Beacon

by Michelle Irwin

  “She’ll be out in a minute.”

  After goin’ and grabbin’ Cass’s bag, I headed back down the hallway. Raised voices drew my attention.

  “Just because his wife is dead, that doesn’t give you an in.”

  Cass’s reply was full of heat. “I ain’t here because of Phoebe’s passin’. I needed a friend—”

  “And you immediately thought of Beau?”

  I raced down the hall to interject between them.

  “Course,” Cass returned fire with just as much anger in her voice. “We’ve been friends for years.”

  “Yeah, well, then where were you when—”

  “Angel!” Her name was on my lips before I was even in the room. When I rushed through the door, Angel glared at me as though I was betrayin’ her somehow. “What’s goin’ on here?”

  “I’m trying to look out for you, Beau. You don’t need any gold-digging—”

  “Angel, stop.” I cut her off again. There was no way of hidin’ the shock in my voice. Nor was there any way of hidin’ the alcohol-soaked tone in hers.

  “Whatever! I’ll go check on Emma and Abby.”

  I stepped in front of her to block her path. “I’d rather ya didn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because ya smell like a brewery. I ain’t gonna let ya repeat the cycle of your mother’s life. Not with my girls.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and her lips curled. “I am nothing like my mother.”

  “Then prove it to me, sweetness. Sleep it off and talk to me in the mornin’.”

  She stared at me for a few moments, each second drawn out. Then she growled. “Whatever.”

  This time when she tried to pass, I let her by, but my gaze followed her until she headed into her room. She slammed the door behind her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: LIVIN’ ARRANGEMENTS

  I PLACED CASS’S suitcase on the floor. “What happened? Why were you fightin’?”

  “I don’t know. She just flew in here in a rage, screamin’ about how I shouldn’t be here.”

  “I don’t know why she would do that. She’s usually the sweetest girl.”

  “Sure looks like it. Bless her heart.”

  “Cass, please be gentle. This is her house too.” Thinkin’ I should probably check on the girls, I led Cass back out to the livin’ room. We talked as we went.

  “How does that work?”

  “I don’t know. It just does.”

  Cass put her hand on my arm and stilled me. “I mean what’s goin’ on between the two of ya?”

  “Nothin’ is goin’ on. We’re just friends.”

  “Beau, don’t you play the fool.”

  “What are ya talkin’ about?”

  She grabbed my shoulder and spun me to look at her. “If I can tell one thing, it’s that she ain’t just your friend. Not in her head.”

  “She’s just protective of me. That’s all.”

  “Like a wolverine,” Cass muttered under her breath.

  “I’ll talk to her in the mornin’, and you’ll see she’s the sweetest girl.”

  “If it’s gonna make things difficult for ya, I can find a motel.”

  “It ain’t gonna make things difficult. You’re welcome to stay here in my house until ya go.”

  After I’d calmed the situation, Cass spent some time with all of the girls while I organized dinner. The truth was that I was concerned about the followin’ day when I had to go to Emmanuel Racing. I worried that Angel might keep up drinkin’, or that she and Cass would get into another argument. I wasn’t sure how to diffuse the situation though, not when I couldn’t take the day off.

  After I had served dinner, I left the girls with Cass so I could go talk to Angel.

  “Let me know if ya need anythin’ though,” I said.

  I knocked on Angel’s door and then pressed my ear against it to listen for her reply.

  All that came through was sobbin’.

  “Sweetness, please open the door.”

  A few seconds later, her door cracked open, and her face appeared in the gap.

  “Can I come in?”

  Rather than respondin’, she let the door open wider and stepped to the side. She made her way to the bed and sat on the edge. When she’d settled, she stared at her hands.

  “What’s goin’ on, sweetness?” I asked, sittin’ beside her.

  She didn’t say a word. Instead, she curled against my side and started to cry. I brushed my hands over her hair. Before long, she’d curled up even further until she was lyin’ in my lap. She didn’t have any words, just long, drawn-out sobs.

  “I’m not my mother,” she mumbled.

  “No, sweetness, ya ain’t. I shouldn’ta said that.”

  “I shouldn’t have had so much to drink.” She gasped, and her breath caught as it released. “And I probably shouldn’t have screwed Logan.”

  “What?” A crushin’ sensation overtook my chest at the thought of Angel drunk and vulnerable with another man. It made it almost impossible to breathe.

  “I just needed someone to hold me. I needed to feel loved. He did that for a while. But then I just felt like trash, and I needed to be away from him. It’s falling apart, Beau. It’s all falling apart.”

  “It ain’t, sweetness. You’ve got me. Always.”

  She started to sob again. “I think I need to get away for a while.”

  “Isn’t that the point o’ our li’l getaway next year?”

  She wrapped her arms tighter around me and buried her face against my stomach.

  I stroked her hair, noticin’ new things I hadn’t before. The bleached blond color in her hair was startin’ to grow out. About eight inches of her hair was a honey-gold.

  “I never noticed your natural color before,” I said, tryin’ to change the subject.

  She ran her hand over her hair. “Yeah, I need to bleach it again. I haven’t really thought about it since . . . Phoebe.”

  “I like it. It reminds me of the sunshine of Georgia.”

  “You’re just trying to butter me up.”

  “No, I ain’t. I mean it.” I brushed my hand over her hair again. “It’s the color of sweet tea, honey, and the golden mornin’s back there.”

  She rolled over onto her back so she could look up at me. “You’re the sunshine one, cowboy. You and Phoebe. That’s why you were so perfect for each other.”

  I stared down at her. Her green eyes shimmered despite the drunken haze. Without warnin’, she sat up and spun in place to face me.

  She wrapped her hands around my cheeks, squeezin’ tight enough that my lips puckered. “You really were perfect, you know that don’t you? I just can’t imagine you going from that to . . .” She trailed off as her gaze slid to the doorway. The end of the sentence was loud and clear though.

  “Cass is a friend of mine.”

  “I know, but she’s not right for you, Beau. She’s not right for the girls.”

  “Just a friend. Nothin’ more. I told ya there ain’t no one else I want.”

  “Does she know that?” Angel glanced at the door.

  “Ya ain’t jealous are you?” I teased.

  She sprung away as if a snake had bitten her. “Of course not. I’m just trying to look out for you and the girls.”

  “Ya don’t have to look out for us where Cass is concerned. She’s a sweetheart.”

  “So you keep saying.” She dropped backward onto her bed, rollin’ away from me and huggin’ her pillow.

  “Because it’s true.”

  Angel hugged her pillow tighter. “I guess that’s why she’s trying to seduce you.”

  I laid down behind her, restin’ my cheek on hers. “Just trust me when I say she ain’t tryin’ to do that.”

  Angel rolled over so that we were nose to nose. “Why’s she here then?”

  “’Cause she needed some time away from Georgia.”

  “Why?”

  I raised one brow. “Sweetness, ya should know me better than that. I ain’t gonna
tell ya her secrets.”

  Angel’s gaze remained fixed on my chin.

  I brushed my hand over her hair before cuppin’ her jaw. “What is it, sweetness?”

  “Are you going to stay in the States?”

  “No.”

  “You said you didn’t know what you were going to do though.”

  “I know, but plannin’ this trip and even seein’ Cass again, it’s all made one thing clear to me.”

  “What’s that?”

  “This is where I wanna be.”

  Her gaze dropped to my lips, and her tongue slicked the surface. “Really?”

  “Yeah. This is Phoebe’s home, and I can’t take her girls away from their family, or you.”

  She swallowed slowly. “Thank you. I don’t want to sound selfish, but I don’t know how I would’ve coped without all of you. I would’ve missed you if you weren’t around. I know I’m only a guest here—”

  “No, ya ain’t.”

  “I am. You said it yourself the other day. You didn’t need to talk to me about Cass because this is your house.”

  “I didn’t—I didn’t mean to make ya feel unwelcome. This is your house, too. I probably shoulda asked ya.”

  “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t see friends. I’m not your girlfriend, and I know I don’t have any claim over you, but I don’t want to be surprised by guests. I guess I want to have a say in what happens around here.”

  “Course you should, sweetness. I guess I’m just a li’l stuck in my ways. I got used to it bein’ just me and Phoebe makin’ the decisions. ‘Sides, Cass surprised me with the news Saturday mornin’, and I couldn’t say no to her when she was havin’ a crisis. ”

  “You only knew Saturday morning?”

  “Yeah, I told ya that.”

  Angel’s smile showed every one of her teeth. It was blindin’ and lit up her eyes from within. “No, you didn’t. I figured you must’ve known for weeks. I’m sorry if I—” She cut off as a baby’s cry reached us. “Shit, we’ve been ignoring the girls.”

  She practically climbed over me to escape to race to the livin’ area.

  I couldn’t move for a moment because I was still tryin’ ta catch my breath and will away thoughts I didn’t wanna admit to after bein’ dazzled by Angel’s smile. When I did drag myself to my feet, I caught sight of a photo Angel had on her wall. It was a selfie of her and Phoebe in Georgia. Behind them was the lake and beyond a couple of snow-covered peaks. Angel had her lips pressed against Phoebe’s cheek even though I was positive Angel had taken the shot. Phoebe stared into the camera—as though she was lookin’ straight into my eyes. The life in her gaze was evident even in the two-dimensional image, a testament to both Angel’s skill behind the lens and Phoebe’s lifetime of press opportunities and promotions work.

  Once more, I was reminded of my vows to Phoebe and the fact that I was havin’ none-too-proper thoughts about her best friend.

  If Phoebe was still alive . . .

  “If I were still alive, you’d be having those thoughts about me,” Phoebe’s voice mocked me, “but I’m not, and it doesn’t mean you love me any less if you fall in love with someone else.”

  I was certain it was my own mind tryin’ ta justify the way my body was attracted to Angel. It wasn’t like I was fallin’ in love with her. I loved her, yes, but in an entirely different way.

  Unwillin’ to put my thoughts under the spotlight any longer, I kissed two of my fingers and pressed them to the image of Phoebe. “I miss ya, darlin’.”

  Angel and Cass were sittin’ on opposite ends of the table with deadly silence in between. Emma was in Angel’s lap, gurglin’ away to herself. I could see there was gonna be a bit of animosity in the house goin’ forward and dreaded headin’ to work the followin’ mornin’.

  Angel headed to bed almost as soon as we’d bathed the girls. After I’d gotten the girls into bed, and Cass had settled Hope, we met on the sofa to catch up some more. As she spoke, I was transported back to Georgia, and I smiled at the memories of my friends over there.

  “You ain’t ever comin’ home, are ya?”

  I knew what she meant, but I needed to correct her. “I am home, Cass. This is my home.”

  “But Phoebe’s not here no more.”

  “No, she ain’t. But Angel is, and my girls’ aunts and uncles are. Their lives are here, so my life is here.”

  “Really? You’d have so much support if you came home.”

  “Cass, don’t push it. I like what I have here. Course I miss ya all. That’s why I’ve got my vacation booked, but I can’t take the girls away from any of their actual family. Ya don’t know what Phoebe’s family is like. They’re really close. It’d kill them if the girls went away.”

  “Okay. Okay. We all miss ya too though.”

  “So what are ya gonna do about Joe?”

  “I called him before—after I put Hope to bed—and told him yes.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I woulda preferred to tell him in person, but I didn’t want him worryin’ that I mightn’ta been goin’ home to him.”

  “So you’re over the crisis?”

  “Yeah. I think you were right. He already had the ring and it ain’t the same as you and me. It ain’t an obligation and a broken heart.”

  “What convinced ya?”

  “It’s gonna sound odd.”

  “Trust me, ’round here I’m used to odd.”

  “It’s the way you look at Emma and Abby. Joe looks at Hope the same way. He loves her. Even if he didn’t love me, the fact that he loves her so much even though she ain’t his, makes me think that we’d make a good family. We’d have stability and Hope would always have a daddy. The fact that he does love me only makes it better, even if it was a slow, creepin’ love and not a lightnin’ bolt like you and Phoebe.”

  Her words struck me hard. Stability was somethin’ I needed for the girls. Flashes of the time I’d spent with Angel, and she’d spent with me rushed through me. I loved her, even if I wasn’t in love with her, wasn’t a life built on friendship enough? Cass and I woulda had it if things had been different. We woulda been happy enough. Angel had already stepped up to play the role of the girls’ mama. Wouldn’t it be in their best interest to keep things stable?

  “You’re right,” I murmured, no longer talkin’ about Cass and Joe. I wrapped my arms around Cass’s shoulder. “And bein’ happy is so important. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you. Will ya be there for our weddin’?”

  “I’ll do everythin’ I can to be there.”

  She raised a brow. “That ain’t a yes.”

  “It ain’t a no.” I twisted my lips up into the most playful expression I could.

  “I would love it if you can come. I know Joe will love it too.”

  “I really will do everythin’ in my power, even if it’s just for the weddin’ itself.”

  She kissed my cheek and thanked me before disappearin’ into the bedroom.

  Left alone, I retreated into the thoughts about the girls and their future. About what would be best for them. That was what was important.

  I put on the recordin’s I had of Phoebe, the ones coverin’ all of the months that had passed to that point. As I watched each one, I tried to pay close attention to any li’l clues she mighta been leavin’ over what she mighta wanted for the girls. Every time she mentioned them, she just spoke about the love they’d have in their lives. Love from their family, from me, and from Angel. She seemed to suggest that she wanted Angel in their lives always.

  It wasn’t fair to Phoebe to move on and forget her, but it wasn’t fair to the girls not to. Maybe Angel was the best solution, someone I cared about who loved the girls. Couldn’t that be enough, just like Cass had said?

  If Angel and I were to come to an agreement to co-parent, we woulda been followin’ the things Phoebe wanted, and we could find whatever semblance of happiness we could. I needed a li’l while longer to think things through properly, but
at that moment, it made perfect sense.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: MEMORIES

  THE NEXT MORNIN’, I was the only one awake before I had to go to work. I got dressed and checked in on Emma and Abby. When I found them curled up together fast asleep, I just had to snap a photo on my phone. I turned around to find Angel standin’ in the doorway, her eyes dark with bags, and her hand pressed against her temple.

  She moaned and closed her eyes. Her voice was a harsh whisper when she said, “I really shouldn’t have had so much to drink yesterday.”

  I moved over to her with the new permissions I’d granted myself playin’ in my mind. When I was close enough, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead.

  Her breath hitched at the contact.

  Worried I was makin’ her uncomfortable with my proximity, I stepped away from her but kept my hand on her arm. “Are ya gonna be all right with the girls today?”

  She nodded. “I’ll be fine after I get some painkillers and coffee into me.”

  “And are ya gonna be okay here with Cass? I don’t have to worry ’bout the two of you killin’ each other while I’m not here, do I?”

  She narrowed her eyes and her top lip lifted. “What?” Before I could answer her, she groaned. “Oh, God, I made a bit of an arse of myself yesterday, didn’t I?”

  “A li’l. I think Cass will understand though.”

  Angel waved to cut me off. “Yeah, yeah, because she’s such a sweetheart.”

  “You know I think you’re a sweetheart too.”

  She offered a reluctant smile. “You might’ve mentioned it once or twice.”

  “I’ve gotta head into the office now, but I was wonderin’ if I can take ya out for dinner while Cass is here to look after the girls.”

  “Just me?”

  “Yes, just you. I’ve got somethin’ I need to talk to you about.”

  “Okay. When?”

  “Friday night? We can invite Beth round here for the day, and then she can stay with Cass while we’re out.”

  Angel’s expression was guarded when she nodded. “Okay.”

  “I’ll see ya later, sweetness.”

  Durin’ the first hour of work, I worried about what mighta been goin’ on at home. I figured the fact that I hadn’t had a phone call from Angel, Cass, or the police yet mighta meant they’d found some common ground.