Under Your Skin

by Shannyn Schroeder

  * * *

  Once again, Norah sat at a table in the restaurant alone. This time, however, the table was bigger since both Moira and Jimmy would be joining her and Teagan. In her hand, she held her baby’s first picture. Sure, it was a little creepy and alien-looking, but Norah knew she would be beautiful. She. Norah smiled. The baby was a girl so now she knew which pronoun to use. Not only had she found out the sex of the baby, but the doctor also said everything looked healthy and right on track for her October delivery. Less than a month to go.

  Jimmy and Moira came in together, looking happy and in love. Norah was envious of that. She missed having a boyfriend for the little things, like holding hands the way Moira and Jimmy were. Who was she kidding? She missed the big things too.

  She waved them over. Moira gave her a hug. Jimmy sat beside her while Moira took the seat across from them.

  “How was the doctor?” Jimmy asked. He always asked. How he managed to keep track of everything she had going on amazed her.

  “Good. The baby is healthy.” She slid the small picture on the table. “She’s a girl.”

  “Wow.” Jimmy took the paper and studied it.

  “Let me see,” Moira said as she reached for the picture. When Jimmy handed it over, she added, “How cute.”

  Norah laughed. “Not really, but the potential for cuteness is there.”

  Teagan strode up to the table. “Hi, Norah.”

  “Teagan. This is my brother Jimmy and his girlfriend, Moira.” They all shook hands and Teagan sat beside Moira.

  “I’ve decided to make an adoption plan.” Norah blurted the words out as soon as everyone appeared settled after their greeting.

  Jimmy turned and stared at her as if he hadn’t expected that.

  The waitress came and poured coffee for everyone, except her. Norah placed her hands on the table in front of her. “I’m not ready to be a mother. In fact, I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready. I want a better life for my daughter than I can offer her.” She reached over and touched Jimmy’s arm. “I want her to have something better than we had.”

  Her eyes stung, but she got through it.

  Teagan watched the conversation for a minute before interjecting. “It’s a tough decision. It will be hard and you’ll grieve. After carrying the baby for nine months, you say good-bye. But if it’s the right decision for you, you’ll know.”

  Norah nodded. The more Teagan talked, the easier it became to envision adoption as a reality for her.

  Teagan pulled out a small notebook. “What do you want? What are you looking for in an adoptive family?”

  “I want someone who wants my little girl. I want them to be from this area so I can see her. I want two parents. Definitely.” Her hand tightened on Jimmy’s arm and she looked into his eyes. “You did a great job, but you were a kid taking care of a bunch of kids. I’m not much more than a kid now. I want my daughter to have a mom and dad who will give her everything we didn’t have.”

  Jimmy nodded. She knew he understood.

  “Anything else that’s important? Like religion or race? Do you care if the couple is gay?”

  Norah hadn’t considered it. She thought for a moment. Her dad would flip if she gave her baby to a black or Hispanic family, but it didn’t matter to her. She shook her head. “As long as they’re not part of some weird cult and calling it a religion, it doesn’t matter. I’m not religious. But I think I want her to have a mom and a dad, something traditional?” God, she probably sounded like a bigot right now, but after growing up without a mom, she wanted that for her daughter.

  Teagan didn’t react to anything, so Norah continued. “It might be nice if my baby had a stay-at-home mom, but it’s not a deal breaker.” Norah had always fantasized about having a mom at home. Someone who made her lunch and baked cookies after a bad day. Instead, she usually came home from school and found her brothers brawling in the living room while Jimmy cooked dinner and their dad slept.

  “We can meet in a day or two and I’ll give you the complete profiles of a few families who meet your criteria. In the meantime, if you want, you can look through the profiles we have online.” She pulled a business card out of her bag and slid it between Norah and Jimmy. “Feel free to call with any questions or concerns.”

  Since she already had Teagan’s card, Norah wondered if she was leaving it for Jimmy, but she didn’t ask.

  Teagan left and Jimmy leaned back in his chair. “You sure about this?”

  “Yeah.” Continuing to say it out loud made it feel right. “But like Teagan said, I have time. The baby’s not due for weeks yet. I’m going to e-mail Avery and let him know I’ve decided on adoption. I think that should come from me before he gets official paperwork.”

  Moira reached out and held her hand. “We’re here for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jimmy put his arm around her and pulled her close. “I wish there was something else I could do to help.”

  Norah laid her head on his shoulder like she had many times as a child. “Knowing you’re here is enough. That you support my decision. Now if you could deal with Dad and our brothers, you’d be my hero.”

  “Don’t worry about them. I’ll handle it.”

  Maybe she was a chicken because she not only asked him to do it, but she would actually let him.

  * * *

  Norah left Jimmy and Moira and drove to Kai’s house. Before going in, she sat in her car for a few minutes and e-mailed Avery. It took a few tries, especially since she was typing on her phone, but she wanted him to know what her plans were and she asked where they should send the paperwork. He’d probably already started classes, so sending things to his parents’ house wouldn’t be a good move.

  After she hit send, she sat and just breathed. It felt like a weight had been lifted. Movement at Kai’s house caught her attention. A tall woman swung out the door. Her cascade of black hair hung down her back. Kai held the door open for her as they spoke. The woman laughed and Norah almost rolled down her window so she could hear it. The woman stood nearly as tall as Kai and she leaned over and kissed his cheek. When she turned to walk down the stairs, Norah stared. The woman was stunning. Like goddess-level amazing. If that was what Kai normally liked, it was no wonder he had no interest in her.

  Besides the whole big-belly pregnancy thing.

  She needed to get her head on straight and focus on the future. She was moving forward, making plans. She’d get her life together and then find someone. Maybe even someone better than Avery.

  She left her car and went to the door. Rather than let herself in, she knocked since she knew Kai was still home. She didn’t want to walk in on him in an inopportune moment again. Like fresh from a shower. She’d almost needed to hose herself down after yesterday. She’d thought seeing him lifting weights was bad, with all the glistening skin. Wearing nothing more than a towel was unbelievable. His damp hair was down and had a little wave to it. And all that inked skin . . .

  Ugh. She was supposed to be getting her head on straight. Not thinking about a mostly naked Kai.

  Speaking of... he answered the door just as she tried to shove those images from her head.

  “I gave you a key.”

  “Yeah, but I knew you were home because I saw you walk your guest out. I figured you didn’t need me walking in on you taking a shower again.” Double crap. She hadn’t wanted to say that last part out loud.

  His lips twitched as if he might smile. He said nothing as he stepped away from the door. He stood in the entryway and waited for her to step over the threshold. He spoke in a near whisper. “My mom finished her therapy and fell asleep on the couch. We thought it would be easier for her to get up from there.”

  “Okay. Any errands today?”

  “Ask her when she wakes up.” He walked through the living room, grabbed his keys, and nodded a good-bye before he walked out the door.

  Norah stood in the living room where Ms. Ellis snored quietly on the couch. She had nothing to do, so s
he picked up Ms. Ellis’s book to find out what Bret and Carrie had been up to. She easily got lost in the characters’ love story.

  * * *

  The following morning, Norah checked her e-mail while she ate her yogurt. Avery had responded. She clicked and tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach.

  Norah, We need to talk. Don’t sign anything or

  do anything permanent until we do. Classes just

  started and I’m swamped, but I’ll call you late tonight,

  maybe around 10.

  Avery’s words warmed her. Maybe he had just needed time to think about it and process it. He didn’t want her to make a decision yet. Maybe he wanted them to raise this baby together.

  She tossed her spoon in the sink and let that thought gather speed in her brain. She wasn’t ready to be a mom. Would Avery’s presence and willingness to help change that?

  As scared as she was about everything, she knew it might change things. While she wasn’t madly in love with him, she cared about him and could see herself falling in love with him. But they didn’t need to be in love to raise their child.

  Norah got ready to go to Kai’s house. She packed her laptop so she could check into her options for school during Ms. Ellis’s nap. As she drove to work, she tried to tamp down the anticipation and excitement brewing. Avery wanted to talk about their baby. That was huge because she’d already written him off.

  When she arrived at Kai’s house, Ms. Ellis was awake and barking orders at Kai. This day just got better and better. He looked up at Norah and she was pretty sure he was relieved to see her. Ms. Ellis was fighting about using the motion machine on the couch.

  “Hi, Ms. Ellis.”

  The old woman grunted at her.

  “You know, it’s a beautiful day out. Instead of sitting on the couch with the machine, maybe we should try a walk down the block.”

  “She can’t do stairs.”

  Ms. Ellis crossed her arms and Norah rolled her eyes.

  “You have what? Five stairs out there? She needs the practice. It’ll be good for her to get out in the fresh air.”

  Ms. Ellis smiled. “Help me up,” she said to Kai.

  He helped her to her feet and then followed her to the front door. Norah pocketed the house key. On the porch, she pushed past Kai. “We got this.”

  He leaned close and whispered in her ear, “What if she falls?”

  “She won’t.”

  “I can hear you, Kai.”

  “We’ll take it slow. Take breaks as needed.” Norah tilted her face up. “Everyone needs to feel the sun sometimes.”

  Her own words hit her hard. She needed this almost as much as Ms. Ellis. To breathe fresh air and bask in the sun without worry.

  Kai threw his hands up. “I’m going to work. I have a late client tonight, is that a problem?”

  “Nope,” Norah answered. Then she remembered her conversation with Avery. Ms. Ellis would be asleep by then, so Norah could talk to Avery in private. Taking the conversation here would be even better than at home where nosy brothers might try to listen.

  Kai disappeared without another word and Norah helped Ms. Ellis down the front walk. It was slow but steady and the pace allowed Norah’s mind to wander over thoughts of Avery and what life with him might look like.

  Her imagination had decided to rule the day. She couldn’t stop thinking about Avery and finally talking to him after all these months. Her day sped by with thoughts of him interrupting every task, but she kept busy helping Ms. Ellis with exercises and making her lunch and reading to her.

  Kai came home to help get his mom into bed. He said nothing other than good night to his mom and left again. As Norah closed the novel she’d been reading to Ms. Ellis, anticipation surged through her. She kept checking the time, wondering exactly when Avery would call.

  When ten o’clock neared, she grabbed a glass of water and sat at the kitchen table willing her phone to ring. It finally vibrated in her hand and she almost jumped out of her skin. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Norah.”

  His voice was smooth and friendly and she realized how much she’d missed him.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m good. I’m doing okay.” She twirled her glass of water. This was stupid. She didn’t know what to say. “The baby is healthy. A girl.”

  “A baby girl,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I was an asshole when you called. Why did you wait so long?”

  She shrugged and then sighed. “I was scared and confused. I didn’t want to be pregnant so I acted like I wasn’t. Until I couldn’t. Then my aunt threw me out and I was a mess. It took coming home to Chicago to get my act together. I’m sorry. I should’ve called you a long time ago.”

  “It’s a lot to take in, you know? I don’t have answers. I still have this year of school to finish and then I have to find a job. That’s where all my focus has been. Except for thoughts of you. I couldn’t figure out why you were blowing me off this summer. I thought we had a good thing.”

  “We did. And like you said, it’s a lot to take in.”

  “Don’t give our baby away.” His words came out in a rush.

  Norah’s heart jumped into her throat and lodged there, beating rapidly, cutting off her air supply.

  “You know my parents have money. That I have money. I can provide for my child.”

  Norah smiled. She knew Avery was a good guy. “I know. I never implied you couldn’t. I just don’t think we’re ready. Do you?”

  Silence met her.

  “Avery?”

  “I’m still here. I don’t know what you expect.”

  The sudden edge to his tone cut her. She swallowed hard before continuing. “A baby needs more than money. How would we raise her? Where? As a couple or two independent parents?”

  “I’m offering you financial support.”

  Those five words hanging between them were enough to make her cry. Financial support. That’s all her own father had ever been. Her eyes filled and her throat burned, but she pushed on. “Money isn’t enough. I can’t be a parent by myself.”

  “So you’re going to abandon our baby?”

  The tears started to fall and her breath caught. Of all the things he could’ve accused her of, it was like he knew this would hurt the most.

  “You’re going to leave her just like your family pushed you away.”

  “It’s not the same,” she choked out.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Her anger rose above the hurt. “You’re not stepping up to be a father. You think it’s okay to abandon her as long as you throw some cash her way. She needs to be loved and cared for. I am not abandoning my daughter. I’m finding a place for her where she has a chance at a real life with people who not only want her and are ready for her but will also love her.”

  “Well, I guess you’re going to do whatever you want. Send the papers to my school. I’ll text you the address.” He disconnected without another word.

  Norah sat staring at her phone until a text buzzed through with Avery’s address. Huge sobs jerked her body. Why the hell had she thought he’d want to be with her? That they would make some kind of family? She was in this alone and she needed to accept that.

  Chapter Six

  Kai parked in front of the house and saw Norah’s car still there. He’d figured she’d be gone since his mother was always in bed before ten. With his luck, he’d find Norah sleeping peacefully on his couch and then he’d have to rein in the desire to touch her.

  For the past couple of days, they’d fallen into a routine where he’d been successful at having very little contact with her and it was working for him. She’d given him a hard time about his mom this morning, but their interaction had still been minimal. Which was fine by him.

  He let himself into the house determined to wake her and send her on her way so he could enjoy the remainder of his night in peace. Except she wasn’t on the couch or in the living room at all. He peeked into his mom’s room where a small night-light il
luminated the space. Mom was sound asleep. Where the hell was Norah? No sound came from anywhere in the house.

  He moved to the kitchen and flipped on the light. She bolted from her seat, swiping at her face.

  “Sorry. I didn’t realize you were home.” She stared at the floor as she moved around the table.

  “What’s wrong?” Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he shouldn’t ask. That he shouldn’t care.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” Her voice wobbled as she spoke and he thought she might not be done yet.

  He stood in her path and touched her shoulder. “What happened?”

  “It’s nothing. You know, hormones.” She waved a hand but still didn’t look up.

  He knew all about the hormones she’d been throwing around, but this wasn’t the same. Even he wasn’t clueless enough to buy that. Then he did the unthinkable. With his fingers, he touched her jaw, tipping her face up. “Tell me.”

  Her throat worked and she licked her lips. The movement had him wanting to shift closer to taste her. He locked his legs to prevent movement.

  “I had a conversation with the baby’s father. I told him I planned on adoption.”

  “And the problem?”

  She pulled from the slight grasp he had on her face. “It’s stupid. It’s me and my dumb imagination. When I e-mailed him that I planned on adoption—”

  Kai cut her off. “You did that in an e-mail?”

  “Our last conversation didn’t go well. He accused me of lying about the baby being his.” She licked her lips again. “Anyway, he e-mailed back he didn’t want me to make any decision yet.” She shook her head. “In my twisted mind, I interpreted that to mean he wanted the baby.”

  “What does he want?”

  “Basically to hand me money to raise our child. He doesn’t want any further involvement.”

  Kai thought of his own deadbeat dad. “It’s more than a lot of guys would do.”

  “Really? So I should be grateful?” She looked up. Fresh tears welled in her eyes.