Shenzheners

by Xue Yiwei

  Her husband’s face had flushed scarlet, just like the first time she asked him about his views on children. He looked down and did not respond.

  “Attacking is difficult, occupying even harder,” the company president had said suggestively, putting emphasis on his innuendo. “Next time I will teach you some key strategies, or should I say positions. You’re sure to find them useful,” he said, to hoots of laughter.

  But her reliable husband did not laugh. She saw from his fretted brows that he cared about her. It was because he cared so much that he’d never taken her to another company outing. She was thrilled, both because of his concern for her and because she had made the right choice.

  Marriage had made the big sister even more beautiful. Even her little sister said so. And marriage had brought her husband amazing good luck. He was promoted to Department Manager, and the department he led soon became a pillar of the company. The president summoned him shortly after to inform him that his department would be merged with two other departments, and that he would be in charge after the merger. This was a transitional arrangement, the president explained. The next step would be an executive position; he would be a vice president.

  His sales performance also won him the approbation of “the old leader,” one of the three founders of the company who had later on moved to a seat on the provincial economic affairs committee. He had retired from his position many years before, but he still concerned himself with company matters and returned every year to offer guidance. On one of his visits, the older sister’s husband made a deep impression on him. He deemed her husband the most capable department manager in the company. The first time he encountered her husband and heard him give a brief, he found the ear of the company president and said, “Talent like his deserves trust.”

  But the husband’s success in his career did not affect how the big sister felt about him. To her, he remained his old reliable self, or even more reliable; with his success, they could enjoy a better standard of living. He did talk a bit more than before, but he was just as diffident, going along with her on everything.

  When her pregnancy was confirmed, she proposed quitting her job. She wanted to be a housewife and stay-at-home mom.

  Her reliable husband didn’t disagree. He even asked her before the child was born if they should find a bigger home in the neighbourhood.

  She was happy that their thoughts had tended in the same direction, and even happier that he had proposed the idea first. He seemed to have an opinion of his own for once.

  Their daughter inherited all the big sister’s good qualities. She felt relieved of a burden. She was so happy. When the little girl was a month old, she pushed her around in a stroller in the garden every day. She made at least five calls a day to report to her husband, who was often too tied up to get away, no matter what milestones their daughter had reached and whatever discomfort she might feel. When her husband did not have the time to listen, he returned her call when he was available. She saw the daughter as a heaven-sent reward for having made the right decision. She described her daughter as a little angel. She believed she was her most “reliable” reward.

  Having such a bright little niece made the little sister forgive the older for her choice. She would make time to go over and see her every other day, and she gradually started to accept her big sister’s insipid husband. She discovered he liked to talk a lot more than before. Sometimes he would enthuse about the new housing projects his company was developing. At other times, he was full of his daughter’s latest triumphs. His consideration for her big sister led her to question her own criteria.

  The older sister saw the younger’s doubt and took the opportunity to urge her to find a reliable man and marry him—ASAP—rather than keep dreaming. “Look, think about how great it will be when you give birth to a pretty little treasure,” her big sister said, her voice brimming with well-being.

  The niece became the little sister’s main topic of conversation in her long weekend phone calls with her best friend. Every time they talked about the little angel’s growth and development. The little sister bought a fine sketchbook to record her niece’s innocent postures and expressions.

  Her best friend made fun of her, saying she was preparing to be a mother herself. “Have you met a reliable man yet?” she asked sarcastically.

  The little sister responded the same way as she had to her big sister: With such a cute little niece, what was the point of having children of her own?

  The little sister dressed the little angel according to her own aesthetic standards. She never hesitated to spend money on the girl, and planning her niece’s birthdays was another of the little sister’s prerogatives. The previous two birthdays had left her big sister and brother-in-law very satisfied.

  When the little angel was turning three, the big sister asked the younger if she had anything special in mind.

  The little sister said that she planned to rent a cottage at a seaside resort for her niece’s birthday weekend.

  The older sister thought this was a good idea. But she was not happy that the younger sister had invited her best friend.

  “She’ll be on her way back from business in Hong Kong. She’ll be passing through that day,” the little sister insisted. “She’s always asking to see the little angel I boast so much about.”

  The little sister was not too happy to see how much her niece liked her friend from what she kept calling “Haishang”—literally the “seaside.” She corrected her niece many times, explaining that her friend, or “auntie” was from Shanghai, not “Haishang.”

  But no matter what, her niece couldn’t get it right.

  Her friend didn’t mind the mistake. “You said it right,” she told the little girl. “I am from Haishang. Do you want me to take you to the seaside to play?”

  The little angel radiated happiness. She was not the least interested in the birthday cake in front of her. She kept on asking how long it would be before they went to the seaside to play.

  The sisters could not coax her to sit still and eat.

  The big sister signalled to her husband to come and help, and he immediately put in a few words to try to persuade her.

  Of course it was no use. In the end the “auntie” was the only one that could convince the little angel. She agreed to eat her birthday cake before going to the seaside to play.

  Seeing her daughter had almost finished her piece of cake, the big sister felt irritated. And when she saw her husband, her little sister, and her little angel—who’d fallen in love with the best friend at first sight—all finish their pieces too, she felt even more annoyed. She herself had only had a nibble. When the little angel started clamouring to go to the seaside, she said she was tired.

  The little sister could tell that her sibling was unhappy. The older sister did not express any support for her little angel, and although her sister’s best friend was ready to set out, she just stood there, unmoving.

  The big sister looked to her compliant husband.

  His reaction was just the opposite of what she had expected. “Seeing that we’ve already promised the child, we should really,” he murmured.

  When they had just gotten to the beach, the little sister’s best friend could not wait to take off her shoes and socks. She started to dance happily on the sand.

  The little angel wanted to take off her shoes and socks too.

  Her mother strictly forbade her. She had never let her daughter go barefoot, not even on the sand. To her it was uncivilized and unsanitary. “Today is your birthday,” she said seriously. “You can’t get yourself dirty.”

  Her husband patted her lightly on the back. She knew that wasn’t a pat of support but rather an intervention.

  She gave him a nervous glance.

  “Today is the child’s birthday,” he murmured. “Let’s make an exception just this once.”

  The little
sister couldn’t believe her eyes. She sensed there had been a sudden shift in the emotional balance between her sister and brother-in-law. One had tensed up, the other had relaxed. She also had a vague sense of what had led to this. She picked up her niece, not wanting the situation to get any worse.

  Just up ahead, the little sister’s best friend had already gotten a batik towel out of her backpack, which she spread out on the beach. Dusk had descended, but there was a lingering heat in the sand, in the sea breeze, and in the wash of the tide.

  Everybody sat down on the towel. The little angel sat by her new auntie’s side.

  The little sister glanced at her older sibling and at her brother-in-law, realizing that she had something to do with the emotional reversal she had just witnessed. All she wanted to do was bring this special day to a close as soon as possible. She did not want things to get any worse.

  Just then she heard her best friend point up and ask: “Can you see any stars in the sky?”

  The little angel nodded and said she could.

  The friend then asked, “Can you see any stars on the ground?”

  The little angel was perplexed. She looked at her own mother and father, finding them just as perplexed as her. In the end, the little angel’s gaze returned to her auntie from Haishang.

  “Don’t you know that there are stars on the ground as well?” she asked.

  The little angel shook her head.

  “Well, there’s you. You’re our little birthday star.”

  The little angel looked proudly at her parents and her mother’s little sister, and hollered, “Yay!”

  Her father clapped for her.

  Peeved, her mother looked away.

  Mortified, her mother’s little sister made a face.

  After they had sat there for a while, the little sister’s best friend stood up and walked towards the sea.

  The little angel also stood up, wanting to go with her.

  Her mother grabbed hold of her and told her severely that she was not allowed.

  The little angel called her auntie from Haishang for help in a loud voice.

  The little sister’s best friend stopped walking and turned around.

  Displeased, the big sister stared at her daughter and asked, “What are you calling her for?” putting a stress on “her.” As if to say that whoever she was, she was no longer welcome.

  The little angel started crying and making a fuss, trying to break away from her mother’s grasp.

  The little sister did not know what to do. She looked at her brother-in-law.

  It was her turn to be surprised, when he impatiently said, “If she wants to go then just let her go.”

  Exasperated, the big sister stared at her husband. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked in a loud voice.

  The little angel took the opportunity to break out of her mother’s grasp and run to her Haishang auntie’s side.

  “Don’t let her go in the water!” the mother yelled helplessly to her sister’s friend.

  “If you’re worried, why don’t you go with her,” her husband said in a low voice.

  “I’m not going,” the big sister said. “Think of how polluted the seawater is.”

  “Then do you need me to go with her?” her husband asked quietly.

  “Why would you go?” the big sister said, disgusted. She felt like her reliable husband had suddenly turned into a stranger. She pushed her little sister to go over and intervene. “I really don’t trust that friend of yours,” she said.

  The big sister felt unhappy at the sight of the best friend dancing in the tide, and she became even more unhappy when she saw her daughter not far away imitating her new “auntie.”

  She looked at her husband who was looking out to sea without a care in the world.

  That displeased her even more.

  Just then she heard her husband say under his breath, “It’s her happiest birthday ever.”

  Worry flooded out of her deepest being, as never before in her married life. She worried her reliable husband had changed.

  They sat in silence for a while. The big sister started yawning, one yawn after another.

  Her husband noticed. “I’ll go tell them to come back,” he said.

  But the big sister stood up preemptively in front of him, blocking the way. “I’ll go myself,” she said. She walked a few steps on the sand and stopped, yelling at her little sister to bring the little angel straight back.

  Her husband soon stood up and walked to her side.

  She glanced at him and noticed he was still staring towards the ocean. She also noticed that he had folded up the towel and was holding it in one hand. His other hand was holding the shoes that the sister’s best friend had taken off. The big sister laughed bitterly. He hurriedly put the shoes and the batik towel on the ground.

  The little sister soon came back, holding the little angel, her best friend following behind.

  The mother took the little angel from her sister and felt the girl’s pant legs with disgust, even though she knew the child had not gone in the water. “What man could stand such a crazy lady,” she said unhappily.

  Her daughter’s little hands grabbed at her nose. “I’m not a crazy lady,” the little angel said.

  The toddler’s reaction amused everyone.

  On the evening of her return to Shanghai, the best friend gave the little sister a call. She thanked her for her invitation and for making the arrangements. She said the little angel was just as cute as she had imagined.

  But the little sister discovered she had lost any interest in discussing her niece with her best friend. She tried to listen to what her friend was saying, but all she could think of was her big sister’s complaints. Her sister said it had been the worst birthday ever, and that the younger sister wouldn’t be organizing any more birthday parties. The little sister did not relay the older sister’s grievances. She admitted her arrangements had been less than ideal; but at the same time, she knew that her niece had had a very happy day. Her heart was conflicted.

  Three weeks later her best friend called again. She asked her what she had been up to and why she had not called in such a long time.

  The little sister responded coldly. She had lost interest in talking to her best friend.

  The friend did not notice (or did not care) and continued on excitedly about the little angel. She seemed to know what the little girl had been up to in the past three weeks.

  The little sister had a bad feeling. She did not ask her friend how she knew. She pretended it was nothing out of the ordinary, and even refrained from telling her big sister about it.

  Then one day, three months later, she was in the café on the top floor of the posh shopping centre when she saw her best friend’s profile, right before seeing her brother-in-law from behind. She immediately called her sister and asked if she had any time that evening to talk. She said it was important.

  The big sister’s reply was very difficult to bear. She said her reliable husband had gone to Kunming on business and would not be back for a couple of days. She said the little sister could come over.

  The little sister went over straight from work. She told her not to bother with dinner, showing her the box of take-out she had bought downstairs.

  After eating, the two sisters pushed the little angel through the garden in a stroller. They beat around the bush. The little sister did not mention what she had seen that afternoon. The big sister did not ask her what important matter she had come over to discuss. Back upstairs, the two sisters gave the little girl a bath and put her to bed. The little angel said some interesting things before going to sleep, but the little sister was not in the mood to note them down.

  She helped her big sister clean up the room, and her big sister suddenly suggested she stay the night: they could sleep together in the master bedroom. The
little sister was not opposed to the idea, so she followed her older sister’s wishes and took a bath. Then she lay down on the bed, where, she realized, her brother-in-law usually slept. She found it absurd. After her big sister came to bed, she immediately turned off the lamp on the nightstand. She didn’t say a thing.

  The little sister looked out into the sudden darkness, and felt a sting of guilt. “I’m so sorry,” she said in a low voice.

  The older sister took a long time to reply. Her answer surprised her. “What good does it do to say sorry now?” she said calmly.

  The younger sister pushed herself up on her elbows and looked at her big sister, whose eyes were tightly shut. “Then you already know?” she asked.

  “I regret that I did not heed your advice,” she said. She reached out and patted her little sister’s shoulder, indicating that she should lie down.

  After the divorce, the big sister moved back into the apartment she used to rent with her little sister. Her husband, in the very last argument they had before separating, said that she could take everything except their little angel. She said she didn’t want anything, not even the little girl in whom she had invested so much time and energy and affection. She had lost interest in everything.

  In the three months after moving house she did not go out even once. Her little sister was worried sick. She advised her to go out and take a walk, even just to get some fresh air.

  But the older sister was unmoved.

  Then the little sister advised her to go and look for a job, maybe even a new boyfriend. “Love is vitality,” the younger said.

  Still the big sister would not listen.

  Three months of confinement had devastated the older sister’s body. She looked sickly. Strangely enough, her feeble appearance took nothing away from her beauty; it even lent her an alluring air.

  One day at noon, when she was looking at her sallow face in the mirror, she suddenly thought of the weapons of mass destruction the Americans had failed to find in Iraq. A passion for retribution suddenly surged up from deep within her being. She felt resurrected. She told her younger sister that she felt impelled to take action. She said that hatred was vitality.