His words were meant to calm Holly, but they did nothing to soothe her. She placed her hand along his cheek, her thumb brushing against his dimple. “But you can’t control everything - and you are hurting us by keeping me hidden away here.”
Hunter gently kissed her forehead. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Holly’s arms encircled his neck and she threaded her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. “I know you don’t.”
When he would have kissed her, she stopped him. “But you need to remember what I promised to you on our wedding day.”
“Always Yours, Always Faithful...” Hunter brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, tracing his finger down the side of her cheek. She momentarily relished in the feel of his touch against her skin, but when she closed her eyes, all she could see was her stepmother’s face. Reign in those desires or you will end up exactly like your mother.
Holly stepped out of Hunter’s embrace, turning from him so she wouldn’t be tempted by his handsome face. “God put us together, and I’m not going to let anything or anyone take that apart.”
He turned her toward him. “Then don’t pull away from me.”
He cupped her face and brushed the tip of his nose against hers. She closed her eyes against the surge of desire that wound its way up her belly while the whispers of condemnation slithered through her brain. The result was a kiss that yearned for release, and a heart that cried to be loved.
Chapter Two
Three days had passed since their argument. Now, as Hunter sat in church, he watched Holly walking toward him. Her tall, willowy form was draped in a sapphire blue chiffon dress, and the small sleeves fluttered over her arms as she walked. The cinched waist accented her figure and the color of the dress complimented her deep auburn hair that tumbled around her slender shoulders.
Her pale pink lips were not smiling, and her eyes, which matched the sapphire blue of her dress, didn’t hold any smile in their shiny depths either. Her eyes were cold - well, Hunter amended, colder than usual.
No, he corrected, Holly is anything but cold - she was aloof, haunted, or maybe untouchable. Elusive, he thought with a smile.
Holly had been barely twenty at the time he met her, struggling to put herself through college as the front desk receptionist at his company in downtown Pittsburgh. She also worked a second job on the weekends at a high-end bridal shop in the cultural district to earn extra cash.
His first wife had left him for another man and he had been leery of dating again. However, there was something about Holly that drew him away from his fears. She had a tough edge to her that captivated his attention, and despite his attempts to ask her out, she had staunchly refused any of his advances. He was never one to chase skirts around a desk like a perverted old business man, but she had caught his eye and he wasn’t about to let go.
Elusive, he thought again, but his smile dimmed. Now, that same elusiveness scared him - leaving him wondering if disinterest in him is what fueled her distance. She would respond to his touch and kisses as if she were his alone - but she held back a piece of herself. There was something in her eyes that made him feel like he would never really know her, never really have her as his own.
Holly sat down next to him without even turning to grace him with a smile, her back stiff and straight in the pew.
“How was the Women’s Bible study class?”
“Fine.” He counted that as the fifth single-word answer she had given him today. Most of his questions had been simply met with a stiff nod.
He watched her shoulders dip a little, and she finally turned his way. “It was good.”
“Honey,” Hunter placed his arm along the back of the pew. “I know you have a meeting for that thing today.”
“The summer outreach event.” Her tone had regained a crisp air to it.
“Yes, the summer outreach event.” He brushed his thumb across the back of her shoulder, sending the sleeve of her dress fluttering with his movements. “Would you mind skipping it?”
She stared at him for a moment, her blue eyes searching his face as she said, “Or better yet, why don’t you join me?”
His wife was very active serving in the church, but he refused to join her. There was Anna, the children’s church director who was three times divorced, and Bob, the Adult Sunday School teacher who last month admitted he struggled with watching pornography years ago. So many hypocrites, Hunter thought.
Slowly drawing his arm from the back of the pew, he faced forward, watching as others wandered into the church. One lady stopped twice on her way to her seat to give someone a hug, but the gesture was just about as warm as Holly’s attitude toward him. Just going through the motions.
However, Hunter didn’t want that for his marriage. With a reluctant smile, he turned to her and nodded his head. “Okay, I’ll join you.”
One delicate auburn brown furrowed for just a second. “Really?”
“Sure, why not?” He leaned close to her and said, “And then we will talk about this Anya business after.”
Holly’s smile faded, and Hunter guessed he had ticked her off again. He felt the distance separate them - and distance was what always terrified him.
His mother had been so distant with his father when her affairs began. His mother was never there - even when she was there. Cold and aloof at dinner, lost in her own thoughts. But then, all of a sudden, things changed. Her smile had returned, but it wasn’t until later that he would learn the smile came from the man she was having an affair with.
As they stood for worship, he stole a glance down at his wife. She turned her head and peeked at him under her lashes before turning back to the service. She wouldn’t cheat on him, would she? After all he’d been through with his own parents, with his first wife...Holly knew how much adultery angered him. She wouldn’t - would she?
He tried to focus on the words to the song, but his concerns fired through his head like cannons on the battlefield. He sang – but he was not cognizant of what he was saying. He listened to the sermon, but the words were drowned out by the battle raging in his mind. Each time he analyzed her behavior, dissected her words, or investigated her attitude, it was like another reverberating boom.
His head was still reeling as they went out to lunch after service.
“So,” Hunter began after they had been seated. “What are we doing at this summertime event?”
“Summer Outreach Event,” her tone was cool, and he reached across the table for her hand. It was sometime before she turned her hand and laced her fingers with his. The pause caused panic to swell within his chest.
“Yeah, that.” He distractedly said as he rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. His misgivings about her faithfulness resurfaced, especially when she coolly disentangled her fingers from his, tucking her hands into her lap underneath the table.
“What did I say now?” Hunter leaned back in the chair, defeated.
The waiter came and took their orders, saving her from having to answer him right away. After the waiter left, she took a sip of her water before speaking. “Look, if you don’t want to join me, you don’t have to. This is about the community - not about watching over me so I don’t do something wrong.”
Despite her cool expression, he could tell her emotions were boiling up. He closed his eyes, shaking his head as if he could shake off her notions. But maybe she was right. Maybe that is why he had said he would go.
“Those weren’t my intentions. I am trying to share something with you. It is what you are always complaining about.”
His choice of words must have not been correct, because she inhaled slowly, before whispering, “I’m not complaining, I’m expressing.”
“Well, you’ve been expressing a lot lately, and I am trying to listen.”
Her countenance conveyed that she was weary of the arguing. Her tense shoulders relaxed and the hardness around her eyes softened. “I am sorry.” She reached across the table and captured his hand. “I let my emo
tions get ahead of me and sometimes I say things I regret. I didn’t mean to nag.”
This time she was the one to run a soothing thumb across his knuckles. “I just want you to know that you can trust me. Please...” her eyes misted and she turned her head. “I just need you to...I want you to think I’m worthy of your trust.”
“Holly...” emotion got the better of him and his words. He leaned across the table to capture both of her hands. “I don’t think you can understand how much my mother’s actions hurt my father - how they hurt our whole family.” He leaned back in his chair, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.
Their food arrived at that moment, and he sat back trying to quell the wave of anger that always came surging over him with the mention of his mother. Just one thought of what his mother had did to his father left him burning with anger. He didn’t want that to destroy his marriage. So if he got a little protective of Holly - well, couldn’t she see that it was because he loved her so much?
After the waiter left, he pushed his untouched plate aside, recapturing her hands. “I love you, Holly. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”
“But why do you think I would leave you? When you look at me, do you see someone who would turn her back on her marriage? Do you see someone who would throw away the biggest blessing she has ever received?”
There was an edge to her voice, as if her question wasn’t merely rhetorical. Hunter shrugged it off as the strain of their fight. He paused longer than he should have, and regret came at the sight of her tears. “Holly, no, I don’t see an adulterous woman when I look at you.”
“I’m not that woman.” Her voice was soft, scared, and uncertain.
He ran his thumb across the back of her hand. “I know you are not. I am just worried about others - people just don’t respect the sanctity of marriage...”
“I am not that woman.” She interrupted. Her voice still as soft, but there was a thread of steel wound throughout her words.
“I know, but just please promise that you will be wary of others...”
Her sapphire eyes met his, and there were tiny pools of tears hanging onto her lashes. “I am worthy of your trust.”
I do trust you, he thought to himself, I just wish you’d be more receptive to me. Why are you always pulling away? What is it that you are missing with me? If a gentle touch or a kind word from another man comes your way, how can I trust that you won’t find yourself in the grip of adultery?
Hunter didn’t say any of the words on his heart. “I know and I love you.” He refused to lose his marriage like his parents did.
Chapter Three
Holly was grateful when the awkward lunch conversation was over. She truly loved her husband and she understood the reason for his fears, but the more he questioned her faithfulness, the more she questioned her saintliness.
You’re just like your mother. Her stepmother’s words wound their way through her mind.
When Holly graduated high school, she couldn’t wait to get out of her father’s house. The looks, the stares, the condescension wrapped in lukewarm smiles – living with her biological father and stepfamily did little to heal her after her parent’s death. While her dad had tried his best to make her feel loved, all she felt was unwanted. A stained and tainted girl unworthy of what she wanted most - to be loved and accepted.
Hunter had changed all of that with his persistent pursuit of her. His jealousy, at first, had made her feel cherished, treasured and prized. She was worthy of being protected – and she welcomed that protection. But as the years wore on, that notion faded. In its place was that familiar painful feeling of a stained soul unable to be cleansed.
“You really don’t have to do this.” Holly said as they drove back to the church.
“I told you,” Hunter reached across the center console for her hand that rested on her lap. “I want to share this with you. I want to show you that I am trying.”
She looked at his profile as he drove. He was so handsome, with his deep blue eyes framed by dark eyelashes. He had a strong jawline, which always bore the beginnings of a beard. On the surface he was controlled, strong and firm, but underneath he was just as insecure and broken as she was. She needed him as much as he needed her. At least that is what she had been telling herself for years.
“What are you staring at?” He asked; the nervous smile on his lips revealed his dimples – the dimples she loved to touch too much.
“I was just thinking about how handsome you are.”
He turned his attention from the road to stare at her for a moment. Turning back, his brow was furrowed. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”
Chagrined, Holly realized how true his statement really was. “I’m sorry.” She whispered to Hunter as they pulled up in the parking lot of the church. She leaned across the console and pulled his head down to hers for a brief kiss. “I do love you. I will always love you.”
She watched as his blue eyes scanned her face. His hand and his eyes both slid gently down her hair, and she didn’t know if she felt the caresses more from his hand or from his stare. “Please, don’t ever stop. I need you.”
His words broke the dam of her carefully restrained emotions. She threaded her fingers through his hair and looked deeply into his eyes. “I need you, too. I need you to stop looking at me like I’m your mom. You have no idea how much I need your trust.”
He didn’t say anything, he just lightly pressed his lips to her forehead. She didn’t know if that meant “I do trust you,” or, “let’s not ruin this moment with the truth.”
With a sigh, she withdrew from him and they went inside to meet with the others in the group.
The pastor began once everyone had found a seat. “I’d like to begin today with an introduction. I know many of you have already met Seth Hargrove.”
Hunter whispered in her ear. “I met him in class today. Poor guy just lost his wife six months ago. You can tell he’s eager for friendship.”
Holly knew her husband’s heart enough to know that he felt for the man’s loss, but Hunter would be too controlled to let that show beyond superficial cordialness. She would suggest that they have him over for dinner, but she was afraid that he would interpret that as something other than it was.
After the introduction, the pastor began to lay out the purpose for today’s meeting. “There are different areas in which you all can sign up to work. We have concessions, games, and some rides.”
“What are you going to do?” Hunter whispered, and she could feel his breath tickling her ear. It sent a thrill down her.
“I’m not sure. What do you want to do?” She felt that familiar thrill of excitement rush through the pit of her stomach. She tried not to like it too much.
“I want to do whatever you want to do.” They both said at the same time.
Their hushed giggles drew a smirk from the woman sitting next to them.
The dark mood that had hung over them during lunch dissipated, and Holly loathed to do anything that might upset the lighthearted banter between them. “You choose.”
He looked down at her, his eyes sparkling with love. Holly knew if they hadn’t been in the middle of the church, he would have kissed her. That wicked part of her rose, but she shoved it down. If she could just keep her passions wrestled down, maybe he would look at her as trustworthy.
Everyone started to rise, signing up with whatever group they wanted to go with. Hunter laced his fingers through hers, and Holly tried hard to control the beating of her heart. Hunter stopped beside the newcomer.
“I’m not really sure what I’ll be good at.” Seth said as a smile lifted his mouth, but it wasn’t reflected in his light brown eyes. “My wife always did this with me...” Seth’s voice was barely a whisper, and Holly’s heart cinched with pain for this man. She would have reached out and touched his arm in comfort, but there was Hunter...
“Why don’t the three of us work together?” Hunter’s suggestion took her by surprise.
When she looked up at Hunter, she saw the compassion in his eyes - the compassion that kept him from serving, from ministering, from forgiving. Compassion was a weakness in Hunter’s eyes.
“I guess that would be great.” Seth’s shoulders lifted a little and Hunter shook his hand, reintroducing himself.
“Yes, we met in the men’s Bible study class.”
“And this is my wife, Holly.” The way Hunter said it, with such pride and joy, filled Holly with a renewed sense of worth.
She shook the man’s hand briefly before tucking her own back into her husband’s warm, waiting grasp.
“Well, we could do something simple like work with the bouncy houses. I don’t know about you, Seth, but I’m not that handy with a hammer. I’m not sure I could build one of the games the pastor spoke of.”
Seth laughed and agreed “I don’t fare much better in that department.”
Holly hesitated, but something within her propelled her to speak up. “I am.”
Both men turned toward her as she repeated. “I can build the game. I mean, I need your help, but my dad built and repurposed furniture.”
Hunter was staring down at her. She rarely spoke of her past, and he knew it was a sensitive subject with her, though she had never elaborated why.
“Do you really think you have the skills?”
Hunter’s question deflated a little of the wind in her sails. Her voice was soft. “Yes, I do. I used to help him all the time. I think we could build this one.” Holly pointed to a tossing game fashioned like Noah’s ark. “It is pretty simple to cut this out.” She placed her hand on Hunter’s arm. “And you are pretty good at drawing. Could you make the animals?”
Hunter shrugged. “Sure.”
Seth clapped his hands once as if to signal the matter was over. “Well, if the lady believes we can do it, I say we trust her.”
Seth had no idea how much his words cut at her heart.
“Okay.” Hunter signed their names on the sheet and they gathered at a table in the corner, spending the next half hour discussing their plan of action.
Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) Page 2