Donut Go Breaking My Heart

by Suzanne Nelson

  “I was, but Kiri called me. She told me what happened with your model, and …” I couldn’t tell if he paused or if the speaker cut out momentarily. Oh no, I panicked. Please tell me she didn’t tell him everything. “She feels terrible. She asked me to check on you.”

  “If she feels so terrible, then why isn’t she here?” I sounded mean now, but I didn’t care. “I don’t need anyone checking on me. I’m fine.”

  “You don’t sound fine,” Cabe retorted. “Look, can you buzz me in? I’m carrying something fragile and I really don’t want anything else to happen to it.”

  What was he talking about? I went to the family room window and peered down. Cabe was standing on the stoop cradling a large garbage bag in his arms. A lump formed in my throat. That couldn’t be what I thought it was … could it? I hit the button that unlocked the front door of the building, then listened to Cabe’s steps on the hall stairs, my heart pounding in time with his footfalls.

  When I opened the front door, Cabe held the garbage bag out toward me. “I brought you something.” His eyes roamed my face, taking in my puffy eyes and red nose and cheeks. “And I think it’s my turn to say I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” I took the garbage bag, feeling the familiar edges of my model resting inside. A fresh wave of pain broke over me. I didn’t want to look at it in pieces. I stepped toward the trash can, prepared to dump the entire thing inside, unseen.

  “Wait!” He grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?”

  “Tossing it,” I said. “It’s completely destroyed …”

  “No. Here.” He slid the garbage bag off the model, and I gasped, staring. Someone had repaired it, painstakingly gluing the pieces of the staircase back in place, smoothing out the crumpled backdrop. If I looked closely, I could still see slight warps in the scenery, and a few crooked stairs. But for the most part, it didn’t look too bad. It almost looked … submittable. “I met Kiri at the school after she called me. We tried to fix the model. Ms. Feld had some glue. Phoebe and Val helped, too. But we’re not sure we got everything right.” He offered up a small smile. “It needs your touch.”

  I set it on the kitchen table, then sank into a chair beside it, speechless. Cabe slid into the chair beside me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “I can’t believe you fixed it. And Kiri.” My brow furrowed. “But I already missed the deadline. The application was due at five.” I glanced at the clock. “It’s half past now. It’s a lost cause.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Cabe said. “I called NYU. The administrative assistant in the camp admissions office said she’d still accept your application if you turned it in by seven tonight. She’ll make an exception for me—er, you.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Wait a sec. She fell for the Cabe Sadler charm, didn’t she?”

  “I might’ve promised her an autographed poster. I can’t help it if she’s a fan.” He grinned sheepishly. “There are times when being famous has its perks.” I let myself laugh a little at that. “So …” he added quietly. “Do you want to hear what I’m sorry for?” His blue eyes searched mine. I nodded as my heart began to thunder. “I’m sorry I didn’t get what was going on,” he said quietly. “That I didn’t understand why you said no when I asked you to go with me to the premiere.”

  “What did Kiri tell you? That I … ?” Like you, I thought, but I couldn’t get the words out. I shook my head. “Don’t feel sorry for me—”

  “Is that what you think this is?” he blurted, then grabbed my hand. “It’s not about that at all. The thing is that me and Kiri …” He blew out a breath. “I asked her to go to the premiere with me because you wouldn’t. You told me to ask her, remember? I really wanted to go with you, but then you didn’t want to, and my manager kept telling me I had to have a date. I didn’t want to ask anybody else, but Kiri’s nice, even if she did play up the ankle thing.”

  I stared at him. “Y-you realized that?”

  He laughed. “Sprained ankles swell. They even bruise sometimes. I got one filming Very Valentine. I saw Kiri’s ankle before it was bandaged. It was fine.”

  “But—but you gave her that cane, and—”

  “That was Simeon and Jillian’s idea. They wanted to see how long she could stay ‘in character.’ They watched her whole walking-wounded performance. It was like an audition. And they were impressed. They want her for a role in a rom-com they’re planning.”

  “Wow.” My mind spun, then I frowned. “You could’ve told me you knew she was faking.”

  “Simeon didn’t want anyone tipping off Kiri until they were sure they wanted to hire her. Besides, I wasn’t sure you knew she was faking. And she’s your best friend, so I wasn’t about to call her on it. You two are pretty inseparable.”

  My face fell. “Not anymore.”

  Cabe paused. “Kiri puts on a good act, but I think she’s more unsure of herself than she seems. Out of the two of you, you’re the stronger one.”

  “What?” I snorted.

  He motioned to my model. “You’re not using tricks to go after what you want. You don’t name-drop or kiss up. You just do your thing, no matter what.” He smiled. “You probably don’t realize it, but your bravery’s made me braver, too.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “It’s true,” he said. “I wouldn’t have given New York a fair shot without you. You helped me see it through your eyes, not the way a tourist would. And I am going back to stage acting. My manager’s psyched and already lined up some auditions for me. I feel more excited about acting than I’ve felt in a long time, and it’s thanks to you. And New York. I actually can’t wait to experience more of it now.” He grinned. “I still have to take the subway and bike the loop in Central Park … so many cool things.”

  It was like a trapdoor had opened on the stage of my life, and my heart had just fallen through, into Cabe’s hands. “So … does that mean you’re staying in New York?”

  Cabe nodded. “We just decided for sure last night. You’re the first person I’ve told. I have to fly to France right after Valentine’s Day to finish filming Donut.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s Prince Dalton’s ‘kingdom.’” He put finger quotes around “kingdom.” “But when the filming wraps up, my dad will fly back to California to rent out our house in LA. He’s already found an apartment here.”

  “That’s great!” I said, my voice swooping high.

  He glanced at me hopefully. “Is it?”

  The way he said it was like he was asking about more than just his move. I blushed. I’d promised myself I was done keeping everything bottled up inside. Now it was time to be true to my word. “Kiri might’ve told you already, but … I need you to hear it from me.” Omigod, I was really going to do this. “I wasn’t honest with you when you asked me to go to the premiere. I wanted to go with you. Really badly. But I knew Kiri was hoping you’d ask her, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” I risked a peek at his face and saw his eyes lighting up. “The thing is … I like you. A lot.”

  A smile stretched across his face, and he squeezed my hand. “Me too.” He brushed a hand across my cheek. “Do you know what my best reason for wanting to stay in New York is?” I shook my head. “You.”

  Relief and a giddy happiness filled me as Cabe folded me into a hug. But that was until he asked, “So does this mean you’ll go with me to the premiere?”

  I hesitated. “I can’t promise that yet. I think I have to talk to Kiri first.” In fact, Kiri wasn’t the only one I needed to talk to. My parents and Mina flickered through my mind.

  He nodded slowly. “I figured that. But you’ll for sure let me know?”

  I smiled. “Definitely.”

  He held my gaze so long, then said, “I really want to kiss you right now, but …”

  I knew he was thinking about Kiri and whether she’d be okay when I told her about the two of us. I was thinking about her, too, but there was something else. “My model!” I cried. I’d suddenly snapped out of my Cabe delirium long enough to reme
mber. I leaned over it, scrutinizing every inch of the miniature stage. “I think I should reinforce the rotation device, and maybe replace a couple steps on the staircase completely …”

  Cabe laughed, then sobered as an insistent honking sounded from outside. “Uh-oh,” he said, paling. “She’s really peeved now.”

  “Who? Kiri?” I asked. The honking turned into a long blare. Whoever she was, she was laying on the horn.

  Cabe clenched his eyes shut, shaking his head. “It’s Sonora. We were in the middle of a shoot in Tompkins Square Park when I got Kiri’s phone call. Since I was filming, Ben took the afternoon off, so I had to beg Sonora to use her limo to get to school and Doughlicious and then—”

  There was a pounding on the door. “Here,” Cabe finished, giving me a helpless smile.

  I headed for the door as Cabe added, “Just … don’t mention donuts.”

  “What? Why?” But then I opened the door and understood. An impossibly tall, slender, and of course beautiful girl blew into the kitchen, covered head to toe in powdered sugar.

  “Cabe Sadler!” she fumed. “Who leaves a box of donuts on a back dash? This is a silk coat! Ruined!”

  “I’ll pay for the dry cleaning,” Cabe said, his tone barely masking a stifled laugh. He glanced at me, his eyes playful. “Kiri sent us over with brain food for you, but there was a little accident—”

  “Little!” Sonora shook powdered sugar from her auburn curls. “Just how much longer is this plebeian problem going to take?” She eyed my model. “We slugged through rush hour traffic for that?”

  Whoa, I thought. This girl was every bit the wicked witch they’d said she was.

  “Sheyda just has to make a few tweaks,” Cabe started. “Then we’d so appreciate a ride to NYU to drop it off.”

  “Whatev. But can you make it quick? I have plans tonight.”

  I smiled sweetly. Nothing—not even Sonora Grace—could dampen my spirits now. In a moment of brashness, I stuck a container of wood glue into her palm. “Why don’t you help? That will make it go faster.”

  She stared at me, then at Cabe. “Is this girl for real?”

  “Absolutely,” Cabe answered.

  Sonora mumbled a string of indecipherable words. Then, “Fine. Show me what to glue.”

  I pointed to a spot, and as she started gluing, I whispered to Cabe, “That donut spill wasn’t an accident, was it?”

  He grinned. “Not a chance. But after working with her today, it had to be done. You have no idea.”

  I slapped his arm teasingly, then squeezed his hand, whispering, “Thank you.”

  Leaving them in the kitchen, I raced to my bedroom to get the rest of my design supplies. I had one hour, at best, and a lot of work to do between now and then.

  * * *

  When I walked back into my apartment two hours later, Mom and Dad leapt up from the kitchen table, both shouting at once. “Sheyda, where have you been?” “We’ve been calling your cell phone for hours!” “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” “We were worried sick!”

  “I had to go down to NYU to turn in my application,” I said calmly. As that sunk in, their expressions turned from rage to guilt.

  “Oh, Sheyda.” Mom slapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. When Mina went missing, I got so worried, and I—I completely forgot.”

  I nodded. Part of me wanted to say that it was okay. Instinct told me that I should make them feel better about it, but maybe this time, I needed them to listen to me first. “I know you did,” I said, coming in to sit down at the table. “It’s been weeks since you even asked me how it was going. You didn’t even get to see it before I turned it in.”

  “Well, I’m sure it was perfect,” Dad said quickly. “Your work always is.”

  I shook my head. “But that’s just it, Dad. It wasn’t. There was an accident at school today, and the model got smashed.” Mom’s eyes widened with concern. “It ended up being okay,” I pushed on. “We fixed it. But … it’s not going to be perfect. And, I’m not, either.”

  “Sheyda.” Mom reached for my hand. “We know that—”

  “I’m not sure you do.” I took a deep breath as my pulse rattled. I needed to get it all out now, everything I wanted to say while I was still feeling brave enough. “I act like I can handle everything with school and stuff. I try so hard to do it all right so that everyone will stay happy. You both worry about Mina so much—” My breath caught when I realized I hadn’t even asked about her yet. “Where is Mina?”

  Mom waved her hand. “In her room. Grounded for life … We’ll talk about Mina later. This is about you.”

  My lips trembled. I almost wanted to cry, hearing those words. “You both worry about Mina so much,” I began again, “and I thought that if I kept doing well, and doing everything like I should, then you’d have one less thing to worry about.”

  “But you’re not a thing,” Dad said quietly. “You’re our daughter. We worry about you, too.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You … you do?”

  Mom gave a tired laugh. “Of course we do! You’re so quiet, and we worry that you put too much pressure on yourself. But lately …” She sighed. “We have been preoccupied with Mina, I suppose. She’s always seemed to need more from us than you have.”

  “I know you think that,” I said. “It’s like it’s a given that she’s always wild and I’m always good. But maybe neither one of us is always one way or the other. We just … are. Me and her. And it’s okay if we change.”

  “Oh no.” Mom put her head in her hands. “You’re going to rebel, too.”

  I laughed. “Not right now. Maybe not ever, but I don’t know. And the thing is, I need you to worry about me, too. Not all the time. But maybe sometimes?” My voice broke on my last word, and then Mom and Dad were both out of their chairs and wrapping their arms around me.

  “We were so stupid,” Dad said. “We just assumed you were doing fine. You never said anything—”

  “I know.” I looked at both of them, smiling. “That’s going to change. I want to be able to tell you when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I don’t want to feel jealous of Mina for getting so much attention …”

  “Wait a sec.” I heard Mina’s voice, and I glanced up to see her leaning against the hallway wall. “You’re jealous of me?”

  She sounded so shocked that I giggled. “Sure. A little. I mean, it took serious guts to try to sneak off on that ski trip.”

  “Sheyda!” blurted Mom.

  “Thanks.” Mina laughed. “At least I tried.”

  Dad shot Mina a stern look. “And you’ll never try anything like it again, if you know what’s good for you.”

  Mina held up her hands. “Believe me, I know. I’m going to be paying for it for forever.” She wrinkled her nose, but she didn’t look nearly as upset about it as I’d expected.

  “Wait a sec,” I said. “Why don’t you look madder?”

  Mina shrugged. “Oh, I’m mad, believe me. But not knowing where you were freaked me out, too. You never go rogue, and I felt like maybe it might be my fault, for losing it with you earlier this week.”

  “And giving me the silent treatment when I didn’t even tell on you,” I added, shooting her a look.

  “Yeah,” she said grudgingly. “That too, I guess. It made me think that there are more important things in life than ski trips.” She gave me a grudging smile. “Like sisters.” She hurriedly walked over to hug me. “I—I’m glad you’re home safe.”

  “Thanks,” I said as she pulled away and glanced at our parents.

  “Maybe you’ll consider shortening my sentence for exhibiting good sisterly behavior?” she asked them.

  “Back to your room,” Dad growled.

  “Fine. I’m going. I’m going.” Mina rolled her eyes at me, and then we both grinned. She still had a lot of things to work on with my parents, and I guessed that she probably wouldn’t be seeing much of Rehann and Josh for a while. But maybe if she was grounded for that long, she a
nd I would get to spend a little more time together.

  It was something to hope for, at least.

  Once Mina was gone, Mom bent over me, kissing my forehead in a way she hadn’t done since I was a lot smaller. “We love you,” she whispered. “You never have to be perfect for our sakes or anyone else’s.”

  “Good,” I said, hugging her back as my heart filled with warmth, “because, um, I just got a test back in math today, and I got a horrible grade.”

  Dad straightened. “Well, then, we better talk about it. Don’t you think?”

  His words made me feel even more relieved. I nodded. “That’s a good idea.”

  “Do you want me to go in with you, aziz?” Mom asked in the predawn stillness of the street. Even though it was Saturday, the only day of the week she and Dad usually slept in, she’d gotten up early to come with me. We hadn’t talked much on the walk, but just having her beside me, her arm occasionally brushing against mine, felt like the start of something new and cozy between us. I couldn’t remember the last time Mom had taken a break from her busy schedule to just be with me, and even though I was so nervous about what I was about to do, having her beside me made me feel braver.

  Now, I glanced at the front window of Doughlicious, empty and waiting for the first fresh batches of donuts to fill its display shelves. Kiri, I knew, would be in the kitchen with Mrs. Seng, baking. “Thanks, Mom, but I should do this alone.” I gave her a tremulous smile.

  She squeezed my hand. “I’ll be waiting if you need me.”

  That made all the difference. I took a deep breath, then pushed open the door. The second I did, the chimes sounded and Mrs. Seng came out of the kitchen in her apron.

  “Can I help—” When she saw me, she nodded in understanding. “Kiri’s in the kitchen.”

  “Thanks.”

  Kiri was just pulling a steaming tray of Cherry Cobbler donuts from the oven when I walked in. They smelled heavenly. Her eyes caught mine, her expression a mixture of sadness and uncertainty. Wow. Did I look as nervous as she did?

  “Can I help?” I asked softly.