Donut Go Breaking My Heart

by Suzanne Nelson

  “Sheyda!” Kiri cried. “Where were you this morning? I tried calling you a bunch of times.” I shrugged. I’d silenced my phone while I was studying.

  “Cabe offered to take me to school, and I wanted to tell you.” She gave him the dewy-eyed look of a kitten being rescued from a tree. “Wasn’t that sweet of him?”

  “I was worried about her walking on that ankle,” Cabe explained.

  “He gave me this awesome cane, too! Maybe I’ll start a new fashion trend with it.”

  “Yeah,” I said flatly, and then to Cabe, “That was nice of you.”

  He cleared his throat as Kiri tightened her grip around him.

  “We’re giving our history presentation today. How embarrassing that I have to give it with everyone staring at my ankle.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Well. Good luck. I have to go …” I said, already moving past them. “I have a math test, but … see you later!” It was meant to sound breezy, but came out about as breezy as a bowling ball.

  “Sheyda, wait …” Kiri called after me, but I didn’t look back as I quickened my step. I was sure Kiri was wondering what was wrong with me, but where would I even start?

  A few kids gave me longer-than-usual looks as I passed them in the hallway, and Phoebe and Val were waiting for me at my locker.

  “Details, girl,” Phoebe ordered. “What happened last night?”

  “You saw the pictures” was all I could manage to say. I tried to shrug my shoulders, but my body was too rigid to cooperate. “They tell the story.”

  Val’s forehead crinkled. “Are you okay?”

  “Of course I am!” My heart sped up. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Val and Phoebe exchanged glances, and Phoebe nodded in response to some unspoken agreement between the two of them. “So don’t freak, but we’re worried about you. You’ve kept everything on the DL, but we thought maybe you and Cabe—”

  “That me and Cabe what?” I snapped. “Me and Cabe nothing. We’re … nothing, okay?”

  Phoebe held up her hands. “Okay, Sheyda.”

  “I have to go,” I said. “Test prep.”

  Their eyes stayed on me as I walked away, and I was sure they’d be texting me later. I didn’t want to be so short with them, but I was emptied out of patience. All I wanted was to be left alone. By the time I sat down in class, I was so on edge I was trembling.

  Snow was falling steadily outside the windows as Mr. Quinten handed out our tests. Once he gave the go-ahead, I flipped over the paper, and my heart plummeted. I had no idea what the answer to the first question was.

  The test was a disaster, and I felt the doom of it long after I headed to my other classes. When Principal Gomez’s voice crackled over the intercom to announce the early dismissal after third period, my spirits lifted for a second.

  Then my cell buzzed with a text from Cabe: CAN YOU MEET AT DOUGHLICIOUS? NEED TO RUN THRU A SCENE. JUST YOU AND ME. IT’S LAST MINUTE, BUT YOU’D BE A LIFESAVER IF YOU SAID YES.

  I remembered the last scene Cabe and I had filmed together: the dance. I wanted to have another moment like that. I’d been hoping for another moment like that. It was infuriating. It was irresistible.

  OK, my fingers typed, before I even realized they were doing it. SEE YOU IN FIVE.

  * * *

  “You want me to what?” I stared at Cabe, collapsing into one of the Doughlicious booths. The shop was quiet, closed for the snow. Cabe had asked Mrs. Seng if we could have the space for an hour.

  “Um … practice this scene with me?” Cabe said again as I stared at the script.

  This scene only had one line, and it was Cabe’s. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was …

  “But … it says we’re supposed to … that we have to …” I swallowed. I couldn’t even say the word: “kiss.” There it was, in bold letters on the page.

  Cabe’s face was the exact shade of a Big Apple tour bus, and he couldn’t meet my eyes.

  “It’s really only a quick peck on the lips, but … we don’t have to do that part if you don’t want to. I just want to make sure I know how to stand for the cameras.”

  “Why?” My heart was thrashing. “I mean, you’ve done scenes like this tons of times.” Kiri was big on pausing Cabe’s movies at kisses so she could admire his “perfect lips.” And, yes, they were pretty perfect.

  “I know, but Sonora Grace is flying in from LA late tonight.”

  “Who?” I asked blankly. I was only half listening, trying to pretend like this wasn’t really happening.

  “The actress who’s playing Tia in the movie, aka the Wicked Witch of the West Coast?” Cabe sighed. “I’ve never had to work with her, but I’ve heard it’s awful. She’s stormed off sets before. Once she dumped an entire can of paint on her costar’s head, just because he botched a kiss. She wants her role in the movie filmed in the next three days, and nobody wastes her time. So I’ve got make sure I get it right. We start filming her scenes tomorrow.”

  “You should ask someone else,” I said softly. “I’m not sure—”

  Cabe lifted his eyes to mine.

  “The thing is … I get nervous.” He stopped, swallowing. “But I never get that kind of nervous around you.”

  He looked so hopeful that I knew I’d do it, even if I was weak with nerves and crazy excitement. “Okay,” I managed to reply. “Just … show me what I need to do.”

  He looked relieved. “Thanks,” he said. He led me to our marks on the floor. “Sonora and I will both be standing here.” Cabe put his hands around my waist, and my knees liquefied. “Come closer,” he said, pressing his fingertips against the small of my back. “Closer.”

  We were standing so near each other now that I was sure Cabe could feel the beating of my heart. “So, just before we, you know, kiss, I say, ‘No princess could ever be as important to me as you are.’ That’s our cue. All right?”

  “Uh-huh,” I squeaked. When I finally risked a look at him, he was frowning.

  “Hey. You okay?” he asked quietly. “You don’t seem like yourself today.”

  I gulped, my pulse roaring in my ears. “I’m f-fine.”

  “’Cause you actually look like you’re really dreading this.”

  “Me?” My laugh twanged like a guitar string breaking. “No! No. I’m not. I mean, it’s totally fine. I want to kiss you. I mean, I don’t want to kiss you for real, but, but …” Oh help. “It’s just I’ve never kissed anyone before.” What?!? My mouth was being run over by a freight train of words, and what was coming out of it was the wreckage.

  Cabe stared at me, and for one terrifying second, I thought he might laugh. But instead, he smiled, gently, kindly, unbelievably cutely. “Really? Well. Then … it’s an honor.”

  I smiled, and my heart soared. It was the sweetest thing he could have said to me. The sweetest thing any guy had ever said to me. Cabe smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Our foreheads were nearly touching, and my heart was melting.

  “No princess could ever be as important to me as you are,” he whispered. And suddenly the rest of the world was dropping away, because Cabe’s lips were moving toward mine. Then they met mine, and the world stopped existing entirely.

  His lips were so soft. It was good he was holding on to me, because otherwise I might have sunk straight into the floor with bliss. I wanted the kiss to last forever, but then, all too soon, Cabe was pulling away. The room came into sharper focus, and my face flamed. What if I was a bad kisser? What if I’d looked ridiculous? Or worse, what if I’d looked the way I felt, like I could’ve stayed there kissing Cabe Sadler forever?

  I dropped my eyes self-consciously, but then I heard Cabe’s soft “thank you” in my ear.

  I looked up to catch his earnest gaze. Then the shop’s door jingled.

  “Hey, guys!” Kiri said, walking in and looking none too happy. “Sorry if I’m interrupting … something.” Obvious emphasis on “something.” “I forgot my bag in the kitchen. I’ll only be a sec.”


  “We were just …” I lost my voice.

  “Running through a scene,” Cabe finished for me.

  She hobbled past me, but then paused in front of Cabe. “That was some great acting. You made it look so real.” She gave me a long, sharp look. “Both of you.”

  “Kiri, Cabe asked me to stand in for Sonora Grace,” I started. “She’s—”

  “It was fake,” Cabe said suddenly, with a nonchalant shrug. I watched as, in a matter of seconds, his whole demeanor shifted into casualness. “We only have to make it look real.”

  The cloud I’d been floating on evaporated, and I careened headlong into reality. Of course it had been fake. I was so naïve to think our kiss meant anything to him. Well. This was the perfect capper to my awful day. My eyes stung, and I blinked rapidly to stave off tears. I spun to grab my bag and coat.

  “We’re finished, right? Because I really need to get going—”

  “Sheyda?” Cabe said as I hurried past him and Kiri.

  I couldn’t stop. Instead, I mumbled something about a headache and having to get home ASAP. I shut the door on their surprised faces and, flipping the hood of my jacket over my head, ducked into the falling snow. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and when I checked the screen, there were already three texts from Kiri asking what was wrong.

  How could I answer without telling her the truth? How could I tell her the truth without destroying our friendship?

  I pushed my phone deeper into my pocket and hurried on.

  * * *

  I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting on my front stoop, but if the tingling in my fingers and toes was any indication, I’d have to go inside soon before frostbite struck.

  Lucky for me, the snow had proved too much for the paparazzi, so no one was skulking outside our building. My phone kept buzzing, but I hadn’t looked at it again. I couldn’t deal.

  I heard a car pull up to the curb, but didn’t look up until I heard a familiar voice say, “Excusez-moi, mademoiselle, but might I offer you some shelter from the cold?”

  I glanced up to see Cabe peering out of the window of his limo.

  Pull it together, I thought as my heart triple-flipped. But what I said as I walked over to the car was, “Your French accent is terrible.”

  “Good thing I’ve never been cast in a French film, huh?” He laughed, then turned serious. “I got worried when you left in such a hurry. I thought that, um, well, when we, you know …”

  Omigod. He meant when we kissed. My pulse raced.

  “I thought it upset you. That I did something wrong.”

  “No!” I blurted. “It was fine. Just acting, right?”

  “Right.” He nodded. “Good. That’s a relief.” Funny, though. He didn’t sound relieved. More like disappointed. He gestured for me to enter the limo, and I opened the door, climbing inside and waving hello to Ben. “Are you hungry?” Cabe asked.

  “Um …” On cue, my stomach rumbled.

  Cabe grinned, and some of the awkwardness between us vanished. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He picked up a pastry box from the seat beside him. “I brought you some zoolbia bamieh from Ravagh Persian Grill. The waiter who helped me told me they’re like donuts?”

  I couldn’t help but grin. “Persian donuts, made with saffron and rosewater. So delish. And Ravagh’s my favorite Persian restaurant. How—”

  “Kiri mentioned it a while ago. The other food there looked and smelled incredible, too. And, they have takeout.” He held up a menu. “This one’s going on the top of my list. I mean, seriously, is there any food you can’t get in this city?”

  I nodded. “In-N-Out burgers.”

  He face fell. “So … I could have them flown in from LA.”

  I rolled my eyes. “And that doesn’t smack at all of celeb-snob status.”

  He laughed. “Kidding! Just checking to make sure you’re still keeping me in line.”

  “Always. And thanks. For the bamieh. Ravagh’s the best. My family and I eat there every year for Nowruz.” At his blank look, I added, “It’s the Persian New Year to celebrate the start of spring. At Ravagh, they always serve the traditional New Year’s meal, salmon and rice. We call it sabzi-polo-mahi. Nowruz might be my favorite holiday. I guess I like new years and new beginnings.”

  Cabe nodded thoughtfully. “I do, too. That’s actually sort of why I’m here. I was hoping we could start fresh.” I smiled, and he let out a breath. “Phew. I’m hoping that means I got something right today?” I nodded, my mouth watering at the delicious floral and honeyed smell drifting from the pastry box. “So can you hang out for a while?” Cabe asked. “Ben could drive us someplace.”

  I hesitated. “Can I ask why you want to?”

  He fidgeted with his jacket zipper. “I’ll be out of school doing nonstop filming with Sonora, so I might not see you for the next couple of days.”

  I blushed. Was he trying to say he’d miss me? My heart and mind began arguing over what to do, and for better or worse, my heart won out. “Okay. I can’t handle going home yet anyway. We could head over to Holey Donuts. It’s another great donut place in the West Village.”

  He laughed. “Won’t you be doughed-out after the bamieh?”

  “Never.”

  “Okay.”

  After we both texted our parents to let them know what we’d be doing, I gave Ben directions, and the limo started moving through the snowy streets.

  “So, tell me,” Cabe said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I mean, tell me why you don’t want to go home. I could tell the second I saw you this morning at school that something was wrong, so spill it.”

  “You could?” He nodded, looking at me with such intensity that I wondered what else he noticed about me.

  “Okay,” I said and started talking, about Mina and my parents, and about my blow-up with them this morning. As I talked, Cabe and I shared the bite-sized bamieh, careful not to spill too many crumbs in the backseat. Once I got started, the words came easier and easier. Cabe was a great listener, and I felt myself lightening as I vented.

  “I guess I just exploded,” I finished.

  “Maybe you needed to,” Cabe said. He watched me as I popped another bamieh into my mouth. “Seems like you had a lot to say. So you said it.”

  I laughed. “That’s not what I do. I keep the peace.”

  “But if there are problems, how peaceful can things really be?” Cabe asked, and then he paused. “When Kiri and I were working on our history project, she told me she worries about you. She thinks you don’t speak up enough, and that if she’s not around, people might take advantage of that and …”

  “What?” I asked, frustration simmering under my skin. “Walk all over me?” That was ironic, because lately, I’d felt like Kiri was doing that to me. “I can hold my own,” I blurted out, more fiercely than I intended.

  Cabe’s eyes widened in surprise, but then he grinned. “That’s exactly what I said. I think you’re braver than you realize. I mean, you’ve never acted before in your life—but you’re trying.”

  “And never will again,” I said with a short laugh.

  “But it takes guts to do something way out of your comfort zone like that.”

  “Thanks. I surprised myself a little, too, just by surviving it.”

  Ben dropped us off in front of Washington Square Park. Cabe and I paused to watch the snow swirling around the great white arch at its entrance. A group of kids was busy making snowmen on the park benches.

  “It’s nice like this,” Cabe said as we started walking. “The city. The last few weeks, it’s been growing on me. And I keep thinking about the Off-Broadway theaters. How cool it would be to get back to more stage acting. Maybe plays at smaller venues, with challenging roles.” Enthusiasm lit up his face. “I’m going to talk to my manager about that.”

  “So does that mean you’re moving here then?” My pulse fluttered.

  “I still don’t know. There’s a lot I like about being here. It
feels more authentic than Hollywood, and I’m even getting used to winter.” He tucked his hands deeper into his jacket. “I thought I’d have another, even better reason to stay, but …” He buried his face into his collar. “I’m not sure.”

  “What was the reason?” I asked, suddenly feeling that he’d been on the verge of saying something important. But then Cabe announced loudly, “We’re here!”

  “Oh. Yeah.”

  He rushed into Holey Donuts ahead of me, and if I hadn’t known better, I would’ve sworn he was nervous. He fidgeted and avoided my eyes while we ordered and ate our donuts. When I asked him how he liked his strawberry sprinkle donut, he barely said two words about it. By the time we made the walk back to my apartment, I was replaying everything I’d said over the last hour, wondering how I’d made him this out of sorts. But then, as we stepped onto my block, he grabbed my hand.

  “Sheyda, wait.” He blew out a puff of air from his cheeks. “Wow, it’s crazy how nervous I am right now,” he mumbled, almost to himself. “What I said about that kiss—our kiss—to Kiri. About it being fake. That wasn’t true. It was great. More than great! I panicked, or maybe I just wanted to tell you in private. The thing is …” He swallowed. “I was the one who asked Simeon to hire you for Donut Go Breaking My Heart.”

  I stared at him as my insides puddled, trying to make sense of his words over my deafening heartbeat. “What?” I managed. “Why?”

  “I wanted to get to know you better.” His eyes were hopeful. “From the first time I saw you, I wanted to be around you all the time. Even when you were mad about me being so rude to you.” He smiled so sweetly that I had to resist the urge to hug him right there in the middle of the sidewalk. “I can’t explain it, but there it is. I finally said it. And … I wanted to ask you if you’d go with me to the premiere of Very Valentine.”

  A rush of joy swept over me. I’d been telling myself for so long that it was impossible, but here Cabe was, saying he liked me! I hadn’t even realized how much I wanted it to be true until it was. He saw the happiness on my face and stepped closer. “Is that a yes?” he asked softly, and for one second I was sure we’d kiss again. And then I remembered—