‘Come here,’ he whispered, catching the change of pace.
Slowly, his hands landed on my hips as he trailed kisses along my stomach and then his hands reached for the button on my jeans and my breath caught.
He slowly undressed me leaving me in my barely there, red lingerie which I wore in hopes of this happening tonight.
He drew in a shaky sigh, he liked what he saw. The hungry look in his eyes made my knees weaken, but I stood my ground, letting him see me, all of me.
His hands wrapped around my wrists.
‘You’re so beautiful.’
A smiled spread across my face. With him, I believed it.
This time, when I reached for his jeans he didn’t stop me. I did the same, slow dance, carefully undressing him, paying reverence to the marks across his body and the scars that told more than words could. His body tensed when I reached behind and unclasped my bra.
I was well aware of what I did to him, and I loved it. The power he had over me was overwhelming and so I enjoyed watching him desire me just the same.
He reached down and slowly slid my underwear down, letting his fingers graze the skin on my thighs, and I did the same, releasing him from his black, Calvin Klein’s.
Finally, he stepped toward me, closing the gap until both our bodies were touching, skin to skin.
He wrapped my hair around his fist and leaned in and kissed me.
Passion exploded between us. It had been months, months since I felt anything but pain and fear, anything but terror and helplessness… he knew every secret inside me and he was acquainted with every demon that hid in the depths of my soul, every ugly mark that tainted me. But he wasn’t afraid.
He led us to the bed and slowly, eased me down on my back. His eyes found mine and within a breath of a second, his lips were back on mine. His hand worked, parting my thighs giving him the permission he requested.
Before either of us could think, he brought me up toward him as he fit our bodies together. Long overdue desire peaked between us. I wrapped my other leg around his body pulling him closer and deeper.
I felt the breath he held against my mouth as my own heart hammered in my chest.
His hands roamed my body, feeling and touching, absorbing every burst of electricity between us while I delved into his mind and his heart, feeling every fiber of his soul unraveling.
Since Evolving, I had never felt more alive. Everything was heightened. Everything was better than before. Arching my back, I gripped onto him, pulling him closer, needing to feel everything, needing this moment to erase the horror of the past.
I dug my nails into his back as he moved faster bringing us both closer and closer to the edge we had been seeking for so long, the release we’d been desiring and needing.
It was more than just love, more than just passion. It was a new start, a beginning after the end, a clean slate, a chance to make new memories and toss away the old.
His lips crashed into mine stifling a cry as we fell head first into pure, unaltered bliss.
He collapsed against me, burying his face in my chest. As the aftershocks rolled through us, I let myself open up to him completely. No more secrets.
Our ragged breaths slowly evened out but his hands never left mine not even when we both fell asleep and the night claimed us, closing another day bringing with it, hope for tomorrow.
Chapter Nineteen
Ace
The sun warmed my face chasing the last fragments of sleep from my eyes and, as I turned, I was stopped by a heavy, warm arm that drew me against a hard, toned body. I caught myself smiling like an idiot.
‘You’re so beautiful when you sleep.’
I smirked, choking back a laugh.
‘What?’ he asked, incredulously. ‘You are.’
Cracking my eyes open, I turned in his arms, snuggling up against his chest. God, I could get used to this, waking up beside him, feeling safe.
He kissed my forehead, ticking me with the stubble on his chin. I couldn’t stop the giggle that came from me. This was normal; this was more than I could ever hope for.
He laughed that same, intoxicating laugh I came to love so much.
‘I like this.’ I grazed my fingers along the stubble on his cheek.
He caught my hand and brought it to his lips. He trailed gentle kisses across my fingertips and quietly let out a sigh as his face hardened and his eyes darkened.
‘There was too much going on, I didn’t even think about this…,’ a sad smile found me.
‘I’m sorry.’
He kissed the inside of my wrist and shook his head, slowly.
‘You kept me alive, you know that, right?’ I said, bringing his eyes to mine.
He swallowed and a muscle in his jaw moved.
‘Stop blaming yourself.’
As much as I kept saying it, he never would and the pain that was weighing him down was suffocating. His eyes drifted away from me and fell on the scars along my arms.
Slowly, I tipped his chin up with my finger, much like he had done for me, so many times. Such a simple gesture but it was laced with so much.
‘I need you. I can’t do this without you.’ I reached up and pressed a kiss to his lips. ‘I need you with me.’
He drew in a breath and pulled me against him.
‘I’m with you.’
‘And don’t get rid of this,’ I smiled, pulling back.
‘I won’t,’ he laughed, scrubbing his face with his palm.
Something inside him shifted, drawing my attention, it was familiar.
He must have sensed me looking into it because he slowly turned onto his back and pulled me up so I could rest my head on his chest.
‘Something's on your mind.’ I said, softly, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
‘You see and feel everything now.’
‘I do,’ I nodded. ‘So, don’t hide things from me.’
For a moment, I thought he was going to try to hide it, but instead he let out a deep breath and gave me a nod. ‘There’s been chatter, at the Agency about the Taker—about Dalca.’
When my breath caught in my lungs, he tightened his hold on me and pulled me closer.
‘I didn’t want to bring it up, believe me. I’ve been trying to do whatever I can without getting you involved.’
As much as I appreciated his worry and concern, I couldn’t help but to be annoyed.
‘You had no right keeping information like that from me.’
I pulled myself free from his arms and sat up pulling the sheet over my body.
‘I kept it from you because I don’t want you to go through this again.’ He sighed, sitting up.
‘I get it, I do. But it’s not your decision to make.’ I moved to leave, but he caught my arm and pulled me back down onto the bed beside him.
‘Don’t run.’ His voice was firm but there was a desperate edge to the coarseness. ‘Don’t run anymore.’
My breath escaped in a low, deep sigh. I lay back down and turned to look at him.
He raked his fingers through my hair, smoothing it down my back.
‘The reason I didn’t want to tell you is because you’ve been through so much and you’d only just begun to smile again.’ He sighed, drawing my hands to his lips. ‘It’s selfish, but I wanted you back.’
Now I felt like a total jerk.
‘I am back,’ I murmured, finding his eyes.
‘But if I told you what I knew, I would have lost you. You would have sunk further into the Darkness and I never would have found you.’ He pressed gentle kisses along my neck, his fingers trailing closely behind.
I could have argued but there was no point. He was right.
‘The Being fixed me….’ I let my eyes drift across to his. ‘He unblocked my senses or something, you know, when I became a robot.’
‘You weren’t a robot.’ Illarion tightened his hold on me. ‘And yes, Aaryon proved me wrong.’
My heart sunk. Illarion hadn’t trusted the Beings since
they couldn’t help his mother, he’d never openly said it, but it didn’t take much to work it out.
When I kept my eyes down, he tipped my chin up.
‘Hey,’ he smiled. ‘You weren’t a robot.’
‘Are you kidding?’ I smiled. ‘Were you not there when I had zero emotion and I didn’t even respond when you kissed me? Because I’m pretty sure under normal circumstances, I would have ripped your clothes off.’
‘And probably traumatized Daniel.’ He laughed softly, twisting a strand of my hair in his fingers.
‘Yep.’ I nodded, nuzzling my face in the curve of his neck.
‘You were under a lot of pressure.’ He began pressing feather light kisses along my jaw, trailing down to my neck against my wildly thundering pulse.
It was hard to concentrate on anything when he was doing that. And then his hands fell to my hips, drawing a quiet gasp from me.
‘It was a defence mechanism—block all your pain receptors, block all the memories,’ he continued, speaking softly. ‘Usually, it takes a highly experienced Sensitive to do that.’
When I was able to take a breath, and concentrate on what he just said, I considered his words for a moment.
‘Why would anyone voluntarily push themselves to a point where they don’t feel anything?’ I shuddered. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like a Zombie again.
He thoughtfully placed a few more kisses on my forehead while his hand snaked behind my back and slowly caressed the sensitive skin on my hip.
‘Some agents who are deep under cover do it, especially when they’re exposed to situations that they may not be able to handle mentally.’
As his words sunk in, I realized how hard it must be to immerse yourself that deep into an assignment that you no longer had the luxury of doing what you thought was right, you only did what the job required.
The job always came first. That had been my mantra, hadn’t it? I kept telling myself to push through because it was just another job and I had to do it.
His fingers grazed the side of my hip, drawing a startled gasp.
‘What are you thinking about?’
Moving closer to him, I hid my face in the nape of his neck.
‘I wish I had known about it… before.’
His expression hardened. He brought his hand to my cheek, slowly coaxing my face toward his.
‘I won’t stop until he’s dead. I promise you that, Ace.’
Something in his voice broke. I managed a quick nod before pressing a kiss to his lips.
I would have loved nothing more than to stay in bed with him all day long, feeling everything that made this world right and forgetting all that made it wrong.
But we had too much to do. So much had happened while Elena and Michael insisted that we stayed together as a family, at least while I got better. Some part of me enjoyed it, feeling normal again, but the other part, the part that wanted revenge, grew impatient.
I peeled myself away from his arms and made my way to the bathroom.
He didn’t try to stop me which made me pout, but he knew as well as I did, there was a lot to do.
I turned on the water and waited for the steam to fill the shower before stepping into the stream.
Slowly, I leaned my forehead on the tiles and pressed my palms above my head.
The water was such a welcome relief for my tired and achy bones. In quiet moments like this, I let myself feel how painful everything really was. Groaning, I tipped my head down as my hair slipped past my shoulders and fell forward in a heavy mass.
Behind me, a cool, subtle shift in temperature drew my attention, but I kept my eyes closed. When his hands found the curve of my hip, my breath caught.
There was nothing but love and care in the way he traced lines across my body. There were no expectations, nothing but just being in his arms, just being together.
He brought his lips to my skin, placed kisses along my jaw, and trailed down my neck, sweeping kisses along every inch of skin where his fingers trailed.
My knees weakened as his hands drew long and patient lines across my body, coming to stop just above my hip where he slowly, carefully, swept his hand to the front, pressing his palm flat against my stomach.
He pulled me against him and pressed more kisses to my neck, feeling my pulse quickening with every touch. His breath tickled as he lowered his mouth to my ear.
‘When all of this is done, I want you to stay with me.’
I leaned in to his touch and pressed my back against him. ‘Where else would I go? I’ve got tenants in my apartment.’
He pressed another kiss to my cheek.
‘I meant that I want you to stay with me, officially.’
I looked back at him over my shoulder and met his eyes. His wet hair fell over his face, and his lips parted as water cascaded over us.
The warmth in his eyes was filled with a nervousness I’d never really seen in him. What had the unshakeable Illarion Lazarev, shaken?
His lips quirked into a half smile.
‘I know you don’t really believe in that sort of thing… I mean I know it’s not really something you’d have thought about, and this line of work, well it doesn’t really accommodate for that kind of life.’
I couldn’t help the grin that came to my lips. I turned in his arms and looped my arms around his neck.
‘Illarion, are you asking me to marry you?’
He gave me a quick, nervous nod.
‘I know you need to think about it.’
‘No,’ I said, with a shake of my head, slightly pulling back.
He swept his hand over my cheek and nodded.
‘No, I don’t need to think about it, and yes I’ll stay with you, officially.’
When the words I just spoke registered in his head, my heart melted. I never thought I’d see that kind of happiness in anyone’s eyes.
He pulled me into his arms and drew his fingers through my hair, pulling me against him.
‘I do have one condition though,’ I said, pulling back from him.
He brushed his thumb along the curve of my lip. ‘Anything Zvezda Moya.’
‘I want to do it properly,’ I said, softly, pressing my hand to his cheek.
His eyes widened with joy.
‘You’re right, our life doesn’t really allow for these things… that’s why I want us to do it right. I want us to have some semblance of a normal life.’
‘Then we’ll do it properly.’
I smiled reaching up to kiss him and when I pulled back, I bit down on my lip and locked eyes with him.
‘Ask me when it’s over.’
Chapter Twenty
Ace
Not long after the water was turned off, and we were dry, we both made our way downstairs into the kitchen where he promptly made us coffee and sat down beside me.
An unspoken happiness hung in the air between us and, if someone told me I’d be feeling this insanely happy six months ago, I would have probably punched them in the face and stabbed them in the throat. I grinned with glee just thinking that I was engaged. Not officially, since I’d asked him to wait until it was over, but God it was a breathtaking feeling.
Six months ago, my whole world was turned on its head, and everything following became a living, hellish nightmare I was sure I’d never be able to wake from.
But somehow, I did. Daniel played the biggest part in that and the whole escape. If he wasn’t there to keep me sane during the nights when I was certain I’d find a sharp object and end it all, I don’t know what I would have done. I felt dirty admitting it. But going through something like that, brought a whole new meaning to learning about oneself, and what one would do when faced with the things I was faced with.
There were times I didn’t want to continue, and I’d even hoped and prayed that somehow, I would die in my sleep or that Daniel would accidentally overdose me with the Serum or heroin, but of course that would never have happened. He was careful and meticulously executed everything he was doing
.
Illarion leaned in across the table, brushed my wet hair from my cheek, and smiled.
‘Everything alright?’
‘Yeah.’ I nodded, smiling.
He took my hand and kissed my fingertips softly before placing my hand back on the table.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I asked, leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
‘Anything.’ He smiled, kissing me back.
‘When I first started at the Agency, you said you chose my codename, Specter,’ I said, quietly, to which he responded with a downcast smile. ‘You never told me why.’
‘I chose it because you disappeared from that desert and rose from the ashes. You fought against all odds and you survived.’
My breath caught on my lips. No one had ever said anything rawer to me, more honest and beautiful. I felt my heart flutter as he squeezed my hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of my wrist.
‘We should go through a few things today, if you’re feeling up to it,’ he said, after a few moments.
As much as I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t too thrilled about the idea, I agreed.
‘Whatever you need.’
‘You know I wouldn’t ask if there was another way.’
‘I know. It’s fine, what do you need to know?’
He moved his chair closer to mine. ‘Tell me about the Sensitives he made you collect.’
My mind went back to the Dalca’s house. I thought back to each one of the men and women I was forced to kill. I watched each one as their eyes glazed over under my power until, eventually, there was nothing left and the light behind their eyes faded.
‘If you can’t-’
‘I can.’ I nodded, trying to convince myself. I had to do this.
‘What information did he want you to get?’
I sucked in a deep breath. ‘The first one was Michael Romvi. He worked in the finance division and he wanted me to find the accounts for all the funds the agency used.’
Illarion’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully.
‘I don’t know what information I gave him.’ I said, truthfully, completely aware that I could have single handedly been responsible for embezzling billions from the Agency and their accounts.
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