‘The three of us, Josh in the van and the four agents from last night. That is, if we get what we need from the stakeout.’
‘Full house.’ I nodded.
‘Yeah, we’ll need it for the amount of people we’re watching.’ Aurel leaned back in his chair sighing. He scrubbed his chin looking across at Illarion before casting a sideways glance at me. ‘So…,’ he said, quietly. ‘Anything I should know?’
‘No.’ Both Illarion and I said in unison.
‘Right,’ Aurel responded, sarcastically. ‘Look, I don’t care what you’re having a disagreement about, but I need to know that your head is in the game, both of you. Because if we have a repeat of that shit storm we sailed through last night, we’re going to have issues.’
‘I’m fine,’ I cringed. Aurel’s face was bruised up from last night’s run in and I felt worse seeing that they were both tightly strung. ‘Good to roll.’
Illarion nodded too. ‘We’re fine.’
Aurel looked unconvinced, but he left it.
‘Alright, get your shit together, we’re leaving in six hours.’
Six hours until we headed out to stop that asshole once and for all.
I got up and nodded to both men, determined to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. There was nothing I had to say to him right now. I walked back upstairs with the intention to hit the gym again.
As I rounded the corner, Josh stood at the landing.
‘Got a minute?’
‘Not really.’ I forced a smile.
‘I’ll be quick.’
‘I’m heading to the gym. You can walk over with me.’
He nodded.
‘I’ll just get changed, give me a minute.’
‘I’ll be here.’
Great. I sighed inwardly and retreated to my room. Quickly I changed, pulled my hair into a ponytail, and looped it through my Yankees cap.
As soon as I tied the laces on my white and pink sneakers, I prepared myself and stepped outside. Josh was right where he said he’d be. He smiled and motioned for us to go.
Silently, I followed him. God this was going to be awkward. I expected that he’d have questions, and it wasn’t fair to keep lying, especially since last night could have ended really badly.
He looked across at me through his glasses.
As we walked outside into the warm air, he cleared his throat.
‘It won’t affect the team,’ I said, softly, glancing at him sideways. ‘We’re both professionals.’
‘Last night-’
‘Last night was a mistake.’
‘Last night was a disaster,’ he corrected.
‘I know.’ I cringed.
‘What happened?’
‘There were bogies we didn’t anticipate.’
‘You know that’s not what I’m talking about,’ he said, sternly.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I rubbed the back of my neck. ‘Illarion broke formation.’
‘Yeah,’ he said, quietly. ‘I was there, I saw.’
‘It won’t happen again.’
‘I didn’t think it would, but I’m worried about you.’
‘There’s nothing to worry about.’
‘That’s not what I saw last night.’
‘He shouldn’t have strayed from the mission.’
‘That goes without saying. What did he see?’
I composed myself by taking a calculated breath but when I didn’t answer, Josh sighed.
‘What happened in that house, Ace?’
Ah. There it was. The question.
‘A lot happened, Josh,’ I said, with a sigh, running my hand through the mass of hair over my shoulder.
‘Ace.’
‘Honestly, I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘I saw a lot last night, most of which I recognize. There are a lot of rotten people in this city. You’re afraid of something. What happened?’
When I stopped walking, he did too, I sat down on a stone bench and he followed suit.
‘I was held hostage in that house, for six months,’ I said, quietly. ‘Serum, drugs, other unsavoury things. Get it?’
A breath caught in his chest and came out as a shaky sigh.
‘The man who owns that house, he’s not a good person.’
‘Simon Dalca,’ Josh said quietly, hanging his shoulders.
His name made my insides tighten. Giving him a curt nod, I looked up at the sky.
‘He was running an information gathering crusade, and I was his pawn, and his shiny new toy when he was bored.’
Josh averted his gaze, bowing his head.
‘Illarion obviously knew… when he came for me I was a mess, I didn’t know who I was half the time. He understood there was a lot that happened to me but I didn’t want him to feel it all. I didn’t want…’
Josh ran a shaky hand over his jaw.
Swallowing the building emotions, I got up, not letting him say another word. ‘There won’t be a repeat of last night.’
He gave me a sympathetic nod as I turned to leave. That would be the hardest thing to get over. Seeing the look. I shook my head as I broke into a steady jog.
There would always be that look. To them, it was disbelief but to me it was horrible, it was shame and disgust, all the things I never wanted Illarion to be a part of.
I let the stray tears fall as I ran against the breeze, speeding up faster and faster until I couldn’t feel the rushing tears anymore and my throat grew raw from the ragged breaths.
Whatever it took, tomorrow the Taker would die.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ace
The wind had picked up since I’d started running, now four laps in, I could barely hold my own against it. I came to panting stop pressing my hands to my thighs, forcing deep breaths into my lungs.
I looked around, realizing that I’d run all the way to the property border. I’d never been down here before and it was amazing. I let my eyes wander over the horizon, sweeping the scenery, absorbing everything.
From my bedroom window, I could just make out the clearing where I was now. It was some sort of field and curiosity got the better of me. I began a slow jog toward it and carefully made my way down and over the embankment. As I neared, I recognized it as a training pitch, much like the one Aurel and I used when he kicked my ass back at his house.
A large, wooden training dummy caught my eye, and I dropped my water bottle by the side while scanning the rest of the area.
Eager to let some of my seriously pent up anger out, I started by warming up and when my muscles were loosened up, I began with punches. I let out all my anger on the dummy, striking it with an open palm, followed by elbow jabs and blocks. Ignoring the splitting pain from my raw skin hitting the wood, I moved on to kicks. I spun on the spot kicking the dummy where its head would have been. When I landed back in position, I launched a front on assault of strikes with my hands and elbows and finished off with a kick, shouting out in anger as the impact broke the skin along my knuckles.
‘Wanna fight something that fights back?’
I rolled my eyes turning on my heel. Aurel stood at the end of the training pitch with his arms folded across his chest.
No one here seemed to get the damn hint. I wanted to be alone. He moved to the centre, holding his arms out.
‘Come on,’ he said, tossing aside the sweater he pulled off, leaving him in a grey t-shirt and dark sweats. ‘It’ll be good for you.’
He squared off with me like my silence was my agreement.
I steadied my breaths looking down at the blood dropping at my feet. His eyes followed my gaze and then widened when I grinned, squeezing my fists. We bowed at each other, locking eyes. A dangerous glint in them told me he wasn’t going to be holding back. Good, I narrowed my eyes and drew my hands up, ready. I wouldn’t be holding back either.
He didn’t need an invitation. He lunged right at me with a closed fist strike to my face. I stopped it with an x-block move, throwing both forearms up in
front of my face. I took my chance to grab onto his hand, pulling him close enough so I could grab him in a side mount chokehold.
He countered that by kicking out behind him, getting me in the shin. When I stumbled, he took moment to distract me with a jab and as I moved to block another hit, he got me in the face with a right hook.
As I jerked back, I swung out, hitting him square in the chest with an open palm strike.
The fight drastically changed, we were no longer training and that glint in his eyes darkened. He was focused and determined, and the ferocity with which he came at me was on par with my own rage. Pent up anger and months and months of fury bubbled underneath the surface.
If that’s how he wanted to play.
Before I had another chance to defend myself, he surprised me with an elbow strike to the right side of my face, followed by a roundhouse and hook kick combination, winding me.
I fell to the ground like a completely untrained civilian and gasped in surprise at the humiliation.
‘Ace!’ he shouted, trying to reach for me to help me up.
There was no way I was going to let him kick my ass again and then try to help me up. I looked up at his concerned expression, narrowing my eyes, and when the realization finally hit him, I took my chance.
I reached up and grabbed his collar and his right elbow with my left hand and pulled him down, I put all my weight on my right foot laying my left leg on the ground to balance myself, with all the strength I had in me, I brought my right knee up into his stomach. As he grunted, slightly pulling back, I swept my leg in one fluid motion, scissoring my legs effectively switching our positions.
Now I sat on top of him, straddling his torso, I leaned my forearm across his throat, pressing down.
His wide eyes found mine and a moment later he tapped my arm, surrendering.
I pushed myself up, off him and rose, as he remained sprawled on the ground.
‘Remind me not to piss you off,’ he stated, getting up.
I ignored him and turned away.
‘Ace, wait!’ he called out, coming after me. ‘Can you just wait for a minute?’ He took a hold of my arm and I just lost it.
Hell. No. I was so sick of being touched.
I briskly turned on my heel and pushed his arm away.
‘Back the hell off,’ I hissed, stepping right up to him.
‘You need to calm down,’ he said, firmly.
Wrong thing to say, Aurel.
I laughed humourlessly and my voice lowered, so much so, I barely recognized it.
‘Don’t tell me to calm down.’
I balled my fists at my side stepping closer to him. I had enough of people telling me what to do, how to feel, how to act and react. I was so done.
Deep inside me, I felt the Darkness boiling. It began to rear its head, threatening to erupt at any moment. It was like Larry’s apartment only this time, there was no barrier of inexperience holding it back. No, this time when I moved, it moved with me.
Closing the gap between us, my eyes narrowed, and I was ready to do whatever I had to.
The space around us grew dense, electricity pulsed through the air as I took purpose driven steps toward him.
Through his wide eyes, I caught a glimpse of myself. My eyes were black, small, dark veins webbed around the corners of my eyes; there were no green irises, nothing that Illarion loved in me anymore.
My hair rose off my shoulders as though a gust of wind had blown it behind me, only it didn’t fall, it hovered, billowing gently around me, I could feel the static charge electrifying the surrounding air.
Slowly, he backed away, holding his hands up in surrender. A shaky breath left his lips; he was scared of me.
Not worried in the “girls can be crazy” way, but actually scared. I’d seen that look before, I’d seen it back in Iraq when I single-handedly took down three heavily armed soldiers who were torturing me, I’d seen it last night when I blew the bulb and nearly hurt Illarion.
When I finally regained some semblance of control, I turned on my heel, picked up my bottle, and left.
I was naïve to ever think that this could have worked. There was no way that me coming back after six months of hell would ever just be fine. There was no way I could have integrated back in their world, with them, with him.
Who had I been kidding? I stepped heavily, crunching the gravel and leaves beneath my feet, letting my anger simmer inside me.
A fresh gust of wind picked up. Branches above me shook and sent a flurry of tiny petals up in the air, caught in the breeze they fell around me.
As I neared the house, I sucked in a deep breath, picking out the petals from my hair.
I pushed open the door and the stillness in the house threw me off guard. Illarion wasn’t working in the living room. Daniel and Josh weren’t around, and as I neared the library, I felt Illarion. He was still, concentrated and focused. I made my way in quietly; he was sitting in a Chesterfield armchair with a massive pile of papers and files around him.
His hair fell over his tired eyes and when I neared him, they shot up finding mine, he rose to his feet and took a few tentative steps forward.
‘This isn’t going to work,’ I said, stopping him.
For a moment, he didn’t say a word and for a moment I thought I’d cave, and then he folded his arms across his chest and looked at me with a tight jaw.
‘I shouldn’t have done what I did.’
‘That goes without saying,’ I agreed, shifting my balance onto my other foot. ‘But that’s not what this is about. Not entirely.’
‘What do you need me to do, Ace? I’ll do whatever you need.’
I shook my head, taking a deep breath. It was beyond that.
‘I need your expertise to finish this.’
‘You know I will. I am, Ace-’
‘And then I’m leaving.’
His eyes widened. ‘I don’t… I don’t understand.’
‘I don’t know how either of us thought this would work, you know?’ I shook my head again, this time wrapping my arms around my chest as though that would stop the burning in my eyes and the crushing in my heart. ‘We were both so blinded by whatever this is, to see the truth.’ I waved my hand at the space between us.
‘What truth?’ His voice shook, he was on the verge of losing his shit.
‘That I am too far gone, too broken to be fixed.’
He stepped forward, and I stepped back.
‘You don’t need to be fixed.’
I let out a sarcastic laugh and looked around, pulling my gaze away from his.
‘Your optimism isn’t going to make this better, Ila, you know as well as I do, there is nothing inside me worth fighting for. You felt it. You saw what he did to me. You see what I’ve become. There’s no coming back from that.’
Again, he stepped closer, but this time I didn’t move. His eyes narrowed, burning me.
‘Everything about you is worth fighting for, Ace, everything, and what he did to you is inexcusable but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.’
‘I had sex with that assholes son.’ Saying it out loud made me realize just how absurd the whole thing was.
His jaw tightened, and he shook his head.
‘You weren’t in a good place…’
‘No,’ I agreed. ‘But I knew what I was doing. I wanted it. How can you be okay with that? What’s wrong with you?’
‘I’m not okay with it!’ he shouted, and I stepped back, completely stunned. ‘I’m not, not even close, Ace.’
Words failed me.
‘But I’m dealing with it. I’m trying to get past how much it hurts, and having him here, in my house. How do you think I feel?’
I’d been so caught up in my own misery that I hadn’t even stopped to think about how this had affected him. He was always so level-headed and sure about everything, but the man before me was crumbling.
‘I can’t pretend that it doesn’t affect me Ace, it does, but I don’t want to lose you.’
‘By what?!’ he shouted. The anger was finally catching up with him.
His feet were firmly planted on the dark hardwood, floors, and his arms shook at his side, fists clenching and unclenching.
I stood my ground.
‘By your love for me. You’re blinded; you’re desperate to have me here because you feel guilty about what happened to me.’
His fists balled. I saw the rage building inside him, white and hot.
When he remained silent, I continued. ‘You feel responsible and it consumes you.’
‘Because it is my fault!’ His voice faltered. ‘I should have been there for you, I was meant to protect you and I failed!’ He pressed his hand across his chest. ‘I wasn’t strong enough! And then I failed you again when I slept with Anna!’
He stopped abruptly as the words left his mouth. I sucked in a sharp breath and looked down at my feet. Hearing that kind of bluntness from him was like a vicious slap to the face.
‘You didn’t fail me,’ I said, when I regained my thoughts.
He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief.
‘That asshole raped you for four months because I was too God damn busy drinking myself to sleep every night!’ He raised his hand and pointed to nothing in particular and when I shook my head, he threw his arms up in defeat.
‘It wasn’t your fault, there was nothing you could have done, but who I am now… I’ll never be that girl again, Ila, and I,’ I paused taking a deep breath. ‘I can’t pretend that I can be.’
‘Don’t do this,’ he said, quietly, his fight was gone and his voice shook with each word.
‘I loved you, with everything that I had left, but it’s different now, I’m different.’
Like I’d slapped him in the face, he remained still, pleading, his eyes brimming with a sheath of tears that would be falling because of me, again.
‘I don’t love you like that anymore, I can’t.’
‘Please, Ace.’ He came toward me, cupping my cheek.
Maybe one day… I shook my head, stopping that thought. I had to be strong. This was the only way he’d let me go.
My body instinctively reacted to him, I leaned into his touch feeling my tears wet his calloused palm.
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