When the Serum began to spread through your veins, it was like injecting liquid ice into your body. It spread through the blood, blocking your heart, freezing it in place. Not a single thought or action belonged to you anymore. The pain was so intense you couldn’t even attempt to fight it even if you still had some small trace of self-control left.
Unfortunately, I was special, and I felt everything. I felt all the pain and the loss of control as though I was merely a bystander watching my life become a train wreck but unlike Sensitives, something in my DNA forced the drug out of my system at record speed, which meant that I was basically detoxing all the time.
My eyes snapped shut when the next, painful wave rolled through me, splitting my skull in two. This time I felt my muscles tense and then spasm, my legs kicked out and I knew I’d hit him. I heard him hiss, but he stayed beside me. I wanted to scream as the anger coursed through me. I wasn’t even in control of my own body anymore but a scream caught on my lips and was stopped by another tremor.
‘Just breathe through it.’
Another bout of nausea hit me and I doubled over, I clung to the bucket like it had recently become my lifeline, and in a way, it had. My stomach had nothing left to throw up, but the gagging continued until I was bringing up nothing but bile.
Forgetting the initial pain from the Serum, the heroin and then the detox, the dreams, the memories and the realization of all I’d done, was probably worse.
It was ripping me in half. I reached out and grabbed his arm, clutching onto him, praying that the contact would somehow ground me and keep me alive.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, rubbing my back as I cried into the bucket.
My body was struggling; it couldn’t cope with the sudden lack of drug running through my veins anymore. I felt the fever creeping up, inching toward the “fatal” degree and I knew I didn’t have long. Hell, I didn’t think I was going to make it out of there in the first place but here I was, alive, albeit not in great condition, but still here.
‘It’ll get easier, just breathe through it.’
Tears slipped out of the corners of my eyes and it took everything I had not to fall apart. I let out a frustrated cry and collapsed against the cool, rough carpet.
I curled in on myself and the convulsions began, again.
He knelt beside me and pulled my hair behind me, smoothing it down my back.
‘It’ll be over soon. Just focus on my voice.’
‘And then what?’ I ground out.
‘And then you’ll deal with what comes after.’
‘I-I don’t know that I can.’
‘You can and you will.’ He expelled a breath and rubbed my back again.
Another painful convulsion rocked me and the tension in my body snapped. I tightened my arms around my knees and I wanted to scream, but all that came out was another whimper.
Deep in the back of my mind, where my Senses remained hidden, I felt the slightest shift allowing me to open up to him. He was so upset, he didn’t know how to help and he was scared that I would die, that he would fail me.
Silently, he pulled me up, circling me with his arms so that my body was firmly supported against his chest while I instinctively brought my knees up into me.
He reached behind us pulling forward a small bowl filled with water.
‘It’s going to be okay.’ He pressed a small, wet towel to my forehead wiping away the sweat that had begun to bead on my slick skin.
‘I can’t, I can’t do this-’ I was cut off by another violent tremor. This time I did shout out, surprised at the effort it took.
His hand was cold against my cheek and his arms tight around me.
‘You can, you have to.’
Forcing my breathing to even out, I pressed my head back against his chest.
‘This… this sucks,’ I stammered, pressing a clammy hand to my face.
‘I know,’ he whispered.
‘It hurts.’ My words barely came out as another bout of convulsions shot through me. I managed to pull myself up enough to reach the bucket. Thank God.
Just like he said, I forced myself to breathe. I could do it. Just breathe through it. When nothing more than bile came out again, I collapsed to the carpet, wrapping my arms around my stomach.
I was so ashamed of myself right now. I couldn’t face the pain and I didn’t want to. I curled up and pleaded to whoever would hear me that it would be over. I couldn’t... I couldn’t do this anymore.
‘We have to call him.’ His words were simple. But the meaning was full of too much I couldn’t comprehend.
‘We can’t.’ I squeezed my eyes shut. God knew I wanted to; I wanted to see Ila so badly.
‘We have to… I can’t help you Ace. I… I don’t know what I’m doing.’
‘Yes, you do,’ I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut.
‘No, I don’t. I thought I did, Ace… he can take this pain from you, you know he can, he can draw it away. You’re going to die like this.’
I tried to open my mouth to argue but his hand squeezed my shoulder and he gave me a knowing look.
‘Please, Ace, you’re not going to make it through the night, I can’t help you. I don’t know how... that’s the truth.’
His skin had palled several shades, and he was terrified. We needed help; we needed someone who could help to ease it, someone powerful enough to do it. God, we needed him. I needed him.
‘Okay… alright, we’ll do it, we’ll call him.’ I fought back the stupid thoughts running through my head.
The probability of me making it through the connection, if I could even manage to hold on long enough to reach him, was minimal. Not only was I fighting for my life, I’d also be fighting the pain of seeing him, knowing that his heart was maybe not mine anymore.
Daniel cupped my elbows pulling me up to sit against the couch.
‘You look like hell, Ace.’
I let out a broken laugh.
‘Yeah.’
I’d lost so much weight over the last four months, I wasn’t surprised that I looked like hell, I felt like it most days too.
Whatever he encouraged me to eat came back up minutes later. My stomach was twisting itself into painful knots. I was going to die of starvation before the drugs killed me. Great.
He handed me a cup. I could smell the peppermint tea permeating the air around us and my stomach lurched again. Even the smell made me gag.
Shooting him a questioning look, he smiled.
‘Made it while you were sleeping.’
Holding it away from my face, my hands trembled, but I forced myself to hold it together. This wasn’t a damn Olympic task. I could do this. I considered maybe trying the jelly doughnuts from yesterday but, somehow, I didn’t think that would stay down either. Damn.
A few minutes of silence passed between us before I looked up from the liquid swishing around in the cup. He folded his hand over mine, helping me to keep it steady.
‘You’ll need to do it,’ I whispered.
A look of confusion swept over him until he got it. His eyes widened, pulling back from me.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m weak. I can’t do it.’
‘How am I meant to do it?’
Turning my gaze away, I paused for a moment, contemplating how I was meant to explain that he had to do exactly what his father had been doing to me for more than four months, that he would have to do the one thing that nearly killed me and made me plead for my own death. That he would have to do the most deplorable thing a Sensitive could do to their own kind. I turned back to him and tried to put forward the most confident smile I could.
‘You have to do it. You have to go through me.’
‘What? No. I can’t. I can’t do that. I’ll kill you.’
He shook his head so fast it made me feel dizzy.
‘Calm down,’ I whispered, pressing my fingers to my temple. God that migraine was getting bad. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
&nbs
p; ‘No, Ace. No.’ He shook his head again.
My head was splitting and the nausea deep in the pit of my stomach was starting to reappear. I only had a few minutes’ reprieve between each bout, but I couldn’t handle much more of it. I couldn’t handle throwing up the lining of my stomach every few minutes. I couldn’t handle the tears streaming down my cheeks when there was no more strength inside my body. I couldn’t handle missing him. As much as I was terrified to see him, I needed him; I wouldn’t make it much longer.
Another wonderful gift the Sensitives had, aside from a killer immune system that came with its own downfall—you suffered longer than most, you felt pain more but at the same time, all the good things were heightened too. Illarion and I had a bond, which meant that he’d be able to comfort me, he’d be able to draw some of the pain away.
‘You have to. You said so yourself, we need him,’ I paused, breathing through the stabbing pain behind my eyes.
Pressing my lips together, I looked across at Daniel. His eyes were wide with shock but he was absorbing everything I was saying and thinking.
How had I not seen it before?
Granted, I was heavily drugged and disoriented most of the time I’d known him, and when I wasn’t, well we weren’t really exploring each other’s minds. But I should have known, I should have seen it.
‘Ace, I’m not even a Sensitive, can I do this?’
Glancing up at him, I sighed. Son of a bitch lied to his kid all along. He didn’t even know.
‘You are,’ I managed.
He gaped and shook his head. His face was set in a hard line. Disbelief flashed behind his blue eyes.
‘Your evolved Sense is Hearing. I suspected it the first night I met you when you brought me the letters. But I wasn’t sure.’
His eyes shot up, meeting mine.
‘He never said anything.’
‘He wanted you to stay hidden. Didn’t you ever wonder why you always seemed to know what I was thinking?’
Shaking his head, he looked at me.
‘Why would he keep this from me?’
‘Same reason he’s able to do what he does. Anonymity. It was safer if no one knew, not even you.’
Daniel looked down, digesting everything I’d told him.
‘I’m so sorry, for everything.’
His large, blue eyes brimmed with tears.
‘It’s over now.’
Daniel nodded and moved toward me.
‘You have to be quick, it needs to be quick.’
‘What if this kills you?’
‘It won’t. But we don’t have much time.’
‘Okay.’
A moment of silence passed between us, he caught my attention, shaking his head.
‘Ace-’
‘You won’t hurt me, I promise.’
I rested my face on my knee and placed the cup down carefully making sure I didn’t drop it all over myself.
‘I don’t know how long we’ve got till I pass out again. I’m not feeling so good.’
He nodded. ‘What do I do?’
‘I’ll get you in, the connection between us will alert him straight away and you won’t have much time. You need to be concise. He’ll be panicking and hurt, just… please just make sure you reach him.’
‘I’ll reach him.’ He cleared his throat.
My heart swelled. I was going to see Illarion again.
‘Are you ready?’ I asked, quietly.
When he nodded, I placed my hands on his, like I’d done to all the Taker’s victims. A pang of guilt shot through me. I was a murderer.
Pushing that thought aside, I concentrated on the present, because as soon as the connection was made again, it could be my last attempt.
‘I’m going to focus; I’ll do most of the work. All you have to do is draw from me, once you’re in, you’re on your own.’
‘Okay.’ He got comfortable, leaning his back against the coffee table.
I let out a long, even breath. ‘When you feel me, it’ll be like a warm hum, you’ll be drawn into it, just follow it, that’s all you have to do.’
I closed my eyes and began to focus. I ignored the faint trembling in my hands and the throbbing inside my skull. The withdrawal from the Serum was excruciating and the sooner this was done, the better.
Sucking in a determined breath, I pressed my palms flush against his soft, warm hands, grounding myself and I looked for Illarion. I looked for the connection, any sign of the warm, gentle buzz that used to bring me so much comfort all those months ago. I felt the familiar Darkness creeping up on me as the effects of the Serum began to slowly wear off. It would take weeks, if not longer for me to feel like me again.
For a handful of moments, I questioned myself but then I let out the breath I’d been holding, and found the warm, sliver of gold light that connected us.
Readying myself, I pressed one hand over his heart and tightened my hold on his hand.
‘When I open my eyes, you’ll connect with me and he’ll find you,’ I spoke, softly, calmly. ‘Be sure to be quick, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold us together.’
‘What will it be like?’ he breathed, quietly.
‘You’ll feel a rush.’
His hand stilled in mine and then he squeezed it, like a reactive gesture.
‘It’ll be okay,’ I added, when the tension didn’t leave.
It was going to be a weird, three-way sort of chat scenario and this would be the first time being lucid during something like this.
Daniel’s father was a vicious, evil bastard, but he knew what he was doing. He’d been draining me of my Senses for months, painfully, precisely ripping them from my soul.
He learned how to tap into each and every Sense to amplify his own. Where Collector’s would have normally just killed a Sensitive for their abilities, he learned how to harvest them. It had been brutal, so the idea of doing it again, of my own free will while lucid and conscious, was torment. And being lucid, well that was on par with having a death wish.
Luckily for me, I’d learned a thing or two from him.
As soon as I opened my eyes, that same, blinding torture would begin again. I would be ripped apart from the inside, and if I survived, I didn’t know how long I would have left. But he was worth it. He was worth everything I did and would do. I laughed. After everything, he’d be so pissed that I still thought that way and then, when the humor left me, I suddenly felt so afraid.
What if when I reached him, he didn’t want to see me? What if he didn’t want to help? What if he…?
‘Ace?’
Swallowing hard, I nodded. ‘Ready kid?’
He stirred in front of me, and the slight shift in energy told me he was.
Before he answered, I opened my eyes and locked onto his.
A painful, sharp breath was ripped from my lungs, and a scream was stifled by the force at which my head was thrown back. Pain pierced my skull and then a white, blinding flash burst across my vision and then it was silent.
***
Illarion
I closed the book, tossed it across the small table and watched as it knocked over an empty cup sending it tumbling over the edge. Anna left it there, a white coffee cup with her lipstick mark boldly staring at me, a stark contrast to the white porcelain beneath it.
Massaging my temple, I pressed my elbow to my knee and dropped my head into my hand.
Was there any point still being here? Working on these irrelevant missions? Was there any point doing any of this anymore?
I scratched the back of my neck and I recoiled as I felt the rough callouses on the heels of my palms. I don’t know why it shocked me so much. Maybe because it was the first thing I’d really felt since she died. I couldn’t do this anymore. Not with Aurel, not with Michael or Elena. It was too much. Too much had gone wrong. Too many lives had been lost and being with Anna brought forth a sense of betrayal, anger at myself. I was a mess and every decision in my life seemed to go on repeat non-stop.
&n
bsp; Had I done all I could have for her? Was I right in keeping my distance? Should I have approached her outside of the Agency when I found her in Iraq? Should I have told her how I felt before… before everything went wrong? I got up and ran my hands through my hair.
Every thought came back to her. Ace, Ace was lost. Scoffing, I grit my teeth. She wasn’t lost. She was dead. She was dead because of me.
And then there was Anna. God, I’d screwed that up on an astronomic level.
She’d been a good friend and I couldn’t believe she stuck around even after I’d turned to ice when I told her to leave. But she came back, she always came back, and that made it worse.
Giving in to the rising tide of self-pity, I reached for the glass and contemplated downing it in one go. But the way Ace would look at me now, made me re-think. I changed my mind and moved to place it back on the table but missed, it dropped at my feet and shattered across the floor. I ignored it like I ignored everything.
Today was a good day as far as the level of tolerance had gone. I was sober. Completely.
Aurel was out, he’d spent the better part of the morning gathering all the relevant weapons we’d need for the next infiltration. The previous assault on the mansion in Alabama was a failure.
A woman had been there. We found gowns, shoes, make-up. But I couldn’t tell who they belonged to or when she left.
The house had Celestial markings all over it, even if she had been there, I never would have felt her. I didn’t know how long his wards were set for, maybe now they’d faded, maybe now if I went back…
No, I shook my head and brought my mind back to the same conclusion. Maybe I was just crazy, maybe I’d just finally broken. I didn’t bother talking to Aurel about it, he’d looked at me like I was crazy before, like I’d finally cracked.
Coming to think of it now, I wasn’t too far off. I barely recognized my own thoughts anymore.
Sighing, I brought my hand to my eyes and rubbed them. I couldn’t do this without her, without seeing that smile again, or hearing her laugh. I couldn’t do this without the hum in my heart… Ace?
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