Crazy Maybe

by Justice, A. D.

  He’s been quiet on the short drive over but the scowl hasn’t left his face. It gets worse as we pull in the driveway and he turns off the ignition. Without looking at me he says, “We don’t have to do this, Andi. We can still leave.”

  It’s taken me a week to convince him to do this and I’m not backing down now. I squeeze his hand, “Tell me why you don’t want to do this, Luke.” I can feel the sadness I see in his eyes when he finally makes eye contact with me.

  "Because I can't believe what my parents did to us, and....," he exhales a long, sad breath, "I can't believe what I did to you. Here. In this house."

  I know a thing or two about regrets and I know that is what Luke is feeling right now. But I also know a thing or two about loss and I can't be the reason he loses his family. I may have mixed feelings about what his father did, but I have no doubt he loves Luke. This is the right thing to do. I just have to convince this stubborn man who stole my heart.

  "We've all done things we regret. What matters is how we heal the ones we've hurt. Some say it should come easy if it's real love but that's just not true. Love is never easy - love hurts sometimes. It causes insecurities and jealousies. Relationships take work - love takes work. And happiness requires forgiving others. I forgive you. Your parents need you to forgive them."

  Luke pulled back, leaning his back on the door, and smiled at me with a slightly amused look. He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, making it look messy and even sexier. "I'm always amazed by you, Andi."

  "Why do you say that?"

  "I'm supposed to be the shrink here."

  "Shrink?" My confusion is obvious - I have no idea what he's talking about.

  He's hesitant to answer me at first and I'm sensing I may not like his answer. He grabs both my hands in his, as if he's sure I will bounce from the car and never been seen again. He finally explains, "I have an advanced degree in psychology. I'm a counselor, Andi. Or I was."

  I am speechless. How could I not know this about him after all this time? And all that has happened between us. And all that he knows about me. Before I can respond, he continues.

  "I can't even guess what you're thinking right now but I didn't keep this from you intentionally. My career choice is part of the problems with my parents. They think I should be Dr. Woods but I wasn't happy in that role. Look, I know we need to talk about this more, but can we finish this later?"

  Too many suspicions are taking root in my thinking right now and I'm really trying to not jump to conclusions without hearing him out first. I stare at him like it's the first time I've seen him for what seems like several minutes as different scenarios play out in my mind. I finally nod in agreement with his request to finish this later. Pulling my hands from his, he reluctantly releases me and I exit the car without another word. Confusion seems to be a permanent state of mind lately.

  Once inside the house, I hear voices coming from the formal living room and I freeze when I hear one deep, masculine laugh carry through the foyer. Luke is holding me hand and at first he doesn't notice I've stopped walking. He stops walking with a jolt when I don't budge from my spot.

  "No," I whisper anxiously, "It can't be," even though I know it's true.

  Luke is studying my reaction when he hears the laugh then notices the goose bumps rising all over my skin. He's about to speak when my feet suddenly start moving of their own accord and carry me towards the laugh of my nightmares. I don't stop until I reach the living room doorway and see the devil incarnate sitting with Sam and Linda. I feel Luke stop behind me and his hand settles on my waist, giving me his strength.

  "Luke, Andi - what a surprise. We weren't expecting you. Come in!" Linda sounds genuinely excited to see us and rushes to embrace each of us. I hug her but my eyes never leave the bastard's.

  Linda tries to pull me into the room but my feet feel like they've been cemented to the floor. "Let me introduce you to another surprise guest - this must be our day for company," Linda continues, ever the polite host.

  Behind me, I feel Luke tense, like a snake coiled and ready to strike. Only he's about to strike at the worst serpent I know. I finally move into the room but I will not sit and pretend this man has done nothing. Luke and I are both openly starting at Jackson as he finishes his conversation with Sam.

  "I've selfishly taken enough of your time today, Sam. You and Linda have been too kind to indulge my unannounced visit. Please accept my apologies. I should be going and let you enjoy some family time," Jackson's political charm and wit oozes out of every pore but I know what filth it really is.

  Sam and Linda object to his apology and urge him to stay longer to talk with us. Jackson knows better, though. I can see it in his eyes and he can see it in mine. He's not willing to risk being exposed right now. He must not have his plan fully vetted yet - whatever it is no doubt involves Luke and his family now. The supposed press conference he was supposed to hold today must have been a ruse to distract me because he is definitely not in DC to answer questions.

  Jackson stands, moves towards me and his body language says he's about to extend his arm to shake my hand. I recoil from his close proximity while at the same time Luke steps in front of me to block his attempt. Jackson's brows furrow and his face registers his uneasiness about the whole situation. Sam and Linda watch us curiously as Jackson says his goodbyes. Sam walks him out and Linda turns to Luke and me with her eyebrows raised in a silent question.

  Luke's arms are crossed over his massive chest and he's still in his fighting stance. He hasn't come down from the adrenaline high yet. His eyes are hard and his jaw is set as he says, "Wait until Dad gets back." Linda nods in agreement and offers us a drink. As tempting as that sounds, I don't really think now is the time.

  Sam returns to the living room just in time to keep Luke from wearing a path in the hardwood floor from his pacing. Luke wastes no time with idle chit-chattery, "What in the hell was he doing here, Dad?"

  Sam looks stunned and asks, "Do you know who he is, son?" His authoritative tone says he thinks he knows something we don't.

  "We know who he is, Mr. Woods. How do you know him?" I blurt out. This is the first time I've spoken to them since that horrible day at the lawyer’s office and I have to admit I'm having a harder time with it than I thought I would. Especially since Satan was just a guest here.

  Sam looks taken aback but stammers out an answer, "Well, we don't really know him, Andi. He was a politician here for a long time before moving up in the DC world. He said he's trying to get back to his grassroots beginnings. He heard about the development deal I have with Donovan and wanted to work with me on improving economic conditions in Georgia."

  "So the Speaker of the House just showed up here, at your house, out of the blue, to talk about a real estate development deal you have with someone else?" I am more than skeptical and it's obvious in my pissed off tone of voice.

  Sam looks confused for a second but then reality seems to dawn on him. "It does seem strange when you put it that way. Why do you ask?"

  "Dad, you better have a seat," Luke says flatly. He knows this is going to be a long discussion.

  After two hours of telling, retelling, repeating, explaining and generally regurgitating every detail of the whole sordid mess, Sam and Linda sit speechless for several long minutes. Sam lowers his face into his hands and I notice his shoulders lightly shaking.

  I'm sure he's not laughing, unless he's suddenly become delirious, in which case I completely understand. No such luck, though. When he finally looks up, his eyes are watery and bloodshot from crying.

  "Andi....the property....the deal with Donovan....it's all...," his voice trails off as he catches his breath and forces the next words, "Its blood money. I benefited at the expense of abused kids, including you."

  "No, Mr. Woods. This is exactly why I wanted to talk to both of you before all this comes out in the press. That property belonged to my dad. The deal with Donovan was all business. Neither has anything to do with what Jackson Rhoad
es did," I explained.

  "But I used what happened against you....My God, what have I done?" Sam sounds more distraught as he jumps to his feet and starts pacing. He's rubbing his chest, the left side of his neck and his left jaw. These are not good signs.

  "Mr. Woods, take a few deep breaths and sit down. You don't look so well," my words are falling on deaf ears.

  "Mr. Woods - if you don't sit down, calm down and take a few deep breaths, I'm calling an ambulance," I yell at him and get everyone's attention. Sam drops down on the couch without much thought to where.

  "What have I done to you, Andi? This is what you meant when you said I didn't know what this could do to me, isn't it?"

  "Yes, it is partly what I meant," I confirm. He sounds broken and I know how that feels. Not too long ago, I also felt broken in this very house.

  "He wouldn't have wanted those pictures released so now he's concerned about damage control. You, Linda, Luke...everyone....will be part of that damage control in some way. Even if that means he has to ruin you to do it. He may have had me locked up, but he's the crazy one."

  Sam and Linda give us a verbatim recount of their visit with Jackson. There's nothing blatantly obvious to me about what Jackson's plans are but there's no doubt he's up to something. I suggested to Luke that we talk to Hugh Donovan to ask if Jackson has visited him, too.

  An uncomfortable silence has taken over the room. Sam and Linda are sitting together but neither are looking at anything in particular. Luke is visibly uncomfortable, sitting on the edge of his chair like he's ready to evacuate the premises at any second, and he's staring at the floor. I clear my throat and everyone looks at me.

  "So, let's talk about the elephant in the room that no one wants to mention."

  Luke snorts and quickly coughs to try to cover it up. I look at him and smile reassuringly. He covers his mouth with his hand, trying to be nonchalant, but it doesn't work. He starts laughing quietly and then he loses control completely as his deep, masculine laugh reverberates off the walls and he leans back in his chair.

  "Feel better?" I ask teasingly.

  Smiling from ear to ear, he answers, "Yes, actually. Leave it up to you to blurt out what we're all thinking." I shrug one shoulder to indicate it's no big deal.

  "You used to call me 'Dad'," Sam says sadly. The hurt in his voice permeates the room and instantly neither Luke nor I are smiling or laughing.

  What am I supposed to say to that?

  "Now you call me ‘Mr. Woods’. I don't remember you calling me that even when we first met. I could be wrong....but I don't remember it," he continues with a low, sad tone.

  "Can you blame her?" Luke demands, in my defense. I appreciate the gesture but I don't want a fight.

  "No, son, I don't blame her at all. It's just...," he looks at me, "I miss it. I miss you calling me dad."

  I wipe away the tears falling down my cheeks as I rise and walk across the room. He stands and I wrap my arms around his neck to hug him. His voice is strained as he chokes out, over and over again, "I'm so sorry, Andi."

  "I forgive you, Dad," I reply through my tears and my own strained voice. Suddenly, two more arms have encircled us and I hear Linda softly crying at my shoulder as she strokes my hair, "Baby girl." Then two more strong arms wrap around from the other side and the four of us stand here in a family embrace.

  LUKE

  Now that Andi and I have made up with my parents, we're enjoying a relaxing evening on the completed patio. At least the big fight with Andi and my parents got me out of most of the damn grunt work. But I would've gladly finished it all myself if I could take back what I did to Andi that night. She has told me several times to let it go, that I'm forgiven, but I just don't get how she can forgive so easily. One more thing that I love about her.

  Rhoades coming to my parents' house thoroughly pisses me off. I know it's a posturing move - he wanted to get the inside scoop on my parents, and me, to use against Andi later. I talked to my dad briefly about this when Mom was showing Andi around her newly decorated backyard. He knows that no matter what Rhoades threatens, I will not turn against Andi - even if that means Dad has to fight for his business again. This time, Dad completely agrees with me.

  I know I have to talk to Andi about my revelation earlier - about being a psychologist. She had no clue and she must have at least thought, even for a second, that I had something to do with getting those pictures of her. Or even that I could be in league with Rhoades now and will eventually use my training against her.

  She's been a little more distant since that talk in the car. I keep trying to tell myself it's because of everything else that's happened tonight - finding Rhoades in my parents' house, just seeing him again, and then making up with my parents. That's enough to drain anyone.

  But I know Andi - and she's not the same. I apparently don't know how to do relationships very well because I keep screwing up, no matter how unintentional it has been, I know I keep hurting her. Watching her now as she helps bring the food out of the kitchen, I feel so protective of her and I have to fight the urge to just take her away from all this. But she's a fighter, she is stronger than anyone gives her credit for being, and she would never back down from this fight.

  "Penny for your thoughts," Andi says as she sits beside me. I lace my fingers with hers, pull her hand to my mouth and gently place a kiss on every knuckle.

  "I was just thinking about you, and you're worth way more than a penny."

  "So the media keeps telling everyone," she deadpans.

  I smile in response to her sarcasm, "That's not what I meant and you know it. I don't care how much money you have. You are worth far more than that."

  She stares into my eyes, searching and questioning, but doesn't let go of my hand. I know she wants to ask me something but she doesn't. She just keeps looking at me like she's trying to figure out a puzzle but there's a piece missing that she can't quite place. I want to ask her what's on her mind but I suddenly feel like that's too much like what a shrink would ask a patient, so I keep my mouth shut.

  Mom interrupts Andi's examination of me, "Let's eat before the food gets cold. I'm so glad to have my kids back home!"

  With that, Andi releases my hand and begins filling her plate. When she let go, I suddenly had an odd and ominous feeling, like grains of sand sifting through my fingers and falling away no matter how hard I try to hold onto them. I'm not the damn sensitive type who believes in all that paranormal bullshit. But the feeling was so strong, I almost grabbed her hand back in pure fear of losing her. Giving myself the mental "man-up" pep talk, I shook it off and filled my own plate.

  We enjoyed our time with my parents but I am so glad when we finally leave so that I can have Andi all to myself. She is unusually quiet on the ride to her house. Her arm is propped on the car door and she is chewing her fingernails. An action I have very, very rarely seen from her. I slowly reach over and take her other hand in mine, rubbing her hand back and forth with my thumb until she looks over at me.

  “My turn to offer a penny for your thoughts,” I say with a half-smile.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were a psychologist before tonight? I thought you were in the same business with your dad.”

  Her tone isn’t accusing, but it’s there just under the surface. She has a strong distrust of psychologists and psychiatrists after her year-long stint in the psychiatric hospital. She’s probably feeling very betrayed right now – like I’m part of those people who turned a blind eye and deaf ear on everything she experienced in foster care.

  “I wasn’t hiding it from you, if that’s what you’re thinking. It really isn’t part of me, Andi. It’s not who I am or what I want. I learned that pretty quickly and I’ve been trying to break into boxing for quite some time.”

  She’s quiet as she processes this information. I half-expected her next question but that didn’t soften the blow any.

  “Did you help your dad get those pictures of me?” Her voice is small and sad – like she’s
afraid of the answer.

  “Hell. No. I would never do that to you.” I squeeze her hand and tug on it slightly so she will look at me as I say the words to her. She only nods in response.

  “He’s going to hurt you and your family, Luke. Jackson won’t stop until he gets what he wants. I don’t know what he wants from me – what he thinks he can gain. But this is all a big chess game to him. He’s arranging his pieces so that he has all the advantages. He’s going to take out everyone who means anything to me one at a time and make me watch. He won’t come after me until he’s through with everyone else.”

  “He’s already coming after you, Andi. You still have your name in the damn tabloids every week with some crazy, made up pile of shit. And you’re about to lose your contract with your dad’s record label over all this negative shit.”

  “He’s orchestrating that, yes. But he hasn’t really come after me yet. That’s all just mildly annoying compared to what he’s planning. I don’t know what it is yet but I know it is coming.”

  “Don’t think you’re pulling away from me to protect me. I agreed to let you protect me if you let me protect you, too. Remember?”

  She smiles weakly at me but doesn’t respond. I think I know why I felt like I was losing her earlier tonight. She’s already pulling away from me in her attempt to protect me from the storm she feels brewing. I feel it, too, but I feel it in her. I feel her angst and her worry but I won’t let her do it alone.

  “Andi. I mean it. Don’t. Even. Think. About. Doing. It.”

  I pull in my spot in her garage and close the door before we exit my truck. Her hand is on the door and she’s ready to jump from the vehicle when I place my hand on her shoulder. “I’m not scared of him and I’m not leaving you to face whatever’s coming alone.”

  She squeezes my hand and gets out of the truck. I’m hot on her heels and we can barely walk because my arms are wrapped around her waist from behind, but I’m not letting her go. I need to feel her close and she needs to feel I’m here for her. I feel her tense body suddenly relax as she allows her body to mold with mine as we walk together as one unit.