Under Your Skin

by Shannyn Schroeder

  Another round of pain hit Norah and he had no idea what to do, so he held out his hand. She laced her fingers with his and squeezed through the pain. For such a little thing, her hands were damn strong. When she relaxed her fingers, tears filled the rims of her eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  “For my hand?”

  “For everything. For driving me. For letting me hold your hand. For carrying me to the car. Hell, for giving me a job.”

  “That was purely selfish on my part.”

  “What?”

  “Hiring you. My mom makes me crazy. I’m grateful you took the job.”

  She laughed quietly. Her free hand rubbed her belly. “You know if I have this baby now, we’ll be revisiting our conversation from this morning.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because Ella will go home with her parents. I’ll be ready to move on with my life.”

  “Kind of soon, isn’t it?”

  “Do you know how little I’ve enjoyed over the last six months or so? I deserve a break, some fun.”

  His thumb stroked her hand where they were still connected. Part of him wished he could take the time to explore with her, to see what they could be. But he knew she was meant for something better than him. “So move on with your life. Put me behind you.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “That’s what I said. We’re attracted to each other. Why can’t we enjoy that?”

  “You’re about to have another’s man’s baby. How can you even think about starting something else?”

  “At this particular moment, I really need a distraction from the pain. Beyond that, I know life is too short to dwell on your mistakes. I go after what I want.”

  “Shouldn’t be me.”

  “We’ll see.”

  She seemed to be breathing better now. Like starting an argument with him somehow gave her renewed energy. He got off the expressway and jogged across the side streets to the hospital. “Any idea which lot I pull into?”

  “Maybe you should go to the emergency room. I think my water just broke.” Her fingers tightened on his again and he maneuvered toward the emergency entrance. He pulled up in front of the door and extricated his hand. “Stay here. I’ll get help.”

  He ran through the doors and told the nurse he had a woman in labor in his car. Within minutes, Norah was in a wheelchair being pushed into the hospital. Kai ran and parked the car and returned to find Norah. They already had her in a room. He knocked on the door and she called for him to come in.

  She was waddling out of the bathroom in a hospital gown. A look of shock came over her face. “You’re here?”

  “Did you think I’d leave you alone?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “This isn’t your problem.”

  “I know I said I’m an asshole, and I am, but I wouldn’t leave you alone.” He reached for her arm to help her climb into bed. She did her best to hold the edges of the gown to retain her modesty. He didn’t have the heart to tell her there was nothing she could do.

  As soon as she lay back on the mattress, she curled up in pain again. He stood, paralyzed, not knowing what to do for her. A nurse came in and started hooking Norah up to a machine. She talked quietly in a soothing tone that, judging by the scowl on Norah’s face, did nothing for her.

  “When do I get some drugs here?”

  “I can put a call in to your doctor and see what she says.”

  “She better say you should give me the epidural.”

  The nurse smiled and patted Norah’s leg. Then she took Norah’s arm and readied an IV. Norah’s free hand flung out toward Kai, reaching. He held it and she squeezed as the needle went in. Then another contraction hit, so she didn’t let go.

  He didn’t want to think about why that didn’t bother him.

  The nurse left and he sat, holding Norah’s hand and staring at her.

  “God, don’t look at me. I’m probably a mess.”

  “You look fine. You want the TV on or something?”

  She shook her head. “Just talk to me.”

  Like he was good at that. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Tell me about work.”

  “What about it?”

  “Tell me about the craziest tattoo you’ve ever done.”

  He pulled a chair close to the bed and sat. Leaning his elbow on the edge of the mattress, he thought back over the hundreds of tattoos he’d done. There were some that stood out more than others, of course, but crazy? He tried to steer clear of those. Then he thought of one.

  “The first month I opened, I was desperate for clients. I handed out business cards and posted flyers everywhere. I spent so much time doodling and praying for someone to come in. Then one day, this guy comes through the door holding my flyer. He says he’s got a proposition for me. If I do a tattoo that he wants for free, I can do another of my business card on his body. He’d be a walking billboard.”

  “No way.”

  Kai nodded. “I figured the guy wasn’t right in the head, so I told him no. But, I really needed the money. The guy swore he could drum up business. The next day, he comes in with like ten friends. They all wanted tattoos. I figured there had to be a catch.”

  “So what was it?”

  Kai shook his head. “I still haven’t figured it out. They all paid for tattoos. Needless to say, I did that guy’s for free. He’s still a client.”

  “Did you do your business card on him?”

  “No. We compromised and I signed him.”

  Norah laughed. “You mean there’s some guy walking around Chicago with your autograph on his body?”

  “Yep.”

  “Why would someone want that? It’s not like you’re famous or anything.”

  Kai shrugged again. “Beats me.”

  The door behind him flung open. “Norah.”

  Norah shifted to see around him. “Hey, Jimmy.”

  “Oh God. I’m so sorry. I was in a meeting and didn’t pay attention to my phone. I thought we had time.” He pulled up short on his way to the bed and looked at Kai.

  “Jimmy, this is Kai. Tommy’s boss who hired me to help with his mom.” She barely got the words out before another contraction hit and she curled into herself without releasing Kai’s hand.

  By the time he got home, his fingers would probably carry bruises from her grip.

  Kai rubbed her hand and up her arm. Jimmy’s eyes bore into him. When the pain passed, Norah looked between the two of them.

  Jimmy finally stuck his hand out. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for getting her to the hospital.”

  Although Kai shook his hand, he took the statement for what it was meant to be: Get out. Kai slid his hand from Norah’s. “Good luck. I’ll see you.”

  “Kai,” Norah called.

  He turned from where he stood with his hand on the door.

  “Thank you.” She gave him a watery smile.

  “No problem.” He left the room and the hospital. In the car, he called Jaleesa and his mom. Without Norah, they would need a new game plan. He didn’t even know if Norah planned on coming back to work.

  Part of him was relieved at the notion. He wouldn’t have to control his urges around her. But more of him didn’t like the thought of not seeing her anymore.

  He was screwed.

  * * *

  Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed looking down at Ella in Norah’s arms. She was the most beautiful baby Norah had ever seen. A shock of dark hair fluffed up on the top of her head and she was tiny and wrinkled. But healthy. The doctor had assured Norah that although she was a little small, Ella was healthy.

  “You did good, Norah.” His finger stroked the top of Ella’s head.

  “She’s amazing.”

  “Are you having second thoughts about adoption?”

  A tear squeezed out of the corner of her eye. “I’m scared, Jimmy. I love this little girl. I’m so afraid of messing her up.”

  “We’re here for you.”

>   “I know. But I also know she would have a better life with Kim and Trevor. They want her. They’ve been searching for her. They’re ready for her. As much as I love her, I’m not. She’s going home with Kim and Trevor.”

  Jimmy wrapped his arms around her shoulders in an awkward hug. “Okay.”

  His voice was thick and it about crushed her to think she moved her big, bad brother to tears. They stayed like that for a while. She took the strength she could from Jimmy’s embrace.

  “I’ve already called Teagan and Kim. They’re on their way.”

  “Already?”

  “I don’t want to take care of her. I don’t want to do anything that will confuse me. I wanted to hold her to tell her I love her, but she needs to be with Kim.” Tears streamed down her face. She knew it was the right decision, but it didn’t make it any less difficult.

  “The guys want to come meet her.”

  “Is that a good idea?” She swiped at her face. “I can’t handle them telling me I should keep her.”

  “They won’t. I can have them visit her in the nursery. Would that be easier for you?”

  Norah nodded. A knock sounded at the door and Teagan poked her head in.

  “Can we come in?”

  “Yeah.”

  Teagan came in and Kim and Trevor followed.

  Jimmy stood and stepped away from the bed. “You want me to stay or go?”

  “You can go.”

  He nodded and left.

  Kim and Trevor hovered by the door.

  “Come on in and meet your daughter.” She waved to them with her free hand.

  They stepped forward together, Trevor’s arm on Kim’s shoulder. Kim’s eyes filled.

  “Do you want to hold her?”

  Kim nodded and stretched her arms out. Handing Ella over to Kim was easier than Norah thought it would be. Love filled Kim’s face and even Trevor looked teary. Her own tears started to fall again. For as right as it was, Norah’s arms felt extraordinarily empty.

  “After this, they’re going to keep her in the nursery until she’s ready to go home, so you can visit her there. I just wanted to say good-bye to her.”

  Kim passed Ella to Trevor and wrapped Norah in a tight hug. “I can never thank you enough for this. She is the most precious gift.”

  They stayed and talked and Norah told them about her labor, so Kim would have stories to tell Ella as she got older. Their tears stopped and the conversation was a relaxed one between friends, but Norah was exhausted and the baby started to fuss.

  “She’s probably hungry,” Norah said.

  “You’re sure you don’t want to . . .” Kim asked.

  “She’s all yours.” Norah called for the nurse so she could take Trevor and Kim to the nursery to feed and change Ella. Teagan sat on the bed next to Norah.

  “Want to talk?”

  “Not really. I think I just want a nap.”

  “Okay. I’ll hang out for a while. Is there anything you need?”

  “No.”

  “Don’t keep it bottled up, Norah. I’m here for you.”

  “I know. And I’m really okay. For now.” She tugged the blanket up over her freezing arms and shifted on the bed to find a comfortable spot.

  She pulled out her phone and called Avery.

  “Hi, Norah.”

  The way he said her name was stiff and so different than the way Kai said it. “I had the baby.”

  “What? I thought you weren’t due yet.”

  “She had other ideas.”

  “How are you?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “And the baby?”

  “Her name is Ella. She’s beautiful. I can send you some pictures I took if you want.”

  His voice quieted when he spoke. “I’d like that.”

  “You can meet her too. Kim and Trevor are really cool. I think you’d like them.” She thought of the nerdy references on their profile and knew that was part of why she’d chosen them. Avery was like that.

  Silence settled between them, but it wasn’t uneasy, just sad. “I’ll let you know.”

  She disconnected and wasn’t sure how to address the emotions coursing through her. She couldn’t help but think how different things might’ve been if she and Avery had had the chance to be a real couple, build a strong relationship. Would she have wanted to keep Ella then?

  She was so wrung out, physically and emotionally. She just wanted this day over.

  * * *

  After two days in the hospital and the rest of the week at home, Norah was going stir-crazy. She’d had a constant flow of visitors with her brothers taking turns dropping in on her, all of them at least feigning support. Ultimately, she wanted to be left alone and now that she’d achieved it, the loneliness threatened to tear her up.

  Getting out of bed that morning, she felt blobby and gross. It was one thing to feel like a whale while she was growing a baby inside her, but no one ever mentioned how fat she would stay after giving birth. And she still felt like crying. All. The. Time.

  She’d signed the paperwork giving her daughter to Kim and Trevor, and Avery had sent his back. It was officially a done deal. She should feel relieved. In some ways she was, but in others, she just felt empty.

  She left her house and drove to Kai’s without thinking. They hadn’t discussed when or if she’d come back to work for him and she hadn’t spoken to him since he left the hospital. Jimmy and Tommy had gotten her car back home so she’d had no contact. She hoped Jaleesa was there instead of Kai. Part of her was afraid to face him, especially after her bold statements in his car while she was in labor.

  Maybe she could chalk it all up to pregnancy brain. She shouldn’t be held accountable for things she’d said while in pain.

  Instead of using her key, she knocked on the door, not wanting to frighten anyone by barging in. When the door swung open, the shock of seeing Kai in a towel again stole her breath. Didn’t this man know the effect he had? He should be required to wear clothing.

  “Norah.” The single word was filled with surprise but something else as well. She was reminded again of how different he was than Avery.

  “Hi.”

  He stepped back from the door to let her in. His gaze swept over her, making her uncomfortable because she knew she was far from at her best.

  “I know we didn’t talk about me coming back after having the baby, but . . .” She didn’t even know where she was going with that.

  “I . . . Shouldn’t you be in bed or something?”

  She huffed, trying to make it a laugh. “I spent two days in bed. Then I was stuck at my house for days. I needed to get out.”

  “Are you supposed to work?”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t ask.” Although she knew that technically, if she had a regular job, she would be off for six weeks.

  He crossed his arms over his massive bare chest and Norah averted her eyes. He was too easy to stare at.

  “Have you hired someone else?”

  Kai laughed—well, as much as she’d ever heard him laugh anyway. “My mother made it clear that she would run off anyone we hired. Jaleesa and I have been juggling our schedules.”

  Norah bit her cheek to stop the smile. She really liked Lani. “So you need me then.”

  “I guess I do.”

  This time, she let the full force of her smile hit him. She knew he was referring to his mom, but she wished it was more. “So now’s the time to negotiate a raise.”

  He shook his head. “Nice try. Not gonna happen.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Then maybe you should offer some other benefits.”

  “Also not going to happen.” He slid along the wall and turned when he cleared the corner.

  She followed with her smile growing again. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about dental.”

  There was a brief hitch in his stride and he looked over his shoulder at her. She winked and he shook his head again.

  Lani came from the direction of the bathroom.
When she saw Norah, she smiled. “You’re back.”

  “How could I stay away from the best friend I have in the city?” As soon as Norah said it, she realized how true it was. She was a woman in her early twenties with no friends. She had Moira, who she could easily see becoming good friends with, but she only had her because of Jimmy. She needed to start getting out and meeting people.

  Kai disappeared into his room and a bit of sadness crept into Norah with the thought that he’d return fully dressed.

  “How are you feeling?” Lani sat on the couch and patted the cushion beside her.

  “Fat.”

  Lani laughed.

  “I’m serious. I don’t know why you sat down. We have a walk to get to. You need to build strength and I need to lose weight.” She went to the couch and held out her arm to help Lani up.

  The woman shook her head at Norah, but yelled, “We’re walking, Kai. Have a good day at work.”

  Kai came from his room, dressed in his usual jeans and T-shirt, but he hadn’t gotten around to tying his hair back yet. The dark waves were damn sexy. “Is that a good idea?” he asked, oblivious to her stare.

  Norah rolled her eyes. “It’s a walk, not a marathon. We’ll be fine.”

  Lani stood. “I’ll get my sweater.”

  When she left the room, Kai stepped closer. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. I was just going stir-crazy. Even if you didn’t need me, I think I’d’ve stayed with your mom for a while. My family was getting on my nerves.”

  “And the baby and the boyfriend?”

  “Ella is with her parents. Avery is still at school.” The empty feeling struck again. The one time she counted on Kai being silent, he wanted her to talk. A lump was forming in her throat, so she swallowed hard. She’d come here to escape these feelings.

  “As happy as I am that you’re back, I don’t want you to overdo it. My mom thought you’d be gone for at least two or three weeks.”

  Three weeks alone with her dad? She’d go crazy. “I feel good. I won’t do any heavy lifting. Walking is good for her and me.”

  He lowered his face so they were eye to eye. “You sure?”