Holly took the lead, hesitantly at first, but growing bolder from the encouraging looks she received from both men. They parted ways, and Holly was feeling very proud of herself.
The ride home was silent, and Holly caught Hunter shooting a questioning look every once in a while.
As they walked into the house, Hunter shut the door and dropped his keys on a nearby table. The metallic clink on the glass surface and his words were the first break in the awkward silence that had prevailed since they left the church.
“Elusive.”
She turned toward him and raised an auburn eyebrow. “What?”
He pulled her purse strap off her shoulder and pulled her into his embrace. “Elusive. I was thinking today that was the best word to describe you. After five years of marriage, I am just finding out you are a carpenter.”
Holly willed her heartbeat to stop drumming in her ears at his nearness. If only he didn’t look so good, smell so good, I wouldn’t be filled with all of these thoughts.
“I’m not a carpenter.” She blushed as he ran his hand up and down her back.
His hand slipped into the auburn curtain of her hair, cupping her neck right below the ear. Using his thumb to tilt her face upwards, he lowered his lips to hers. “But you are elusive.”
Holly pulled back. Did he mean cold? She didn’t want to be, but she didn’t want to give reign to her emotions. She knew all too well the pitfalls of letting your emotions control you. Her stepmother had always reminded her of Colossians 3:5, “So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires.” Reminded? Holly scoffed. She hissed it at me day and night the entire two years I lived there.
But as angry as she was with her stepmother, she had to accept the wisdom of her words. She had seen the consequences of letting those earthly things stay there. Her passion and desire for her husband was a raging thing that she fought with daily. And as good as it felt to be in his arms, she had to reign it in before it led to sin.
“I don’t mean to be.” Her words were a whisper against his lips, and he hovered over her, as if waiting for her to respond to him. She opened her eyes and looked into his. It was if he was begging her to let go, just once. To let go of her tightly reigned-in passion.
She pulled back a little more, and she didn’t miss the disappointment that registered in his eyes. “I love you.”
“I know.” He rubbed his nose lightly against hers, but still refused to kiss her.
Her restraint was snapping, and she knew if she kissed him now, her passion wouldn’t be controlled like she always kept it. She would have stepped out of his embrace, but he held her close. “I know you love me,” he whispered against her lips again. “Show me you want me.”
With a moan of defeat, she gave in to the mounting temptation, with her stepmother’s accusations ringing throughout her head. If you don’t control all of your emotions, they will control you – and then you will be just like you mother, destroying the lives of those around you.
Later that evening, snuggled with her back against Hunter’s body, and wrapped in the protective shield of his embrace, she debated with the inner voices of her conscience.
He is my husband, it can’t be sinful.
But then she remembered her stepmother’s words when she had asked to go to prom. “You cannot be trusted on a date. You are filled with uncontrolled emotions - just like your mother. You don’t see me swooning at my husband’s touch - I know control, and so should you.”
Hunter nuzzled her ear, sending goose bumps down her arms. She closed her eyes to the words of her stepmother and her heart.
“Hunter, I...” She paused, wanting to tell him more about her past. “I don’t want you to think that I’m elusive.”
“That was definitely not elusive.” She could feel the rumble of laughter coming from his chest through her back. Holly wasn’t laughing, but Hunter didn’t notice. He had pulled her hair away from her neck and was placing kisses from the nape to her shoulder.
She turned in his arms, and he leaned on one elbow, looking down at her.
He brushed her hair back from her face, entranced by the way it splayed out on the pillow beneath her. His words were absentminded dribbles from his brain. “I liked serving with you today.”
“Me too.”
“You are very commanding as the team leader.” His smile warmed her heart, and she could sense the pride in his words.
He pulled his attention from her hair and look down at her. His countenance changed from absentminded to serious. “I think you will make an excellent business partner for Anya.”
“Really?”
There was concern still lurking in the depth of his eyes. “I’m scared, but I want you to see that I do trust you.”
Her emotions welled up within her. “I will show you that I am worthy of your trust.”
Laying down, he pulled her against him. With her head resting on his chest, and her mind whizzing through everything that just happened, she listened to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. “I know we don’t talk about my parents a lot.”
“You don’t have to; you said that it causes you pain.” She could hear that he was getting sleepy as he said, “I understand, Holly. I know how much the sins of our parents stain us.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He kissed her lightly on the top of her head. “It is hard to get out from under that stain.”
She nodded her head, but her heart didn’t want to agree. Soon, their bedroom was filled with the sound of his snores and the almost imperceptible sound of her tears.
Chapter Four
The next Saturday, Seth, Holly, and Hunter met at the church to work on the outreach game. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, Hunter looked ready to get down to work. However, Holly found herself distracted, stealing glances at him while they were working. His dark gray t-shirt was stretched taught across his broad shoulders as he cut the wood for the bean-bag toss game.
Behave, her conscious warned her.
They had enjoyed a nice week, and the only hiccup in they had come when he unexpectedly dropped by the boutique. Holly had greeted him at the door with a smile, and Hunter wrapped his arm around her waist. His smile faded when he noticed two males sitting in flowery wingback chairs near the dressing rooms.
“Grooms?” She heard the sliver of insecurity laced within his question. Holly wished he would trust her, but her inner tormentor reminded her of all the filth that covered her.
“No, they are here to interview for the driver/server position.”
He had tried not to let his jealousy show, but she saw it flicker in his eyes. Seeking to ease his concerns, she placed a hand on his chest and said, “Anya will mostly be working with the driver. He will help her with the catering trays and set up the platform and mirror.”
“I see.” He tried to keep his misgivings from creeping into his voice, but she could see they had slithered in despite his best efforts.
Holly wanted him to trust her, to stop looking at her like a she was a step away from turning into his mom. “Why did you stop by?” Though she did her best to hide it, her voice sounded cool. She turned to the display of veils she had been working on when he came in.
“Can’t a husband stop by and see his wife?”
“Anytime.” She replied, but didn’t turn around lest he see the pain in her eyes. Like he said the other night, it was hard to get out from under the stain of our parent’s sin.
“You’re so busy ogling your wife, you aren’t listening.” Seth’s teasing comments brought Holly out of her thoughts. She looked up to find Hunter staring at her, but she could tell he wasn’t ogling her. He was judging her, and from the arch of his eyebrow, she wondered if she had been found lacking.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Hunter said.
“I was just saying that after we sand it, you can draw the design before we paint it.” Seth chuckled as he answer
ed
“Which animals did we decide on?” Hunter asked Seth, but his eyes were still on hers.
“A lion with his mouth open, a kangaroo with her pouch open and a monkey with his hands cupped.” Seth answered as he put the finishing touches on the ark cutout they made out of plywood.
“Okay, I’ll get to work.”
“We can start cleaning up while you do that.” Seth said to Holly.
Under the guise of stretching, she watched her husband lean down to his task. He must have felt her eyes on him, because he turned his eyes toward her. Caught, she blushed. “Do you need any help?”
“I would love the company of my beautiful wife next to me. You can come help me draw...?” His question hung in the air.
Hunter looked so enticing, and Holly just wanted to reach out and touch his dimple, kiss his lips...Behave!
With a smile she really didn’t feel, she joked. “The kids won’t have any idea which of Noah’s animals they are ‘feeding’ if I draw them.”
Her decision made Hunter’s dimple disappear, and he turned back to the drawing with a shrug.
Holly and Seth began quietly cleaning up, while her inner tormentors conducted a deafening battle within her mind. Every defensive But he’s my husband was quickly met by the roaring accusation But your mother... As much as the hot afternoon sun seared her skin, the blistering remarks of her stepmother scorched her mind.
By the time they were done cleaning, she was sweating and irritated, and Hunter still wasn’t finished. There was a line of sweat darkening the shirt between his shoulder blades. She knelt by his side in the grass. “Do you want to finish up next week?” Holly asked as she wiped a bead of sweat from his brow.
“No, I’m almost done. Probably just a half hour.”
“Okay.” she could smell the scent of his cologne made more prevalent by the heat of the day and the sweat on his body. Her mind rebelled against the thoughts that sprang to mind. I love my husband, God. I wish I didn’t feel so dirty because I desire him. Clearing her throat, she stood. “I’ll go get you a water.”
On the way to the church’s kitchen, Seth came jogging up beside her. “It is starting to look great.”
“Yeah, it is.” Holly yanked a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to him. Tucking two more underneath her arm, she slammed the refrigerator door. At Seth’s inquisitive look, she murmured, “Sorry, I am just hot.”
The two headed through the halls of the church and back out toward Hunter.
Seth warily broached conversation. “It has been great working with you all. You two really made me feel welcome.”
Holly felt bad for letting her frustration show. Just like your mother, you will hurt everyone around you. She stomped on her stepmother’s words and smiled at Seth. “I know it can be hard in a new place, surrounded by unfamiliar people, especially after going through something so tough.” She thought of the day she had went to go live with her father; the cold, unwelcoming stare of her stepmother had followed her all the way up the stairs.
Seth and Holly walked silently for a few moments, each lost in their own misery. Seth was the first to break the silence. “It sounds like you are no stranger to a little pain.”
Glancing sideways at him, she shrugged as she opened the door leading out to the field where Hunter was. “A lot of ugliness stained my life when I was younger, sometimes I feel...” Holly tried to reign in her confession, but her need to unburden a fraction of her oppressive emotions overrode everything else. “Sometimes I feel like I will never get out from under that stain.”
Seth nodded his head, and his feet slowed until he came to a stop, forcing her to turn around. “My wife died in a car crash after we had a huge fight. I yelled at her and said things I didn’t mean.” He batted at the tears escaping his eyes. “She died without ever hearing that.”
Holly saw the guilt on his face, and felt the regret in his words. Moved, she rubbed her hand up and down his arm in a comforting manner. “I am sure she knew...”
Seth shook his head. “I was always doing and saying stupid things out of my emotions. Sometimes I wish I could just rip them all away.”
Seth hugged her, nearly sending the water bottles toppling. It was a quick, innocent exchange, but she couldn’t help feeling guilty for it.
The two took up step again, silently and slowly making their way toward Hunter. “Anyway, I get the stained feeling.” Seth said. “Like you can’t get clean.”
“Like it’s who you are, despite your best efforts otherwise.” Holly whispered, her guilt skittering away for a moment as her heart connected with his words.
“Yeah, well, at least you have Hunter. You two have a great thing going. Cherish it.”
Holly just nodded, squelching the urge to scoff at his remark. If he would just cherish me instead of suspect me.
They walked the last few yards to Hunter in silence, and Hunter stood as they neared. Sensing the morose mood, Hunter just stared at her when she handed him the bottle.
“Wow, Hunter. This looks great. You are very talented.”
Hunter didn’t turn toward Seth as he said, “Thank you.” His eyes were fixed on Holly, silently grilling her. Had he seen the hug?
“Well, I think that is about all we can do today.” Seth chimed in. “Hunter, if you’ll help me take this into the church, we can call it a day.”
Tearing his eyes from her, Hunter grabbed one end of the ark while Holly gathered the rest of their supplies that were littered around the grass. She packed them away and headed toward their car. Leaning against it, she crossed one arm over her midriff and drank from her bottle with the other. The water felt cool and refreshing, and she couldn’t wait to go home and shower.
Or are you trying to shower off your guilt?
Holly shook off her thoughts as the two men exited the building. She watched them coming toward her, and she notices that, while they were both the same height, they were as different as can be. Where Hunter had dark hair, Seth’s was a reddish-blonde. They were both handsome men, but Hunter’s good looks were rugged, almost primal, whereas Seth was classically handsome - elegant. Clean cut and graceful versus rugged and sexy.
There was a natural kindness and gentleness about Seth, where Hunter looked anything but “kind”. Holly knew he was a kind and compassionate man, but to Hunter, these traits were his weakness – especially to those who had hurt him.
Seth’s eyes bore the lines of his smiles. Even when he had been pouring out his sadness to her, she had seen the kindness in him.
A kindred spirit - Seth could understand me more than Hunter could.
As soon as the thought slithered across her mind, Holly mentally shook herself. What was she thinking comparing them?
They approached and Holly could hear Seth saying, “...love to have you and Holly over sometime for dinner.”
Hunter shook the man’s hand and said, “That would be great, Seth. Give us a call.”
As they drove home, Holly’s guilt over the path of her thoughts kept her silent.
“What’s wrong?”
Holly refused to look at him. Shrugging, she explained, “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Something that Seth told me - that his wife died after they had an argument. He is riddled with guilt - must be sad for him.” Holly closed her eyes as the lie slipped so easily out of her lips, but what good would come if she admitted her thoughts? Besides, it wasn’t like she was fantasizing about Seth, and it was just a thought. An observation. However, her justification did little to ease the guilt she felt.
Hunter’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts, but she refused to look at him. “I know, I feel bad for him too. That is why I accepted his offer for dinner. You don’t mind, do you?”
She shrugged and said nothing, but anger surged through her. Like it matters now, you already accepted the invitation. A small part of her recognized that her guilt was feeding her irritation, but her shame and anger were louder than her good
sense.
They pulled into the garage, and Holly jumped out before he even had his car door open. She stormed up to their bedroom, divesting herself of her clothes as quick as possible. She stepped under the water before it even had the chance to warm up.
She hadn’t been under the water long before she heard, “What’s going on, Holly?”
At the unexpected sound of her husband’s voice intruding into her shower, Holly screamed and dropped the shampoo bottle.
“I’m taking a shower!” The exasperation in her voice was evident, despite her efforts to quell it.
“That’s not what I’m talking about. You just jumped out of the car and stormed up here.” Pulling aside the shower curtain, he looked directly at her. “Something is going on.”
“I was hot, and tired...” she pulled the shower curtain from his grasp, “and sweaty, that’s all.” With that, she slid the curtain closed again, only to have him open it again. At his continued stare, she fumed. “I’m not having an affair, or plotting to, or whatever is going through your mind! The only thing ‘going on’ is me trying to take a shower.”
Taking the edge of the shower curtain from his hand, she slid it closed again. Turning her back, she poured some shampoo in her hand and began to lather her hair. A few seconds passed, and she once again heard the rings on the shower curtain slide over the rod. She growled in frustration, and opened her eyes to see her husband stepping into the shower with her.
The comparisons she had made between her husband and Seth sprang to her mind, stabbing her heart with guilt in the process.
“There really isn’t enough room.” She whispered, ducking her head under the water to rinse the suds before they dripped into her eyes, wishing she could rinse the thoughts and the guilt away as well.
“Well, we will just have to make do.” His voice was husky with passion, and though she could feel her body responding, her mind kept whispering condemnation for her earlier thoughts.
She tried to shut them out, but they just got louder. “Well, I’m almost done anyway.”
Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) Page 3