Made in Nashville: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘For real? See, I don’t wanna go down this road and … ’ He stopped talking, turned to look at her.

  ‘What is it?’ She could see he was thinking hard. He’d pulled his cap low but she could just see his gray eyes, shadowed by thoughts he wasn’t giving up yet.

  ‘Take the next left,’ he stated.

  ‘What is this place?’

  The car was creeping along the wooded track and Honor was ducking and sitting forward in her seat trying to make out where they were headed. In a few hundred meters they’d be reaching his lodge at the Cedars of Lebanon State Park. He loved this place. It reminded him so much of home. That’s why he’d bought one of the small cabins soon after he arrived in Nashville. It was his retreat, his escape when life living in the middle of country music central got too much. He’d hang out there, swim, ride, write songs, just enjoy the simple things.

  ‘Just pull up right over there,’ he told her, pointing.

  ‘Here? This place?’

  ‘My place,’ he responded, a hint of pride in his tone.

  Honor pulled to a stop. ‘This is your place?’

  ‘Yeah, wanna see it?’ He grinned and pulled the handle of the car door. ‘We might have to go collect some wood to get the fire goin’.’

  The lodge was basic but homey. A little like his place in Nashville, but even more rustic. The front door led straight into a small kitchen diner which housed a table and a couple of chairs, then followed through to a den. There was a large couch covered with plaid rugs and gingham cushions, a small old-fashioned TV in the corner and the biggest fireplace Honor had ever seen, in front of which was a rug that looked like bear skin.

  ‘I’d like to say I caught it but I’m not sure it’s real.’

  ‘What?’ Honor turned back to him, watched him putting their guitars down.

  ‘The rug.’

  She smiled. ‘It’s great … the place I mean … not really a fan of bears, alive or dead.’

  ‘Not even if they’re sitting on the shelf at Target? I saw you look at a cute little doorstop.’

  She let out a laugh and smiled at him.

  ‘You hungry?’ he asked.

  ‘Don’t tell me, bear steaks?’

  ‘Burgers from the freezer and Alabama hot sauce?’

  ‘Perfect.’

  They’d collected wood for the fire, dropped in on the ranger who’d provided milk, coffee and a six pack of beer and the meat Jared had cooked on the grill was treating her mouth to raw succulence, chili and woodsmoke.

  ‘This is so good,’ she said, taking a swig from her bottle of beer.

  ‘I told you before, eggs and burgers is all I do.’

  ‘That’s fine by me.’

  She smiled at him, watched him press a spot of sauce out the corner of his mouth.

  ‘Damn, forgot the napkins. Never had company here before.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘What, you think this is the place I bring all those hoards of sexy fans I have?’

  ‘Isn’t it?’

  ‘Hell, no. Having sexy fans is great for my ego but that’s all.’ He laughed then picked up his drink. ‘Anyway, Miss Blackwood, I’ve been checkin’ out some of the people followin’ you on social media.’

  ‘Gear say I have to do at least three meaningful tweets a day. I’ve been thinking about letting Mia loose on it and paying her.’

  ‘Man, she would take you down.’

  ‘I know, I’d be twerking someone before lunch.’ She smiled and sat back in her chair.

  ‘She’s cool though and Byron likes her,’ Jared said, pushing his finished plate away.

  ‘She likes him too. He’s the first guy she’s been really into since Leroy left her for Mexico.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She leant forward, reaching across the table for his hand and smoothing her thumb over his damaged knuckles. ‘What are you going to do about the awards?’

  He shrugged and she could see from his body language it wasn’t something he really wanted to discuss. But that was too bad because the fallout was going to affect them both.

  ‘Buzz has fixed up some meetin’ with the committee tomorrow. It’s just a formality. They don’t want someone up on charges in the runnin’ for an award and I understand that. I don’t blame them.’

  She squeezed his hand. ‘What if the charges were dropped?’

  ‘Hell, you reckon Dan Steele is gonna miss out on a prime opportunity to take me down? He’s been hangin’ out for this.’

  ‘I spoke to him.’

  He took his hand from hers. ‘What?’

  ‘Did you think I was going to just let him do this to you? To us? Like you said, he’s been hanging out for this. He’s been manipulating you and me and I couldn’t just stand by without trying to do something.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have done that.’ He stood up, picking up the plates and carrying them over to the kitchen area.

  ‘Why not?’ She watched him. He banged the plates down then opened the fridge, taking out another beer.

  ‘Because it’s my fight. You shouldn’t get involved. When the wreckin’ ball’s swingin’ I only want it to take me down, not you.’ He opened the bottle then leant against the countertop, taking a swig.

  ‘I’m involved already. And we’re in this together … aren’t we?’

  Her heart had stepped up a gear now. She knew what she was getting into with him. She thought he realized that she was all in, no matter what. His lack of reply was biting at her. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why was he just stood across the room hiding his eyes from her?

  ‘Jared.’

  ‘It isn’t just about that jerk,’ He raised his head and leveled a look at her. ‘There’s somethin’ I’ve gotta tell you. And when you know it, things might change.’

  This was tearing at his heart. He had held off telling her for some many reasons, most of them selfish. He didn’t want to go through the same kind of pain he’d experienced with Karen. But what was the alternative? Keep on deceiving Honor? The more he fell for her, the closer they got, the worse it would be.

  ‘Whatever it is, I’ll understand.’

  She was crossing the room now, coming nearer and he put the beer down, folding his arms across his chest. If she touched him he was done for. It would all come pouring out and he might not be able to stop. He needed to stop somewhere. He couldn’t let it all go because it wasn’t just about him.

  ‘Jared, tell me.’ She paused. ‘What are you afraid of?’

  ‘How about just about everythin’? Of losin’ you, of hatin’ myself, of lettin’ someone in.’

  She reached out to touch his shoulder and he moved away, took a couple of paces toward the other wall. ‘Don’t.’

  ‘You’re scaring me.’

  What the hell was he doing? If he didn’t start talking soon he would lose her just for acting like an ass. And that wasn’t better, not now they’d come this far.

  ‘Jared, please, just talk to me,’ she begged.

  There were tears in her eyes already and she was hugging her arms to her body looking every inch the beautiful woman she was. He wanted to grab hold of her, take her in his arms and kiss every inch. But she had to know about this before or if that happened. Because he was marked on the inside, branded forever whether the world knew or not.

  He blew out a breath and put his hand to his cap. ‘When I was sixteen somethin’ bad happened.’ He looked to her. ‘I spent two years in juvenile detention.’

  He waited a second for the words to sink into her before carrying on. ‘Except I didn’t get a private room, education or a fancy gymnasium. My arrestin’ officer saw to it that the system screwed me over because me and him - him and my family - had history.’ He closed his eyes, remembering the smirk on Officer Finlay’s face when he’d finally got to read him his rights. ‘For the last part of my sentence I got a cell in a state prison with my momma cryin’ every weekend because she felt guilty.’

  What he’d gone th
rough in there he kept boxed up at the very back of his mind. The filth, the animals housed in those walls – killers, perverts, wife-beaters – he’d been exposed to everything and he’d just worn it, kept his head down and prayed for an out. But it had changed him, it had hammered at his self-worth, worn down his youthful innocence and the worst of it was, he hadn’t even deserved it.

  ‘No one knows, the public I mean. It was a youth record, it was sealed so at least I could start again. The one thing it gave me was determination. I came out knowin’ I had to make it with music and nothin’ or no one was gonna stop me.’ He nodded as the feeling rolled over him. ‘But being in there, Honor - being labeled a criminal, being with those men - when I was just a boy not knowing much about anything … it wasn’t right. It wasn’t just.’ He could feel emotion was getting the best of him now. He could remember the smell of the place to this day. Grim, sweat, urine.

  ‘Every day I’m praisin’ the Lord for givin’ me this second chance but I’m trapped with these stinkin’ fuckin’ memories. Two years wasted, two years of hurt for my family - shame, dishonor - all because of some asshole cop. You asked me why I never take the cap off.’ He put his hand to the peak. ‘It was the first thing they took off me the day they brought me in and it was the first thing I put back on when I got out.’

  He put his fist to his mouth and closed his eyes as the tears came.

  There was not a second of hesitation. She ate up the space between them in three strides and she took him, clapped her arms around him and held on tight as he cried.

  ‘Sshh, don’t do that. It’s breaking my heart.’ The tears were falling from her eyes, just thinking about what he’d been through when he was so young. While she was cutting her first record and enjoying fame and fortune, he’d been in a prison cell.

  ‘I’m sorry, Honor.’ His words were muffled as he pressed his face into her shoulder, taking the comfort she was offering.

  ‘No, I’m sorry, for the both of us. Between foster homes and juvenile detention the system screwed us both. Thank God for music, huh?’ She smiled. ‘But it’s not our fault, not any of it.’ She flexed her fingers over the leather of his jacket, wanting him to feel the sentiment behind her touch.

  He lifted his head, his grey eyes moist from the tears.

  ‘I don’t care what you did,’ she stated, forcing him to look at her. ‘I don’t want to know what you did. It was way back then and it’s over.’ She held his hands. ‘I believe in you … I believe in us.’

  ‘The last person I told … she broke my heart.’

  ‘I’m glad.’ She touched his face, holding her hand to his cheek. ‘Because she sent you to me.’

  ‘I don’t deserve you,’ he whispered.

  ‘I love you, Jared.’

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Her words attacked his heart, ordered it to open the gates. She knew what haunted him and still she was there, offering nothing but support, not judging, not condemning. It was almost too much to take, too much to believe in. He’d spent so long holding back, could he really give her everything - put his faith in her, in them?

  ‘Lord, I love you.’

  Putting his hand behind her head he drew her towards him; his lips connected with hers in a hot rush he didn’t want to stop. It was like being freed all over again, a thrill was building inside, from his soul and outwards, adrenaline, joy, desire were all combining and culminating at once. Before he stopped to think, before he could put the brakes on or wonder whether it was the right thing, he was shrugging off his jacket and his fingers were at the hem of Honor’s blouse.

  He didn’t want to move his mouth from hers. Her soft, sweet tongue rolling with his was a sensation he never became tired of. He backed them over into the living room, his hand working its way underneath her top, desperate to feel her skin under his hands.

  ‘Jared.’ It was more of a sigh than a word and his name on her lips in that way sent a shot of need to his groin.

  He took his mouth from hers, slowly, his tongue lingering on her bottom lip. ‘What?’

  She stilled in his arms and brought her hands up to his baseball cap. He swallowed and waited, knowing what she was going to do. He closed his eyes as he felt her grip the peak and slowly pull the hat from his head. He felt her breath on his face and he wanted to open his eyes but he couldn’t. The cap was like his armor. When he wore it he was the person he was now, not the boy he’d been before. He was ready to lay himself bare in every way with Honor, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t as scared as hell.

  ‘Open your eyes.’ Her voice was pleading with him but he was fighting tears again. So many emotions were pulsing through his veins; he couldn’t keep a hold on any of them. He felt her hands cup his face, her fingers moving upwards and towards the tawny buzz-cut that covered his head.

  ‘Jared, look at me.’

  He looked so different without the cap. Younger, more good guy than bad boy. She ran her hands over his cropped haircut, relishing the feel of it under her fingers. She knew what this meant to him, how symbolic it was now and how much of himself he was entrusting to her. She wanted to share the same with him, because in the past weeks he’d given her more than anyone in her entire life.

  He opened his eyes and she balked. Without the cap shading them, those grey eyes were like brilliant pebbles, shining for just her, full of love and longing. She ran a finger down one sideburn and brought the tip across his cheek and down to his mouth, making tiny circles on his bottom lip.

  She let out a sound as he caught her finger and took it past his lip, into the warmth of his mouth, his tongue smoothing over her nail and flicking down the skin to the first joint. Her stomach rolled and she put a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. He sucked her finger in and she felt her body twist as a pang of want stirred so hard. She didn’t want this to stop tonight. She couldn’t wait any longer to be with him completely. She removed her finger from his mouth, running it down the front of his t-shirt, pressing just hard enough to feel the definition of his torso. She didn’t move her eyes from his. She wanted to see his reaction, see the burn of desire she hoped was there in him as much as it was in her.

  When she reached the belt of his jeans she stopped, watching the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing accelerated. She pulled at his t-shirt, inching the material upwards until he had no choice but to help pull it up and over his head. And there was that incredible body in front of her again. She had to take a breath. Her insides were pounded by feelings so intense, they made her quake.

  ‘Honor.’ His voice was coated with emotion and she could feel the hard length of him pressing against her thigh. She didn’t want to rush. She wanted to savor every second.

  As she traced around the letters of ‘Truth’, tattooed in black italics on his left oblique, he worked his hands under her blouse, his fingers inching up toward the lace of her bra. She smoothed her hand to the scar that ran from his breastbone to his navel and followed the line, while his fingers were skirting the perimeter of her underwire.

  She dropped her hand from him and in one quick move, pulled her top off, dropping it to the floor. She had no hesitation about this moment. She’d yearned for him for so long, but now it was everything she felt before and a hundred times more - because she loved him - because he’d shared something so precious with her. His past, his failings, his fears.

  He watched her slip the straps of her bra off her shoulders and ease down the lace cups. He swallowed as she twisted the white material around her body to unfasten the hooks. She removed the bra, slowly, keeping her eyes locked on him before dropping it to the floor.

  His gut was telling him to lose a little control, to act on the desire that was raging but seeing her bare before him was evoking something much stronger than sexual need.

  ‘Put your hands on me.’

  There was a boulder in his throat. His mouth was dry and he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He raised a hand but stopped, held it there, paused.

  ‘Please,
Jared.’ She was running her hand across her breast now, her mouth slightly open, her chest rising and falling with every rapid breath. God, she was beautiful.

  He grabbed her by the hips and lifted her off the floor, pressing her naked torso to his as he backed her over towards the fireplace. She caught up his mouth in a kiss so dirty he thought he’d explode.

  He lowered her to the bear skin rug then dropped to his knees in front of her, breathing hard, wanting to take this slowly but not knowing if he could.

  ‘Lay down,’ he whispered.

  She folded backwards on his command, arching her back as the pelt brushed against her shoulders.

  He took her all in. Her dark hair laying out behind her on the wooden floor, her tight, turned-on breasts, her little waist and those tight jeans wrapping up the rest of her. He’d never wanted anyone so much.

  He planted one hand down on the floor at her side, holding himself over her, looking into her eyes and wanting to absorb everything emanating from her. She reached up, put a hand to his hair, caressing his head then drawing him down into another kiss.

  He left her lips and trailed his tongue down her neck, stopping to press his lips against the pulse at her throat, her collarbone, the top of her breast.

  ‘Jared.’ She twisted slightly, raising her breasts.

  He didn’t need any more of a direct invitation. Her nipples were telling him everything he needed to know. He touched his tongue against the nub and she squirmed a little. Little flicks and a swirl over the center sent her convulsing under him and her hands were at his fly, feeling for the buttons. He took her hand in his while his mouth drew in her breast and he felt her fingers clench as she let out a sound that dragged at him.

  He kissed lower, trailing his head down over her rib cage until he met her navel and the waistband of denim.

  ‘I want to feel you,’ she told him, reaching down.

  ‘You’re not ready,’ he stated.

  He unfastened a button then slipped the zipper down, watching her for a reaction. He wanted to know how it felt, he wanted to see how it felt to her, to have him touching her.