‘Ace….’ He bowed his head, scratching the back of his neck.
‘Please,’ my voice was barely a whisper, and I barely recognized it.
‘I’m trying to work out whatever I can, I promise you that, but it takes time. There’s a lot to consider.’
The sudden tightening in my chest warned of the imminent breakdown. I couldn’t do this, I didn’t have it in me. God knew I wanted to survive and to fight, but this… this was too much. I took a deep breath pushing back the lump in my throat.
When Daniel’s face contorted in pain, I glanced over to the mattress desperate to change the topic. I was asking the impossible of him.
‘Ace, I-’
‘I know. You’re doing what you can. Thank you.’
Slowly, I turned my attention to the bed, and the letters hidden under the mattress. It had been two weeks since I’d read Illarion’s letters. My heart tripped over itself. He thought I was gone, and I suddenly felt so alone.
‘How’d you get the letters?’
He leaned against the door. ‘I overheard my father mention that you were in the Army and everyone who travels as much as recruits do, have a postal box.’
‘I’m impressed.’ I nodded with a weak smile.
Leaving me to my thoughts, he closed the door and locked it, just as his father had done.
I pulled out the stash of letters and sat down, curling up against the foot of the bed.
Eleventh of January
I keep dreaming about you.
Every night I see your face, you’re always the way you looked that last night in the cabin. You’re peaceful and happy.
You tell me about our baby and we make plans. Me and you. Can you believe that?
I should have been there. I never should have left you alone. Biggest damn regret of my life.
I think about all the mistakes I’d made and if I could go back, there are so many things I would have done differently.
The point is moot though, isn’t it? Whatever I think about now, it’s too late and I sit here writing these letters hoping that if I explain myself, it would make the pain ease, but it doesn’t.
Aurel came to the house today. He asked me to come back to the Agency, Elena and Michael need help. They have a great team of agents there but he says I’m still the best they have.
Truth is, I don’t think I have it in me anymore.
I know you’d slap me on the head and tell me to move on, I can see it now. I can see that smile of yours, the one where your cheeks flush pink and your eyes shine so bright.
Christ, I miss you, Ace. I miss you so damn much. How do I do this? How do I move on? I don’t know that I can.
Illarion
His pain was so raw it cut me, I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. The anger. The unknown. I couldn’t wait four months. There was no way I could let him torture himself for that long, and I knew him. He wouldn’t move on. He would let this pain rile him up for months until it finally killed him.
I pulled free the next letter and opened it, swatting away a stray tear that wet my cheek.
Eighteenth of January
I saw my mother today. I don’t know why I went. I can’t speak with her, but I told her everything. And when I did, I felt it, there was this understanding, like she wasn’t surprised.
She knew. Didn’t she? When you went to see her, she knew about the baby, about the prophecy.
No matter what we did, it would have ended the same.
I can’t get my head around it. I don’t even know her.
Illarion
Well that wasn’t a complete surprise, I’d sensed that Sonya knew more than she let on. I wanted to ask her about it. But she stopped me in my tracks. She was powerful, a lot more than I’d initially felt.
I wrapped my arm around my stomach and leaned back against the mattress.
Illarion was one of the strongest people I had ever known. Tears spilled over my cheeks; I didn’t even realize I was crying. He would have been a perfect father. He would have taken such good care of the three of us, our own little family.
Swallowing back the nausea, I folded the note and reached for the next one. As upsetting as they were, I felt like I was with him, breathing in his scent, feeling his skin on mine, hearing his voice as he spoke these words.
I could imagine his hair falling over his eyes as he sat in his office, behind the mahogany desk, writing to me guided only by the pain in his heart, illuminated only by the moon in the sky and the small, desk lamp beside him.
He’d be silent, maybe a record would be playing somewhere in the house, somewhere far away where only whispers of words would carry through the empty corridors.
God, I missed him. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone as wholly as I loved him.
I reached for the next letter and opened it.
Eighth of February
I went back. To the Agency, I’m trying to live whatever life is possible to live without you.
Elena has been wonderful. You never knew this, and she kept it from you for a reason, Elena is your Aunt. Your mother’s sister. Like the rest of us, she regrets the way she handled it all. She blames herself, too.
She hates that she was blinded to Damon. and that she brought you to The Agency in the first place.
I don’t know who I am anymore… I drink so much I pass out most nights and, then, I dream about you. Always those same dreams… it’s the only time I’m happy. If that’s what you can call it.
I hit Aurel today, nearly broke his jaw. He and Michael came to check on me and he took away my scotch. I nearly killed him, Ace. Sometimes I forget how addictive the Darkness can be. I welcomed it. I enjoyed it. They had to take him to the hospital.
Michael knocked me on my ass. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what I would have done.
They took away all the alcohol in the house and they’ve been coming back every night.
I don’t know if I can sleep without it.
Illarion
My mouth dried up. Illarion hit Aurel. Drinking? Passing out? Elena?
God, he was unraveling. Just like me. My world and his, everything was falling apart. What was happening to him?
Shaking my head, I read over the note again. He was different. In the two weeks that had passed, he had changed. He was losing himself. He was breaking.
Panic shot through me, no. No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t break like that. He was my lifeline. The only person keeping me alive through all of this. Without him, I would have given up. But I didn’t. I was alive, and I fought because he kept me fighting.
As much as I tried to steady my breathing, the damage was already done. I was losing it. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe. No. He couldn’t give up.
My mind spiralled. Elena, Elena was my aunt? God. How did I miss that? How did I not recognize those same, warm eyes my mother had? She was just as beautiful, with the same brown hair and the same graceful style.
Where was my mind? Where did I keep losing myself? I shook my head, folded all the notes back together, and pushed them under the mattress. Shit. I’d lost track of time and I was late for dinner.
Quickly, I pulled on the first dress that came free from the hanger and pulled my hair out of the elastic. I ran down the stairs nearly bowling over one of Dalca’s staff and stopped, breathless, just outside the dining hall.
Stepping inside, I walked over, controlling my breathing.
‘You’re late, Acacia.’
Shit. Not good.
Putting on my game face, I stopped a few conservative feet away from him, averting my eyes.
Daniel looked across at me and then his father. His eyes were wide with horror.
‘I’m so sorry, master.’
He got up, and I watched as he walked over to me and in one, swift move he slapped me across the face sending me backward into the door, slamming it shut.
The rage grew tenfold, and I forced myself to hold off, I couldn’t fight back, and memories of that
day at the warehouse flashed before my eyes.
He stood above me and his ugly shoes connected with my stomach. I grit my teeth, hold it together, hold off, stay calm. I forced myself to breathe, but the panic surfaced. My throat constricted, and I suppressed a scream and forced my eyes shut as another kick forced me flat against the door.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please.’ I whispered and pleaded, holding my hands up in surrender. I hated myself for cowering the way I did. Even if I wanted to fight back, to break cover I couldn’t. I was absolutely frozen in place, pure terror seized my insides, wrapping around my heart.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Daniel made a move to get up but was stopped before he even took a step.
‘Sit down!’
‘She said she was sorry!’ Daniel had balls. Had to hand it to him.
‘Sorry is unacceptable, there are three simple rules I’ve implemented.’ He crouched down, hovering above me, he roughly pulled my face up to his and I cracked my eyes open. ‘I thought I’d made myself clear?’
My entire body was shaking; I forced myself to calm down. Inside I was livid. I was about to rip this asshole a new one.
‘It won’t happen again, please master, I deserved that.’
‘Good. You know your place, now get to the table, clean your face up.’
Obeying him, I stumbled over and dropped heavily into the chair ignoring Daniel’s horrified expression.
He wasn’t really good at the whole, hiding your emotions thing. I took the napkin and pressed it to my face, man I just couldn’t catch a break. Though I’d take this torture over the sick, twisted shit he did to me when I was under the Serum.
‘Daniel,’ he nodded to his son. ‘You know what to do.’
Slowly, he got to his feet and brought over the usual silver platter with the syringe.
Eighty-Nine percent.
His eyes locked onto mine and, although I didn’t have long to register what I saw, I was certain there were tears brimming in his eyes. That’s when I looked away and my mind went blank.
***
‘Follow me Acacia,’ my master said, slowly after we had finished our Quail and Truffled Mash.
He led us through an opulent set of doors opening into a marvellous, white room. The staircase went up from either end, meeting in the middle on the first floor, a large painting of a battle scene I didn’t recognize, hung above it.
‘You remember your colleagues from the Agency?’
‘I remember Damon Cale.’
‘Yes, Damon was just one of the men working for me. I have many other agents in place.’
‘Spies?’
‘I prefer the term, loyal followers.’
He looked at me, with a smile. ‘With you, Acacia, I’ll get exactly what I need.’
He stopped me when we reached the door and he turned me to face him. He gently traced his fingers across my cheek and when I winced, he cupped his hand over it gently.
‘I’m sorry about that, I truly am. I only expect you to follow my rules.’
‘Of course, master. I understand.’
‘Does it hurt?’
I shook my head. The pain was subsiding, but he gently lowered his face to mine and pressed his lips to the stinging skin.
He pulled back and swept my hair behind my ears before motioning to the room.
‘The man you’ll meet today has been working at the Agency for twelve years. He’s a powerful Sensitive evolved in Sight.’
‘I understand.’
My master gestured to the chair; I sat down and looked at the man. He was tied up with his palms facing up.
‘Do you recognize him, Acacia?’
When his wide eyes locked onto mine, I tried to think back to where I remembered him.
Slowly, fragments came back to me.
‘Where did you first see him?’
My eyes locked onto his and I looked back through not only my memories but his too.
Once I had what I needed, I looked back up at my master.
‘He was at the Agencies base in New York, when I first went there. He was in a meeting room, listening to Agent Lazarev speak.’
My heart felt funny. Why was I feeling like this? I pushed the feelings aside and continued.
‘When I walked past the meeting room, I was taken to another where I spoke with three board members.’
‘Good, now what I need you to do, is go back to that meeting room. Get into his head. I need what he saw on the board. He has photographic memory, and he has the information we need. Understand?’
‘What am I looking for?’
‘I need to know who has the lockdown protocols.’
Something about that sentence made a pang of warning shoot through me, like I shouldn’t be giving that information over.
‘Understand?’
‘Yes, master.’ I shook away the uneasy feeling and reached forward, pressing one hand on his chest and the other to his cheek, ignoring the pleading look on his face.
‘Please, Ace, please don’t do this to me…’
Jerking back, I forced an even breath out but my master only placed my hands back into position.
‘Please Ace, Illarion and I are friends, you and I are friends.’
My breath stalled, but I didn’t know why.
Ignoring the way he trembled under my touch, I forced his eyes to mine and a white, blinding flash stunned me as I was sucked into his memories, racing through months and months of information until, finally, I was in the meeting room looking up at the board and the information on it.
‘There are three men in that room with the information I need.’ My master said quietly into my ear. He was right beside me but he sounded miles away.
That same warning echoed inside me. I shouldn’t give him this information.
Agent Lazarev was pointing to a graph and pictures, there were files on the table, scattered in messy piles. I looked up and took note of all the information my master needed. I recognized it. They were locations of safe houses, weapons depots, meeting points, my eyes found Agent Lazarev’s as he looked right at me, but he wasn’t really looking at me, I knew that, but the feeling was there again. Making my heart chase itself.
Then his eyes left mine, and I felt a sudden sadness envelop me. I watched as his attention was stolen from the room by someone outside. My heart stopped when I saw that it was me. He stopped talking abruptly, his attention was completely taken as I stopped and looked at him, a split second turned into eternity and I felt him… the familiarity coursed through me, like everything aligned and finally made sense.
Before I could look at him again, I was back, in the chair in my master’s office. He’d dragged me out and broken my hold on the man.
‘Get yourself cleaned up. I’ll be there later to talk to you.’
Was he displeased? Did I do something wrong?
When he left, I made my way back to my room and traded the gown for my nightdress. Taking a few minutes to clean up, I brushed my hair and teeth and padded back over to the bed.
Why was I so tired?
Looking over at the clock, I noticed that more than four hours had passed since dinner and quiet footsteps stopped outside my room.
‘Acacia.’ He pushed the door open and closed it behind him locking it.
I pressed my palms flat against the soft, white sheets and watched as he walked over to me. His eyes were dark and serious.
‘What did you see in that Agent’s head?’ he asked.
When I didn’t reply immediately he took two, quick strides toward me and slapped me.
A shocked gasp left my lips and my hand instinctively reached for the stinging skin.
‘I won’t ask again!’ he said.
‘Nothing… nothing I shouldn’t have… you saw everything, master.’
Dissatisfied with my answer he slapped me again this time the force threw me backward, a split second was all it took for him to get on top of me, pressing his hand around my throat pushing m
e down into the mattress.
My lungs struggled to take air.
‘Do not lie to me!’
Words failed me. I tried to tell him that I wasn’t. That I only saw what he wanted me to see. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t speak.
Finally, he released me and I turned to my side sucking in as much air as I could.
‘You saw Lazarev,’ he said, firmly.
I nodded curling in on myself.
‘What else did you see?’ He grabbed both my hands and pinned them above my head, no matter how much I tried to move, I couldn’t.
He leaned down so his face was inches from mine and I felt his hand pull the hem of my nightdress up, he pressed his palms to my leg letting it sweep up higher and higher.
My breath caught and in that instant, I was terrified. Fear gripped its hand around my heart like a vice and then my mind snapped. The haze that kept me floating in and out of lucidity was gone. No. No. No.
‘What else did you see?’ he repeated, running his hand along the hem of my underwear.
I forced my eyes to stay open. I couldn’t falter now. Hold it together, Ace.
‘I saw his face,’ I whispered.
‘But you felt something too. Didn’t you?’
His hand was too close. I could feel the Darkness building inside me. I was freaking out. Slowly, he pushed my legs apart and ran his fingers along the skin on the inside of my thigh.
‘What did you feel?’
‘It’s familiar, the feeling, like… like I’m connected to him.’
‘Did you recognize him?’
Terrified that he’d do something if I didn’t answer I nodded.
‘Yes, I, we were together, we worked together.’
My tongue was heavy if he didn’t leave soon I would throw up. God, I couldn’t do this.
Trying to hold my façade and keep myself together, was becoming impossible. I was crumbling, and he saw it.
‘You used to sleep with him,’ he said, so matter-of-factly like it was a dirty thing we had done. ‘You remember that?’
‘Yes,’ I stammered.
He lingered, his hands too close to my body, sickening heat radiated from his skin as he let out a long, hot breath. He released me and, instead, squeezed my face with his free hand, forcing my eyes up to his while his other remained on my thigh.
King of Hart Page 4