by Mandy Baggot
After hearing her mother was dead and telling Corbin she was glad, there hadn’t been much else to say. They’d driven the rest of the way to Alabama in virtual silence, apart from the occasional comment about opening the window or turning up the radio or pointing out a diner for a toilet and drink break.
Corbin got back into the driver’s seat. ‘Let me see the map.’
‘I can navigate. I’m good with maps,’ Honor lied.
‘Just let me have a look to get my bearings,’ Corbin asked.
Honor shook her head and thrust the map at him. ‘I should have driven myself. We would have been there by now.’
‘Or in a car wreck on the side of the freeway because you fell asleep at the wheel.’
‘Well I wouldn’t have wanted you to cry for me. We barely know each other.’ She snapped the words out and straightaway regretted it. She couldn’t blame Corbin, not really. In the last six months he’d looked for her, longing to find her. He wasn’t the one who should be the focus for her anger. But he was the only one here.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, contrite.
‘It’s OK,’ he answered.
‘No it isn’t. You’ve taken the trouble to drive me all the way here and I’m acting like a brat.’
‘And here I was thinking I’d missed the teenage years.’
She couldn’t help the laugh that blurted out. Her mouth turned upwards and it was then she realized it had been almost a whole twenty-four hours since she’d raised a smile.
As if sensing her feelings, Corbin reached across the cab and patted her thigh. ‘Let’s get you there.’
‘I get an extra piece of chicken because I’ve burned up more energy than anyone playing soccer!’ Jacob announced.
‘What? No way! Mom, that’s not fair. I didn’t eat all my lunch today and I’m starving!’ Anna battled back.
‘No one asked you not to eat your lunch. Did you want to suck your stomach in to impress Troy?’ Jacob teased.
‘You’re a brat, Jacob! Mom, will you tell him!’
‘I’ve got the chicken bucket! I’ve got the chicken bucket!’
‘Jared! He’ll eat it all! Stop him!’
He let out a laugh as his siblings leapt out of the truck and chased each other to the front door. ‘And I was thinkin’ they’d grown up.’
‘It’s not like you to keep out of a fight for food,’ Carol-Ann remarked.
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘You have to eat, honey.’
‘I’m good, really.’
Carol-Ann reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘There’s apple pie for dessert.’
He nodded. ‘You go in, I’ll just go check the horses.’
They both got out of the truck and Jared watched his mom go into the house. He could still hear Jacob and Anna bickering over who was going to get the lion’s share of the takeout. He started to walk across the yard to the stables when he heard a truck.
‘D’you think this is it?’ Honor asked, squinting through the half-light to see anything that might help establish a connection.
‘It’s the only place around here,’ Corbin said, continuing down the track.
She was holding her breath and feeling terrified. For the past hour she’d been running through in her mind what she was going to say to him. How did you start a conversation? She needed answers but she didn’t want to go in all mad and accusing or as frenzied as she felt inside. She had to be calm and measured.
The second she saw him she knew calm and measured wasn’t going to be an option. He was yards ahead, in the center of the yard, dressed in jeans, a dark t-shirt and his leather jacket. His cap was on his head and he was holding a hand up to shield his eyes from the headlights of Corbin’s truck.
‘Dip the lights, Corbin,’ Honor instructed. ‘And pull up.’
Corbin stopped the car and she didn’t know what to do. Could he see it was her now he wasn’t blinded by the lights? His hand was down by his side now and he just stood, unmoved, staring at the vehicle.
She blew out a breath and rubbed her palms on her thighs, summoning up some sort of courage to make a decision.
It was Honor. Right here. Right outside his home. In a truck driven by a guy who looked vaguely familiar somehow. She was just a few feet away from him and he couldn’t move. He couldn’t step closer or back away, he was paralyzed to the spot, not knowing what to do next.
The next sound he heard made his heart thunder. The car door opened and she stepped down onto the clay. Her hair was loose and she was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. His stomach rolled at the acknowledgment of her and his groin concurred. Here she was, the girl he loved … the girl he’d lost.
He swallowed and watched her walk across the yard towards him. Tentative steps, no expression on her face, those wide blue eyes even larger than he remembered. When she came to a stop they were only inches apart. If he reached out he could touch her. He moved his hand just a fraction and …
She punched him hard, with everything she had. Balled up in her fist was everything he hadn’t told her, all the hurt she felt that he hadn’t been honest, rage at Simeon Stewart for giving her a scar she’d have forever and twenty-seven years worth of despair at being an abandoned child.
He rocked back on his heels, putting a hand to his jaw as she held onto her knuckles that were already throbbing with pain. She straightened her expression, killed the hurt with attitude. She wasn’t going to be walked over.
‘I’ll give you that,’ he growled, nodding.
‘You deserve more.’
‘I know.’
She blinked, looking at him, taking in the sad gray eyes, his cut lip, the roughness of his face. She felt nothing but the intense, overwhelming desire and love for him.
He grabbed her hair and dragged her towards him, his mouth crashing against hers with the force of a tornado. She reached up, pulled off his cap and threw it to the ground, her fingers smoothing over his hair as she felt his tongue inside her mouth, hot, wild, loving.
This was where she wanted to be right now. She needed him, his comfort, this physical fusion. Because when the talking started neither of them knew how it was going to end.
Chapter Forty Six
‘We should have got a bigger chicken bucket.’
Jacob had been scowling ever since Corbin and Honor had been invited to share the food. The whole meal had been awkward. His mom was floating around making sure everyone had food and drinks and he just sat opposite Honor, poking at his fries and watching her do the same.
‘So, tell me, how do you two know each other? Are you a musician, Corbin?’ Carol-Ann asked.
‘I play a little, ma’am, yes. Right now I’m picking up some work as a behind the scenes technician,’ Corbin replied.
‘I love your voice,’ Anna piped up, fixing Honor with an awestruck expression.
Honor reached for her glass of water, avoiding looking at Jared. ‘Thank you.’
‘How was the drive?’
He had no idea why he’d asked that. He didn’t know the guy and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know him. Perhaps it was the thought of him being in a car with Honor for over four hours that was making him antsy. Even though he looked old enough to be her father.
‘It was fine. Traffic was light.’ Honor interrupted quickly.
‘Who does your hair?’ Anna asked, leaning an elbow on the table and looking at Honor as if she was a work of art.
‘I … ’ she began.
‘Does your scar still hurt?’ Jacob jumped in.
‘Whoa! Jacob, I think that’s enough table talk for now. Say, Jared, why don’t you take Honor into the den and I’ll make some coffee. Corbin, perhaps you could come with me and the kids and we’ll make up the spare rooms,’ Carol-Ann suggested.
‘That’s very kind of you, ma’am but I can stay at a motel or something,’ Corbin answered.
‘I won’t hear of it and that’s the subject closed,’ Carol-Ann said firmly. ‘Jared, take Honor through to the
den.’
He looked across at her and their eyes met. She looked away. Scraping back his chair, he stood up.
‘I’ll bring coffee right on through,’ Carol-Ann said, looking to Honor.
He lit a fire while she had watched from the leather couch and nursed her reddened knuckles. Carol-Ann had brought in a pot of coffee but it was untouched, still sitting on the small table.
Jared got up, dusted his hands on his jeans and stood, awkwardly.
‘As soon as the sun goes down it gets cold this time of year,’ he stated.
She nodded, not knowing what else to do. She watched him choose the chair furthest from her and sink down into it, folding one leg over the other and settling with one hand clasped over his boot.
‘So, I guess we should talk,’ he began, his tone slightly too upbeat.
‘Do you want to talk?’ she found herself asking.
‘I’m not that struck with it if I’m real honest.’
‘And what would you know about honesty?’
‘Ouch.’ He looked over to her.
She stood up and paced over to the window, looking out. ‘I know some of this is my fault. I know I told you I didn’t want to know why you’d been sent to juvenile detention. But I can’t help thinking if I’d said I wanted to know, if I’d made you tell me something.’ She turned back to face him. ‘I think you would have lied.’
He nodded his head. ‘Yes, ma’am. I would have.’
‘What? You’re not going to even deny it?’
‘No, ‘cause I’d be lyin’.’
Honor threw her hands up. This was insane. All she wanted was for him to tell her what really happened but now she wasn’t sure she could trust anything he said.
‘You didn’t shoot your father did you?’
She watched his reaction. She saw the flicker of grief ride over his features. It wasn’t an act; it was real, true, and deep. The affection he had for his whole family wasn’t fabricated. He couldn’t do anything to hurt the people he loved. She was sure of that. She should have known when the story broke he could never have done it.
‘Jared, if you love me, you should trust me.’ She looked across at him, willing him to make eye contact. ‘What I feel for you is bigger and better and stronger than anything I’ve ever known. I believe in that feeling. I believe in you and me … even now. Even after all this.’
He raised his head and met her eyes. She saw him swallow and hoped her words were getting through. She meant them, from the bottom of her soul.
‘I should have left my faith with you, instead of running away and believing everything the media was feeding Nashville with. I’m so sorry for that.’
He shook his head. ‘You have nothin’ to be sorry for.’
‘And neither do you. If my gut is right, you went to prison for something you didn’t even do, didn’t you?’
His expression cracked and he hurriedly hung his head. She went to him then, rushing to his side, kneeling down on the floor and taking his hands in hers.
‘Just tell me, Jared, please.’
‘I can’t,’ he sobbed. ‘I promised.’
Honor turned her head as the door to the den opened.
‘Jared, if you don’t tell Honor now, then I will,’ Carol-Ann stated, entering the room.
He raised his head. ‘No, Momma. There’s always that chance they could reopen the case.’
‘I don’t care about that now! I care about doin’ what’s right by you and you … you need to do right by Honor.’
Jared shook his head and a look passed between them that Honor couldn’t distinguish.
‘Honor, I shot Jared’s father. I killed my husband,’ Carol-Ann said in a matter-of-fact tone. The woman sat down on the couch with a sigh.
‘Mom … Honor, she’s just trying to make things better between us,’ Jared spoke.
‘Jared, stop it,’ Carol-Ann ordered. She patted the sofa next to her and looked to Honor. ‘Come sit down.’
Honor got up from the floor, her body trembling as she tried to take in what she’d heard. On auto-pilot she moved to the couch and sat down a little way away from Carol-Ann.
‘This place here, where we live, it’s everythin’ to us. We’re a close community and we look out for each other. It’s always been that way, some might think it’s old-fashioned and behind the times, but there it is.’ She took a breath. ‘The nearest town … it had some issues and James, he knew two of the larger families there. We’re talkin’ granddaddies and great-great-granddaddies doin’ business together over the years and helpin’ each other out, that sort of thing.’ She looked at Honor, as if to check she was keeping up.
‘Well, law enforcement decided they wanted James to go get information from these families about their businesses and pass it on to the police to use against them.’ Carol paused. ‘Now I’m all for abidin’ by the laws of the land, but you don’t cross friends and family no matter what they do for their business and James took the same stand. He told Officer Finlay there was no way in hell he was gonna turn informant.’
Honor watched Jared. He was sat back in the chair, his face stony, his jaw set, tears in his eyes. He was hurting.
‘That’s when all the trouble started. First it was cattle going missin’, then the fire in the barn and the dog gettin’ hurt. It was a warnin’. Unless James did what Finlay wanted he’d hurt us, cripple the farm, ruin our livelihood or worse.’
Jared pulled down his cap and turned away, looking into the fire.
‘I thought James would stand his ground. That’s the sort of man he was. But he was also the sort of man who protects his family.’ Carol-Ann blew out a breath and Honor could see the memories were taking her back there. ‘They didn’t know I was in the barn. James and Finlay were discussin’ how James was gonna gain the families’ implicit trust, how he could wear a wire once he was comfortable with the situation, how they would protect him if anythin’ went wrong. Well, I just saw red, my husband was as good as doin’ a deal with the devil.’
‘I can’t hear this.’ Jared stood up and walked over to the fireplace, resting his hands on the wooden mantle.
‘Jared, it’s time to get this out. I won’t have you takin’ the blame for this anymore.’
‘What happened?’ Honor asked. She needed to know. She needed to understand why Jared had taken this on himself.
‘I picked up the shotgun and I held it at Finlay. I told him to get off our property and never come back. I told him if he didn’t leave my family alone I’d report him for harassment and arson and criminal damage. And d’you know what he did?’
Honor shook her head. She locked her hands together to stop them from shaking.
‘He laughed. He laughed at me like I was nothin’.’ She nodded. ‘And that’s when somethin’ snapped inside of me. I told him if he didn’t move his ass right there and then I’d shoot him.’
‘Momma, that’s enough,’ Jared stated, turning to face her.
‘James knew me so well.’ Carol-Ann shook her head as the tears welled up. ‘He knew I’d do it.’
Honor looked to Jared as Carol-Ann stopped talking and gave in to grief, the tears falling fast.
Jared sat down next to his mother and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his embrace.
‘He stepped in front of Finlay. He sacrificed himself for that worthless piece of shit,’ Jared finished.
He watched Honor put her hands to her mouth before any sound could leak out. She blinked the tears back, trying to hold it all in as the story sunk into her.
‘Tell her … tell her the rest, Jared. It’s done now,’ Carol-Anne begged as she tried to compose herself.
‘It’s alright. You don’t have to talk about it anymore for me,’ Honor stated quickly. ‘I should have known … I did know … I knew it wasn’t in Jared’s heart.’
Carol-Ann turned her attention to Honor and a smile crossed her face. ‘What was in my boy’s heart was a desire to protect his family, just like his father.’
> Honor nodded and wiped at her eyes with her fingers.
‘Go see to the kids, Mom. I don’t want them hearin’ any of this.’
They’d agreed to never tell the younger children any of what happened and he was determined to keep it that way as long as they could. Hopefully until they were both old enough to understand the reasons why it had happened.
Carol-Ann stood up and held on to his hand. ‘Tell her, Jared.’
It was a plea. He knew why she was doing this. She wanted Honor to know what he’d given up for them, but even now he didn’t feel the pride in what he’d done, he still felt the shame of the circumstance, the guilt that he hadn’t been able to save his father.
He waited for his mom to leave and the door to close before he spoke.
‘So I heard the shot and I ran into the barn and there was my daddy, layin’ on the floor and my mom holdin’ the gun.’ He shook his head, trying to get rid of the mental pictures. He could still recall them so vividly, in high definition, the blood, the smell of a recently fired weapon in the air. It was acrid, the air was humid, his heart was bursting and he didn’t know what to do as panic set in.
‘He was still alive, just. I went over and knelt down next to him and the look in his eyes told me I was doing the wrong thing. I wanted to help him but he was just lookin’ that way at me and mouthin’ what I thought sounded like “Go.”’ He stood up and began to pace. ‘I looked to my mom and she was stuck on the spot, the gun still smokin’, her mouth hangin’ open, in complete shock. It was then I realized what I had to do.’
He took a breath and looked out the window at the Marshall land. ‘I grabbed the gun from her and I aimed it at Officer Finlay. I told him he was takin’ me in, for the murder of my father. I told him, bein’ as I was the main delinquent in the town, he’d probably earn himself a nice promotion. I told him the feud with our family was over and if he didn’t take me in instead of my mom, or if he ever told anyone the truth, I’d kill him.’ Jared looked to Honor. ‘I meant every word and he knew it.’
He watched Honor dissolve into tears in front of him. She put her head into her hands and leant over into her lap, letting everything flood out of her. He wanted to go to her, to caress her hair, to take her in his arms and hold her tight. But he couldn’t. He had to finish it.