mocking him—and me. “Did he bring you down to the cubby? I hope you got a good look at that big bed in the back…that’s where he fucked me just a couple weeks ago.”
The blood fell out of my face. I couldn’t speak.
“Or maybe he brought you to the boat that he lives in…turned on the lights in the wall so his bedroom glowed like Christmas.” She sneered. “Did he stick a finger up your ass while he was licking your pussy, too? That’s his move, you know…the one he always uses on me.”
My whole body began to shake. “You’re disgusting.”
“And you thought you were special…that he actually cared more for you than he did for me.”
“Get the hell out of my way,” I said, weaving past her.
She grabbed my arm from behind and spun me around to face her again. I noticed how much taller she was than me, how much thinner. Her collarbone stuck out more than it should and her cheeks looked hollow. She had definitely lost weight in the weeks since I’d met her—weight she could have afforded to gain instead. The shorter layers of hair that once curled around her face were flat and greasy. Her eyeliner was smudged, and the whites of her eyes had a pinkish tint to them. But she was smiling. The whole time, she smiled.
That fake fucking smile was always on her lips.
“I’m not done with you yet,” she snarled.
“Oh, yes you are,” Saint said from the doorway. “Get your hands off her and get the hell out of here.”
Her back straightened and her fingers released me in an instant. “Fuck you, Saint,” she said as she glared at him. Then she looked at me. “You’re going to wish you never met him. I can promise you that.”
She jammed her shoulder into mine as she passed, sending me straight into the door. Saint caught me before I fell. He held me against his chest, wrapping his arms around my stomach while we watched her walk to the parking lot.
“I fired her today,” he said. “That’s why she’s pissed.”
“Oh God, I hope you didn’t do that for my sake.”
His arms tightened. “No, I did it for mine. I should have let her go a while ago. I don’t need her around here. She’s toxic.”
I twisted around to face him. He leaned down to kiss me, but I turned my lips away. He continued moving closer, pressing his forehead against my cheek. “She got to you, didn’t she?” When I didn’t answer, he reached for my hand and led me toward the back of the restaurant.
There was no one outside, so we sat at one of the picnic tables that was closest to the water. “Talk to me, Drew,” he said.
I reclined into the wood with my back against the table and crossed my legs underneath me. But I said nothing. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, but there was one thing in particular that was gnawing at me—something I hadn’t cared about at first. All of that had changed just a few minutes ago. “You have those wetsuits in my size…is that because you had them for her?”
The water was my place. It was his place, too. It seemed almost too intimate to have been shared with anyone else. I understood that I wasn’t the first girl in his bed, or the only one he’d brought on his fishing boat. But would the water feel as special now knowing how many he had brought in there before me?
He cupped my chin, pulling it toward him so I would meet his eyes. “No, I bought those suits especially for you. You’re the only one who has worn them; I was just waiting for the right time to give them to you.”
“Did you take her swimming?”
He shook his head, his tongue licking across his bottom lip. “Until a few months ago, the boat I live in was parked at the harbor. I came to my grandparents’ place every night, alone, to swim. I never took anyone with me—never have.”
“Why did you move?”
I remembered Brady telling me that the reason Saint had parked his boat at his grandparents place was because it
was more secluded than the harbor. That meant the girls he met in town would have to bring him to their hotel room since his bed wasn’t so nearby anymore. I wondered how true that really was.
“I want to be closer to my grandparents in case they need me,” he said. “They’re getting older now, and they have help during the day, but not at night. And I wanted to live closer to the water…our water.”
I glanced back at the ocean. His answer made me feel better. Relieved, actually. But I couldn’t get Rae’s words out of my head or the spite that covered her face. She had true hatred for me in her eyes. Rejection wasn’t easy. I’d experienced that with The Ex toward the end of our relationship, so I knew what it felt like. But I didn’t start shit with the other girl he had left me for even though I knew her. The Ex and his new girlfriend had repulsed me at the time, therefore I could understand if Rae felt that way about me. But I wasn’t going to argue with her if we happened to run into each other again.
He slid one arm around me, and his other hand rubbed my navel. “You want to go for a ride in the boat?”
I turned toward him again, the whiteness of his teeth meeting my eyes, the burnt caramel irises that stared back. Then I remembered the night before…the look in his eyes when his face was between my legs.
“Yes. I definitely do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
BRADY DIDN’T SHOW UP AT THE HOUSE the next day, and he hadn’t returned my text messages or phone calls. So I asked Shane for his address. It turned out that his apartment wasn’t far from Main Street. Shane gave me some quick directions and I followed them straight to his door. I knocked a few times; when he didn’t answer I tried the knob. It turned…and I stepped in, not knowing whether I would find him sober or drunk.
I certainly didn’t expect him to be flat on his back in the middle of the living room floor. But he was.
His place was dirtier than some of the frat houses I’d partied at in college. Crushed beer cans littered the entire space. Cigarettes had been crushed out all over the wood floors; stale smoke clouded the room. The door to the fridge hung open by only the bottom hinge. Instead of the sink being full of dishes, they were shattered all over the tile in the kitchen. And there he was, lying in the middle of it all, shirtless, with an empty case of beer next to him and a tipped-over bottle of vodka that only had a few sips left in it.
I shut the door behind me and carefully stepped through the entryway, trying not to slip on any of the liquid that had pooled on the ground. “Brady?”
He kept his eyes closed and crossed his arm over his face to block the light. “Get the fuck out,” he slurred.
“Brady, it’s Drew.”
He bent his knees, but his shoes didn’t get any traction on the floor. His legs fell flat again. “What do you want?”
“You haven’t returned any of my calls so I came to check on you.”
He buried his face deeper in the crook of his elbow. “You never returned mine…I think we’re even.”
I kneeled beside him, gently pulling his arm off his face. His skin was so pale, his lips so chapped and raw. He finally opened his eyes. They were redder than Rae’s had been…and so was the inside of his nose. Scratches marred his chest and hands. His jeans were stained with cigarette burns. “I didn’t know you smoked.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
He was right about that.
“How about I help you into the shower? Then I can get you something to eat.”
“How about you just get the fuck out.”
His breath was a blend of beer, cigarettes, vodka, and unbrushed teeth. It shot straight into my face and nauseated me. I tried to calm my stomach by swallowing mouthfuls of clean air that I inhaled from underneath the collar of my sweater.
“I came here to help you, Brady.” He had really been there for me over the last several weeks. He’d dragged me out when I needed to get away from the Coswells’ house, and he was able to get my mind off those screaming thoughts. I wanted to do the same for him, so I wrapped my fingers around his and squeezed.
He jerked his arm away. “Don’t touch me.”
I kept my hands far away from him and leaned up a bit to get a look at the kitchen counter. On the tiny clearing that wasn’t covered in cans was a dusting of white powder. I didn’t know if it was coke or pills. It didn’t matter what it was—he was using, and that probably meant I wouldn’t be able to rationalize with him. I still had to try. “Will you at least take a shower? It will sober you up a little, and then we can talk.”
He leaned up on his elbows, wobbling but holding his weight. “Sober up?” He laughed and fell on his side. “Why the hell would I want to be sober?”
I looked him in his bloodshot eyes. “Because I want my friend back. That’s why.”
He swatted the air, even though my hands weren’t anywhere near him. Then he rolled onto his stomach and used his forearms and knees to push himself to his feet. I backed up a few inches to give him some space. “This is about what I want,” he said, “not you.” He stumbled several times before he made it to the fridge and removed the full case inside. With the door open, the beer had to be warm. He didn’t seem to care.
“And what is it that you want, exactly?” I asked.
He cracked open a can. “Everything I wanted was taken away from me by that fucker…the one you’re in love with.”
I thought about challenging his statement. I didn’t think it would do me any good; he would only fight back or stay completely silent, neither of which would help us move forward. I also doubted that Saint was the real cause of his self-destruction, but if I told Brady that, it would only get him angrier. So I brushed off both thoughts and scanned the rest of the room. The only other furniture in here was a table that was covered in clothes and makeup, and a couch that had a pillow and blanket on top of it. “Do you have a roommate?” I asked, as though the cosmetics hadn’t made it obvious. There were two doors off the living room and both were closed. She could have easily been in either of those rooms. Surely she’d be helping him right now if she were home, unless she was as fucked up as he was.
He gulped down a beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Rae’s been living with me since your boyfriend kicked her out.”
That explained a lot. Too much, actually. But it was nothing I wanted to talk about just yet and especially not with Brady. “Is she here?”
“She’s not in my bed, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Now that she didn’t have a job, there was no reason why she couldn’t be here making sure Brady didn’t drink himself to death. He had called her his best friend. She sure as hell wasn’t acting like it.
This wasn’t about Rae, though. I was here for Brady.
“I need to talk to you,” I said, “but I can’t do that while you’re like this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Oh, I think there’s lots of things we need to discuss.”
I moved closer to the counter he was resting against. He used his finger to scrape up all the tiny white pieces of dust until they stuck to his skin. Then he rubbed them over his tongue. His hand dropped from his mouth, and he rubbed his nose. As raw as it was, I was surprised it wasn’t bleeding. “You know what?“ he asked.
“I can’t imagine.”
“I think I need to get more fucked up…so you should get the hell out of here. Right now. You won’t like what you’re about to see.”
This wasn’t the Brady I’d been hanging out with. There wasn’t even a trace of him in here. Even his body looked foreign to me, with all of the ashes and burns and scratches that covered it.
He was struggling with something that was much larger than me.
He grabbed another beer from the case and drank it straight down, crumpling the can in his hand when he was done. Then he dropped it on the floor, the metal clanking against the broken dishes. “Get out.”
This was my last chance. If I was going to get through to him
, I needed to make him feel my words. “You’re the only friend I have up here, Brady. The only person who’s been there for me. I can’t lose you—I’ve lost way too much and too many people already. I can’t take any more loss. I care about you, and—“
“Get out!” he yelled. “I don’t want your fucking help, Drew.”
I moved to the door and fingered the knob, keeping my eyes on him. I didn’t want to leave, but there was nothing more I could do if I stayed. He didn’t want me here. He didn’t want me to see what he was about to do, which I had a feeling would involve snorting more of whatever was on his counter. Saint had said I couldn’t help Brady unless he wanted to help himself. Hopefully that moment would come before it was too late.
I’d tried, at least.
It was all I could do.
I looked at him one more time, then I shut the door behind me as I left. He didn’t try to stop me, as much as I wanted him to. He didn’t say another word or glace in my direction…I was wishing for both of those to happen, too.
As I turned to head down the stairs, I smashed into Rae. I shrieked from the impact.
She pushed me off her. “Why won’t you get the hell out of my life?” she barked. Her tone was eerie and disconnected.
I stepped to the side to move around here. “I came to check on Brady, not you. I didn’t even know you lived here.”
“Well, now you know.” She reeked of booze. It smelled even stronger than yesterday. Her hair and makeup looked worse than before. “Brady doesn’t need you coming over here acting all high and mighty. He’s fine…you don’t have to worry.”
“Actually, I think he does need someone. And if you’re his so called best friend, you’re not exactly doing your job in the state that you’re in right now, are you?” She ignored me, so as I passed her, I leaned in and said, “Get him some help, Rae. And maybe think about getting yourself some, too.”
She moved so fast, I hardly saw her hand swing. I felt it, though, as it swept across my ear, over my cheek and pounded my nose. I tasted blood; I just wasn’t sure where it came from. My heart was thumping; I could feel it in my throat. Every part of me shook. I didn’t give her a nasty reaction. I figured that would just give her more ammunition. I didn’t even blink. I smiled, as fake as she did, and walked down the stairs without saying another word.