Under Your Skin

by Shannyn Schroeder

  “You want to explain what happened?”

  “Kai was being a good guy. It just wasn’t enough to fix this, I guess.” She tucked the envelope in her back pocket. “Part of me hoped that if I confronted him, he’d admit we had something great together.”

  “Guessing that didn’t work as planned.”

  She licked her lips. “Nope.” She stared at the door to the studio. “I sure can pick ’em, can’t I?”

  “You’re an O’Malley. We screw up a whole lot before we get it right.”

  She bumped his shoulder. “Screw up? Or just screw? ’Cause I saw another new chick sneaking out the back this morning.”

  Tommy chuckled. “Maybe a little of both. Want to grab some lunch?”

  “Yeah.”

  She looked back at the door again and then pointed down the alley. “I think I’ll walk around and meet you at my car.”

  Tommy took her to some small hole-in-the-wall burger place she’d never heard of, but they had the best chocolate shakes. She made a mental note to tell Moira about it. While she slurped on her shake, Tommy doodled on a napkin.

  “So what are your plans now?” he asked without looking up.

  “I’m set to start school next semester. I’m going to start applying for jobs. I’d like to find something like I was doing for Kai.”

  Tommy glanced up with an arched brow. She threw a fry at him. “Not like that, you pig. I mean taking care of his mom. I’m good at it.”

  “You mean you’re good at bossing people around.”

  “We all have our talents.”

  She looked at the napkin and snatched it up to see the doodle. “What is this?” She turned the paper and realized it was a cupcake.

  “What? I saw one at a bakery yesterday. It was like a work of art. It was beautiful, but it made me want to take a bite.”

  Norah suspected there was more to it. “What were you doing at a bakery?”

  “Blackstone’s. Jimmy wanted me to order a cake for Sean’s birthday.”

  “You guys still get birthday cakes from Blackstone’s?” She had great memories of her childhood birthday cakes. One year, she had a princess cake with a doll in it and the cake was her gown. Tommy had teased her endlessly about it, but Jimmy got it for her because she’d asked for it.

  “Of course. You think we’re gonna bake something?”

  “I didn’t think about it. I guess I assumed you didn’t do cake anymore. We’re not kids.” She couldn’t remember the last birthday cake she had. Fourteen? Fifteen? Aunt Bridget thought it was frivolous, especially since Uncle Hank was always on a diet.

  “Jimmy always makes sure we have cake on our birthdays and eat dinner together.” He stopped suddenly. “Sometimes I forget you didn’t have that.”

  She lifted a shoulder. “Jimmy always sent a gift and called. And you came to visit on a few of my birthdays. Who else would’ve taken me out and gotten me drunk when I turned twenty-one?”

  “As crappy as it was, you know Jimmy only sent you there because he worried.”

  “It would’ve been better if he sent you, too.”

  Tommy barked out a laugh. “Aunt Bridget would’ve keeled over if she had to deal with me.”

  “True.” She sighed. Even with the hurt she was feeling because of Kai, she was okay. “It’s good to be home.”

  “We’re glad you’re back too, squirt.”

  “When are you guys gonna stop calling me that?”

  “Never.” He checked his phone. “I gotta get back to work.”

  Norah dropped him off at Ink Envy and swore to herself that she wasn’t trying to see inside to get a glimpse of Kai.

  * * *

  A week had passed since he’d seen Norah, and Kai still wasn’t sleeping right. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face. Every time he rolled over, he reached for her body. Every time the phone rang, he longed to hear her voice. But she was gone. He’d told himself over and over that it was best. It was what he wanted. Now he could get back to his life. Exactly the way it had been.

  He also discovered he sucked at lying to himself.

  The studio’s line rang and a moment later, Puck called, “Hey, Kai, there’s a collect call. What do you want me to do?”

  A collect call meant Rooster was reaching out. “I got it,” he yelled back.

  Kai picked up the line in his office and accepted the charges for the call.

  “Hey,” Rooster said.

  “Why are you calling?”

  “I need some help.”

  Kai groaned. He should’ve expected this. “What?”

  “I need some money for a lawyer.”

  Money for a lawyer, not his kids. Kai paced a circuit through his small office. “Use a public defender. You’re not getting out of this one, and you know it. It would be throwing money away.”

  “Come on, man.”

  “No, Rooster.” And as the words came out, the weight on Kai’s chest shifted. It was time to let go. Everyone had been right. This was no longer his life. “I’m not getting caught up again.”

  “So it’s gonna be like that.”

  “Yeah, it has to be. I’m trying to build a life here and you keep fucking up. You want to live like that, where you think nothing of getting picked up. I haven’t worn cuffs in a decade. That’s how I want to live.”

  “So you’re not gonna help.”

  “No. Not anymore. You brought that shit to my house. To—” He’d almost said Norah’s name, but caught himself. He needed to keep her out of it. But the thought alone brought her back to the forefront of his mind. The hurt he’d caused by sending her away and letting Rooster stay.

  Damn it. He’d done exactly as her family had. Sent her away, leaving her alone.

  “I had no place else to go. You’re my boy.” Rooster’s voice brought him back to the conversation.

  “Not anymore.” He disconnected before Rooster could ask again because he feared he’d lose the bit of strength he had. Strength he’d gotten from Norah. With the exception of his mom, no one called him on his shit like Norah had. She deserved better than what he’d done.

  His mom had been right. He’d chosen Rooster over Norah. The image of her standing in the alley, her eyes begging for him to give her what she needed, crashed into his head. He’d almost told her he loved her. He sank into the chair behind his desk. How the fuck had that happened? He loved Norah? A temporary escape. That’s what she’d called them.

  He couldn’t breathe. The momentary relief he’d felt from breaking away from Rooster disappeared. He jumped up and stepped out the back door. Images of a tearful Norah assaulted him. He sucked in a lungful of air and closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t know what to do, what he wanted.

  Fuck that. He knew he wanted Norah.

  The problem was, he wasn’t sure how to get her.

  He left Ink Envy, telling Puck he’d be back later, and he went home to see his mom. When he parked his car, he caught sight of her down the block, walking slowly back toward the house. From the curb, he called out, “Good to see you’re still doing your walks.”

  “The only way to get better and away from you is to exercise.”

  That stung. He walked to meet her. “I’m not my father.”

  She tilted her head and arched a brow. “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “I’m here. I’ve always been here. I moved you into my house so you wouldn’t feel abandoned.”

  She continued to stare up at him.

  “He left without looking back.”

  “And you pushed Norah away.”

  “I know. And you’re right. I shouldn’t have.”

  She stopped and held a hand to her ear. “What was that? Did you just admit your mother was right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. What are you going to do about it?”

  “That’s why I’m here. I have no idea.”

  “Did you talk to her?”

  Remembering their last conversation over the mon
ey he gave her, he said, “I fucked that up.”

  “Talking has never been your strong suit.”

  He hung his head. Like he didn’t know that.

  “Actions, now, that’s where you’re good.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She nudged him to continue the walk back to the house. “I’ve never seen a man go after anything with such single-minded determination as you. You’re a doer. Whether it was getting into trouble or getting your tattoo parlor. You make things happen.”

  He hadn’t thought about it that way. For him, it was just doing what needed to be done. Hearing his mom talk about him, though . . . She sounded proud.

  She continued, “All you need to do is show her you want her back. That you’re ready for her now even though days ago you weren’t. She’s a smart girl. She’ll need more than words anyway.”

  He held out his elbow for his mom to take. She didn’t really need the help or support, but he wanted to. Jaleesa had been right too. He’d kept too much separate for too long. Norah bled into all parts of his life and he’d survived. His heart was a little worse for the wear, but he’d been happy with her crashing all over his life. He liked coming home to her, seeing her in the stands while he played hockey, knowing she wore his tattoo on her hip.

  As he helped his mom back into the house, he started to think about what needed to change in order for him to prove to Norah that he wanted them back. When he needed to prove to Jaleesa and Matt that he was ready to own his own shop, he’d changed almost everything in his life.

  This should be easy. There was only one part of his life standing in the way of him having Norah and he’d already told Rooster no more. Now he just had to figure out how to show her he was serious.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Norah was more excited for Sean’s birthday than was natural. It wasn’t like a cake and presents were coming her way, but something about being home with her family for a special occasion made her ridiculously happy. Maybe it was the idea of a celebration to cover her pain. She woke today and swore she wouldn’t cry over Kai anymore. Moira was right. If he didn’t see what a catch she was . . . Who was she kidding? She wanted him no matter what.

  Stupid heart.

  She returned her thoughts to party planning. She’d offered to pick up the cake, but Tommy insisted on getting it. Something weird was going on there, but she’d pressure him later to find out.

  For now, she hung streamers and balloons in the living room. Her dad came in. “What’s all this shite?”

  “Stop being cranky. You know it’s Sean’s birthday.”

  “His birthday was last week.”

  “I know when my brother’s birthday is. This is when we could all be together. So we’re celebrating.”

  “We do cake. Even that’s silly for a grown man.”

  She climbed off the step stool. “So what if it’s silly? I haven’t been around for too many celebrations. I want this to be fun.”

  “He’s twenty-six years old. A bottle of whiskey and a woman would be the fun he’s looking for.”

  “And he can go out and get that after dinner. But family time comes first.” She put the stool away in the kitchen. “Are we going out for dinner?”

  “Nah. Jimmy’s picking up pizza.”

  “Pizza? And you have the nerve to talk about being grown.” She shook her head, but pictured all of her brothers gathered around the dining room table fighting over pizza and laughing.

  Kevin was the first to arrive and, right behind him, Tommy rushed in. He saw Kevin and said, “Good, you’re here. I need some help.”

  “With what?”

  “I got a present for Sean, but I need your help carrying it in.”

  “I thought we didn’t do presents,” Norah said.

  “We don’t, but I couldn’t pass this up. It’s something we’ll both use.”

  “What?”

  “Kai sold me his poker table. It’ll fit perfectly in the basement by the washer.”

  At the mention of Kai’s name, her heart gave a little lurch. Why the hell would he get rid of the table?

  Tommy tapped Kevin’s chest. “Come on.”

  They were still in the middle of setting it up when Sean walked through the door with Jimmy and Moira. Jimmy yelled for Kevin and Tommy.

  Norah grabbed plates and napkins from the kitchen and Kevin snorted. “Since when do we use plates?”

  “Would it kill you to eat like a human?” Moira asked. She set a pan near the end of the table.

  “What’s that?” Kevin asked.

  “Brownies for the birthday boy.” She hugged Sean and kissed his cheek.

  “What do I get on my birthday?”

  “Hmm . . . Sorry, I think I’m busy that day.”

  “You don’t even know when my birthday is, do you?”

  “Does it matter?”

  Norah watched the exchange. “What’s up with you two?”

  “We’re just playing. Ain’t that right, Moira?”

  “Oh sure, all fun and games.”

  Jimmy came to the table balancing bottles of beer for everyone, except Norah. “Where’s mine?”

  The total look of shock on Jimmy’s face made her smile. “Did you actually forget I’m old enough to drink?”

  “Uh . . .”

  Moira touched his arm. “Now’s a good time to close your mouth. There’s not really a good way to answer.”

  Norah snatched Jimmy’s bottle. “Thanks.”

  The pizza lids were thrown open and slices were passed around. Everyone started talking at once and the noise was overwhelming and welcome. She’d forgotten what it was like to have all the O’Malley men together in one spot. They were loud and physical and took up so much space.

  She was glad she had Moira to help balance things a little. All she needed now was for her other brothers to find girlfriends and things could be even.

  The doorbell rang and Kevin got up to answer, taking his beer with him as if he thought Norah might steal his, too. The voices at the door were low, but pulled Norah’s attention. Kevin stepped into the living room and pinned her with a look. “There’s a guy at the door for you.”

  Norah shoved away from the table and went to the door. Kai stood there clutching a bouquet of roses. Kevin crowded her at her back. She shoved at Kevin’s chest. “I got this.”

  Kevin eased back a step but didn’t go inside.

  She sighed. “Do I have to get Jimmy to make you leave?”

  “Who’s he?”

  She took a deep breath, unsure how to answer. “My ex-boss and . . . ex-boyfriend?”

  “Are you asking me?” Kevin said.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Wait—Ella’s dad?” He scowled and his hands fisted.

  Kai said, “I’m not Ella’s dad. I didn’t even meet Norah until this summer.”

  Kevin eased back and took a long pull on his beer. He waved at her to go ahead and talk.

  “Go away, Kevin.”

  “It’s almost time for cake.” Over her head, he looked at Kai. “We’re in the middle of a family party.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I won’t take much time.”

  Kevin stared at them.

  “Christ,” she mumbled. Then she yelled, “Jimmy.”

  She heard movement from inside. Then Jimmy stood behind Kevin.

  “Can you tell Kevin to go away? Kai is here to see me. I deserve to have some privacy.”

  Jimmy looked at Norah, then at Kai. She didn’t know what he saw, but it was enough for him to tap Kevin’s shoulder. “Leave them alone.”

  Before Kevin could respond, Kai shifted the flowers to his left hand and stepped closer with his right hand extended. “Good to see you again.”

  Kevin scowled. Jimmy didn’t shake Kai’s hand, so he dropped it. But he kept his eyes on Jimmy’s. “I know I fucked up with her. But if she gives me the chance, I’m going to make it right.”

  Kevin opened his mouth, but Jimmy grabbed him by the
back of the neck and hauled him in.

  Norah turned back to Kai. And waited. As much as she wanted to rush to him, she held back. She’d been telling herself for over a week that she deserved better. It always sounded good in her head when she was alone.

  “These are for you.” He handed her the bouquet.

  She hesitated, but took them. Her mind raced with possibilities. Her heart thumped at the sight of him. He’d told Jimmy he wanted to make things right. Yet he stood in front of her saying nothing.

  He stepped closer, right up in her space. Looking down at her, he studied her eyes, her lips, then took a giant step back. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

  “Why?”

  His mouth opened and he stopped as if the question made no sense. “I told you from the beginning I didn’t want you around Rooster. He has a way of pulling people down and you’re better than that.”

  “So are you.”

  “I’m not. But I’m trying to be. I’m trying to fix my life so it’s the right place for you.”

  She wanted to jump on him and hold him and kiss him. “I was happy where I was.”

  “I wasn’t.” As if he knew where her mind had gone, he took another step away from her. “You have too much faith in me, and I need to make sure it isn’t misplaced. I need to do this right.”

  He lost her again. Do what right? If he wanted to be with her why did he keep backing away? She licked her lips and stepped forward searching for the right question. He backed up again and hit the rail. His arms shot out and grabbed her arms just above the elbow.

  “Do me a favor and stay right there. This is hard enough without you being close and showing me your tongue and . . .”

  She giggled. This was silly. So she made a show of licking her lips nice and slow. He closed his eyes.

  “I came here tonight to apologize and ask you out.”

  “Huh?”

  He opened his eyes, but still didn’t release her. “Tommy pointed out a long time ago that I hadn’t even taken you on a date, but we were sleeping together.”

  “Tommy should mind his own business. We did what worked for us and our schedules. It wasn’t like it was all sex all the time. We hung out and talked and got to know each other. I don’t need some sappy candlelight dinner for it to be real.”