What a Woman

by Judi Fennell

  “Oh, that’s not true, Jared—”

  “I did the math, Grandma. I know they got married because of me.”

  Her hand fell away and so did that happy look. “Oh.”

  “I just can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner.”

  “Yes, well, it wasn’t something we wanted to bring up.”

  “So what happened?”

  Grandma looked at him, her bottom lip quivering. “I think you need to speak to your father about this. It’s not my story to tell.” She ran her fingertips from his temple to his chin, which she then cupped. “Just remember, if things hadn’t happened how they did, I wouldn’t have you. So whatever’s gone on before, none of it is more important than the fact that I have you in my life, Jared.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

  “But you’d have another grandchild. Maybe more.”

  “Would you want a different grandmother?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “Exactly. I can’t change the past or what happened, but I can certainly be thankful for the blessing I received from it. You’re here and I love you, sweetheart. The past is in the past. Let it go.”

  She was right; he couldn’t change the past.

  But he could learn from it.

  * * *

  JARED walked around the back of his parents’ house. He’d never thought of it as his; it was merely the place he slept until he could move out on his own.

  His father was on the patio where the housekeeper had said he’d find him, reading the newspaper.

  Alone.

  Not that he expected any different. Obviously, their vacation hadn’t brought his parents any closer.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Jared.” His father looked over the top of the paper. “This is a surprise. What can I do for you?”

  Jared sat down. “I heard you used to play ball.”

  His father set the paper down. “Who’d you hear that from?”

  “I saw some old movies. You had a jersey.”

  “Old movies . . .” His father’s shoulders drooped. “The engagement party.”

  It wasn’t a question. “Yeah.”

  His father sucked in a giant breath, held it for a few seconds, then exhaled. “You want to know why I never told you.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your mother. She hated to hear me talk about it.”

  “Yet you hired Bill and built me the batting cage.”

  “You had the talent and I told her it wasn’t fair for her to punish you for my mistakes.”

  “Olive.”

  His dad sucked in another breath, pain etched across his face. “Yes. Olive. I couldn’t blame your mom, so I did what she asked.” He kneaded the back of his neck. “It’s not a story I’m proud of.”

  “I still want to hear it.”

  Dad folded the newspaper in precise, minute detail. “Olive’s father decided my aspirations to play pro ball were irresponsible. Said I’d never amount to anything. Forbade me to see her.”

  “So you drowned your sorrows one night, ended up in Mom’s bed, and here I am.”

  His father winced. “In a nutshell, yes.”

  “Didn’t you ever hear of a thing called a condom?”

  “I was drunk, Jared. Drunk and pissed off, and the chances of me making the team really were slim. But I had that dream, you know? And everything was still possible. All of it within my grasp. When he told me to stay away from her, I thought . . . I thought I was going to miss out on the best thing to ever happen to me, and, well, what can I say? I was young, drunk, and stupid. And here you are.”

  “Wow. With that kind of story, it’s a wonder you guys decided to keep me at all.”

  “Come on, Jared. That’s not fair. Of course I wanted you. But I didn’t know about you in that film you saw. I’d had that night with your mom, then two days later I found out the team wanted me. I high-tailed it to Olive’s house, showed her father the offer, and asked for her hand right there. I wasn’t going to make a lot, but it was a job. A real job. Suddenly, that made me good enough for his daughter. So I borrowed the money from my parents to get her that ring and I was set. I was the happiest guy in the world.”

  “And then you found out you were going to become a father.”

  “Yeah. I had it all. I was on top of the world—”

  “And then I came along.” So much made sense now. He’d been paying for the sins of his father—from his father. And his mother, come to think of it.

  “Does Mom know about Olive?”

  “Of course. Everyone knew about Olive. We’d announced our engagement in the paper. Three weeks later, your grandfather showed up at the front door and the rest is history.”

  “So why didn’t you still play ball?”

  “The PR. Team didn’t want to deal with it. If I hadn’t announced the engagement to Olive so publicly, I might have gotten away with it. I could have married your mom and still been able to play. But with it being in the papers and your grandfather not wanting you to be born out of wedlock, there was no choice. The scandal would be worse for the team than losing me. So I lost.”

  “So you two got married, had me, and lived not-so-happily-ever-after.”

  “We tried. I did want you, Jared. That was never in question.”

  “But to have me you had to give up everything you wanted. The game, Olive, the life you’d planned.”

  “But I worked my ass off to give it all to you.”

  “Then why haven’t you been there to enjoy it?”

  His father sighed and this time he got out of his chair to walk to the stone wall at the edge of the patio. “I thought I could live vicariously through you. That it wouldn’t matter that it wasn’t me on the field. That I could be proud of having a professional ball player for a son. And don’t get me wrong, I am proud of you. But every time I set foot in that stadium, I realize it could have been me. Should have been me. I made a dumb-ass mistake that cost me everything I’d wanted and it’s like a knife every time. And not only did I lose the woman I loved and the career that I’d wanted, but I’ve lost my ability to enjoy the game.”

  “You need to see someone, Dad. This isn’t healthy. It’s been thirty-five years.”

  “Thirty-six and three months.”

  Which alone showed he needed to see someone. “Whatever. It’s been a long time. You’ve done well for yourself. You have a career and a home you can be proud of. If you can’t come to my games, well, I guess I can understand. But you have to stop beating yourself up over it. You only get one life; you might as well enjoy what’s left.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, Jared. You have everything you want.”

  “Maybe not. They might not take me back with this injury.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  Jared shrugged. “I have to be. I mean, at some point, we all know we’re not going to be the starters anymore. Getting older only brings that day closer. Throw in this sort of injury, and the writing’s on the wall. But I have other options. Other things I want to pursue. Other things in my life.”

  His father looked at him. Really looked at him. In a way he hadn’t in a long, long time. Maybe ever. “You’re the man I wanted to be.”

  “You still can, Dad. Your life’s not over. You can still make it count. You can still . . .” Jared looked at the sliding glass door where his mother stood watching them. “Fix things.”

  Dad looked at the door, too.

  Mom quickly turned and walked away.

  “I think that ship has sailed, Jared.”

  “I don’t think so, Dad. You know Mom. She’s not the kind of person to sleep with some random guy.”

  “True.”

  “Yet she did with you. Maybe it wasn’t just a one-nighter for her. Maybe she wanted you. Because it wasn’t for your
money back then, right? You didn’t have a job and you didn’t have a contract. Maybe she just wanted you.”

  His father’s eyes widened and he sat back down in the chair. “No. That’s not—” He shook his head. “No. It was just a night out with her girlfriends. A few drinks and—”

  “She was with her girlfriends? Dad, have you ever been around a pack of women? There’s no way one of them is going home with a guy unless she wants to because women talk each other out of doing shit like that. No, she wanted you, Dad.” Jared was crossing his fingers here, though he’d recognized the look on his mother’s face.

  He should; it’d been the same one Mac had worn around him.

  Mom loved Dad. And she’d been waiting all these years for him to love her back. All she’d need would be to hear the words . . .

  He stood up and grabbed his crutch. “I have to go, Dad. Think about what I said. You may not have the life you’d envisioned, but the one you have isn’t all that bad. Be thankful you have a family at all. So many people don’t. Too many lose them too soon.”

  And some people never realize what having one was all about.

  That was not going to be him.

  * * *

  JARED zipped into the parking spot in front of Liam’s latest project and headed to the door on his crutches before he second-guessed himself out of what could be one of the most important decisions of his life.

  The door swung inward. “Jared? What’s up?”

  “Hey, Lee. I want to go out with your sister.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  IT took Liam less time to recover from that statement than it took Jared.

  “Does she know this?” Liam was, surprisingly, calm.

  That made one of them. “No.”

  “Are you planning to tell her?”

  “Obviously.”

  “But I thought you didn’t like my sister.” Liam jerked his head as an invitation to enter.

  Jared winced as he crossed the threshold. “I lied.”

  “You lied.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Because?”

  Jared exhaled. “It’s complicated.”

  “And you think you wanting my sister isn’t?” Liam uncapped two beers and held one out. “Start talking, Jare.”

  Jared took it and headed toward the overturned crate beside the fireplace. He set his bad leg on a bucket of joint compound in front of it and set the beer on the floor beside him. Much as he wouldn’t mind easing this conversation with alcohol, he needed a clear head more. “Mac . . . She’s . . .” He scratched his jaw. “Geez, Lee. It’s complicated.”

  “Yeah, I get that. She drove you bat shit crazy when we were kids, which is why I don’t get you wanting to go out with her out of the blue.” Liam took a long swig of his beer, then walked around the sawhorse table. “God, just saying that makes me want to hurl. I mean, you. You’re Jared. My best friend. We talked about girls. Shared what we did with them. How the hell am I supposed to look at you if you’re with my sister?” He flipped over another empty compound bucket and sat on it, rubbing his temples.

  “You don’t seem surprised.”

  Liam looked at him. “I’m not. You two were always like a match to flame. I figure it’s inevitable that some of those sparks still remain. But, still . . . my sister?”

  “I know, right? I mean, I never made a move on her back then. She’s your sister; I get that. But now . . .” Jared’s fingers twitched. He wanted that beer. “She’s also a woman.”

  “Don’t say any more.” Liam rubbed an eye with the ball of his hand. “You. Mac. God.” He shook his head. “I need to scrub my brain. It’s too bizarre.”

  “Hey, it’s not that weird. I mean, she’s gorgeous, and we’ve known each other practically our whole lives. We played together as kids—”

  “No, you teased the crap out of her and made her life hell.”

  “You’re exaggerating, Lee.”

  Liam leaned forward. “Really? Did you find the scraps of paper that said Mrs. Mary-Alice Nolan trailing down the hallway? Did you have to see the tears when you said something that hurt her? Did you have to watch her face fall every time you showed up with a new girlfriend? Mac had the biggest crush on you and you squashed it. I’m shocked she’s even talking to you after Camille.”

  “Drive the knife in a little deeper, why don’t you?” Jared pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I know I was obnoxious to her. And it would’ve been weird to date your sister when we were teenagers. We were horny bastards and if I’d tried anything with Mac, you would’ve had the right to cut off my nuts. But we’re adults now and, well, she’s . . . she’s . . . Mac.”

  Liam rested his knees on his elbows. “Say that again.”

  “What? That you can cut off my nuts? No thanks.”

  “No, the other thing.”

  Jared scratched his head. “What? That she’s Mac?”

  Liam smiled and took a sip of his beer. “You like her. You really like her.”

  “Hey, Sally Field, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

  “No, I mean you like her. You might even love her.”

  “Whoa, let’s not go that far. I’m just getting used to the idea of wanting her.” Love? That was just . . . Just . . .

  No. He wasn’t in love with Mac. Hell, he was just warming up to the idea of being in like with her. Of wanting her. Love? No. Definitely not.

  Sure about that?

  Liam had his fingers in his ears. “TMI, bro. She is, after all, my sister.”

  Jared got that. It wasn’t exactly sunshine and roses for him, either. Though Mac preferred daisies. How he knew that, he had no clue, but something in the back of his brain was reminding him about that. “Uh, yeah, this has to be weird for you.”

  “Especially since I can see it for myself. You’re different about her.”

  Jared couldn’t even deny it because he was. “Here’s hoping I didn’t screw up too much in the past and crush all her adolescent dreams out of existence.” Though it’d serve him right.

  Liam waggled his eyebrows. “Just think how much fun it’ll be to fulfill them now.”

  He had. In minute, Technicolor detail.

  Which he wasn’t about to share with her brother. “I, uh, think we’re heading into weird territory again, Lee.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Liam laughed and swirled his beer bottle. “I just don’t . . . I don’t know. I guess it’s better than her being with some guy I don’t know. What if he was a dweeb or something?”

  Jared had already lived that nightmare—and Dave wasn’t a dweeb. “So, do I have your permission to pursue this?”

  “My permission?” The beer bottle stopped halfway to Liam’s mouth. “Jared, you’re a grown man. Since when do you need permission?”

  Jared picked up the beer. “Since it’s my best friend’s sister we’re talking about and I don’t want to screw up our friendship.”

  “True. Bros before hos.” Liam took a swig.

  Now it was Jared’s turn to stop the bottle before it reached his lips. “Did you just call your sister a ho?”

  “What’s it to you?” Liam arched an eyebrow in that I’m-smarter-than-you routine he’d used so effectively on his brothers but which didn’t work on him for shit.

  Jared saluted him with the bottle. “If I were fully recovered, I’d deck you for that.”

  “You and what army?”

  They stared at each other for a heartbeat, then burst out laughing.

  “This is weird shit.” Jared held out his beer and Liam clinked his against it. He wasn’t just talking about this conversation.

  “Yeah. It is. But then, given what I’m feeling for Cassidy Davenport, I guess I’m not one to throw stones.”

  Jared coughed on the swig he’d just taken. “Cassidy Davenport? Ar
e you saying—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Liam finished off the rest of his beer.

  Jared had to as well. Loving Mac . . . Cassidy Davenport . . . This little conversation had turned out to be a real eye-opener.

  Jared steered the conversation back into safer waters. “What if your sister finds out about Cassidy? Isn’t the dad one of her biggest clients?”

  “Yeah. And about to get bigger because the guy wants Mac to handle all his properties in the tristate area. You see my dilemma.”

  “But . . . Cassidy Davenport? Isn’t she like a bigger deal than your last girlfriend? Like a socialite on steroids?”

  “Again, you see the dilemma. But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. And my sister.” Liam raked a hand through his hair. “Holy fuck.”

  “Not going there with you, Lee. This is one instance where I do not kiss and tell.”

  “Appreciate that. I don’t know that I could stomach it. Just the thought of it . . .”

  “Don’t think about it. It’ll make your head explode.”

  “You know, if this were anyone but my sister that we were discussing, I’d say something crude.” Liam set his bottle down and linked his hands behind his head. “So what are you going to do about Camille?”

  “Camille has nothing to do with what I feel for Mac.”

  “I get that, but still. She’s living in your house. At some point you’re going to have to cut the strings. I can guarantee my sister isn’t going to want your live-in ex around.”

  A very good point. He wanted Mac to be able to trust him; having Camille in the picture wasn’t conducive to that. “I can’t legally change the locks if she’s living there, and the eviction process is tedious. And no one but me is in any great hurry.”

  “Come on, Jare, you’re a smart guy. I’m sure you can come up with some way to do it. Preferably before things get too serious with my sister. Matter of fact . . .” Liam’s eyes narrowed and Jared knew what was coming. “I bet you can.”

  “I’m not taking that bet.”

  “Chicken.”

  “Dick.”

  “Pansy.”