by Ali Parker
The door closed, and I got up, walking to the bathroom and taking a long shower. I got back into the bed still wet and passed out without thinking too much about my last bad decision. I'd keep making them, no doubt, as I continued to search for something that felt so close and yet just out of my reach.
***
"Get up, buttercup!" Paul shook the bed and picked up my pillow, smacking me on the head with it several times.
"Get out, or I'll pimp slap you, and you know I'm capable of doing it." I swatted at him as I spoke through the thick haze of sleep.
"Keep that fire hose to yourself and get up. The girls are already headed to the conference room." He hit me a few more times and jumped backward as I got up and charged him. "Aww... man. You're naked. Really? Shit."
I released him and ran my fingers through my hair. "You filming this shit for us?"
Paul had to be one of my favorite crew members, but the man had mad skills. He was in high demand, and though we had him on the team for most of the early Bond films, he'd been picked up by several other production companies and we lost out. Frank had promised to work a new deal with him to get him back on the crew.
It would seem it worked.
"Obviously. Why does it smell like sex and candy in here?" He scrunched up his nose and shook his head as if he were disgusted.
"Breathe in deep, my friend. That's the smell of defeat. You wouldn't know." I laughed and walked to the dresser beside the television. After pulling on a pair of shorts and tugging a t-shirt over my head, we walked out and stopped by the kitchen. "Where is Frank?"
"He's probably with Riley and Deza." Paul opened the fridge and pulled out cold cuts and cheese as I made myself a travel mug of coffee.
"Speaking of Riley." I leaned against the counter, most likely looking like hell seeing that I felt like it. Good thing we were just working on scenes and not filming for the first day.
"Yeah." He made himself a sandwich while I watched, waiting for something more from him. "You want one?"
"Duh." I sat down and took a sip of my coffee. "So that's it? No comment on her looks or her personality or anything?"
He smiled and glanced up. "She's your kinda gal, isn't she? Short blond hair, funny, confident, great rack and intensely beautiful."
I nodded and breathed in deeply. "Yeah. She's the full package, man. I keep trying to get her into bed, but she won't have none of it."
"Has she seen what you're packing?" He chuckled as I gave him a look.
"It's always dick-envy with you." I took the sandwich he offered me and got up. "Let's get over there. Deza will make my day miserable if I show up too late."
"I'd actually enjoy seeing that." He laughed as I pushed his back.
We walked out into the dismal day and walked in the sand toward the conference room just down the beach a little way. I held up my half-eaten sandwich and smirked.
"This is really good. You wanna be my bitch for the next few weeks?"
"Yeah, sign me up for that shit." He rolled his eyes and opened the door, moving in and dusting off his tennis shoes. I hadn't bothered with shoes at all.
Deza stood in the far corner on her phone, bitching at someone about a bill we'd gotten that wasn't ours to pay.
I turned to find Frank explaining something to Riley. She had her back to me, and the way her tight white shorts fit her ass left my body screaming for far more attention than Vanessa had given it the night before. Poor girl. They always had such high aspirations only to fall flat on their faces.
After shoving the rest of my sandwich into my mouth, I walked over to stand beside Riley.
She glanced up and gave me a once-over before turning her attention back to Frank.
"So we're going to do the scene a few times and then work with other actors to critique each other?" She tilted her head to the side as he nodded. "Why? Why not just have me and Ethan work through it together over and over?"
"Because you think you're great and I think I'm great, and when we're together, we see no faults in our performance, but if I have to stand back and watch you, I'll see everything you don't. Vice versa." I pressed my shoulder to hers. "Good morning."
"Morning." She didn't look at me. Great. She was moody. Surely she wasn't on her period. Didn't the poor girl know that wearing white on her period was just a recipe for disaster?
"Ethan is right. It's the way we roll." Frank handed each of us a script. "This is a fight scene where you're pissed that Ethan is going back to his wife. It's the climax of the movie and we want it to be spot on emotionally. We'll be working on it today for as long as we need to. Read over the lines and get into position when you're ready."
"Sexual harassment. Did you get that on tape?" I glanced around and smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
Riley turned and walked toward the other side of the room without a word. I lifted my eyebrow and motioned toward her as I watched Frank closely.
"What's wrong with her?" I whispered.
He shrugged. "She was fine before you showed up. I'd assume you did something yesterday. Recount your afternoon and evening. You'll find it."
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention on the scene. It was short, but high emotion. I was almost too tired to muster up the anger the scene called for, but after diving into my shitty night with Vanessa I could feel the tension growing deep inside of me.
"I'm ready." I tossed the papers to the side and walked to the center of the moderate-sized conference room. "Riley?"
"Yep." She set her papers on the table beside Deza and walked towards me.
"All right. Get in places," Frank spoke louder than necessary.
Damn directors and their megaphone voices.
Riley put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes a little.
"Hot," I whispered and winked at her.
She didn't flinch. Damn... she was pissed, and it was my fault. I guess leaving her on the beach by herself the night before was a dick move. I was good at those. Apologizing on the other hand had never been a strong suit of mine.
"And action."
She pushed at my chest as her face contorted in anger. "I've given you all I have to offer. My time, my money, my attention, my body, my fucking heart." She pushed me harder, causing me to stumble backwards, which wasn't in the script.
I reached for her hands and grasped her wrists tightly, pulling her close to me and glaring down at her.
"And you'll keep giving it to me until I'm done using it." I leaned down and pressed my nose to hers as I growled softly, "You're mine. I don't care if you run a million miles from this place. You'll always be mine."
She jerked back, pulled her hand from mine and slapped me - hard.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" Tears swam in her eyes, and part of me couldn't tell where the drama began and she ended. She was so far into the character that I was forced to go farther with her.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." I licked my lips and gripped the sides of her beautiful face as tears dripped down her cheeks.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" The tears rolled down her cheeks and broke my heart. Was she trying to tell me something? No. They were lines.
I blinked a few times and stepped back. "I need a moment."
"What? Why?" Frank called out as I turned and walked out of the building and toward the water.
I had to get my shit together. I was a basket case most days as it were, but with her standing in front of me, forcing me to be better, more convincing, I was lost.
"Ethan?" Her voice caused me to turn.
"You okay?" She stopped in front of me and wiped at her eyes.
I reached out and brushed a tear away and nodded. "Yeah. Just trying to forgive myself for being a dick last night. I guess it's not my own forgiveness I want though."
"Well, you'll not be getting mine." She patted the side of my face. "Come on. Stop being
a tit and let’s get this scene down."
"I hate you," I mumbled and cupped her hand on my cheek, turning and kissing her palm softly. "You smell good."
"I masturbated with that hand this morning." We both laughed as she stepped back and shook her head. "Get in here and stop being so sensitive. I'm fine. I hate you, but we're good. Let's go."
I walked behind her, my heart racing, my mind running sprints around the possibilities of what it would feel like to let myself have a normal relationship, one where love and lust took turns. One where I could be me and give margin for her to simply be her.
It was a pipe dream that I needed to get over. She was authentic and real, and I was just me... America's favorite fake.
Chapter 16
Riley
I walked ahead of him, breathing through my mouth as I tried to slow my racing heart. The man had a way of making me feel a million emotions all at one time. I'd been waiting for the big break I had right in front of me for most of my life. I couldn't let something as silly as wanting Ethan's attention take anything away from that. He was as inaccessible with me standing in front of him as he was trapped behind the large movie screen as we all sat at the theater.
"You guys okay?" Deza met me at the door and backed up as I nodded and walked in.
"We both just slept like shit last night." I rolled my shoulders and moved to the center of the room.
"Maybe if you would just sleep together and get it over with, you'd both feel better." Paul turned from the coffee pot and shrugged. "Just saying. If we're keeping it real like you guys always do around here. There's sexual tension between you and the big cheese. Let it go, or give in to it."
I couldn't help but let my mouth fall open a little.
"Shut up, Paul. Jealous fucker." Ethan moved to stand in front of me and winked. "He's an idiot. You'll get used to him. His mom was a porn star and his dad a janitor with a love of anything with a pole attached to it. Brooms, mops, his mom."
I laughed and pressed my hand over my mouth.
"Good one. You get a point there, buddy." Paul laughed and crossed his free arm over his chest as he took a drink of his coffee.
"All right. Let's go, you two. Keep the emotion high. Okay?" Frank circled us and reached out and squeezed both of our shoulders. "You're in love and you're hiding it. Ethan, you're torn like a mother fucker on being with the woman you love and the one you've committed your life to in marriage."
"Got it." Ethan's warm brown eyes moved across my face, stealing another piece of my heart. "What are you thinking about when you cry on cue?"
"Lots of things." I swallowed hard and positioned myself as Frank barked out our cue to start. If I'd been honest, I would have told him that my tears were a direct correlation to knowing that he'd come close to being real with me the night before and backed off. That he'd decided to go find a whore in town to fuck throughout the night instead of sitting on the beach with me and getting to know each other better.
Nothing hurt more than rejection. At least not in my world. I'd suffered it too many times to let the wound heal. It was opened back up and made fresh far too often.
***
We worked through the scene several times before Frank called in a guy named Marco and a girl named Vanessa. Ethan's whole demeanor changed when the woman walked into the room.
"Fuck," he mumbled and walked back toward the snack table Deza had set up sometime during the day.
"What's up?" I moved over to stand beside him.
"That's the chick I took home with me last night. I had no clue she was an extra, but she knew." He ran his hand through his hair and glanced over his shoulder. "This is why I hate being me most days. Every decision seems like a bad one."
I couldn't help but rub salt in the wound a little. "Didn't you just tell me yesterday that sleeping with a random stranger was the quickest way to get your ass in trouble?"
"Yeah, I did." He crossed his arms over his chest as his expression darkened a little. I didn't want a fight, but there was no way in hell he was getting away with being a hypocrite and me not calling him on the floor for it.
"And then you go and do it?" I glanced over at her as she watched us. She was gorgeous with thick black hair and almond-colored skin. Her curves were thick and she had a good twenty pounds of sexiness stacked on her from where I stood. I couldn't come close to comparing. I felt like a pubescent boy with her in the room.
"You don't know what it's like to be alone, Riley. You have people in your life. Go judge someone else, all right?" He turned and walked toward Frank. "Let's do this shit. I'm ready for a nap."
"I know exactly what it's like, asshole." I moved up beside him and turned my attention on Marco. "Let's go first and show them how it's done?"
He chuckled and moved up to the center of the room. He looked like a male version of Vanessa. Charlotte would have a fucking cow if we ran into someone as good looking as him in the mall. Was everyone in the movies so well put together, and if so, did I really belong?
"Get into position," Frank barked from beside Ethan.
I winked at him and he smiled before locking his expression into surprised anger.
I pushed at his chest and let my anger for Ethan and his shitty decisions fuel me forward. "I've given you all I have to offer. My time, my money, my attention, my body, my fucking heart."
He gripped my hands and pulled me in tightly, locking my hands beside his thighs and glaring down at me. His dark features made him even more attractive, and yet he wasn't Ethan.
"And you'll keep giving it to me until I'm done using it." He leaned down and brushed his nose by mine as he took a step forward, which pressed us even closer. "You're mine. I don't care if you run a million miles from this place. You'll always be mine."
I jerked back and popped him in the face softly, trying not to overdo it. We were just rehearsing.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" I thought of my mother leaving me alone to raise myself, my father dying on us, Derick's bloody body being dropped on the front door and me finding him. Tears blurred my vision. The image of Ethan making love to the beautiful woman just behind Marco was the rest of the fuel I needed to dive into despair. I was alone. I'd always been alone. Now was no different. A sob left me that wasn't part of the script.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." He gripped the sides of my face and leaned down as tears dripped down my cheeks and I let out another soft sob.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" The tears rolled down my cheeks as I pressed up and closed my eyes, putting my heart into the kiss. All the broken pieces I could collect and offer.
"Cut." Ethan's voice surprised me. "We're not doing the kiss too, right?"
"No," Frank whispered and wiped at his eyes. "Shit. That was beautiful, Riley. Great job Marco. Very, very good."
I wiped at my eyes as Frank moved up and ran his hands down my shoulders. "That was beautiful. So much pain in your performance. You okay?"
I nodded as another wave of tears filled my eyes. "Yeah. Just trying to pull off the impossible."
"Well, you're doing it beautifully." He moved back and called Ethan and Vanessa up to run through the scene. I turned and walked out of the building. I knew Frank wanted me there to watch and take notes, but I needed a minute to get myself together.
I walked out to the edge of the water and slipped my hands into the back of my pockets and let out a long sigh. Ethan was so wrong about me. I knew more than anyone else what it felt like to be alone. He was a cocky bastard for thinking that he was the only one that suffered through life's tsunamis. He was one of many, and it would seem that most of his heartache was self-inflicted.
"Riley? You want to run the scene once more before we break for an hour?" Frank called down to me.
"You bet." I wiped at my eyes and jogged back up to the conference room.
Ethan and Vanessa were arguing in
the corner when I walked back in, but I ignored them.
Marco moved up beside me and smiled. "You did great. So passionate."
"Thank you. Do you have a part in the movie?"
"Yeah. I play Ethan's brother." He shrugged. "It's fun. I love being on set no matter what part I have. One day I'll make it to the front of the stage."
"I think that day is coming sooner than you think." I smiled and moved toward the center of the room as he grasped my wrist and stopped me.
"Riley. You wanna maybe go out for a drink while you're here this week?" His eyes moved across my face.
"Yeah. That sounds fun. Maybe after we get through the first few days of filming. I'm so new to this that I don't want to mess anything up." I gave him a sheepish smile that wasn't at all my personality.
"Sounds great. You just let me know when." He winked and moved back beside Frank.
"Let him know when what?" Ethan moved to stand in front of me. The pink stain on his cheeks and neck let me know that he was struggling. Vanessa wasn't going to let him live down whatever happened with them the night before. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
"He just wants to get a drink."
"Tell him no." Ethan glanced over at Frank. "Let's do this. I need a drink."
"Don't tell me what to do." I tugged at his t-shirt. "Focus and stop being an ass."
"You're not getting a drink with him." He gave me a tight, asinine smile as Frank yelled action.
We moved through it with intense anger until we reached the slap. I hit him harder than I had Marco, but not nearly as hard as I had the first time.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" I half-screamed with emotion so real it ripped open my heart.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." He gripped the sides of my face and leaned down as tears dripped down my cheeks.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" I searched his eyes for the truth of his answer.