The Light in My Heart

by Jerry Rosendorn

  I smiled knowing I now had a partner.

  “To be honest, I’m getting a little old for some of those adventures. The last time I hiked Mt. Whitney, I slept at twelve thousand feet in twenty-degree weather with an angry wind howling in my ears all night. It wasn’t very pleasant. I’m glad I did it, but I am moving past those types of adventures. A day hike here and there will suit me just fine.”

  From our picnic spot, we could follow the gentle flow of the river as it made its way to the thundering falls; a beautiful view of nature. When it was time to retrace our steps back to the valley floor, I gathered up our things into the backpack.

  “We’re going to follow the same trail down.” I explained as I hoisted my backpack. “That means we’ll need the ponchos again to get past the mist.”

  “You call it mist?” Sharon laughed. “To me, it was a monsoon.”

  The hike down took half the time as the hike up. We boarded the shuttle back to the Ahwahnee.

  That night, we dined again in the hotel’s magnificent restaurant, savoring it anew as a well-deserved post-hike culinary treat. Near the end of our dinner, Sharon put down her fork and looked directly at me.

  “Jake, I trust you. Today, you were there for me; I knew you wouldn’t abandon me. You got me up that mountain.”

  Her words of trust echoed in my mind; it had a profound effect on me. I guess I had arrived as a real person, just as Dr. Fox said I would.

  That night, lying in bed, I slept with Sharon in my arms. The last thing I remember was staring at her face by the light of the moon.

  Chapter 52

  September 1998

  Remembering how Sharon’s face lit up when we window-shopped in San Francisco, I went to Tiffany’s and found a magnificent ring with blue sapphires alternating with diamonds. When I saw the ring, I immediately knew Sharon would cherish it.

  From our first lunch date, she’d confided so much about herself. By now, I knew her well. It wasn’t just the ring she would like; she’d like it more because I chose it for her.

  I decided to sell my house in West LA and move back to the Valley. I’d seen a wonderful property for sale with fruit trees in the backyard.

  I called Sharon and left a message. “Hi sweetheart, are you free for dinner at seven on Saturday?”

  Within thirty minutes, I received a return call. “Yes darling, seven is perfect.”

  I made us a dinner reservation at Rive Gauche in Sherman Oaks.

  For the rest of the week, I felt the same type of anticipation I did when I waited to give the necklace to Terry Jane. But, instead of an immature effort to forge an artificial bond with someone, I was now giving a gift of love to a woman who held my heart.

  Chapter 53

  September 1998

  On Saturday night, I took extra time getting ready for my date with Sharon. I groomed slowly and carefully to make sure every hair was in place, my nails were trimmed and clean, and my eyebrows were properly shaped. For clothing, I selected tan slacks with a blue oxford shirt accompanied by a blue blazer for the classic casual look. Driving to Sharon’s condo, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that my heart was racing a-mile-a-minute.

  When I saw Sharon standing at the door, my jaw dropped. She was the most stunningly beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

  I held Sharon’s hand all the way to the restaurant where we were seated at a table with a garden view.

  “Honey, would you like some wine?” I asked, reaching for her hand across the table.

  “You don’t even need to ask,” she said. “I’d love some wine.”

  I ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir. When our waiter brought a bottle to our table, he poured a small amount into my glass for me to sample. When I nodded in approval; he filled our glasses. Sharon and I then touched glasses and took a long sip.

  “Sharon, honey, I have been waiting on pins and needles to see you.”

  She gave me her familiar look letting me know I was about to hear another one of her sayings. “There’s a saying that involves something far more uncomfortable. When we prepare a meal with onions, we carefully peel away layer after layer. As each layer is removed, we feel increasingly uncomfortable as tears roll down our face. In this way, the food preparer feels so uncomfortable waiting to get to the heart of the onion.”

  “Sharon,” I said shaking my head in mock exasperation. “I’m starting to think you make these sayings up. But, you know what? I adore you anyway; I want to reach your heart.”

  “Jake, sometimes you scare me. Look at what you did tonight; you ordered Pinot Noir. And here I thought men don’t change.”

  “We’ve both changed. We met as teenagers; maturing and going through young adulthood with many disappointments. Now that we’ve been given a second chance, we’re both willing to change. You changed; you found spirituality in your life and you found peace. I’ve changed; I recognize the quality and responsibility of having a loving relationship with you. Also, I’ve changed from sweet wine to Pinot Noir.”

  “You’re joking,” Sharon frowned. “I’m so scared to be involved with someone.”

  “Sharon, I love you with all of my heart.”

  “Jake, you love me? Do you remember when we first met for lunch? I told you the saying when a person is bitten by a snake they become afraid of white and black rope? I’m that person. I’m afraid to love someone again; I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Sweetheart, I have no intention of ever leaving you. We have an intimate bond now, remember?”

  Tears welled in her eyes even as she smiled. “I realize you’re a wonderful man; you’re kind, loving, and caring.” She took out some Kleenex and softly blew her nose.

  We both laughed at her soft trumpeting sound and then she continued, “I guess I need to take a chance.”

  I got out of my chair, walked over to her, looked into her beautiful brown eyes, and softly kissed her lips. When I pulled back, she was stunned.

  “Jake, you’d better return to your seat before everyone in this restaurant thinks you’re proposing to me.”

  I went back to my chair and took a small box from my jacket pocket.

  A bigger look of fear crossed Sharon’s face.

  “I’m not ready for this,” she asserted quietly. “I see something in your right hand. Can we please take it slowly?”

  I smiled to calm her. “Sure we can.”

  I put the box down on the table, took her hands and kissed them. When I slid the small box closer to her, she closed her eyes as though it would go away. Then, she opened her eyes and surrendered to the inevitable. “What is this?”

  “I want you to feel loved and cared about. Actually, I want to feed you, but that’s an inside joke between Dr. Fox and me. This is something I chose especially for you; it’s a ring that sparkles just like you. I want you to wear it as a sign that I care for you.”

  She opened the box and her eyes widened. She looked up with more tears in her eyes.

  “Sharon, I love you.”

  Sharon wiped her eyes. “I love you more.”

  Early the next morning, I drove to Sharon’s and walked up the short flight of stairs to her door. Carefully, I placed the key into the lock, turning the knob. The door opened and I entered her condo.

  Sharon was fast asleep.

  I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch to look at the information and photos on the Rancho property. I thought about how Sharon would react.

  Chapter 54

  July 1999

  Dr. Fox’s outer office looked exactly the same as it did the first time I came there. I recalled the magazine lying across her coffee table warning parents about their teenage daughters. I could have written that article. On this visit, the latest issue of “Psychology Today” proclaimed, “Ten Steps to a Successful Relationship.”

  At the appointed time, Dr. Fox opened the do
or; I was ready for her.

  “Good afternoon, Dr. Fox. Today, I’d like to sit on the couch.”

  “Of course Jake,” she said with a welcoming smile.

  “I trust you know your comfort level.”

  I entered the familiar room and sat at the corner of the couch closest to the hard back chair. I felt my body ease with the confidence I now owned.

  “Jake, it’s been over a year since I last saw you. How are you doing?”

  “I feel well. I have a wonderful relationship with Sharon. I care deeply about her; I’m making sure she is well fed.”

  Dr. Fox smiled.

  “When I first came to see you, I thought I was searching for the right woman. After working with you, I realized the search was about me. During my journey, I discovered more about myself; what was missing in my life. You taught me how to look inside of myself. As a result, I’m fully at peace. Being at peace has enabled me to see the beauty and substance that is Sharon. Now, together, we’re exploring and enjoying life.

  “Last month, Sharon asked me to take her on a driving trip to see the Canadian Rockies. We rented a motor home and spent two glorious weeks going up the coast into Canada. Along the way, we found a wonderfully romantic spot in Alberta called Moraine Lake. The first evening, just as the sun was setting, we walked to a rocky point that overlooked the lake and the most wonderful thing happened. As the sun went behind one of the ten peaks surrounding the lake, the color of the water turned to deep purple. I’ve never seen water that color before and the sight of it sent a chill down my spine as I grabbed Sharon’s hand. At that same moment, Sharon had the exact same reaction.

  “Dr. Fox, I’ve thought about our last two visits and recall what you told me. You said, ‘dig and discover things about Sharon.’ I did that Dr. Fox and I discovered the essence of Sharon.”

  “Tell me more, Jake.”

  “When I hold Sharon, I don’t want to let her go; holding her and being with her makes me feel complete.”

  Then, I got up and stood next to Dr. Fox. My heart was swimming with an abundance of gratitude for all she had done for me.

  I lovingly put my arms around her and said, “Dr. Fox, thank you.”

  Her voice cracked as she brushed away a tear or two and said, “You finally got to Canada.”