by Marni Mann
On my way to the car, I thought about the conversation I needed to have with Shane. Since Rae obviously wasn’t going to help him, and he wouldn’t accept any help from me, I had no choice but to ask Shane. I could only hope his father could get through to him.
I found my cell phone in the center console of my car. I hadn’t even realized I had left it in there. It showed a missed call and a voicemail, though the number had been blocked. I hit the button that would play the voicemail and glanced at myself in the mirror. The corner of my lip was bleeding; there was a scratch across my cheek, and a bruise was forming on the side of my nose.
A woman’s voice came through the speaker on my phone. “Drew, this is Shirley, your mother’s sister…your aunt.”
My body was still shaking from Rae’s slap, and the phone call didn’t help calm me. After so many weeks of her not responding to the Coswells’ lawyer, I’d assumed she didn’t want to talk to me.
“I’ve been traveling,” her message continued, “and I’m at the airport now, heading out once more. Unfortunately, it will be a bit before I can be reached. I want to talk to you about something important, so I think we should definitely chat. I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.”
Suddenly, I really wanted to hear what she had to say.
CHAPTER THIRTY
AS I WAS ABOUT TO TURN into the Coswells’ driveway, I noticed Saint’s truck coming out of his grandparents’ place just up the street. I steered over to the side of the road so he could pull up next to me. I rolled down my window and waited for him to do the same. Instead, he flew out of his truck, opened my car door and lightly held my face between his palms.
“What happened? Who did this to you?”
“What?” I asked. “Oh…”
The blood.
I’d forgotten all about what Rae had done to my face. I’d been too occupied with thinking about Shirley’s call and figuring out what I was going to say to Shane…and trying to forget the way Brady had licked that powder off his finger. That image was going to haunt me for a long time.
“I’m fine.” I nuzzled my nose against his hand to assure him. “I promise.”
“Like hell you are. You’d better not tell me Brady did this to you. I’ll kill him.” Despite how stern and cold his voice was, his touch was still gentle as he swiveled my chin to examine each cheek.
“It wasn’t Brady.”
He was practically snarling. “I know you were at his place, so the only other person it could have been is Rae.”
“How do you know where I was?”
His hands dropped to my thighs as he squatted down to my level. “I finished with work early, so I came over. Shane told me you’d gone to Brady’s. I had a bad feeling about it, especially after what happened at your place. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to go check on you. That’s where I was driving to, but it looks like I was too late.”
I really wanted to get inside the house and talk to Shane. But I got the sense that Saint wasn’t going to let me go until I told him what had happened. “Rae showed up as I was leaving Brady’s. She didn’t like what I had to say, so this,” I pointed at my face, “is what she gave me as a thank you.”
“That will be the last time she fucks with you. That’s my promise.”
I didn’t doubt it for a second. But I couldn’t waste any more time talking about her—not when Brady was screwing around with drugs and alcohol at the same time.
“Can I meet you on the boat in a few minutes?” I asked. “I really have to talk to Shane. It’s important.”
His eyes roamed my face, stopping at my lips before traveling back to my eyes. “I’ll come with you.”
“No,” I insisted. “I don’t know what Shane will end up telling Brady, but I want to make sure this news comes from me and only me, and that you aren’t tied to it in any way.”
“You don’t have to protect me, Drew.”
I grazed my thumb over his lip, the same way he always did to me. “I’m not. I’m doing this for Brady. I think Shane is the only one who can help him.”
He stood and carefully closed the door. Then he leaned in through the open window. “You’re a better person than I am.” He brushed his lips over mine and gave me the tiniest taste of him. “I’ll be on the boat when you’re done.”
He got back in his truck, and I turned down the driveway and parked right next to Shane. Bella greeted me at the door. I scratched her head and listened for Shane’s voice, following the chatter into the kitchen. He was giving Josh instructions about removing the hardwood from the staircase.
I stood on the other side of the counter from Shane, waiting for them to finish talking, and for Josh to leave the room. “Do you have a second?” I asked.
His eyes widened. “What happened to your—“
“It’s nothing,” I said, waving him off. I gripped the edge of the newly placed granite and took long, deep breaths. “I think you need to go talk to Brady.”
“Talk to him?”
I nodded. “Shane, he’s not okay.”
His teal eyes stared back at me. He looked tired—physically and emotionally. It didn’t look like my request was much of a surprise. I still wanted to make sure he realized how serious I thought this was.
“It’s not just a bender this time,” I continued. “It’s much worse than that. I think he has a problem, and he needs help. He won’t listen to me, I tried. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed loudly, painfully. “I’ll go see him right now.”
Because he responded exactly the way I wanted him to, I resisted telling him about the drugs. I was sure he would see them at Brady’s apartment, anyway, and that he would know his son was on more than just booze.
“Will you let me know if there’s anything I can do to help?” I asked.
“Of course.” He rested his hand on mine, just like a father would. It was a touch that I so dearly missed, one that I yearned so greatly for. “You’re a good friend to him,” he said. “Thanks for coming to me. You did the right thing.”
The knot in my chest made a sudden return.
And each second that passed, it grew a little larger, slowly blocking the air from my throat. I had to get out of there before the tears came and I lost it in front of him. But first, I wrapped my hand around his and just held on for several seconds, appreciating the moment. Then I slipped out of his hold and rushed toward the back door. Bella met me as I crossed the lawn to Saint’s boat. The fresh air helped, but it did nothing to stop my tears. I soaked my sleeves wiping them away.
As I knocked, Saint called out, “It’s open.”
Bella trotted to his side to give him a kiss. I grabbed the water he handed to me and downed almost half the bottle. While placing the cap back on, I noticed there was a first aid kit in the middle of the table.
“Come over here and sit,” he said, pulling out a chair for me. “You can tell me what happened while I get you cleaned up.”
I dropped into the chair and leaned my head back. He wiped off the blood as I told him about Brady, pausing several times to glare down at me. I could see how bothered he was by everything that had gone on, but it didn’t stop him from tending to my wounds. By the time he’d disinfected the cuts and covered them in ointment, I’d also told him about what had happened with Rae.
He took the seat next to mine. He pulled my chair closer to his, lifted my legs and spread them over his lap. “I wish you hadn’t gone there without me.”
I leaned into his shoulder. “You don’t have to worry, Brady would never hurt me.”
“You don’t know if that’s true.” His hands began to massage my calves. “Whatever shit he was on could have tripped him out. He could have done something crazy—to you, or to himself.” The pressure in his hands grew with his volume. “Tell me you’re not going to go over there again. Tell me you’re going to let Shane handle it from here.”
I shrugged. “I can’t promise that.”
“That’s not t
he answer I want to hear. Not when I just cleaned blood off your face from being there.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand this sweet spot you have for Brady. What do you see in him?”
I pulled my legs from his lap and crossed them in front of me. “What happened to my face wasn’t Brady’s fault. That was all Rae.” He was right, though. I did have a soft spot for Brady that I couldn’t explain—to him, or to myself. I just cared about him. I knew my friend was somewhere within that haze of drugs and booze. He just needed to get help.
“But it happened at Brady’s place,” he said, “and he was too fucked up to hear what was going on outside his door.”
“No…it happened because she’s your ex-girlfriend and she’s pissed that we’re hanging out.”
He ran his hand over his scruff. The sound of his fingers rubbing over the scratchy hairs filled the silence. “Is that all we’re doing?”
I didn’t have an answer for that, and I didn’t really want to think of one. Not when I had other questions to ask—ones that could affect the whole nature of our relationship.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you and Rae lived together?”
He leaned back and crossed his hands over his chest. “Because she didn’t live here. She stayed here.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
I sounded jealous, but I wasn’t. I just wanted answers and I didn’t understand why he was holding back from telling me these things. Why I had to find out from Rae instead of him. If he was trying to protect me, I didn’t need it. I just needed the truth—I could handle that.
“No, because she didn’t move her stuff in,” he said. “She just spent the night a lot. So no, that’s not the same thing at all.”
“My point is, no matter how you define living here, things were much more serious between you two than you’ve led me to believe.” I wasn’t sure if that even mattered. I just wished he’d been a little more honest with me when we’d spoken about it. I really hated to ask my next question, but this one was even more important than the last. I gripped the seat of my chair with both hands. “She also said that…that she fucked you a few weeks ago. Is that true?”
“Drew—”
I cut him off. “Is it?”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. I could see it on his face. In his eyes. In the way his lips hesitated to form any words.
“I guess I have my answer, then.” I stood from the table. Bella leapt up from where she was sitting in the living room.
He stood, too. “You’re not leaving.”
“I’m not? Oh, but I think I am.”
“Over Rae?” he asked.
“Yes, Saint…over Rae. But not because you fucked her while you were watching out for me. That was your choice, and we weren’t anything at that point, anyway. I’m leaving because you told me that you two were done long before I came into town. And apparently, that was a lie. I thought lying was something we didn’t do to each other. I guess I was wrong.”
I moved around him, but he twisted and blocked the path to the door. He kept his hands in his pockets the whole time. “I didn’t lie to you, Drew. Rae and I were done. We just happened to hook up out of…I don’t know—loneliness? For the sake of old times? Just to fuck?” None of those sounded very excusable to me. “Bottom line: it didn’t mean anything to me.”
“Regardless, you should have been the one to tell me—you, Saint… not Rae.”
He reached for my hand. I wouldn’t give it to him. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Tears rose, but it wasn’t sadness that filled my eyes. It was anger. It spilled over my lids and ran down into the ointment he had just spread over my cuts. My mind flashed to The Ex, and how many times I’d cried over learning the truth about something he’d “forgotten” to tell me. The situation with Saint wasn’t similar.
But lies were lies.
“Come here,” he whispered. “I can’t stand seeing you cry.”
I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and ignored his request. “My ex lied to me for years—one lie after another after another. Then came the cheating. I’m not doing that again, Saint. I need truth—from the beginning, until the end and all the way through. I deserve it. It’s what I promised you, and what I gave you, and it’s not what you gave me in return.”
My breath became more labored; my body was starting to tingle. A thick fog was moving its way into my head, darkening my thoughts. My vision moved to the floor, afraid of what might happen if I saw his caramel eyes. When I finally looked up again, his hands were on my cheeks.
“Rae means nothing to me.” He carefully moved my battered face to meet his gaze. “You do. All I want is to climb in that cage with you right now and never come out. Tell me we can have that, Drew… tell me I can have you.”
My mind filled with images of Brady on the floor, leaning against the counter, chugging the beer and licking the powder. My ears replayed the sound of Shirley’s voice coming through the speaker on my phone. Then a flash of Rae filled my vision, the look on her face before she hauled off and slapped me. My heart was consumed with the feeling of Shane’s fingers wrapped around mine…
…I couldn’t have my father’s hands anymore…they were blue…they were gone…
There was too much inside me, too much all around. I looked toward the table where Saint had cleaned my wounds, on it the cloth that had wiped my face. The cloth that was stained with blood now…
…like my parents…they were stained with blood, surrounded by a pool of it as their life left them…
I couldn’t handle any more. Not today.
I slipped my hands around Saint’s and pulled them off me. The movement delivered his scent…
…the freshness of Maine, just like my mother had described it...
I breathed it in. I swallowed it, just before I ran from him.
“Drew!” he called out.
I couldn’t turn around. I wasn’t sure what would come out of me if I did—not the words or the motion of my hands. Would I strip away what layers still separated us or would I slap him as hard as Rae had done to me and create an even greater distance?
What I needed right now was silence.
And Gianna.
I made it past his door, jogging down his dock, then running the rest of the way to the back of the house with Bella trotting beside me.
Then I called her.
“I was just thinking about you,” she said, as she answered.
“I know you’re not supposed to come for another few weeks, but I need you. I need you now. Everything is falling apart here… Brady’s using drugs, Shirley called me today, Saint lied about Rae, and he wants an answer and I can’t give him one, and…”
“Shhh…it’s okay, Roo. I’ll be on the next flight.”
I took a deep breath, my throat finally loosening a bit. “Okay.” I wanted to say more, but I couldn’t. And when it came to Gianna, I didn’t need to. She understood. “Okay.”
“Where’s the closest airport?” she asked.
I sat in the corner of the kitchen, my knees pressed against my chest. Bella rested her chin on my shoulder and licked my ear. “Bangor.”
“I’m looking for flights right now. I’ll call you once my ticket is booked.” Even though there was silence, I could still hear her breathing. “Drew?”
It took a few seconds before I answered. “Yes?”
“It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”
I was glad she had said that.
But I didn’t know if it was true.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
“DREW?” SHANE CALLED FROM UPSTAIRS. “Drew, can you please come up here?”
Gianna and I had just returned from the airport. We were at the kitchen counter eating take-out we’d picked up on our way back to the house. Food was our second stop; the first had been to buy an air mattress, sheets and pillows. There weren’t any beds in this house anymore, and the couch was only big enough to fit me.
Gianna looked at
me. “More house decisions?” she asked. “Or do you think he wants to talk to you about Brady?” Her long red hair hung down to her forearms as she leaned over to take a bite. It was such a comfort to have her here. During the ride from Bangor, I’d filled her in on everything that had happened since we’d last spoken. It took longer than the forty-five minute drive, so we stayed parked in front of the house until I had purged every detail. Then she’d caught me up with my parents’ estate, that the sale of their business was almost finalized and the house had been put on the market.
I shrugged. “Hopefully Brady. I haven’t heard a thing from him, or Shane.”
She dropped her sandwich. “Well, I’m coming along for the ride,” she joked, as we both carefully made our way up the unfinished steps.
I found Shane in my mom’s old room, though it looked nothing like it had when I was in here last. Everything had been cleared out except the floors. I’d made sure her personal items had been boxed and placed in the basement. I knew one day I’d look through it all. I just wasn’t ready for that yet.
Shane was on the floor, kneeling in front of three slightly raised slats, staring at whatever was underneath. “Have you seen this?” he asked.
I took a few steps closer. There was a small cubby peeking out from under the wood, with something inside. “No,” I told him. “What is it?”
“The slats were already loose,” he said, lifting the wood even farther. Then he pulled a small notebook out of the space and handed it to me. “She must have used this spot to hide things.”
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from what I was holding in my hands, and I flipped it over so I could examine both sides. “Is there anything else in there?”