Mountains of Grace

by Kelly Irvin

  Wiping at tears that dripped from his chin, Tim stood. He slipped on her finger a silver ring with an arrangement of three tiny diamonds. “This ring has three diamonds—little itty-bitty ones, granted—that represent you and me with God in the middle. The perfect balance.” He wrapped his big arms around her and lifted her up for a kiss that brought more applause and shouts of approval.

  “There’s more where that came from,” he whispered in her ear as he set her back on unsteady feet. His breath tickled her cheek and sent goose bumps racing up her arms. “That’s a promise.”

  Juliette leaned against his steadfast body. Together they faced the congregation and the many visitors. Mercy and her family. Christine and Nora and their families. Spencer McDonald and his family all the way from Eureka. Emmett Brody and his brother Paul and their parents from Libby. Many of the volunteer firefighters and Forest Service personnel. This service had been about a new beginning for West Kootenai and all who had lost their homes to the fire.

  Now it was her new beginning as well. Today was her birthday. A newborn in Christ, she would spend the rest of her life making up for lost time.

  The dark, terrifying, shameful ghosts in her past would always be there, but never again would she face them alone.

  Thank You, Jesus.

  * * *

  The desire to jump up and yell wahoo with the congregation almost overwhelmed Mercy. Only her mother’s solid presence on one side and the trio of her own church elders in the seats across the aisle kept her from making a spectacle of herself. She gripped her hands in her lap and tapped her feet. The decision to allow the district’s members to attend this joint celebratory service had been a thorny one, not entirely supported by everyone. No sense in making them regret it.

  The service had been short and unremarkable. Only an hour at best. Even Juliette’s joining of the church had been simple—a few short questions and answers. But Tim’s proposal had been more spectacular than a sunrise over the Cabinet Mountains. Joy danced rings around Mercy. Juliette’s smile lit up the sanctuary like that same sunrise. For the first time in years, she looked truly happy. The twin sisters of cynicism and sarcasm had disappeared under an avalanche of brilliant expectations honed by painful experiences now overcome.

  New beginnings forged in the fire.

  Juliette tugged on Pastor David’s sleeve. He leaned down and she whispered into his ear. He nodded and handed her the microphone. She cleared her throat. “I know everyone is itching to get out of here and eat some of my mom’s cherry pie, but first I want to say something. Pastor David talked today about everything we have to be thankful for. About the blessing of drawing together as a community to overcome adversity.

  “I stand here today so thankful and so blessed.” Her voice broke. Tim let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulder. She smiled up at him and turned back to the congregation. “A few years ago something terrible happened to me. Something I’ll never forget. I was so mad and so alone. So ashamed. I didn’t tell anyone. I felt betrayed by the church I’d grown up in. I did something stupid. I ran away from God.”

  Her gaze, unfettered by shame, swept the room. “If there is anyone out there who has experienced something so awful and private you can’t put words to it, please, please don’t do what I did. I’m here. I’ve got your back. Come talk to me. Don’t let it eat you up from the inside out. If you can’t talk to me, talk to someone you trust. I promise you, no one will judge you. Get help. Today.

  “It takes time to heal, so the sooner you seek help, the better. I’m only just starting. I’ve wasted years wandering around in the dark in agony. With the help of a good counselor and my family, I’ll get where I need to be, and someday—soon I hope—I’ll be Mrs. Tim Trudeau. Together we’ll get through this. So will you.

  “You’re part of a caring community. That’s what West Kootenai is. The fire showed us that. This community is part of my DNA. I know everyone who grew up here feels the same. The fire swept through and burned down houses, but it couldn’t burn away our fortitude and our connections to each other. We’ll continue to rebuild. We’ll continue to be a family and a community. There is no place on earth I would rather call home.”

  More applause erupted. Everyone stood. This time, Mercy clapped so hard her hands hurt. No holding back. Whatever dark shadow haunted Juliette, she was learning to banish it. Not hide it or shove it in a box. It would be destroyed. With it went doubts and fears. If Juliette could embrace a new beginning, why couldn’t Mercy?

  She stumbled and grabbed the back of a chair. The sun broke through and the shadows parted. She had her faith and her family. She had her scholars. The only piece missing was a man with whom she could share the largesse of a merciful, gracious God who forgave her multitude of sins, beginning with doubting His plan for her.

  Mother nudged her. She moved forward.

  First things first. She followed her family out the door and into the foyer. Juliette, Tim, and their families made a receiving line. All of Juliette’s friends and relatives were hugging and kissing her. “I want to congratulate Juliette. I’ll be right back.”

  Mercy squeezed into the line and waited for her turn. Juliette’s face was pink and damp with tears. She wore a corsage of red roses on her white lace dress. “Can you believe it?”

  “Yes, I can. I’m so happy for you.”

  Juliette wrapped Mercy in a rib-breaking hug. “Go get your happiness, you goof,” she whispered loudly in Mercy’s ear. “You’re an idiot if you don’t.”

  Same old Juliette. Mercy broke away. “Thanks for the advice, friend.”

  “She’s good at doling out advice. Not so good at taking it.” Tim pumped Mercy’s hand so hard the joints in her fingers cracked. “But sometimes she’s right.”

  By the time Mercy had been passed around the entire Knowles family, her own family had disappeared into the reception. Clusters of people stood around talking, but no one she knew well.

  Except Caleb. He stood next to the glass doors as if waiting for something. Or someone.

  Their gazes collided. He straightened. She started in his direction. Without a word, he opened the door for her and then followed her out. The midday air was fresh and crisp and full of autumn. Neither spoke as they walked toward the buggies that lined the back of the church parking lot.

  She climbed into his buggy. He got in and urged Snowy onto the road. Her parents would wonder where she’d gone. It couldn’t be helped. Juliette was right. Mercy had let her chance slip away once. Not again.

  “I saw you talking to Spencer yesterday.”

  No small talk then. If Caleb wanted to get straight to the point, she could do the same. “He came to say good-bye. After he finishes with his mom’s house, he’s going back to Missoula to find the woman he loves.”

  “He loves a woman in Missoula?”

  “Jah.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “Now you do.”

  “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

  “I’m sorry I turned down your proposal.”

  “I understand now why you did.”

  “Do you?”

  “I wasn’t all in. I was treading carefully. I reckon a person should never do that with love. You’re either all in or a coward.”

  Caleb was not a coward. Nor was Mercy. “I love you.”

  He pulled on the reins. The buggy stopped in the middle of the road. “I love you too.”

  The wind ceased. The dogs no longer barked. The birds stopped chattering. The countryside became so quiet that prayers said in Missoula could surely be heard in the middle of the road in West Kootenai.

  Caleb stared at her. His gaze enveloped her. The cool October breeze did nothing to abate sudden heat. She couldn’t take her gaze from his face. His insistent eyes and full lips. Nothing stood between them. Not his past. Not her bouts of unbelief.

  Certainly not a smoke jumper from Missoula.

  Caleb pulled the buggy over to the side of the road and climbed down.
He came around to her side and held out his hand. “Come on.”

  She took his hand. His calloused fingers closed around hers. He led her through weeds that had somehow escaped the billowing flames only a month earlier to a birch tree still standing, still offering shade and the rustling music of leaves. He faced her and took her other hand in his. “I’m standing here in front of you and still I find myself hesitating.”

  “Because you’re not sure.” Sudden pain spiraled through her. “Still.”

  “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” He cleared his throat. His grip tightened. “Try to put yourself inside my skin. You turned me down the first time. Women have it easier. They don’t have to do the asking.”

  Mercy grabbed his other hand. Their gazes locked. “We both have our doubts about many things, but not each other. I needed to know why you couldn’t show your affection. Now I know. I know we’re meant to be together. Like macaroni and cheese. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like—”

  “What are you talking about?” He laughed. His hands let go of hers and grabbed her waist. He whirled her around and swept her up in a hug. “My crazy girl.”

  “Something Leesa told me when I asked her how she knew Ian was right for her.”

  “Ah. Well, I know you’re right for me.”

  “Even if I’m not a gut cook and my stitches are a bit crooked.”

  “Jah, jah, jah. Because you are a gut woman. You’re thoughtful and smart and you care about things. About people.” Caleb’s expression grew pensive. His brown, calloused fingers brushed against hers, then trailed along her arm and up to her cheek. A thrill ran through her. His pale-blue eyes studied her face. “And you are sweet to look at.”

  She swallowed. “I never thought so.”

  “Because you can’t see what I see.” His hands cupped her face. His lips were warm and soft and without hesitation.

  She stood transfixed, her body immobilized by feelings that enveloped her from head to toe. Certainty conquered doubt. Light illumined a dark future. No ghosts of old hurts or unrealized dreams came between them. Delicious possibilities banished any fear of loss or failure.

  Caleb stepped back, but his hands remained on her shoulders. “Will you marry me?”

  Mercy studied every nook and cranny of his tanned face with its high cheekbones and long, noble nose.

  The silence stretched.

  His eyebrows drew together. His forehead wrinkled. “Mercy?”

  “Jah. The answer is jah.”

  He groaned. “You had me going there for a minute.”

  “I had to catch my breath.” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back until her lungs begged for air.

  And then she kissed him some more, for good measure.

  43

  Missoula, Missouri

  The phone rang once, twice, three times.

  Spencer held his breath.

  Pretty Patty’s voice, soft, full of sleep, filled the line. “’lo.”

  “It’s me. Spencer.”

  “I know.”

  She hadn’t dumped his number from her contacts. That was a start. Or maybe an oversight. He sank against the Tundra’s leather seat and stared at the vivid stars over Missoula. “I’m ready.”

  Patty laughed. That same familiar, beautiful, hearty laugh perfect for a full-figured woman like her. “I knew it.”

  “I don’t expect that you waited for me or anything.” Big, fat liar. She could be married by now for all he knew. Or at least engaged. Pretty Patty didn’t move quickly. She saw joy in the anticipation. “I just wanted you to know.”

  “I waited.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “When I told you I would wait, I meant it. I prayed for you every night and every day. For you, not for what I wanted, but for what you needed.”

  “I always knew you were right,” Spencer admitted. “Once I let go of being mad at my mom and God, everything else was easy.”

  “So you’re on speaking terms with Him now?”

  “Him and my mom. I just spent almost six weeks at her house.”

  “You can’t imagine how happy this makes me.” Patty sounded wide awake now. “I had so many conversations with God about you, and the response was always ‘Be patient.’ And here you are.”

  “I’m not perfect.”

  “Sweetie, no one is. His grace covers every sin you can imagine and even those you can’t imagine. We’re all works in progress. He never stops working on you or me.”

  He concentrated on that first word. Sweetie. “Does that mean you’ll see me?”

  “When?”

  “I want to ask you to go to a wedding with me.”

  “Now?”

  “It’s in the spring. April eighteenth. My mom’s getting married.”

  “Okay. I’ll mark my calendar.”

  “So that means you’ll see me?”

  “When?”

  “Soon. I’m parked in front of your house.” He cleared his throat. “Not to be presumptuous or anything.”

  “Are you coming in or am I coming out?”

  “It might be better if you came out.” Not that he didn’t trust himself. He trusted Patty with everything, including his heart. “We could get something to eat.”

  “It’s midnight. I can make you a turkey sandwich. I have chocolate milk.”

  “There’s an all-night diner on the highway. I’m in the mood for a honking big cheeseburger with those cottage fries you like. I’ll buy you a chocolate milk shake. I drove the whole way from Eureka without stopping and I have so much to tell you.”

  “Give me five minutes.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  Five minutes was nothing.

  He’d been waiting his entire life for her.

  Discussion Questions

  Several families in West Kootenai lose all their personal belongings. If you have experienced a similar situation with a house fire, how did you overcome the loss? If not, try to put yourself in the shoes of someone like Mercy Yoder. How would you react? What would be hardest for you to accept?

  Tim Trudeau chooses not to go deeper into his relationship with Juliette because she doesn’t profess to be a Christian. Do you think he’s right? Have you ever been in a situation where you had a friend who was not a believer and you wanted to help them? What did you do? How do you feel about friend evangelism? Married couples who are “unevenly yoked”?

  Mercy can’t understand why God would allow their home to be destroyed by the fire. She knows she should believe that God has a plan for her and her family but finds it difficult to accept. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you resolve your feelings? Why do you think God doesn’t stop these painful situations from occurring?

  Discuss the meaning of Jeremiah 29:11 and how it applies to this situation. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

  Juliette experiences a traumatic assault while on a youth trip to the lake as a high school student. It changes her view of God and her relationship with her church. Why do you think she didn’t tell anyone about this event until years later? Why do you think such horrifying events occur in real life and even during church-sponsored trips? Who or what is behind them? Do you think God should stop them? Why or why not?

  Mercy isn’t sure Caleb truly loves her because he hasn’t expressed his affection for her in a physical way. He’s afraid to stray too far ahead in his feelings for her for fear of rejection. They seem to be at cross-purposes. What would you have done in Mercy’s place? What steps could she have taken to let Caleb know how she felt rather than turning down his proposal? Does lack of communication cause problems in your relationships?

  Spencer has spent years resenting his mother and her alcohol addiction’s effect on his childhood. He returns home to find that she has grown and moved on, while he’s still stuck in the past. Have you experienced similar situations in your fa
mily relationships? How did you deal with them? You know you’re called to forgive, but how do you practice forgiveness in “real” life?

  Tim comes to the realization that he may be selfish in holding on to Juliette, hoping she’ll find Jesus so they can be together. He may have to let go. Have you ever experienced a situation where wanting what was best for a loved one meant letting that person go? How did you react? Were you able to put your loved one’s well-being over your own desires? Why or why not?

  Pastor Matt thought losing his legs was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Then his girlfriend chose to leave their relationship. The experience brought him closer to God. Do you think that was God’s intent? Do you think God uses difficult and traumatic experiences to bring us closer to Him? Do those experiences allow you to help others in similar situations? How does that make you feel?

  Scripture calls us to forgive. God’s Word emphasizes that He will forgive us no matter what we do. Knowing that, how do you feel about Tim’s assertion that he and Juliette must not only forgive but love her assailant? Could you do it? Would you try? Why or why not?

  Acknowledgments

  With every book I write, I learn new things. It’s one of the joys of writing. Mountains of Grace was no exception. I’d never been to Montana. In anticipation of writing the Amish of Big Sky Country series, my husband and I spent a week driving around northwestern Montana, visiting Amish communities, Glacier National Park, and Kootenai National Forest, attending a powwow in Arlee, and touring the Sky Jumpers’ Base and Visitor Center outside Missoula. We’re in awe of how gorgeous Montana is and how varied its cultures. I’ll never forget this wonderful trip.

  I’m so thankful for the people who generously shared their knowledge and expertise with me. My thanks to Lincoln County Sheriff Roby Bowe for taking the time to recollect for me the harrowing days of the Caribou, West Fork, and Gibralter fires of 2017. It helped me to see law enforcement officials involved in the battle against these wildfires as folks with families and the same worries as everyone else. I also gained insight into how well the Amish of this area are respected and liked. While the technical aspects of managing three fires simultaneously were important, the insight into the impact on daily lives was invaluable.