Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

by JB Lynn

  “And if I don’t, who will?”

  “I’m just saying that time will march on and the world will keep revolving.”

  I thought of Marlene, of how I hadn’t taken care of her and Darlene when they needed me most. “If I don’t do it, someone will fall through the cracks.”

  “Someone already has.”

  I frowned. I was doing my best to care for Katie, my aunts, and my friends, but he was telling me my best wasn’t good enough. Panicked, I asked, “Who?”

  “You.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Really? Because the way I see it, you’re standing there, ready to fall asleep, but you’re getting ready to run out and take care of someone else’s problem.”

  “So is this your way of telling me you’re not going to help me?” I frowned, surprised at how disappointed I was that the lizard was going to let me down.

  He flicked his tail, signaling his frustration. “It means I’ll help you, but only if you take a nap first.”

  “Nap DeeDee.” The dog wagged her stump of a tail.

  “Yes,” God said. “Follow the beast’s lead and get some sleep. Then I’ll help you with anything you need.”

  I swayed uncertainly, not liking that he was blackmailing me into doing his bidding, but seeing the wisdom behind his suggestion.

  “Fine. For one hour.”

  Knowing the box and uniform were still on my bed, I flopped onto the living room couch. DeeDee lay down on the floor beside me. I’m not sure which of us snored first.

  Two hours later I awoke to the sound of whistling. For a confused moment I thought I was back in Aunt Susan’s porch and she was making me another cup of tea. Then I realized it wasn’t the teakettle making a racket, it was the lizard.

  “I’m awake,” I muttered groggily.

  “Time to get going,” he chirped cheerily.

  “You’re the one who told me to take a nap.”

  “I didn’t tell you to sleep the entire day away.”

  “Gotta! Gotta!” DeeDee panted.

  “Yeah, yeah.” I walked the dog, ate a handful of olives, and headed out, with God perched on my shoulder.

  I filled him in on why I needed him to keep me in line as we drove over to the address Alice had given me for her mom. My apartment was in a questionable part of town. There was no question about where Alice’s mom lived . . . you’d have to be half crazy to live there.

  I walked up to door sixteen of the dilapidated motel I’d been sent to.

  “Maybe, if I’m lucky, she won’t be here,” I said. “Then I could honestly tell Alice I tried, but couldn’t get in touch with her.”

  God, who had his tail wrapped around my neck for balance, said, “Don’t knock on the door. You don’t know who or what has touched it.”

  It was good advice, so instead of knocking, I kicked it three times.

  “Don’t answer. Don’t answer. Don’t an—”

  The door swung open and I was face-to-face with Alice’s mother. Like her daughter, the woman was ridiculously tall, but unlike Alice, she was stooped, weighed down by a lifetime of bad choices.

  “Hello, Ellen.” Shocked by her appearance, I barely choked out the greeting. She’d always been vain and had insisted on always being called by her first name, instead of Mrs. Whichever-Bum-She-Was-Married-To.

  The years had not been kind to her. Deep furrows lined her face, her hair was limp and lifeless, and her eyes were flat.

  She stared at me blearily. “Do I know you?”

  “It’s Maggie. Maggie Lee. Alice’s friend.”

  She squinted at me. “The last time I saw you, you were a pimply-faced teenager. How’ve you been?”

  “Fine. I wanted—”

  “How’s your mother?”

  Every muscle in my body tightened. Ellen had been the first person who’d ever publicly called my mother a lunatic.

  “Easy, girl,” God soothed, stroking my ear like I was a wild stallion ready to buck. “Breathe.”

  “She’s the same.” The words were tight and clipped.

  Ellen pushed her door open wider, ushering inside.

  I leaned forward and then hesitated.

  “Don’t!” God shrieked. “It’s like stepping into a black hole. We might never get out.”

  Ellen narrowed her gaze at the squeaking sound. “What’s that?”

  “A lizard.” She probably thought I was as nuts as my mom, what with walking around with a lizard clinging to my shoulder for no apparent reason. I wasn’t sure she was wrong.

  “Cute little guy.”

  “Cute?” God shrieked, mortally offended.

  Ellen reached up to pet him.

  “Sensitive skin! Sensitive skin!” God scampered halfway down my back, latching on to my bra clasp.

  “He’s not very friendly,” I told Ellen. “But he is cute.”

  “Bitch!” he screamed.

  Just for that I stepped into the apartment.

  It was dingy and smelled of mildew, but it was neat enough that Aunt Susan would have approved.

  “I see your aunt sometimes,” Ellen said, settling into a rocking chair and motioning for me to sit in the only other seat in the place.

  I perched on the edge, waiting for God to retake his place on my shoulder before I sat back. “Aunt Susan?” I asked, assuming she’d seen her at one of her charity activities.

  “Leslie.” We go to some of the same Narcotics Anonymous meetings.”

  “So much for them being anonymous.”

  “She said you’re the only girl left.”

  “Marlene’s around somewhere,” I said, remembering Patrick’s claims.

  “What are you doing here, Maggie?”

  “Be nice,” God coached.

  “Alice is getting married.”

  “So I heard.”

  “Leslie?”

  She nodded.

  I wondered if Aunt Leslie did anything besides talk about other peoples’ business while at her meetings.

  “She wants to make sure I’m not going to show up and make a scene, right?” Ellen twisted her hands, her voice barely more than a whisper.

  “Be kind,” God prompted. “The woman’s obviously a wreck. Lashing out her won’t serve a purpose.”

  He was wrong, I wasn’t about to strike out. I felt a stab of pity for her. I’d never understand why she hadn’t taken her daughter’s side, but now, after the events of the past month or so, I could understand how it’s possible to delude oneself into thinking what’s wrong is right.

  “She wants you to be there,” I said as gently as I could.

  Something in her flat gaze shimmered for a moment as though a switch had been thrown within her.

  “Really.” I took out an invitation and laid it on the card table between us. “She asked me to come and invite you.”

  Ellen reached for the piece of cardboard with trembling hands. “She . . . she forgives me?”

  “That’s not my place to say, but she does want you there. I’d imagine that’s a start.”

  Two big, fat tears slid down her cheeks, disappearing into the wrinkles time and suffering had carved.

  “Say something comforting,” God urged.

  Nothing came to me. I just sat there, watching the older woman clasp the piece of stationery like it was a lifeline.

  “I have to be going,” I said after a long, uncomfortable silence, and got to my feet.

  “I pray for her every day,” Ellen croaked.

  “You should tell Alice that when you see her.”

  She stood up and grabbed my hand. “I meant your niece. I pray for Alice too, but I’ve been praying extra hard for your little niece ever since I heard.”

  “Thank you,” I said, touched by the sentiment. “If you need a ride to the wedding I could arrange for one.”

  “You’re the maid of honor?”

  I nodded.

  “She’s lucky to have you. She’s always been lucky to have a friend like you, Maggie.”

  Th
e moment I was out the door, God patted me on the shoulder. “Good job.”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Things are going too well.”

  “Too well.”

  “Patrick gave me everything I need, Aunt Susan took the news about the custody battle extremely well, Zeke’s not gay, and now this . . . Do you know what it means?”

  “Apparently you’ve developed psychic powers and think you do?”

  “I’ll confer with my psychic, but I’m pretty sure the rough ride is about to begin.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “ANY MORE PROPHETIC dreams?” I asked Armani the moment she limped into work.

  “Why? Did something happen?”

  I couldn’t tell her that I’d almost gotten caught trying to kill my former uncle so I said, “I’ve got an uneasy feeling.”

  “I’m not surprised. I keep dreaming about the disco ball.”

  “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got for me?”

  “Well, that and a cactus.”

  “A cactus?”

  She nodded. “A big one.

  “Where am I going to encounter a big cactus?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’s symbolic. Your sex life is pretty parched.”

  Considering that I’d made out with Zeke and almost kissed Patrick over the course of the weekend, I didn’t think the tumbleweeds would be blowing through anytime soon.

  “Unless you decided to take my advice about the cop . . .”

  I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the thought of Paul. “Not even a remote possibility.”

  Harry drifted up to us, but was careful to keep a respectful distance. “If you ladies wouldn’t mind returning to your desks, please? We’ve got some managers from the main office taking a tour.”

  I stared at him. He was polite, bordering on pandering.

  “Please?” He practically squeaked, failing to make eye contact.

  “Sure.” I moved away and couldn’t hear whatever it was Armani said to him, but I did hear her raucous laughter as it bounced through the room.

  I didn’t get a chance to speak to her again until lunch.

  “You should invite me,” she said as she slid into the bench opposite me at our regular picnic table.

  “To what?”

  “To the bachelorette party.”

  “How do you know about that?”

  “Zeke told me about it.”

  “When?”

  “When he called me yesterday.”

  He’d kissed me and then called her. That rankled. I did my best to keep a straight face.

  She threw back her head and laughed. “So you figured out that the cute guy is straight and interested in you, huh?”

  I shrugged.

  “He said I should convince you to take me along to this bachelorette deal. That he’d met all of this Alice chick’s friends and they reminded him of the Stepford Wives.”

  “They are kinda similar.”

  “He said I should go along and show you how to loosen up and have a good time.”

  “No offense,” I said. “But you’re not really the one I want to show me a good time.”

  “Oooh, you’ve got it bad for him.”

  “I always have.” I sighed, flooded with regrets.

  “Carpe mano!”

  “What?”

  “Carpe mano. Seize the man. That’s what I always say.”

  “I’ve never heard you say it.”

  “So what do you say, Chiquita. Can I come along and seize some men?”

  “Sure,” I said, against my better judgment. I hoped it wasn’t a decision I’d come to regret.

  After work I headed straight to the hospital. I was relieved that Vinnie, Delveccio’s muscle, was nowhere in sight. I really didn’t want to explain to the mobster about how I’d failed to kill Jose Garcia. All I wanted to do was visit with my niece.

  Nothing is ever that simple.

  She already had another visitor. Aunt Leslie sat at Katie’s bedside singing, “If I Had a Hammer” to her.

  I hadn’t seen Leslie since I’d insulted her as we prepared for the wedding shower, so I didn’t know whether or not she was speaking to me. I waited until her song was over before stepping into the room and letting my presence be known.

  She turned and smiled at me. “Hi, Maggie.”

  I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. “Hi, Aunt Leslie.”

  “Our girl keeps opening her eyes.”

  “That’s great.” I pressed a kiss to Katie’s head before settling into the seat opposite Leslie. “I saw Alice’s mom yesterday.”

  “I see her at my NA meetings sometimes. She’s a nice woman, but broken.”

  “She looks pretty bad.”

  “Life has been hard on her.”

  “She’s coming to the wedding.”

  Leslie nodded. “Good. Does that mean Alice has forgiven her?”

  I shrugged.

  “She should.”

  A familiar sense of outrage began to burn in my gut. “Why? What her mother did was horrible.”

  Leslie shook her head with a sad smile. “You don’t understand, Maggie. Forgiveness isn’t for the person who did wrong, it’s about the person who’s been wronged to find peace.”

  I wondered if she’d picked up that particular nugget of wisdom at one of her meetings, but I bit the inside of my cheek and managed not to ask.

  “Susan told us about the custody battle,” she said, changing the topic of conversation as though she sensed how tense it made me. She stroked Katie’s cheek. “If you need money for the lawyer, I have a little set aside.”

  “No. I have it covered.” I’d used the advance Delveccio had given me for just that.

  “We’re all excited you’re moving home.”

  “Are you?” I picked up Katie’s limp hand and began manipulating her fingers.

  “Can I give you some advice?”

  I glanced over at my aunt. Susan and Loretta were usually the sisters who doled out advice. Leslie usually just sat and listened. “Sure.”

  “I’ve been thinking about it since Susan told us yesterday. I know you left the first time because we were all driving you crazy.”

  “I—” I felt like I should protest, but I didn’t want to lie.

  “So I think it would be good idea to have a family meeting before you move back in.”

  I thought she had meetings on the brain. “We’ve never had a family meeting.”

  “That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start.”

  I wondered if that meant she wanted us to all sit around and chant the Serenity Prayer or something. I thought Aunt Susan’s head might explode if we did. “I don’t know . . .” I said slowly.

  “You could lay down some ground rules. Boundaries.”

  I stared at her like she was a three-headed alien. Our family didn’t really do the respecting-boundaries thing. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “People can change, Maggie. You’re a grown woman. There should be limits on how much we meddle in your life.”

  “You guys exist solely to meddle,” I said.

  She frowned. “Maybe that’s why Susan is a control freak, Loretta’s a nymphomaniac, and I’m a drug addict.”

  I blinked and I’m pretty sure my mouth dropped open. It was by far the harshest thing I’d ever heard Leslie say. True, but harsh.

  “It might be too late for you,” Leslie continued. “But she”—she jerked her chin in the direction of Katie’s face—“she deserves better.”

  “You’re right.”

  “So you’ll do it?”

  I nodded.

  “Good.” She stood up to leave. “Katie’s lucky to have an aunt like you, Maggie.”

  Standing up, I walked around the bed and wrapped my arms around Leslie. Squeezing tightly I whispered, “And I’m lucky to have an aunt like you.”

  She hugged me back and then left, unshed tears shimmering in her eyes.
r />   I collapsed into the seat she’d occupied. “Hear that, Katie? We’re going to establish boundaries.”

  Her eyes fluttered open as though she knew I was talking to her.

  I did my best to smile, even though I didn’t think she saw me. “That’s it, Baby Girl.”

  Her gaze seemed to sharpen and focus.

  I leaned closer. “Can you hear me, Katie? Can you see me? It’s Aunt Maggie.”

  She blinked. When her eyes reopened she was looking right at me.

  My heart skipped a beat.

  “I’m here, Katie. Aunt Maggie is right here.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Can you squeeze my hand, sweetheart?”

  I felt no answering pressure.

  A lump rose in my throat. Was I seeing things? Deluding myself?

  “Please, Baby Girl? Please squeeze my hand?”

  And she did.

  I could have wept, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to frighten her. Instead I blinked away my tears and said, “Good job. Good job, kiddo.”

  Someone else came into the room and Katie’s gaze left mine to see who it was.

  One of Katie’s doctors, a young guy with an earnest demeanor, circled Katie’s bed. “Hello there, Katie. I’m Dr. McCain.” He pulled out one of those light things that doctors are so fond of blinding their patients with. “Can you follow this light for me, Katie?”

  Holding it in front of her, he moved it slowly from side to side.

  She tracked it.

  Then her eyes fluttered closed again, but not before she gave my hand one more weak squeeze.

  I covered my mouth to choke back a sob.

  Dr. McCain looked at me and smiled. A real smile, not one of those pitying grimaces all the doctors and nurses had been giving me. “This is a really good sign, Miss Lee. A really good sign.”

  I walked out of Katie’s hospital room wondering if Armani’s cactus was somehow a good sign about Katie’s recovery. Maybe it was symbolic of survival. Those things thrive out in the desert where most things shrivel up and die. I liked that idea.

  I smiled, my heart lighter than it had been in ages. Things were finally starting to turn around.

  The next moment, my bubble of euphoria burst.

  “Miss Lee?” An older nurse who I’d seen many times hurried over to me. “There seems to be a problem.”