by Andy Mandela
When Karina gets back to her apartment, she opens the door, then immediately throws her purse in a chair sitting by the door. Standing in the same spot, she proceeds to take off her coat, then tosses it on top of her purse. Walking toward her bed, which lies straight ahead from the door, she takes off her shoes with her feet and then falls on the unmade bed, her spread out in all directions with her head lying just below the pillows. Her left leg lies underneath the covers, and her right leg exposed. She begins to massage her outer right thigh, then moves to her inner thigh and up toward her crotch, feeling the smoothness of her jeans with her hand and fingers. Her eyes close. Karina quickly tries to unbutton her pants, as if she can’t wait any longer. She shimmies out of them, up over her knees until they are completely off, then get tossed on the floor to be forgotten for time being. Her left leg goes back under the covers, then she turns on her side, right leg above the covers in an almost fetal position. Her pelvis rocks back and forth, grinding the blanket as she softly moans with excitement. Back and forth, back and forth as she squeezes the blanket with her hand. Karina repositions herself on her back, both legs exposed, as the sunlight beams on her through the curtains on the opposite side of the bed. She lifts up her shirt just below her breasts, then moves her hand down her stomach and into her panties. She begins masturbating while her back slightly arches off the bed. Her moans continue, as she reaches behind with her other hand, clutching onto her pillow. Her heart starts racing. Pure sexual energy is released along with every exhale she takes. The circular motion of her hand becomes more vigorous as she flips over to her knees, bringing the blanket over her. Her head lies on the bed, making her moans pressed against the side of the sheets. With her left hand now, she has the edge of the bed in a vice grip. Her other hand massages her entire vulva as her moaning becomes slightly louder. Instead of her breaths releasing energy, it now passes through her vocal cords. She rapidly takes off her panties and quickly tosses them on the floor, then returns to her previous position on her knees. Still underneath the blanket, butt elevated and legs widened. Her body moves up, her left hand pressed firmly on the bed. Her right hand moves faster and faster as she moves closer and closer to climax. Karina moans and moans, eyes remaining closed. Then she finally arrives, accompanied by the last remaining breaths she has left. She leans forward, her head falling onto her pillow. Both arms reach underneath the pillow to grab the end of the bed, gently sliding her body back and forth on the sheets, which feels pleasurable to the bare bottom half of her body. She stays in this position as she attempts to fall asleep, exhausted after her previous workout. It is silent in her room now, as she can hear the clock ticking on the other side of the room. She lies in her bed in peace, and whispers to herself, “Luke.” More silence followed.
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Before long, night had already arrived. I’ve been waiting for it all day, just so that I could get this deal over with. Somehow, time feels slower when you’re waiting for something, yet flies by during the best times. Time is nothing more than a stubborn child who won’t let anyone have their way. But inevitably, time rolls on, and right now, it’s time for me to roll myself. That was corny, my apologies.
I grabbed the cocaine from the underground cellar earlier in the afternoon so I wouldn’t have to worry about doing it at night, the time when all the bums of the city carelessly walk throughout streets and alleys merely getting in the way and on people’s nerves. The backpack is in my bedroom. It was a dark blue color, which would appear black to someone walking in the night. And someone walking with luggage in the dark either looks homeless or suspicious. This isn’t Europe, so it’s not like I’ll appear like a backpacker wandering around looking for a youth hostel. And I don’t look like the homeless type. But I don’t think anybody will pay me any mind. Not where I’m going. The lake is completely secluded at this time. Only the sound of crickets inhabit the area now.
It’s time for me to go. I throw on the backpack and head for my car, of course not forgetting to bring my protection. Having it on me just makes me feel safer. It takes me about fifteen minutes to get there, but I don’t go all the way there. The less the number of cars there the better. I park in the parking lot of a grocery store, which lies at an intersection. The store faces the direction I will be walking. It isn’t busy, so it shouldn’t be a problem walking to the lake unnoticed. Another added plus, there are no streetlights leading to the lake, so it wouldn’t be wise for someone to drive there at night with a couple of busted headlights. The road is about a half mile until it reaches the lake. Actually, the road curves right, but there is a dirt road that continues straight. That’s where I’m going.
But right now, I’m just sitting in my car. One of the risks of this job is that I could be killed at any moment. It’s not an idea you want at the top of your head before going in, but normally, I wouldn’t be scared. I think it might be because I feel like I’ve got nothing to lose. But now I am scared. Because now I do have something to lose. Her name is Karina. Karina. I don’t want to lose her. I know I haven’t really known her for that long, but it feels so much longer.
There are people waiting for me at the other end of that dark road. And I know that I have to go there. I just try to make it go by as fast as possible. I get out of the car, bringing my backpack with me. I’m walking. And walking, and walking. Luckily, I have the moon shedding some light so I can at least see where I’m going. I switch from the actual road to the dirt road. Images in the distance are fuzzy, but I think I can make out a car. No lights are on of course, and the closer I get, the surer I am about what is there. Closer and closer I get, while my hands are almost sweating at the tension. My heart’s beating a little faster as well. I should be used to this.
I think of Karina again. Even though it’s dark out, I can see her beautiful smile clear as day.
I’ve reached it. I lift up the unlocked trunk, which was as they said it would be. I placed the backpack inside, and immediately shut it. I can see the pavilion and the trash can. I just have to go there, walk back to my car, and ultimately be relieved. That’s all I can think about as I make my way to the trash can. A few more steps, then bingo. Just as promised, I can feel the backpack that was left for me. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to sift through trash to get it. I take it out, then put it on. I feel so tense, I can barely hear the crickets chirping. But I can hear something else as well. Footsteps. They’re getting closer. I slowly reach for my gun, when I hear, “Excuse me.” The man who the voice belonged to was tall and wearing a suit. I wouldn’t figure him to be a bum.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“I’m an associate of Roman Leone. Can we offer you a ride?” He sounded harmless. But I just want to get the hell out of here. Whether or not it saves time is not my concern. I don’t feel like getting into a car filled with I don’t know how many mobsters.
“No thanks. I think I’ll be fine walking on my own,” I answer.
“Well, Mr. Leone likes to protect his investments, so I hope you don’t mind if I walk you back to your car.” I know he wasn’t alone, but I believed him.
“If you have no choice but to insist, I suppose I don’t mind.” So we walked, keeping the conversation to a minimum. It was really uncomfortable, but it’ll be over soon. We reach the road and continue. But we both notice headlights coming towards us from the road that continued right. We couldn’t hide, as there was nowhere to hide. I just had to hope that this driver was the type of person who would pay no mind to a couple of drifters in the night. I could tell that my escort was getting nervous himself. I don’t know about him, but this is definitely the sort of thing that would happen to me in this particular moment. Life just seems to enjoy fucking with you like that.
“Don’t look at him. Just keep walking,” the escort told me. But it was already too late. I could the brakes of the car as it drew closer. The car was a station wagon. I was relieved that it wasn’t police. We both s
topped, or else there was the likelihood that the car would just follow us all the way to my car or until we finally said something to him. Good Samaritans can be pretty stubborn when it comes to helping people.
The car stopped right next to us and rolled down its passenger side window. Inside, the driver was a middle-aged average looking man. He was alone. He turned on the light on the roof of the car so that we wouldn’t be speaking in complete darkness.
“You fellas need a ride?” he asked, perhaps, being a little cautious. He should be. He didn’t know us, and we didn’t know him. Hell, I don’t even know the guy I’m walking with. My escort looks at me and whispers, “Don’t say anything.” He leans on the door and lowers his head, keeping it just outside the window. “We’re fine, thank you.”
The driver keeps a smile, even though he should have taken the hint that his services are not needed. Still, he persists, “Look, it’s dangerous out here at this time of night. I wouldn’t feel right just leaving you guys out here.”
“We’re fine. Leave,” the escort demands.
The driver looks at me, and by the look I gave back to him, he knew something was wrong. Still I kept quiet.
“Sure,” the driver said. He was ready to be on his way.
“Wait,” the escort told the driver, right as he was about to turn off the light and roll up the window. “You have a crack in your window.”
The driver turned to look at his perfectly fine driver’s side window. He said, “What are talking ab--.” Dead. The driver was now dead. My buddy here just shot a harmless man. I didn’t freak out. I kept my cool, but I was pretty damn frustrated.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I told him. He shot him with the silencer on.
“I saw the look on his face. I can’t let loose ends just drive off.” I was standing behind him the whole time, my hands loosely gripping my gun. I know I can’t just shoot this guy. I’m not going to do it.
Karina’s image goes through my mind once again. The man turns to me and says, “Just go, I’ll deal with this. Just act cool and get to your car.” My feet start moving. I don’t respond back to him. Now I’m back to walking alone again. Just more walking. Not once do I look back.
I reach the intersection, but have no idea what’s going on back there. I tried not to run, but no doubt walked as fast as I could. For some reason, there were more cars out on the road now. Not a whole lot, but a few. I pay no mind to them, keeping my eyes on my own car. It’s getting closer. I’ve almost made it. I feel like this is taking so long, the sun should’ve risen by now. But it’s not even eleven yet.
I reach my car, throwing the backpack full of money in the front seat, and get inside. I just sit for a moment, to give a chance for reality to catch up. I decide to look in the backpack. So I unzip it and, sure enough, I am greeted by cash. Sixty-five thousand dollars. I don’t count it, but I trust it’s all there. No one needed to die for me to get this money. I think I may be able to drive. Anyway, I want to get out of here and stay as far away as possible from here.
But as I’m driving, I can’t help but think of the only time I’ve ever used my gun. I know I said it wasn’t something to talk about, but after seeing what I just saw, it’s all coming back to me. Why does it have to? I never wanted to think about it ever again, not that I’m afraid, but it’s something I would rather not have in my past, especially while I’m in the process of building my future. This is something Karina, nor will anyone else ever know. I’m tired of adding things to my collection of secrets. Tonight should not have happened. I should have just met with Karina and had a normal night. I could have just spent time with her.
My past is coming back to haunt me again, so I guess I’ll go ahead and tell the story. But never again. After this, it never happened, just as I will forget that it ever happened. It was two years ago. Everything was just about the same as they are now. I still lived in my apartment, I was still in school, and I still did what I’m still doing. There was nothing different about this night that was different than any other night, especially taking into account what just happened. A friend of mine at the time had called me asking for some coke, but told me he was too busy or something to come and get it. Being a reasonable person, I drove to his place. That was my first mistake. However, the trouble didn’t start during the deal. No, it was after. My buddy lived near the downtown area, which essentially lied right in the middle of the good part of town and the really bad part of time. And he had to call me in the evening. What an asshole. Perhaps he was trying to take advantage of his drug dealer friend by dragging him out all the way across town because he wanted to get high. But anyway, he’s not the focus of the story.
What happened was I had to park almost two blocks away in front a rundown thrift shop whose neon light sign only lit up half the letters. The shortest way to get to his apartment. Was to cut through an alley. Just an ordinary alley that wouldn’t take any more than thirty seconds to walk through. So I walked through, got to his place, got paid, and left. Nothing strange. My friend wanted me to stay, said he had some girls over. Unfortunately, I was doing some studying for a test I had the next day. Yeah, another reason this friend of mine was an asshole. The deal went okay, but on my way back to my car, I expected to cut through the same alley, get in my car, and drive off, done deal. Things didn’t go quite as smoothly as that. And this is the part I wish to forget. Halfway through the alley, I hear a voice call out to me. Some poor devil hiding beside the dumpster had chosen me to call out to for help. If only he had kept his mouth shut, I wouldn’t be telling this story.
“Hey, my man, say, do you have some money? I’m trying to get me something to eat.” He wasn’t doing an awful lot of trying by hiding out in the shadows. I paid him no mind. I did not turn my head or give him so much as a glance. I only kept on walking, which did nothing but bother him. He began to walk toward me. Knowing that I can’t have him following me, I had a choice to make. “You gonna act like can’t hear me?!” he yelled out. My gun was held at my side and I realized that I may have to show it. So I made the choice. I pulled the gun out, turned around, and pointed it at this creature who appeared like a man who calls a dumpster a home should.
“Stop,” I demanded, noticing how the look in his eyes changed from furious to nervous within a second. A gun to the face can change any emotion on a dime.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he begged. “I’m gone.” He threw his arms up as if to surrender. I said no more. I turned around and continued walking, keeping the gun in my hand. But then I heard something. A sound. It sounded like footsteps similar to a dog’s feet. He was trying to keep quiet, yet some people don’t realize how difficult it is to keep quieter than dead silence. I knew what he was trying to do. A sneak attack from behind. I didn’t know if he had a weapon, but you know I did what I had to do. I turned back around, gun in air, and saw the man coming at me with a switchblade. I suppose he had less to lose than I did. I fired once, hitting him in the chest. I don’t know if it got him in the heart, but it took him down. I felt like there was no sound after the gunshot went off.
Nothing. I heard nothing. The man wasn’t motionless, but I left him. I darted for my car before anyone had the chance to get to the scene. My heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I attempted to keep cool. I didn’t want to speed off like a bat out of hell. I calmly took off, with a face similar to the one I had tonight.
To this day, I still don’t know whatever happened to that man, but those events have been sitting somewhere in my mind ever since. I don’t ever read the newspaper, so I don’t even know if it made the front page or not. Maybe the man had a name to put in the obituaries. I try to watch the news, but sometimes I miss it, so I don’t know if he was given a mention on there either. Maybe someone came by and rushed him to the hospital. Maybe he died at the scene. Maybe he died at a hospital. But I’ll never know. Perhaps he wanted to die. I’ve thought about that as well. Like those people who want to die, but are too afraid to kill themselves,
for fear of going to hell or something. There are people you hear about who go out by way of suicide by cop. Maybe I just did this guy a favor, or it could just be me trying to justify what I did. Sure it was self-defense, but he didn’t have to die, just like that guy who died tonight didn’t have to die. But they did… both because of me… both right after a deal.
I need to stop. What I do, it isn’t the legacy I want to leave behind. I realize that I want to be with Karina. She came into my life at the perfect time. Again, I don’t know how long it will take to stop. It’s kind of like smoking. Going cold turkey isn’t always the best method. In the meantime, I call Karina and tell her I would like to meet up tonight. It’s barely eleven after all. She said she’ll be waiting. I try to clear my head on the way over. I believe everything will get better from here on. Oh, and by the way, if you were wondering how I did on that test I was studying for, I got an A.